The Feature Story: Where Do I Go from Here?

Life After Loss

BY MELANIE OTERO

DAVID AIKENS @SOPHMORZ_PHOTOGRAPHY + JIHOVANY BRETON @JBSHOTTHAT

A SENSE OF ORDER

A muted emotional state is a reaction of the psyche when it is overwhelmed by feelings”

MOURNING

It has surrounded many of us for the last two years in myriad ways. The loss of a loved one. The loss of a job. Even the loss of our daily routines. With each, comes sorrow and a loss of self.

“We are experiencing the loss of the world as we knew it,” said Carla Bang, LCSW, bereavement manager at Trustbridge. “And if we lost someone during COVID, our grief is compounded.” Without the traditional outlets for our grief because of the pandemic’s restrictions, and because we are so overwhelmed in general, many experience what Bang describes as “a muted emotional state.”

“A muted emotional state is a reaction of the psyche when it is overwhelmed by feelings,” she said. “It’s numbness. We have too much to process, so we just shut down. After a loved one dies, we need to find balance, a place to safely reinvent ourselves—especially now when the world seems upside down.” For Boynton Beach resident and Trustbridge bereavement group participant Gerda Klein, nature became both navigator and nurturer when she suffered the loss of her husband, Warren.

“Mother Nature isn’t distracted by what else is going on,” said Klein as she spoke about her visits to Wakodahatchee Wetlands in Delray Beach, FL, every January to watch the storks and herons build their nests for the hatchlings that peck their way out of their shells when she returns in March and April. “There is something so renewing and purposeful in watching the birds and their lifecycle,” said Klein. “It shows that there is a sense of order in this world. They know what they have to do.”

Bang believes there is much to learn from Klein’s experience, especially the importance of staying present. “When we’re in an unknown situation, our minds go to all the things that could go wrong,” said Bang. “We experience anticipatory grief—anxiety about the future. If we can bring ourselves to the present, the beauty of the moment and what surrounds us, we can have quality of life.”

Jacqueline Lopez-Devine, chief clinical officer at Trustbridge, notes the importance of being present and having realistic expectations after someone dies. “Give yourself moments of respite from grief,” she said. “Some people journal. Some pray. Many find healing in the expressive arts of drawing or writing poetry, which can be especially

all of nature’s symbolic meanings, pausing to write about her reflections and how she felt each day as she took steps toward finding her new path. “It’s what mindfulness does. It makes you sit, take time out and contemplate.”

Lopez-Devine looks at Klein’s personal experience as an example of how Trustbridge guides people through the grieving process in their publication, A Healing Jour-

helpful to children. Making your health a priority is also so important. Staying nourished and getting rest and exercise are critical.”

While Bang agrees that respite from grief is important, she points out the necessity of accepting moments of sadness. “We mustn’t try not to grieve,” said Bang. “If you avoid it, it will come back later in another way. Sit with grief. Let it come over you like a wave at the beach, and then let it retreat again. Know that it is back and forth and up and down. Grief isn’t a straight line.”

FINDING A NEW WAY

Klein had her own experience along a not-so-straight path that ultimately showed her how to look past her own grief. While taking part in The Stroll for Well-Being Therapeutic Garden Walking Program at Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens in Delray Beach, FL, that she learned about through Trustbridge, she found herself standing at the beginning of “Zig-Zag Bridge,” contemplating its meaning. “You zig-zag through life,” she said. “There are things you have to overcome.” From that moment, Klein began looking at

ney. “Gerda accepted reality, she is working through the pain and adjusting to her new environment,” she said. “She’s finding a connection with the person who is gone so that she can go on with her life.”

MOVING FORWARD

Connections are particularly important to the professionals at Trustbridge for the free bereavement counseling they offer to anyone in the community. Virtual and phone connections replaced in-person sessions during COVID, but Trustbridge recently re-started in-person adult group sessions and their children’s bereavement camp in outside areas that accommodate social distancing. Bang is grateful to return to offering a place where people can mourn together. She sees it as a step toward normalization that so many crave across our diverse community and a commonality among all who have suffered a loss. “Every ethnicity has mourning rituals,” said Bang. “It’s human, and it’s necessary and important.” Klein’s own experience of finding connections and creating new rituals is one she hopes will help others. “Go to the places that were comforting to you in the past,” she suggests. “Let yourself find renewal. Tell yourself that you will keep this feeling in your heart for what you have to do now. We have to keep doing what we gotta do in the cycle of life and finding our place in it.”

To nominate someone for a behavioral health related feature story, send your suggestions to thewell@bewellpbc.org with “Feature Story” in the subject line.

ABOUT TRUSTBRIDGE

From hospice care to emotional and spiritual support, we are here for families. You can depend on Trustbridge to find the pathway that enables you and your loved one to live every day to the fullest.

Trustbridge Bereavement Centers/Grief Support

Tel: (888) 499-8393

Trustbridge Resources A Healing Journey

How to Help A Grieving Child