Standing 50 Years Together

Standing 50 Years TogetherQ&A by Dayna Bodensteiner

Doug and Lori Andrews recently celebrated the rare milestone of 50 years of marriage. In the spirit of believing we all have something to learn from each other, perhaps they have some advice or perspective to share. Who better to unravel their secrets to longevity in togetherness than their oldest daughter, Dayna, to frame some tough questions about marriage, love, and family.

Doug and Lori met in 1969 in Denver, Colorado. Doug was the lead singer in a band called The Capricios. Lori came into the bar and happened to sit next to Doug’s brother. He nudged her and said, “He’s kind of cute, isn’t he? I can introduce you at the break.” He did, Doug asked her out for breakfast, and they were engaged to be married 6 weeks later. The wedding was the first

time Lori’s siblings (all 11 of them) and her parents would meet Doug. They all immediately loved him but questioned her sanity when she quit her job working for the airlines to travel with Doug’s band.

Like all marriages there have been good times and bad. The Andrews have experienced heartache and loss, triumphs and joy. But 50 years later, they stand together.

Dayna: What do you consider as the foundation of your marriage lasting 50 years?

Lori: I grew up in a family where religion was just a part of our lives. On the other hand, Doug grew up attending church only occasionally. He promised to regularly attend with me once we were married,

knowing it was important to me. Our marriage text was Joshua 24:15, which is “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Doug kept his promise and we went to church almost every Sunday with our girls, even though he slept through some services after playing in his band on Saturday evenings. We built this marriage on the three-legged stool premise, that we each represent one leg and God is the third. Our faith has gotten us through some horrific times; cancer, loss of family members, financial woes and all the problems life has thrown at us.

Dayna: What has been your greatest joy?

Doug: Our greatest joy is our family and we feel so blessed living close to our daughters and grandchildren. Dayna lost her husband, Jon, at 42 and had 3 young daughters and Kristen divorced at 36 with 2 young children. They both leaned heavily on us during those times in their lives and we are so grateful that we could be there for them. After all, raising a family does not end when your children become adults. I think all of us continue to feel blessed that we can help each other through difficult times of loss and challenges but also are there for each other to celebrate successes and milestones. We are thankful we get to attend sporting events, concerts, graduations and be a very big part of the lives of our family.

Dayna: What has been your biggest challenge or cause of stress through the years?

Lori: I think managing finances was our most difficult challenge and would guess it’s the same for most couples. I always had a set income until going into real estate, but Doug was always self-employed or worked on commission. It is difficult to budget when income fluctuates drastically. In 50 years we’ve seen many down swings and upturns in the economy which directly affected real estate, the theatre that we owned, or our construction projects. We just never gave up and kept working or adding another job, if necessary, to make sure the bills were paid.

Dayna: How did you handle the empty nest, once Kristen and I left for college?

Lori: We were so proud of you both and excited for your new adventures. We didn’t go through what most parents do because we owned the Elks Theatre and always had 25-30 kids working for us. We missed our own girls, but our lives continued to be filled as our employees shared their stories, loves, proms, graduations and weddings. We’ve even had 2 couples that met at the theatre go on to be married and are still together today.

Doug: Since retiring, we have tried to travel as much as possible, hike and play golf. I still make music a priority and Lori also has her own hobbies, all of which allows us to have our time apart and with various friends. I think this has been key for our continued tolerance of each other and friendship which is needed for the years post kids.

Dayna: Dad is a dreamer and mom, you’re a very organized Type-A woman. How do you navigate these differences? What advice do you have for other couples, to have a lasting marriage?

Lori: Try to find things in common that you can do together. In our early years all we did was work and attend the girls activities, but we found ways to work together. In construction, Doug was in charge of the business plan and estimating while I did the bookkeeping. At the theatre, his expertise was in the building maintenance, projection and sound equipment. I was in charge of the staff, bookkeeping and creative ideas. We’ve always found how to take our individual skill sets and complement each other. We keep each other in check and make the differences work to our advantage, which has been essential to making it through 50 years. BHB