The Depth: Confessions of a Closet Buddhist

THE DEPTH

Confessions of a Closet Buddhist

BY OWEN O’NEIL FOUNDER AND CEO OF CLINICS CAN HELP @CLINICSCANHELP

As an American Buddhist, I’m amused at times at the way

people portray how I’ve aspired to live my life. I don’t really blame them. You can find statues of The Buddha decorating the walls of restaurants, for sale as lawn ornaments at local nurseries, and even as part of a prestigious collection at the Norton Museum of Art. In my experience, many Westerners haven’t had a commonsense introduction to Buddhism to put it in any kind of context. It’s still the “exotic religion from the East,” but for me, it has a much deeper meaning that, until now, I’ve been a bit reluctant to share with many other people

While I’m not exactly a closet Buddhist (I’ve co-led meditation retreats for years), I’ve definitely kept things low-key. It means a lot to me, so I hold it close, but I think it is time to share it a bit and see if what I have to say has any benefit to anyone else.

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[Meditation]wasn’t even that relaxing at first, and it could be downright stressful if I practiced too hard or too long, but with continual practice, my whole world opened. My anxiety went downhill, I started sleeping better and became a better listener.

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THE DEPTH

THE QUESTIONS I HEAR ARE COMMON.

Is it a religion? It depends on who you ask.

Do you worship the Buddha? Nope, but he had his act together and helped many people.

Don’t you have to believe in reincarnation? No, and the Buddha never spoke about reincarnation. Actually, I’ve known quite a few Buddhists who are atheists.

Isn’t the concept of Karma a bit hippie or new age? Not if you believe in science and understand the law of cause and effect.

Do all Buddhists meditate? No, but I do! I love meditation! It’s changed my life!

Learning to meditate was my introduction to Buddhism. I came to a local meditation center hoping to address an almost lifelong anxiety issue. The big surprise to me is that it is work. Real work! It wasn’t even that relaxing at first, and it could be downright stressful if I practiced too hard or too long, but with continual practice, my whole world opened. My anxiety went downhill, I started sleeping better and became a better listener. And the big one; I found myself growing smarter-no lie! It’s not rocket science; if you practice sitting still and practice paying attention, your ability to sit still and concentrate on things will improve over time. But as I sat still, practicing letting go of thoughts. I found myself letting go of old storylines, the lies I would tell myself to keep from facing uncomfortable truths.

I was in for a surprise when I encountered what I now consider to be my faith. Buddhism, to me, is the oldest recorded form of human psychology. If I were going to break it down into a nutshell, I would say it means that you should be very, even painfully honest, with yourself about how you think, speak and act because virtually every personal and social ill stems from ignorance. When I really got in touch with that concept, it led me to want to be much more mindful about how I lived my life. Not that I was doing so wrong after almost twenty years in healthcare and the nonprofit world, working very hard to improve the lives of others. Still, the practice has given me a lot of pause and purpose in how I live my life.

So how does the oldest known practice of psychology become a faith? All I can say is that faith is very personal, and each of us finds our faith in different ways. For me, sitting still for hours at a time, I was able (much to my enormous surprise) to touch into something that was beyond my expression.

The Depth is a space for faith-based leaders and individuals to share their thoughts, guidance, encouragement, what they’re witnessing, and more. To contribute, send your article ideas to thewell@bewellpbc.org with “The Depth” in the subject line.

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