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What? One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said: "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which one wins?" The old Cherokee simply relied, "The one you feed." So What? We can all learn much from this story. Let's just consider the concepts of good and evil. Good and evil are certainly valid concepts in our normal, ordinary, everyday physical world. Most of us are introduced to these concepts as very small children. Even before babies understand words, they clearly understand many facial expressions. For example, they instinctively know from the expression on their mother's face that something is good (approved and desirable) or evil (disapproved and undesirable). As they learn to comprehend words, we bombard them with words that represent the concept of evil such as...no, no...bad...stop...don't do that! Many babies probably grow up believing that the absence of bad is much better than the presence of good. Maybe that's why so many grown-ups struggle with dysfunctional perfectionism later in life. These people are usually focused more on preventing bad things than pursuing good things. The preference for avoiding bad over pursuing good is reinforced early and often by religions teachers, school teachers, peers who are learning the same things from the same sources for the same reasons. The lessons of good and evil are further reinforced by our own human nature. It just feels natural to quickly classify things as good or bad. Thinking of things as good and bad teaches us important things about life that we need to understand. Things we need to know to survive when we are not yet intellectually equipped to learn in other ways. However, there is little value in classifying anything as good or bad...and stopping there. Mathematicians use the term "absolute value" to describe the magnitude or numerical value of a number irrespective of whether it is positive or negative. People who understand the "absolute value" of seemingly good and bad events significantly increase the probability that they will live a
more joyful and productive life. Use the labels good and bad freely in your daily life as long as you understand that things are not always as they seem. Now What? Rather than continuing to classify the people, things and event you encounter in your life as good or bad, get better at thinking of their "absolute value". Ask yourself the following questions, "What is the absolute value of this experience?" "How might this event be good for me?" How might this event be bad for me?" Hopefully these questions will lead to a higher or more accurate truth regardless of how you might have previously classified the experience. And the truth, as they say...will set you free! Let's take a look at a few "wolves" you might encounter. Are these good wolves or evil wolves? Personal Gain and Personal Loss - Initially, gain sounds pretty good and loss sounds pretty bad. However, the classification can be easily reversed by simply thinking of these two words in terms of weight control. But let's explore a more complex matter...money. How many times have you heard about people who experienced significant financial gain and then lost their ability to tell who their true friends were? What about the good news/bad news aspect of winning the lottery? A gain is what it is. And a loss is what it is. They both simply represent potential lessons in life...that's all! Praise and Ridicule - Praise initially sounds good and ridicule sounds bad. However, we have all heard stories of how praise caused people to eventually crash and burn and ridicule drove people to make significant improvements. Credit and Blame - Both of these experiences have the potential to send us down productive or unproductive paths in life. It's nice to get credit when credit is due, but credit is an external form of determining your value that can lead to problems if you take it too seriously. Getting blamed is no fun, but it can serve as a catalyst for positive changes in your life...or not! Joy and Suffering - Joy is very pleasant...but it can lead to unhealthy attachment and addiction. And there are entire religions and philosophies based on the idea that suffering creates personal growth and development. You get to ultimately choose the outcome of joy and suffering. It can go either way. Although many people might quickly classify each of these examples as good or evil, the truth is that they are neither good nor evil. They can easily be transformed to either good or evil, and really should not be fed under any circumstances. Here is the lesson in all of this. Rather than jump to a good/bad (or good/evil) conclusion, learn to substitute the following three-part process when dealing with patterns of seemingly good or bad experiences: o Acknowledge the experiences o Learn from the experiences
o Move on at the appropriate time (usually quickly) We often speak of certain people who are grounded and centered. They are very good at handling the vicissitudes of life. I believe that such people are probably skilled at properly acknowledging their life experiences, learning from them and moving on quickly. How much more grounded and centered would you be if you used this three-part process when you experienced gain and loss, praise and ridicule, credit and blame or, joy and suffering? I'm very happy that I encountered the story about the old Cherokee and his grandson. I'm human, so I'll continue to feed wolves from time to time. But I'm also glad I took the time to develop an understanding of how to keep some of the wolves from considering me a source of food in the first place. In nature, if you cut off the food supply of a species, it eventually becomes extinct. That's probably a pretty good strategy for dealing with our mental wolves. Wolves are neither good nor bad...they are just wolves...or teachers...or warning signals...or guides...or gifts! Just like the old Cherokee's story.
You can receive regular tips on how to live a more productive and joyful life by subscribing to Chris' blog at http://www.chriscrouch.typepad.com Visit http://www.thegosystem.com to learn about the GO System, a course of easy-to-implement ideas on improving focus, organization and productivity in the workplace. The GO System is available as a self-study program, and is also taught by corporate trainers and professional organizers all over the country. To learn about becoming a Certified GO System Trainer, visit http://www.gosystemcertification.com
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