MAY 2017
Bethany Baptist Church exists to glorify God by proclaiming Jesus Christ as Lord and preparing His people to worship Him now and forever.
Issue 1023
The Broadcaster Disagreeing Agreeably One truth has struck home with me over the past several years of pastoral ministry: relationships among God’s people are often so very fragile. This is not to say ALL relationships among God’s people are fragile. The Holy Spirit’s power working in hearts to preserve union among believers through trials and through troubles is a marvel! But our flesh’s resistance to the Holy Spirit’s work of unity cannot be denied. Often in God’s church, the slightest bump brings coldness, disaffection and animosity where warmth, commitment and friendship once thrived. This fragility of relationship among God’s people never advances God’s glory in His church. For no small reason did the apostle Paul plead with Euodia and Syntyche to “agree in the Lord.” For no small reason did Paul then entreat other Christians in the church to help these women to be reconciled in their relationship. What caused their conflict? Was it something theological or ethical or ministerial or personal? We do not know. Paul does not weigh in regarding who is right or who is wrong in the argument. The likely cause was some simple disagreement between them blew up their relationship. Because of their broken relationship, the whole church was hindered in her ability to communicate God’s grace to a broken world and was impeded in her joy in the Lord.
Truth: Simple disagreements can lead to huge battles that can lead to major wars that can destroy relationships that will rob God of His glory in His church. I have been thinking recently about the questions: What principles guide the believer in our disagreements with one another? How can we have disagreements and yet emerge from our disagreements with our relationships whole and intact? I offer a baker’s dozen of principles that I think help us in our disagreements. 1. Pray for God to control our spirit with His Spirit. In disagreements, we need less of our will and more of His. The fruit of God’s Spirit protects us from being the cause of hurt in the midst of a disagreement. We should be aware of how prone our hearts are to become afflicted with emotional anger and to lash out with words and attitudes that injure the other person. Pray that God’s character would be on display in us both through the tone and the content of our communication. 2. Keep God’s truth in front of our minds and hearts as we disagree. We should ask, “Has God clearly spoken about this matter?” If God has not spoken clearly on the matter, then we should turn to Romans 14 to help us understand God’s perspective on disputable
Dr. Ritch Boerckel matters. God tells us that His kingdom is marked by “righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (cf. Romans 14:17). We dare not destroy God’s kingdom by defending our opinions. 3. Love. Love. Love. God ties His glory to the love His people have for one another. The goal of every disagreement is that we would love one another well. Love does not demand we capitulate to those who disagree. Simple surrender to the will of another is not the mandate of love. But when love calls us to communicate our disagreements, we do so for the sake of the person, not for the sake of our own opinions. Our flesh pushes us to love our own position more than we love the person with whom we are disagreeing. Our sinful nature would rather injure the other person before we injure our own cause. The goal of godly communication is for us to share grace with those who hear us. If we lose the debate, we can still seek God’s kingdom. If we lose love, we are walking in the kingdom of darkness and all is lost regardless of who wins the dispute. 4. Listen. Listen. Listen. Often disagreements enter an emotional maze from which escape is impossible. A failure to listen leads us to talk past each other in frustration rather than talk with each other in Continued on page 2.
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grace. Love listens well in order to understand clearly the mind and the heart of the person. Love asks clarifying questions so that we truly understand the person before we respond to them. Love aligns with reason and is always reasonable. When love dominates a conversation, we do not interrupt the other person’s words to get our own injected into the mix. Love is patient and waits until the other person has fully expressed himself or herself before we reply. Often the answer to our disagreement lies not in our talking more, but in our listening more. Reject withdrawal; pursue relationship. When we become emotionally tired or frustrated, we are tempted to withdraw relationally from the person. We are tempted to “take our football and go home.” While it is sometimes healthy to set aside a discussion of a disagreeable topic, it is always unhealthy to set aside our pursuit of love for another person. At times we may need to call on a godly mediator to help us make progress in our conversation and relationship. God calls us to do everything possible to pursue peace and reconciliation. We are not responsible for the other person’s reactions, but we are called by God to keep an open, loving heart toward them. “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:18–19, ESV). Interpret charitably. Disagreements often give rise to hurts as we hear views or a tone that offends us. Our hurt tempts us to interpret the other person’s words and heart in the worst possible way. We easily jump to the worst conclusions about what the other person is thinking. Love always believes the best about the person’s motives and opinions. It might be helpful to write out what you believe the other person’s position to be and ask, “Does this represent your views fairly?” There is no sense in investing energy disagreeing with a position that the other person does not hold. Yet misunderstanding marks so many disagreements among God’s people. Keep watch over your reports to others. When we are in a disagreement, we desire for others to side with us and to affirm our rightness in the matter. So we often report the disagreement to others in hopes that they will affirm or comfort us. In our report we describe the other person’s actions, words, attitudes, beliefs and offenses to our allies. Our reports often reflect the worst angle of the other person. Even when our report is fair and accurate, our sharing the report likely has the damaging effect of diminishing the esteem and respect our opponent receives from others. Our reports often lead to more broken relationships in their life and in the church. This is a great evil that grieves the Holy Spirit. It is not always wrong to share a disagreement with others when seeking counsel and help, but we must take great care that our words do not unnecessarily injure the other person in the process. Share transparently. Often we are transparent with others outside the disagreement in a way that we are not with those inside the disagreement. Fear keeps us from saying what we really believe to the person with whom we disagree. We do not trust them to respond well to our
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true thoughts. So we hide. Hiding does not lead to understanding, reconciliation and love. Often gossip and slander grow in the context of an unwillingness to talk directly to the people with whom we disagree. Let us be wise and gentle in our transparency, but let us also be courageous. Make a smooth path for others to talk with you. If we are emotionally reactive to opinions or comments that offend us, we are discouraging transparency from others. Let us ask the questions, “Does the other person feel respected and safe when they share their disagreements with me? Do they believe that they will be verbally or emotionally harmed if they open their true thoughts and heart to me? Do they believe that their sharing will be received with value?” Yes, sometimes others’ perceptions are not accurate, but we have to own how others perceive their accessibility to share transparently with us. Love demands we construct a smooth, broad road for others to share their disagreements with us. Forgive lavishly. Disagreements most often give rise to offenses. We are a people who have been forgiven so much. God paid the price of the death of His own Son to offer us forgiveness so that no barrier would keep us from a whole relationship with Him. Jesus satisfied God’s anger against our sin and now we are forgiven. God’s wrath will never fall upon us because we are forgiven!! God calls us to love our Christian brothers and sisters with the same forgiving love with which He loves us. Ask, “Is there any offense committed against me that remains unforgiven? Lord, what would you have me to do with this hurt? Would you have me forgive?” The answer will not be hard to discern if we prayerfully ask these questions. We really have two options regarding another person’s offense against us: we can forgive or we can be angry. The anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God. Confess humbly. Few escape disagreement without sin. We are right to assume that we have something to confess to the other person. May we be quick to seek the Lord for clarity regarding our own sins so that we can confess them to Him and to others. May we be far more concerned about our own sins than the sins of the person with whom we disagree! Confession is the means by which we remove the log from our eye and are able to help our brother or sister with their speck. Leave it with the Lord. Often discussions do not bring agreement. The fact that another person takes a different position than we do need not break the relationship. God is able to carry our differences and still establish unity among His own people. Often God is most honored by our walking away from our demands regarding the outcome of the disagreement. Our pride resists releasing our desires into the Lord’s capable hands. God is honored when we commit the results to His sovereign, wise hands. Pray for God to control our spirit with His Spirit. I know that I already said this, but prayer must be at the front and the back of all our disagreements or we will act in our Continued on page 3.
PrimeTime Fellowship Monday, May 15 at 11:00am
Baby Shower for Jessica Willoughby Saturday, May 6 at 10am All ladies are invited to a Baby Shower for Jessica Willoughby. Brian and Jessica are expecting a baby boy in June. They are registered at Target and Amazon.com.
Final meeting at church on May 3 @ 6:30pm
We will continue meeting throughout the summer at the Haupt’s home. To be added to the email list, contact Mura at domesticengineer1981@gmail.com.
Outdoor Co-ed Adult Soccer College-age and up are invited to join us on Tuesdays beginning May 9 from 6:30-9pm at Bethany Baptist Church. All abilities welcome!
Sundays at 9:45am — May 7, 14 & 21 If you are interested in joining the church or just learning more about Bethany, plan to attend. Please RSVP to jennifer@bethanycentral.org.
Be involved in the Discipleship of the Next Generation! We are praying for the Lord to provide 38 nursery workers. There are opportunities during all service times. If you would like to help, please contact ginny@bethanycentral.org for more information. Please consider being a small group teacher or helper six times a year during Children's Church. (Families are welcome to serve together.) We have three openings to fill. To influence the next generation, please contact ginny@bethanycentral.org.
Subscribe to the Bethany Soccer Facebook page for updates.
Student Ministries May Calendar 5/3 5/10 5/17 5/21 5/24 5/31
Jr./Sr. High Youth Group, 6:15pm Sr. High IMPACT Meeting, 8pm No Youth Group Grad Banquet for Seniors, 6:15pm Graduate Recognition Sunday No Youth Group Jr./ Sr. High @ Mt. Hawley Bowl & Golf, 6:15pm
For details, contact Josh Beakley (josh@bethanycentral.org) or Aaron Boerckel (aaron@bethanycentral.org).
Women’s Ministry Work Days
Hats of Hope Saturday, May 6 9-11am, Room 815 Women Helping Women Monday, May 22 10:30am-12:30pm Room 815
All seniors are invited to join us for a delicious lunch and Bluegrass/Gospel Music with Kyle & Autumn Halfacre. The Halfacres will be sharing their favorite songs & hymns, along with Scripture that they recall from these songs of old. Be ready to tap them toes and clap them hands! To sign up, please call the church office at 692-1755.
Saturday, May 13 @ 7:00am Men, come hungry and join us for a delicious breakfast and a time of encouragement from the Word. Pastor Ritch will be sharing on “Growing In God—Checking Your Soils.” Sign up on the Communication Card in your weekly worship bulletin or call the church office at 692-1755. Mark your calendar as the Growing In God Men’s Breakfast series continues: July 15: Re-rooting September 16: Sinking Deeper Roots
FIRST EVER Minimester Join teacher Traever Guingrich for this 4-week minimester on What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality & Transgenderism. Class meets on Mondays, June 5-26, from 6:00-7:30pm at Bethany Baptist. Email traever@bethanycentral.org to sign up. This would be a great class to attend to learn how to express and defend the biblical stance on these issues. Feel free to invite friends, family or neighbors who have struggled or had questions on the historic position of the Christian faith.
“Disagreeing Agreeably” cont’d from page 2. pride and self-will. Let us pray that God would be glorified in both the tone and the content of our communication in all our disagreements!! Oh, how we need Him! Some may be asking, “Why did you choose this subject for the Broadcaster this month?” Answer: Because next month I plan to write about the discussion ahead of our church regarding the music ministry. Do you think that people in our church will disagree with each other as the elders seek the Lord in our discussion of this matter? Stay tuned and seek God’s glory!! 3
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