ROAR STRAWBERRY
JUNE 2018
F I E R C E
F E M I N I N E
CAPRICORN
R I S I N G
/
MOON
07
T O R O N T O
STRAWBERRY MOON /WOUNDED HEALER STEPPING INTO THE WAY OF THE JAGUAR / DAWN IN THE NEW AGE OF THE NEW FEMININE
CREATRIX: JENNIFER UPSON, UNDER THE MOON BOTANICALS
WOUNDED HEALER STEPPING INTO THE WAY OF THE JAGUAR. BY: MEGAN SCHAEFFER
WHY I REPLACED CITY LIGHTS WITH STARS AT NIGHT, BY LYNN MYLOU
RISING STRAWBERRY MOON, BY CHANGEMAKERS ASHA CROGGON
CREATIVE EXPLORATIONS, BY MARGARET BOEHMER
DAWN IN THE NEW AGE OF THE NEW FEMININE, BY SHAKILA IOANNA BRATI
OPEN PATHWAYS BY DONNA MILLS
30 DAY SELF-LOVE CHALLENGE, A FIERCE FEMININE RISING EVENT
WOUNDS TO WARRIORESS, BY: BARBARA MILLS
A CALL TO RISE BY CAHNGEMAKERS ASHA CROGGON
SOLAR FORECAST: BY MARIA JONES
Editor's Note Aloha Goddess, Welcome to our Strawberry Full Moon In Capricorn ROAR Issue! After putting together the medicine of all the women who have contributed this month. My heart is so blessed and so excited to be sharing these stories with you! Both healing and awakening, these stories and what is going on in the world today connect us more than ever. You are not alone Sister. You are never alone. As we shake off our past traumas and step into our power and remember who we are as a collective, we can heal this planet together.
Melissa Kelly EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
strawberry moon rising Pomona Goddess of Boundaries, Balance, Bounty
Strawberry Moon: Boundaries & Bounty
my boundaries ... are bridges, not walls balance my wild and my wonder bring the bounty of my integrity invite intimacy & ignite my voice WHAT ARE YOU BEING ASKED TO PRUNE AWAY TO INVITE YOUR BOUNTY?
Strawberry Moon
BOUNDARIES & BOUNTY WISDOM FOR THE WHOLEHEARTED CHANGEMAKERS BY ASHA V CROGGON
The late June full moon invites the first harvest from your courage to feel, to press into the space between your wild and your wonder and bloom. The Goddess Pomona is the archetype of the nurturer, the changemaker who tends, who cares, who plants seeds of another way. She prunes away what no longer serves and adds the unconditional love and tenderness to invite a harvest of her ideals. She discerns. She sets boundaries. She is bountiful. .
Changing the world requires you to become comfortable with discomfort. To stand in the fierce fragility of the ideal not yet known. To hold space between the world as it is now and the world you desire to bloom in its place. This is true whether the change you wish to see is within yourself, your family, your community, your country or the global landscape. We long for an ancient future. One that has not occurred yet. The changemaker knows the humility of the seed planter. The unconditional love of the nurturing gardener. The discernment of the pruner cutting away the unhealthy, unaligned growth to protect and in'courage the harvest.
She discerns. She sets boundaries. She is bountiful.
This full moon invites you to look at the seeds you are tending? Are you planting seeds of divisiveness or community? Competition or collaboration?
Once you are clear on the ideal you are tending. The seed within you are here to share in the world, it is time to tend it.
Surrender what you believe things should be, how you believe people should act, where you think you should be by now.
You are a nurturer so you already know how to do this. You came skilled in unconditional love. In acceptance. In joy. In tenderness. Bestow that upon the seeds you wish to harvest.
"Thou shalt not 'should' thyself or others." If the word 'should' sneaks into your conversation, whether in your internal dialogue or external, it's not seeds your planting, it's shame.
A more common challenge among changemakers is the aspect of pruning. Of surrendering what no longer serves. Of setting boundaries.
By sharing how you feel in an open, allowing, sacred way you do not know if this is the first time the other person has heard this truth or their thousandth. You don't know if you are planting the seed or watering it or will be the one who gets to witness the final blooming.
The archetype of Pomona invites you to lean into the discomfort. As the patron of fruit trees she knows the in between space. Between the wild and the wonder. Between the forest and the field. Between your soulfull knowing and your messy unravelling.
Our job is not to change minds, but to plant seeds. Of another way. Of being in the world. Of allowing the sacredness and the safety of others to be equal to the sacredness and safety you feel within.
Fruit trees are often the boundary that lines old meadows and marks the place between the sterile safety of organized civility and the sensual fertility of the forest floor. She holds space where the scent of wheat and the damp longing of the wild merge. She invites you to review the boundary you have set within yourself ... the public persona and the inner wild child. Navigating the diplomacy demanded for social norms and the outrageous courage required to unravel and spill over the edges of what is acceptable in order to create a world fashioned of evolutionary compassion and radical equality. The boundary needed to offer our privilege on the pyre and light it.
The words you say and write are often the first way your ideal, your dream takes form. Be attentive to the seeds you are planting in your own heart and the hearts of those around you. We've never been shamed into changing, rising, growing. That's like covering a seedling with a cardboard box of our expectations and every now and then lifting the box to berate and belittle the miracle withering within.
It is time to prune away that which no longer serves. That which no longer feeds you. That which no longer bears the fruit of your most sacred ideals, your most courageous version of yourself. You don't have to explain yourself. No is a complete sentence.
Remember, boundaries are meant to be bridges, not walls. They invite intimacy. They show people what agreements are required to come closer. For both to feel safe enough to allow the vulnerability of true connection. Boundaries ask us not to 'cut away' what does not agree with us, but to peel away the fear and the false civility that silences your voice AND Speak up for what you and others need to feel safe to bloom. For what is needed to create a courageously compassionate world together.
In this time of emotional civil war it is easy to use our pruning knives to stab, to demand, to guard our edges. To threaten those who do not agree.
Remember that boundaries are not punitive. They are inviting. They don't hinder connection. They create safety to explore it more deeply.
But then aren't we engaging in the same actions that created this mess in the first place. The fear of 'different', the avoidance and vilification of 'other'.
This full moon asks you to reflect where you need to experience the fruit of greater intimacy within yourself, your family, your community, your world view ... and identify the boundaries that will support this.
This full moon asks you to look at the boundaries your ideals need to feel safe. To bloom. To bear fruit.
Be willing to be uncomfortable, not unsafe. Remember how you do something is as important as what you do. This new way where we step away from the societal war on love and the love of war. Where we stop defending ourselves against the cries of the 'other'. Where we silently witness the denigration of our ideals. Is ending. We are taking the heroinic path of planting seeds while the soil is still being tilled. Of examining our boundaries and seeing where we need to lean into the unknown more or where we need to lean into the support of those who care and nurture us more.
Do not barter your great dream, the seed of the ideal you came here to live into being for the illusion of comfort. Don't swing your voice between silence and stabbing. Find the middle way and speak. For those who can't. For the parts of you that need to be heard. For the world that is being birthed in this moment. If you care about something an issue, it's because you have a part to play to change it.
Take a stand for what you believe in. Plant seeds. Get your hands dirty. Tend what asks to be tend. Prune back what holds you back. Be comfortable with discomfort. Practice evolutionary courage. Invest in radical compassion. And remember ... You were never meant to leave your ideals behind and grow out of your dreams, but to grow into them.
Healthy Conscious
Clear
Boundaries Communicate
Agreed
Tested
To create boundaries that act as bridges, not walls they must be ...Conscious, Clear, Communicated, Agreed upon, Tested. We unconsciously set boundaries all the time. We don't call someone anymore. We avoid contact without ever sharing what is needed to deepen the connection. Have courage. If you feel the need to set a boundary it means the relationship is important to you. Be conscious of what you need to feel safe. Be clear in your own heart about the seed of intention behind the boundary. Are you really desiring to be closer or to punish? Communicate. Be concise, clear, simple. You don't have to justify why you need a boundary to feel safe. Just what's needed to move forward. For a boundary to work it must be heard and agreed upon. Be open to adjusting to allow safety. Be willing to walk away if the person cannot. Expect that the boundary to be tested. Don't be disappointed. Be consistent. Both you and the other person will see your commitment. They will either rise to meet you or engage with others who can meet them where they are.
Asha V Croggon: Inspiring WholeHearted Changemakers
Connect for inspiration & support Facebook Website
Asha V Croggon inspires changemakers to truly work with their hearts so they can be on fire, not burnt out. And she knows of burn out. A heart issue 6 years ago had her wondering if she would see her young son again. Since then she's inspired thousands of other changemakers to weave together the science, sacred and story of their heart to align with their purpose and make the difference they came here to make. A committed changemaker herself, the nonprofit programs she's built have served over 1 million people. She believes that following your heart isn't just a bumper sticker, it's a cellular directive. She shares her WholeHearted F.L.O.W. Model with others who care for a living and live to care.
make the difference
YOU here came
to make
WOUNDED HEALER STEPPING INTO THE WAY OF THE JAGUAR T H E
H E A L I N G
J O U R N E Y O F F E M I N I N E
B Y
M E G A N
M Y W O M B E S S E N C E .
S P A C E
S C H A E F F E R
&
D I V I N E
The journey into reclaiming my wild
Maybe the seeds of my wounds
divine feminine essence began at 13
were already sprouting from the
years old when I got my moon cycle
lack of maternal and motherly love I
for the first time. At that moment, I
experienced as a little girl, being
become a woman. The moment my
abandoned by my own mother as a
blood began to flow, I experienced
baby. Maybe I was already rejecting
pain, confusion, and disconnect.
my womb space energetically, from
Resistance to my divine feminine
inside the womb.
grew like branches and vines inside of my womb, seeds of mistrust of
As humans, we are conditioned to
my own body began to bud, and
fight and reject pain instead of
the pain formed powerlessness
welcome it or listen to it. We try and
within my womanhood. How could
fix or cure it and perceive it as
I love my body or accept my flow if
something bad or wrong instead of
it caused me such immense pain
love and accept it.Â
from the beginning?Â
“I AM RETURNING TO THE ROOT OF MY FEMALE BODY. I AM SEEKING THE HEART OF MY FEMININE SELF. MY ROOT IS MY PLACE OF KNOWING. I COME HERE TO KNOW MYSELF. ROAMING THE LAND OF THE WILD FEMININE, I AM FREE. ALL IS UNTAMED AND PURE GOLD. I AM JUST WHO I AM. DAUGHTER, MOTHER, LOVER, TEACHER, HEALER, ALL MY SELVES STAND AT THE DOOR AND AWAIT MY RETURN. SURROUNDED BY THE CURVE OF THESE BONES, THE WALLS OF THIS WOMB, THE LIGHT OF THESE OVARIES, I WILL SIT IN THE PEACE OF MY BODY. I PERCH ON THE EDGE OF THIS SHINING SEA, SPINNING THE THREAD OF A WOMAN’S JOY, DRUMMING MY WILD SELF TO SPIRIT.” EXCERPT FROM: TAMI LYNN KENT. “WILD FEMININE.”
Although I naturally possessed very
welcomed a new realization that my
maternal energy and was kind, caring,
outer beauty was acknowledged (or
and nurturing to others, I never
shall I say objectified); as my curves
learned how to love or nurture
became more womanly and bump on
myself. When did we have classes in
my chest began to develop. I did not
school that taught us self-love or
feel seen or understood for my inner
taught us to take time to honour
beauty, spirit, or intelligence, and the
ourselves, our bodies, and our cycles
only way I knew how to feel beautiful growing up in a place like
during our moon cycle as a teenage girl? All I knew was that my period was a bad thing and a burden in my life each month. I was put on birth control right away as a “ remedy “ for painful cramps and menstruation. I entered a whole new universe of mood swings, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, and depression. I felt a deep urge to be sexual and to explore those unknown realms and
LA, was to follow the trends and styles; wearing makeup, low waisted Jeans, and want to be like celebrities, ultimately focusing on my external beauty as my most powerful tool/ weapon. My spirit always offered me a deep knowing that my natural beauty was the most beautiful, and I struggled going back and forth between those two worlds.
STRAWBERRY MOONS
ROAR MAGAZIN
I was highly pressured to start expressing my sensuality and sexuality at a young age and was never left alone for a moment by boys and men desiring me in those ways and expecting me to offer something to fulfil their desires. I continued my teenage experience completely overwhelmed by trying to feel good being a woman, experiencing painfully debilitating menstruation, and not experiencing true pleasure sexually. Dance was my main outlet for expression since I was 3 years old. Dance was my freedom and deepest connection with my body; it is what brought me the purest and most expansive joy. It was the only way I felt confident in my body and knew how to feel release, feel sexy, and feel powerful. But as I got older, dancing hip hop, street jazz, burlesque, and go go dancing professionally was amongst a vibration that was sexualized and
"Plants can bring us the love and nourishing power of the sun." ~ The Yoga Of Herbs
objectified. Although I held the belief that dance was a free and beautiful mosaic of art made by the body, and I enjoyed every minute of it, I still did not like being a part of the entertainment industry to be defined by my body, my ass, or be this
sex symbol. I focused my time working as a holistic esthetician specializing in organic beauty, aromatherapy & botanical alchemy, and reiki healing, hoping to help women feel beautiful inside and out.
ROAR
Women are such powerful and beautiful creatures, and it really inspired me to spend as much time with them as possible. Even though my life was filled with beauty and health, I still felt pain. I had constant infections in my female parts, pain in my bladder, painful menstruation every single month, and painful un-pleasurable sexual experiences. I felt caged inside my own body, but my spirit wanted desperately to be unleashed, liberated and free to move and feel good. Somehow I always wanted to be good to me- consciously and was passionate about living a holistic lifestyle. My will to stay healthy, my belief in treating the body like a temple , my yoga and meditation practices and rituals, dancing, and the love and support I had in my life, helped me to keep a positive and joyful spirit in the mist of my pain, and powerful determination to never give up. At 20 years old I developed ovarian cysts and experienced my first toxic and abusive romantic relationships; one being a sex addict. I was first diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome followed by over 5 different diagnoses of pelvic diseases and conditions. None of the doctors and specialists was able to tell me exactly what was happening in my body or able to help me. I was finally diagnosed with interstitial cystitis and endometriosis, the most precise of diagnoses. I embarked on a journey of trials of all western remedies available. I traveled across the country to see specialists, to be told all I could do was take Valium 3 x a day, painkillers, and soak in salt baths 2 x per day to relax my pelvic muscles and ease my pain; essentially to not be able to function in my daily life or do my job. I tried an array of other things such as; a cocktail of solutions inserted through a catheter into my bladder twice a week, emptying of my bladder with catheter often due to the inability to release more than 50% of urine, commitment to a complete elimination diet and various diet changes, psychological therapy, and volunteering myself to be a part of a UCLA research study, sending off my urine in the mail every other week - eventually quitting because it was too depressing to answer questions bi-weekly such as; “On a scale of 1-10 what is the likelihood of you wanting to commit suicide due to your pain and living with this “ lifelong incurable condition?” Each month I found myself spending the night in the hospital from unbearable pain and fear of my body. From sunrise to sunset I felt chronic pain. Every time I went to the bathroom it felt like alcohol on open wounds. Every moment this became my reality. My biggest wish became just having even 5 minutes of relief or to feel what my body felt like without pain.
I tried Eastern remedies and many modalities of a holistic approach as well: 6+ years of Chinese herbs every day, acupuncture weekly, meditations, yoga, breathwork, herbal medicine, chiropractic work, read books, homoeopathy, energy work, spiritual psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, detox retreats, juicing & fasting, cranial sacral therapies, natural nutrition and supplementation, and every remedy I could possibly find and try. I committed to a 6-month therapy: the only FDA approved a trial medicine for interstitial cystitis- that puts the body through chemical menopause. From extreme hot flashes, vaginal dryness that made me bleed and hurt to wear clothes, wash, or sit down, insomnia and depression that lasted between 6-9 months at 25 years old. I experienced more and more inflammation creating debilitating pain, and eventually, I didn't want to be in my own body anymore. To be frank, I wanted to rip out my insides and get rid of my vagina. I couldn't manage it anymore.
A
Doctors recommended a hysterectomy at the age of 25 and said removing my female organs would be a good solution. I read many interesting articles about women in their 70’s with these conditions still in pain or women who did remove their female organs and were still experiencing pain, with no medical or scientific explanation. My deep desire to heal and one day have the miracle of an opportunity to be a mother, kept me going. I continued the fight to feel good and started reading books every day, reciting 100 positive affirmations daily ( Louis hays- “ You Can Heal Your Life ), seeing a healer and mentor regularly, and starting to understand the power of my mind,
emotions, and energy linked to my illness and disease. I no longer wanted to “ own “ them. They became temporary experiences that I was determined to heal and knew I would be the one to heal myself. Finally, I found Dr Cook in Los Gatos, CA who specialized specifically in surgery for endometriosis. For the very first time at 26 years old, I felt a seed of hope that someone might be able to help me. He performed a large surgical operation(endometriosis removal ) and removed cysts and lesions growing all over my female organs, bowels, bladder, and appendix.
During the healing process, my gut got infected and pathogens took over my gut. I felt so ill, again feeling immensely disheartened. I was vegan for over 15 years of my life and for the first time, I surrendered to implementing animal protein into my diet to try and heal my gut. It was successful despite my previous beliefs and feelings about veganism, however, I still had pain. I realized that even with physical removal, the energetic, emotional, and vibrational qualities still existed and needed tremendous healing. “During my studies with the shamans, I found that there is a difference between curing and healing. Curing is remedial and involves fixing whatever outer problem arises, such as patching a tire if you have a flat, or treating snakebite, or using chemotherapy to control a tumour.Â
WOUNDED HEALER STEPPING INTO THE WAY OF THE JAGUAR
It does not help you avoid the nails on the road, the snakes in the woods or the disease that caused a tumour. Healing is broader, more global, and complete. Healing transforms one’s life, and often, though not always, produces a physical cure. I have seen many medical cures in which healing did not occur. I have also seen instances in which there was great healing but the patient passed away. Healing results from an experience of infinity. While healing, we measure success by increased well-being, by a sense of newfound peace, empowerment, and a feeling of communion with all life.” Excerpt From: Alberto Villoldo, PhD “Shaman, Healer, Sage.” After studying with the 4 winds society/ light body school of shamanic energy medicine, I ventured to Peru on a Shamanic expedition deep in the Andean mountains and received my Munay Ki Rites of Passage; The nine great rites of initiation of the medicine way. The rites of the Munay-Ki are The Seers Rite, The Harmony Rite, The Bands of Power, The Healers Rite, The Daykeepers Rite, The Wisdomkeepers Rite, The Earthkeepers Rite, The Starkeepers Rite, and The Creator Rite. Visit http://munay-ki.org/rites-of-passage/ to read a full description of the rites. “In the first level, the medicine person receives the seven archetypes or organizing principles of the universe,
embodying the spirits of serpent, jaguar, hummingbird, and condor in their four lower chakras. In the upper chakras, the student receives three luminous beings, the organizing principles of the lower, middle, and upper worlds. They also obtain the “bands of power,” a protection for the healer, so that they will not pick up any toxic energies from their clients. They then undergo the kawak rite, which opens their eyes to the shaman’s way of seeing. I’ve adapted this rite into a technique to awaken the Second Attention that allows one to perceive the luminous side of life. The second level in the Andes is the pampamesayok. During this rite, the shaman receives a lineage of medicine men and women dedicated to the stewardship of the Earth and all sentient beings. After this rite of passage, the healer never works alone. She is supported by a community of luminous spirits who assist her in healing. These luminous ones transcend culture and time. The rite connects you to this lineage of luminous healers who recognize you and respond to your call.” Excerpt From: Alberto Villoldo, PhD “Shaman, Healer, Sage.” Shamans helped me understand energy in relation to food and it being medicine for my healing, how to access the imprints in my luminous energy field, removal of karmic sludge and toxic energy imprinted in my field from past lives, and ultimately how powerfully I manifested all my illness and disease;
Much of which I absorbed from energies that did not belong to meancestral wounds and taking it from other people, being a strong empath. I discovered how powerful my mind is and that if I could manifest it in, then surely I could learn to manifest it out, and finally have hope to live a pain- free joyful existence. Even if I did not “ cure myself “, I could manage my pain and enjoy my daily life. “The early stages of the shaman’s training consists of a deep clearing or “scouring” of her Luminous Energy Field. The shaman no longer identifies with her personal history. Thus the Navajo medicine woman is able to say, “The mountains am I, the rivers am I.” Shamans may have suffered loss, hunger, pain, and abuse, but they understand that above all they are travellers on a great journey through infinity.”
Excerpt From: Alberto Villoldo, PhD “Shaman, Healer, Sage.” I learned how to call upon the jaguar and use her medicine to reset one’s fight or flight response; bringing the body into the parasympathetic nervous systemrest and digest mode. Alberto climbed next to me deep within the Andean mountains teaching me the way of the jaguar. I felt so ill from not only extreme altitude but was releasing huge energetic imprints that I carried with me for at least 3 past lives, into this life. I could barely swallow my own saliva, my neck was bulging out and bruising with what looked like tentacles pressing against my skin from the inside, my blood was boiling from fever, my eyes were blurry and were draining mucous, I was seeing all sorts of entities and was completely terrified. He pushed me to keep going and completely surrender and connect with the spirit of the jaguar. To become her.
To see through her lenses; the lenses of her heart. I felt the jaguar purring through me, her paws slowly and gracefully touching the earth, felt her desire to never be seen, and her fearless spirit. With her guidance, I somehow was then able to keep climbing and going through the ceremony in the mountain tops of the Andean mountains and worlds largest sacred archaeological sites up to 22,205 feet. “The secret of shape-shifting was to realize that you were no different from anything else in the universe, no better and no worse. Once you understood in your cells that you were exactly the same as everything else, no more important than an insect, no less important than the Sun, you could change into any shape you wanted, whether a condor or a tree.” Excerpt From: Alberto Villoldo, PhD “Shaman, Healer, Sage.”
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I Journeyed into the underworld during shamanic meditation and a white owl spirit totem came to share her wisdom. She comforted me as she wrapped her enormous wings around me and cradled me in unconditional love. She offered me the most maternal comfort I had ever felt in my life and shared with me that it was my destiny to be a mother in this life. The spirit of a little girl came to me and has many times since this meditation journey. I re-connected deeply with my inner child, and remembered who I was; the little fairy playing with the elements, connecting with nature, wearing feathers in my hair, and collecting stones, crystals, and dream catchers to practice magic and connect with the great spirits. I had it inside me all along and had been walking the path from the beginning. I retrieved the medicine from within myself. I remembered again and again how challenging and painful this journey as a human can be and remembered my connection to spirit. I let myself be held. At the tail end of my shamanic expedition in Peru, I received confirmation from the universe that I needed to travel to Toronto Canada and attend a school starting with a “T”. Upon my return from Peru, I packed my life up and continued my journey to Toronto and enrolled in the “Transformational Arts College of Spiritual and Holistic Training”, to become a Holistic Health Practioner, herbalist, and healer, to learn many more energy healing modalities to continue to heal myself, and in turn teach others how to find the tools within themselves to heal.
in my own language- the language of my spirit; My favourite language and my favourite medicine of all. From 27-29 years old, I was able to heal myself from two “ incurable diseases “ with shamanism and energy healing, infused with herbal medicine and other natural remedies. Above all, shamanism saved my life. The other modalities aided in the process of healing significantly of course, but alone they treat symptoms and symptoms are reactions and messages coming from the root cause. The root is the energy that existed prior to it even becoming a physical manifestation. The key is to tap into that initial energetic vibration and start to shift the frequency until the old frequency can no longer survive or exist within the new frequency, and it has no choice but to fall off. When your frequencies are entrained into
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While in Canada, I found ecstatic dance, which significantly changed my dance experience from a competitive, in front of a mirror, perfectionistic, choreographybased dynamic, to complete and utter, ultimate freedom. Freeform expression through movement, barefoot, no talking, no mirrors, an intimate dance for oneself, a deep connection opportunity with others, a sharing of one’s story without words-explanation- judgement- criticismprevious knowledge-or even expectation of understanding, and an unravelling of wounds into a multi-dimensional emotional healing process and experience. The way you “dance in your room naked when no one is watching”, became my every week Tuesday night with up to 200 other beautiful souls to share my story with, however, I wanted,
one resonance and are flowing and balanced, the illness and disease heals and does not exist eventually. I experienced the joy that surpasses what some find impossible in this life. I had the miracle of experiencing the healthiest most unconditionally loving romantic relationship I ever experienced in my life, that helped me heal from past traumas and release fears of being intimate. I finally felt safe to be all that I am and was fully seen, felt, heard, and loved. It taught me this was indeed palpable and possible in this life and to keep moving and growing and remaining open to my truest desires, my dreams, and my beloved I am with now, that I had been calling in and wishing for my whole life. I knew deep within that I was so worthy of love and we all are. The saying “ don't settle for less than you deserve “ is a real thing and is a choice. The more you love yourself in all the ways you want and need to be loved, the more this will be reflected you by others and will just add to the love you already have for yourself. All you have to realize is that you ARE love. The universe is not outside of you. It is you. You are not a victim. You are the creator of your own reality and the weaver of your dreams. Set your intentions to manifest all that it is you desire in this life and imagine yourself already there having the experience. Release it to the universe and detach from any outcomes. Then you will be able to bring your manifestations to fruition. The key is to release it. Otherwise, you're in a way, stopping the organic flow of life.
I welcomed my moon cycle after over 10 years of birth control and 2+ years of completely stopping my menstrual cycle. I did not want to be afraid of my body anymore. I wanted to embrace my cycles, cycles of life, and honor my divine feminine fully; Be fully in tune with the moon cycle each month, started using a menstrual cup and built a relationship with my blood, and stepped into my full, raw, authentic , and sacred power as a woman and a spirit. I emerged out of the “wounded healer” into the “way of the Jaguar”; Constant warrior mode and fighting fighting fighting, to put my sword down, knowing I have nothing to prove to anyone including myself and executing through grace. Now when I go into phases of the warrior, my moon cycle changes and I bleed on the full moon and ovulate on the new moon. When I move back into that space of graceful power, my moon cycle changes to bleeding on the new moon and ovulating on the full moon. It is truly so beautiful how linked we are to the moon and the moon reflects to us exactly what we are experiencing in our lives and what the flow of our emotions looks like when illuminated.
I have had the opportunity to connect with the most beautiful souls imaginable everywhere I go, travel, or live, and now live a life full of constant love, magic and synchronicity. Every where I go everyone is a beautiful reflection. This doesn't mean there is no pain or discomfort to be had. And it doesn't mean it became lighter or easier by any means. The more tapped in you are, the more intense it becomes at times because you feel so much all the time. But to feel is so very beautiful. No matter what is occurring, I am filled with immense gratitude for my beautiful life, was able to find profound beauty in my pain, and twinkles of light in the darkness. I am not afraid of the darkness anymore and instead I dance with the darkness because I know the dark and light are one and the same. I always have a choice, infinite perceptions to choose from, an array of possibilities and opportunities, and a deep knowing that I am divinely guided by the universe in all moments. Everything is as it should be. In this present moment, I have merged my spiritual healing modalities with my holistic beauty offerings, and gather women together whenever I am; host and facilitate sacred women's circles and ceremonies. In community and sisterhood we allow our wild feminine to roam freely and in joy, as we create a healing salve for our wounds in our wombs. We weave our dreams into being and ignite the fire within us that enlivens our womanhood.Â
MEGAN Website
I continue to dance the dance between the worlds- connecting the soils to the skies, merging my heart beat and my inner rhythm with the rhythm of our great earth mother. Through dance medicine, I shape-shift into the spirits of many animals receiving their wisdom and guidance. As I dance the language of my wild spirit, maybe for a moment in time, someone will listen to my story - even without words.. and just see me for all that I am. And if no one ever does, it is perfectly okay, because I can see me. I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF. I LOVE BEING A WOMAN. I AM NO LONGER LIMITED BY THE WOUNDS IN MY WOMB. I AM MY OWN ROOT MEDICINE. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR. Visit my website www.gitana.space for more information about my holistic beauty and spiritual healing services and offerings, inquiries & bookings, and upcoming women's circles and sacred ceremonies. Contact me for custom orders of my “Moon Cycle Oil “( PMS + hormone balance +painful menstruation) , “Moonrise Cooling Oil” ( hormone balance + menopause), and “ Warrior Feminine Beauty Oil”. MENTION ROAR MAGAZINE FOR A SPECIAL DISCOUNT.
CREATRIX WOMEN EXPRESSING THEMSELVES ALL OVER THE GLOBE.
POWERFUL CREATOR
STRAWBERRY
Under The Moon Botanicals. When I first began my healing journey, I felt utterly alone. Finally seeing the parts of myself that I hadn’t dared look at was sometimes excruciating. I knew there was magic on the other side of that pain, but it’s sometimes difficult to see that magic when you feel isolated inside your shadow. I created Under the Moon Botanicals to help others find that magic. Through the incredible power of aromatherapy and self-care rituals, I want to help people feel supported and connected during their own healing journey. And to show them that no matter what they’re going through, they’re not alone, and the magic is just around the corner.
ROAR MAGAZINE | STRAWBERRY MOON
CREATRIX, JENNIFER UPSON
Connect with me! Website
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WHY I REPLACED CITY LIGHTS WITH STARS AT NIGHT Written By: Lynn Mylou
My Journey
Although I spend the first three decades of my lifetime in large urban environments, I now understand that I feel most at home in nature. After I escaped the corporate monoculture of city-life, I realized that it’s my purpose to redefine Luxury. A luxury which is not dictated by consumerism, but by the experience of true freedom in all forms. Nature has showed me the way towards luxury. The luxury of finding joy in every moment and beauty in everything I encounter. The luxury that comes with a lifestyle in harmony with our natural environment free from feelings of guild and shame; The luxury of experiencing the exquisite feeling of freedom once you let go of programmed beliefs and conditioning that keep you mentally enslaved. The luxury of silence and the feeling of true unconditional love for all beings that can only be found within. The luxury of giving up the chase to find happiness outside of me but rather nurture that precious place within myself. The more digitally enhanced our lives become, the more nature we need. I value the benefits technology offers us, but we do need balance and that balance has been seriously lacking in our Western society since the Industrial Revolution set in.Â
Hence our feelings of being stuck and
Instead of going back to nature, we
the multitude of mental disorders that
can move towards nature. We don’t have
surface like mushrooms.
to go back to our caves, but we can establish a mutually beneficial
Within our urban environments, virtual
relationship with nature without
worlds and our days controlled by our
compromising on modern day comfort
calendars and smartphones chasing
and all the privileges we are able to
commitments, we have been very
enjoy.
detached from nature and therefore equally far from ourselves. We are nature
The Western capitalist society is fed by
after all.
consumerism which sustains itself through exponential growth.
Our capitalistic society has driven consumption needs to an exorbitant level
We forcefully try to fit this linear model
and our conditioned minds are
into our existence, ignoring the fact that
programmed in such a way that it has
our natural environment is ruled by
become very difficult to detach from this
circular principles. Every toddler knows
unhealthy behaviour.
that pushing a square piece into a round hole does not work and the more you
We are attached to material goods under
force it the more destruction is done.
the false pretends of accumulating happiness. It’s time to be brutally honest with ourselves. JUNE 2018 • ROAR | 07
ROAR MAGAZINE | STRAWBERRY MOON
The industrial revolution has brought us great innovations and technologies, however, it follows a linear design and manufacturing process that doesn’t take ecological or social values into account. Only in recent years, the destructive impact of this cradle-to-grave process has become clearly visible to us. Because of our linear thinking we, rather soon, are about to crash into a brick wall. Understanding Nature’s flawless design will help us to design our lives in a truly sustainable way. Nature operates in cycles, in a circular motion, so instead of trying to force our ways onto her, we better follow her guidance. We need to revisit ancient proven technologies which serve the benefit of all such as natural farming and environmentally responsible building materials and techniques, off-grid solutions and alternative technology and incorporate them in our modern-day life. We have to reeducate ourselves about the hundreds of edible and medicinal species Nature abundantly provides, but which the marketing gurus of the food industry happily erased from our memory. We have to change our linear thinking into circular living by taking Nature as our source, not an inexhaustible resource. Nature is presenting us the clues to work with, but we avoid to see it. Climate change, world hunger, poverty, natural disasters, animal abuse, they all give us clear pointers that we have to change direction and where our problems are rooted under the surface. The problem provides the solution, it’s that simple. William McDonough, architect and co-founder of Cradle to Cradle design, is one of the few people I highly admire for providing an allinclusive solution for the many issues we’re facing. Although our governments and the media try to make us think differently, one of the things he points out is that carbon is not the cause of global warming nor the problem. Carbon is a valuable resource, but it’s our design errors that make carbon, on the surface, seem to be the problem.
LYNN MYLOU Our human design errors are the fundamental cause of most of the issues we’re experiencing globally. It’s also true for the way we produce food through our intensive agriculture practices. The industrial revolution has pushed us in a direction that’s highly destructive and unsustainable and our habits are feeding the demand. In order to reach the destination of a truly sustainable lifestyle, which is in harmony with our natural environment and celebrates all life, we have to let go of our human arrogance to think we can outsmart nature and we have to investigate our own habits and how we inhabit them. In order to restore the balance in our external reality, we have to start with finding it within. One of the easiest and free tools that are accessible to all of us, is to establish a connection with Nature, to follow her guidance, to hear her whispers and to bath in her warm embrace.
Lynn Mylou Website Facebook
Creative Explorations
BY MAGARET BOEHMER
Every great dream begins with a great dreamer. Always remember, you have within you, the strength, the passion and the patience to reach for the stars, and change the world. ~ Harriet Tubman
Is your dream massive to the degree it feels impossible to achieve? And you dream it anyway! Do you have the urge to create something so powerful that it feels like a volcano in your gut, like a giant ripping open your heart, like the light of your soul that’s too radiant to behold. You feel it intensely yet your head can’t imagine you creating anything as colossal as this dream feels. If you feel these kinds of things, then you are an authentic creator re-inventing your life from the spirit of your innermost being and that’s no easy task. It’s so easy to kill these dreams with logic before they have a chance to take hold in the world. For me, It’s like the aspiration carries the scents of bread baking and the aromas entice me to follow the flavorful trails here and there, yet I can never find the right bakery. In the time following trails that lead nowhere create obstacles that I can’t ram my way through no matter how often or how hard I bang my head against them. Because I’m ‘efforting’ too hard to unlock the vision, I’m taking only shallow sips of air, barely enough to keep me alive. Once I begin to breathe deeply and consciously, mushy-headed confusion subsides and I am able to sit quietly in the space created by attentive breathing.
In time inner clarity speaks, ‘STOP trying to force the butterfly from the cocoon. You are right where you need to be to bring something phenomenal into an insane world.’ But what?’ I cry, petulant as a child. Well damn, I’ve worked my way into a prison cell again. I teach others how to get through times such as this so it bugs me when I do it myself. The good news is I know it’s part of the process. I understand that I must follow my intuition at this crucial juncture. My intuition says, ‘Take a break.’ And though I begrudge leaving the logic of planning behind, I do it anyway. For the last twenty years, I’ve lived in a variety of locations around the world guided to each one by my Spirit, I’ve named SHEnannalaho’oya. Her name keeps growing so I call her SHE. For the last two years SHE has me on a whirlwind adventure, living in Airbnb’s for a month at a time in Europe, Canada, and the United States. Currently, I’m in British Columbia, Canada. I love traveling and meeting people around the world yet something primal consumes me recently with a vague amorphous potential that churns inside me like molten lava ready to blow. I remind myself to no avail that preparatory time is a primary part of living the dream but this time preparation feels excruciatingly long and I’m extremely impatient to begin the next chapter of my life. Pushing too hard accomplishes nothing. Repeating activities that once worked well for me but don’t work now is insane. If I keep it up I will kill the inspiration before it has a chance to become an idea that I can bring forward into the world. No amount of mental head banging is going to knock down the wall protecting this seedling. Rather, mental rampaging constricts my breathing, gives me insomnia and consigns a migraine like a stop sign behind my eyes. Breathing with intention revives my inner intelligence which urges me to step away from the computer, take a walk alone in nature to bequeath the dream with much needed space.
I walk lazily along Crescent Beach with
reach of its beak. When the desired
a cappuccino in hand craving to hear
morsels arrive the heron dips its head
forceful furious waves and treacherous
gracefully beneath the water and fills its
undertow that heave tree trunks out of
belly. I whisper to the heron, “You must
the water and onto the shore, waves that
have great wisdom to save your energy
match my inner state of being. Today,
for just the right moment!”
however, Boundary Bay’s waves glide in
I gaze intently at the diamond-like
and out gentle as a newly-born lamb
sparkles dancing atop ruffles of steely
emphasizing the disappointment I feel
grey water despite the dense melancholy
that I’m still not yet ready to begin.
sky. SHE whispers to me, “Just like the
A mammoth driftwood log calls to me,
light radiating inside of you that leads
“Sit awhile, relax your body, quiet your
you through the dark night every time
mind.” I sit but murmur cynically, “Just
without fail. Remember your Heart-Fire
how far did you travel to feel dead upon
beats in harmony with all existence.”
this Canadian beach? I came from
My eyes land upon a plant with deep
Kentucky.”
green leaves growing from the driftwood log upon which I’m sitting, “Why, you’re
A solitary blue heron returns my volatile
not dead at all.” I cry aloud. “There’s new
stare with peace. The heron punctuates
life growing from you.”
stillness as it exhibits astonishing patience while waiting for its nourishment to deliver itself within easy
ROAR MAGAZINE | JUNE 2018
In an instant, my Heart-Fire etches understanding upon my soul, “Attempting to live the next chapter of life before it’s been written is crazy. Be patient! The vision will appear when the time is right. You will know the actions to take when you see the dream clearly. Trust yourself. You’re not dead nor are you stagnant. You are pregnant with new life. You are carrying the seed of your own creative genius. Stop ramming your head against the seedling’s shell like a mad goat. You’ll kill the new idea before it has a chance to break through the soil into the light of day. Relax! Enjoy life. The treasure train won’t leave without you. You have strengthened the core of trust in yourself. Now, patience maintains your strength. The Universe is gifting you with waiting time. Don’t waste it. Relax and remember your inner child, the one who plays in the stars and galaxies all through the night, the one who fills your life with love and delight. The whole world grows when you play wholeheartedly with passionate adventures. If you must do something, play with Life! Freefall into Life with relentless abandon and simply allow Life to shape itself into manifest reality. When the time is right to leap, you shall leap and be carried safely to the other side of the void on the Wings of Love.” Playing with life is the first step to bringing the vague amorphous but intense dream into the clear sight of day where you can begin taking authentic action. Freefall into your dream and let it unfold itself authentically from the inside out. If you feel stressed about next steps to take, there are two guided imageries on my website www.solarheartplay.com/imageries These meditations will help you relax when you want to take action and the needed action is calculated inaction. If you would like some guidance along the way, I am happy to collaborate with you to give your dream the space it requires to become visible, tangible reality. Follow me on Facebook at Solar Heart Play, an open group page that I host.
ROAR MAGAZINE
I am an intuitive empathic healer and mentor with seventy-four years of life experience, twenty years of corporate experience in administration, college recruiting, and human relations, and twenty years of pioneering experience investigating the arts and humanities of life itself which led me to the very significant rediscovery of my ancient roots that go way deeper than this lifetime. I am skilled as a Reiki Master/Teacher, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, as well as in Tarot, Sacred Geometry, Numerology, Psychometry.
My work today embodies the spirit of change, the pursuit of truth and beauty, and the rediscovery process that unveils the uninhibited unique, creative expression that resides inside each of us. Once this creative genius is recovered, I will assist you to integrate the authenticity of this little beauty into your everyday life. To schedule time for a consultation email: solarheartplay@gmail. Com SUBJECT: CONSULTATION or Message me through Facebook at Solar Heart Play.
Website Creative Explorations Facebook Group
Dawn e g A e h T In w e N e h T Of e n i n i Fem
DIVINE
Women today, seem to be living a
It can even be responsible for the
more liberated life than previous
absence of orgasm, as well as for
generations. There are, for sure,
general problems in the womb -
variations, depending on the country
infertility, irregular cycle,
and culture. But even those women
dysmenorrhea (since, for many
who live in more liberal countries
years, menstruation has stigmatised
can still experience the residues
the feminine as dirty).
from wounds of centuries past,
Most women end up weakening
wounds that have been engraved
their sexual energy since they could
within the feminine soul.
very easily be named prostitutes
To a certain degree, all of us women
because of it.
carry within us the scars of wounds
Remember that patriarchy allowed
past; memories of humiliation,
only two models of the feminine
ridicule and devaluation still vibrate
archetype to exist: the virgin and the
on a cellular level. These memories
prostitute.
can still be the reason behind the
Out of these two prevailing models,
unconscious fear of attracting a
of course, emerged various
normal relationship - since the fear
subcategories, like, for instance, that
of being conquered by the
of the virgin came with the models
masculine is still present.Â
of the sacrificial mother, the good housewife etc.
This is, of course, a natural response: women, through these standards, feel violated and at the same time discouraged by social circumstances. Observe and see for yourself how marketing campaigns “sell” the female. When we begin to understand what is happening within us, we will clearly understand that these patterns are predominantly set standards of male culture – and have nothing to do with our truth. Many of us women wish to make a change and sometimes don’t really know where to start from. The first step towards change, however, is sometimes simply to become aware of the inner wound, in relation to the feminine. The next step is to see clearly how all of those standards, that are being manipulatively imposed on us, are being reflected on the inside, even unconsciously. How do they truly make us feel? If you explore your psyche, discovering the On the other side, the incredible insecurity
way your trauma has worn you out, you
that was imposed on us, through
will gradually begin to find outlets towards
advertisements, with their sexual
another level of thought, a different
connotations for the feminine, or through
approach. When the wound’s message is
the perfect standards attributed to women
decoded, it will gradually stop the tension
in the marketing world, steadily created a
it causes emerging, in order to grab your
competitive mood between females, as
attention. You will discover different levels
well as a need to claim their place
of perception, where our spirituality and
violently.
eroticism are connected, as they have always been, by our very nature.
FEMME It is necessary to discover the sacredness inside of us and embrace the Great Mother, the same way She embraced us, centuries before patriarchy eliminated Her. When we once again love the Sacred Feminine, we will love our body for what it is. When we connect with Women's Sacred Circles, following the movement of the moon - the symbol of the Goddess - we will feel deep inside of us the sacred embodiment of the Divine Feminine we truly are and also the tremendously sacred task we are here to perform: changing the misconceptions of society, as well as our own.
Shakila Ioanna Brati Holistic Healer – Crystal Healing Teacher – Writer – Life Coach - Shaman Earth Keeper – Women’s Circles Coordinator Facebook https://shakila.gr www.blossominggoddess.com Shakila Shakila Ioanna Brati
MOON CYCLE 07 • STRAWBERRY MOON • JUNE 2018
Open Pathways
BY: DONNA MILLS
Open Pathways Self care cannot be understated. It is a privilege that most do not recognize, much less embrace. I celebrated my fifty-second birthday this past February. Four months into it, I can unequivocally say this is the best year of my life. I have never felt more in love with my life and myself. “Satisfaction, not performance.” “Satisfaction, not performance.” This quote is one of many that I will share throughout this story, (in italics) inspired by my experience training to teach a Feminine Embodiment and Movement program called Amba. Creator Meghan Morris (ambamovement.com) blends her twenty year yoga profession with a deep feminine embodiment immersed in the archetypes of nature. Nature, femininity, and movement! How much better can that get?
blessed are the curious for they shall have adventures
Meghan’s program offers women an
I completed two hundred hours of
uninhibited space to discover their
training during thirteen twelve-hour-
inner landscape through movement,
days, and five months of real-time
dance, sense, and deep nourishment.
online videos. I will always move my
“Satisfaction, not performance.”
body, and I will always move my body in this manner… as my soul speaks
“Find the open pathways.” This piece of
through it. I will always practice sacred
magic has transformed my life. Seek
self-care. When my well is full and
the open pathways… “open pathways
overflowing, it ripples out to those
feel like a yes!” Where are the open
around me. My self-care practice
pathways in my body as I move my
unassumingly gives other women
hips, circling left to right? As I move
permission to care for themselves.
with a taffy-like resistance, deliciously
Even deeper. Even more intently. As
playing out between my inner and
more women come to honour and care
outer self? In Amba, moving your body
for themselves at the level I have
is a mediation, a celebration of
experienced, the world shifts. Global
gratitude for all the ways you are
understanding and compassion
already supported. It is deep honour,
increase as the natural consequence to
recognition, and acknowledgement of
women gaining deeper understanding
self. It is sacred, serene, profound. It is
and compassion for themselves. How
also fun, sassy, and fiery!
much better can it get from here? Let us receive how much!
Photo BY: Carissa Mosley
TI completed two hundred hours of training during thirteen twelve-hour-days, and five months of realtime online videos. I will always move my body, and I will always move my body in this manner‌ as my soul speaks through it.Â
I will always practice sacred self-care. When my well is full and overflowing, it ripples out to those around me. My selfcare practice unassumingly gives other women permission to care for themselves. Even deeper. Even more intenfully. As more women come to honor and care for themselves at the level I have experienced, the world shifts. Global understanding and compassion increase as the natural consequence to women gaining deeper understanding and compassion for themselves. How much better can it get from here? Let us receive how much!
Issue 27 | 234
Today is June 22, 2018. In the shadow of the summer solstice. I tend to celebrate both sides of any given pagan holiday, the energy building up to, and waning from. I celebrated the solstice today with another beautiful feminine soul. She and I are colleagues and true friends. She is a shamanic practitioner and I am an energy and bodyworker, and we often trade services. This morning I received her guidance through a shamanic journey healing wounds associated with growing up a fatherless daughter. It was a tremendously tearful journey, and then, it was a tremendously sacred and sweet journey. I needed it all. I needed it all because I can only meet my clients at the level of my own healing. If I hold space for others to heal, I must recognize the opportunity for me to do my own healing and then choose to do it.
It is a privilege to heal. A privilege because the gains are so great in comparison to the effort it takes to heal. The effort is often times painful, but the gains are limitless. Later this afternoon I met with another bodyworker new to town, I had scheduled a massage for myself because it had been far too long… and while I was in the healing mode, and it being solstice and all! Heart eyes!! What transpired was the message to end all messages. This beautiful woman spent three luscious hours healing my body. Three!! Hours!! Pure bliss. I am in awe and deep gratitude. The ah-ha moment during this solstice celebration of me is how profoundly important self-care is, imperative even.
Photo By: Carissa Mosley
If I do not take good care of myself, the world suffers. My joy or my angst ripples out into the cosmic shared energy. I matter, and what I feel and emanate matters. I radiate, so the choice is mine. What do I wish to radiate? Love and wellness… or it's opposite? I choose love and wellness. For myself and for the world. In my experience with Amba, I learned to find my center and stay there. I learned to stay present with my breathe. I learned to “move from a deep desire, not from a should.” I have learned that I have never encountered a temple as blissful as my own body.
If you are reading this, whatever you age, please hear me… DO YOU! And do you well, and healed. Do you “sacred, wild, loved.” Amba invites you into your sacred, wild, loved self. It invites you into deep discovery. It is an open pathway, and a definite yes! It becomes a lifestyle, body nutrition, required. At fifty-two years alive I have stopped seeking to be good, and I have discovered a deep sense of self through my own genuineness. If you are younger or older than I, I besiege you, please, do not wait another day to recognize your own sacred innateness and treat yourself as if your self-care is as vital as breathing…
Photo By:Carissa Mosley
because it is. Self care cannot be understated. The moon is nearly full again, the solstice has arrived, and magic is indeed afoot. Celebrate yourself. This is the only body, and the only life you will be blessed with. Fill it with vitality. Fill it with love. Fill it with movement. “Fully commit to being on this earth. Choose to be embodied.� I commit, and choose with you. Love and embodiment, Definitely Donna
Website
Fierce Feminine Goddess
WOUNDS TO WARRIORESS
WOUNDS TO WARRIORESS
I AM A WARRIOR BY: BARBARA MILLS
Psychic diagnosis of cancer! Sounds like a headline from one of those “National Enquirer” like magazines” but in my case, it actually happened. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Nov 11, 2014, but two days before a psychic advised me that I had a major health issue, and encouraged me to get myself checked out. I was at the National Women’s Show in Toronto with my friend Sherry; the ultimate girls outing where you could shop for exclusive products, sample food and wine, listen to fabulous guest speakers. We were walking around the event when we came across two psychics at the very back of the conference centre. One was reading palms the other cards. Sherry decided she wanted to get her cards to read. While waiting for her I decided to get my palm read. After the usual banter, the psychic asked me about my health, which at the time I thought was fine.
She kept insisting that I would be fine, but to get myself checked and that it had to do with hormones. Now she never came out and said that I had cancer, but she was pretty adamant that I see a doctor. I had already scheduled an ultrasound to check my right breast and two days later on Nov 11 at 11 am (yes on Remembrance Day) I was diagnosed with stage 3 hormonal based breast cancer with a 52% chance of survival. At the time and in the early stages I was never told the above and only found out after I had finished treatment. Everything moved very quickly after that. In the end, I had 6 chemo treatments, 25 radiation treatments and 3 surgeries including mastectomy and reconstruction. And maybe I am a little psychic too for when I told my good friend Melanie she said, “Wow, you predicted that”. It turns out a few years ago we were having a discussion and I said that I was probably going to have breast cancer.
EVEN IN TIMES OF TRAUMA, WE TRY TO MAINTAIN A SENSE OF NORMALITY UNTIL WE NO LONGER CAN. THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS CALLED SURVIVING. NOT HEALING. WE NEVER BECOME WHOLE AGAIN… WE ARE SURVIVORS. IF YOU ARE HERE TODAY…YOU ARE A SURVIVOR. BUT THOSE OF US WHO HAVE MADE IT THRU HELL AND ARE STILL STANDING? WE ARE BARE A DIFFERENT NAME: WARRIORS. – LORI GOODWIN .
I didn’t remember that until she reminded me of it and I certainly didn’t believe it to be true at the time. I think deep down, we do know our own bodies we just have to be willing to listen to what it is saying. Being diagnosed with this awful disease is shocking, disorientating and lifealtering. I can’t imagine going through this journey alone. What got me through? My family and friends, my community; a positive attitude and hope. For all my life thru the good, bad and ugly hope is at the core of who I am. I am not just a survivor but a warrior and my battle was cancer. The Battle At the end of Oct 2014, I noticed swelling and tightness in my right breast, the nipple was disappearing into the breast. “This isn’t right,” I thought to myself. Showing my husband we decided that yes this breast didn’t look the way it used to so off to the doc I went. I had a “normal” mammogram the previous May and this was just October. Neither my doc nor I really thought anything more than a possible infection. The doctor thought maybe Mastitis. I didn’t’ know this could occur in women who weren’t breastfeeding. This infection typically affects the fatty tissue in the breast which causes swelling lumps and pain. I thought as did she this was a logical explanation. I was put on a round of antibiotics but the swelling didn’t go away. In the meantime, I had just been offered a new job, after being out of work for 15 months, as a customer service rep at a call centre.
ROAR • STRAWBERRY MOON 2018
After the 10 days of antibiotics, I went
When he comes back he says my
back to the doctor’s office. Still trying to
doctor will contact me soon as to next
figure out what this could be my doctor
steps... He walks me to the door and as I
ordered an ultrasound. On Tuesday, Nov
step out, everyone is quiet, they are
11, Remembrance Day, I went to our
observing the minute of silence. On the
breast clinic at the medical centre. The
11th day of the 11th month on the 11th
doctor there took around 30 minutes
hour, I found out I had breast cancer.
going over and over the right breast with the ultrasound wand. His face serious he
In shock, numb I went home. My husband
kept looking at me then back to the
works for home and I call to him as soon
screen. When he was done, he shows me
as I came through the door. He looks at
the pictures which to me look like just
me and asks what is wrong. I say I have
black and white and grey blobs and says
breast cancer and burst into tears. Now
this is cancer. Umm, pardon???? Shock
both of us are in shock. My husband
sets in, I can’t really think, and I don’t
doesn’t quite know what to say, neither
even think to ask how he knows by only
do I. He goes back to his office while I
an ultrasound??? He says “I need to call
called work to tell them I wouldn’t be
your doctor” and walks out the door.
back in the afternoon that day. I waited for the doctor to call.
Finally, the doctor calls and talks me
If they were scared for me I never
through the process of what will happen:
knew. At the same time, I am would
another ultrasound, mammogram,
always put on a brave face for them. I
biopsy, MRI, CAT scans and then an
kept pushing through to show them that I
appointment with the surgeon. By that
was going to be ok. I never wanted them
Thursday I was in the breast clinic at our
to feel like they would lose me. I wanted
regional health centre (hospital) for
them to know we would make it through
mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy.
this, which is why I never showed my fear
Still numb my only thoughts were how I
nor frailty to my children.
was going to tell my mother, my kids. I waited a couple of days before finally
The mammogram was first, and I have to
telling my mother. With the boys Jim and
say this one, was not like others I have
I told them together, both of us being
had; this one was more squishy, more
almost nonchalant about it, hoping to
uncomfortable shall we say. It was over
come across as positive and put together
quickly and I was off to the ultrasound
so they wouldn’t worry. To this day I am
room. This time, the ultrasound was to
not sure how the boys felt about my
find a tumour so that the doctor could do
being sick. They both were supportive,
the biopsy. Uncomfortable is how I would
they both came to chemotherapy with
describe this procedure.
me but they never discussed with me how they felt.
They freeze the part of the breast where the “tube” goes in. They can’t freeze around a tumour so that part I would feel. They cut a slit into the side of my breast and slid the tube towards a tumour using the ultrasound to find it. Once there it goes into the tumour and pulls off a piece. At this point you hear a big click and feel the tug. “I got a great sample” says the doctor, “can I get another one?” Sure, I say, why not my boob is already frozen. So in he goes again for the second sample.
This doctor told me that we won’t know for sure it was cancer until after the biopsy, but I also knew that I would have surgery either way, as the tumour had to come out. I will bruise, he says, and some bleed more than others which I understood, what I didn’t realize was how much we use that muscle that attaches to your arm so lifting and pulling things like opening doors actually hurts. The bruising turned interesting green and purple colours. I
know I would probably lose my right breast, so decided to document this journey through pictures and a journal. I never once felt that I would die, that actually never crossed my mind. Yes I was scared, but also numb at the same time. I just wanted to keep moving forward. Take each test as it came. Take the next step be that surgery, chemo, radiation or more surgery. Get through each day as best I could. At that moment I knew this was my fight.
I understood there were people around me who would support/help me get through but I felt that I needed to turn inwards and fight this battle alone. I let people help but didn’t go searching for it. I didn’t join support groups, or wave the pink ribbon (although pink is my favorite colour). How does a woman feel about her breasts? Does size matter? Are they part of her sexuality? Do they define her as a woman? Or is it that men and media and even other woman that use breasts to determine the kind of woman we are? I never really thought that much about it, I have been a size A cup to a C cup (while pregnant and again with weight gain) I like to say I grew my C cups myself. I must say I do like my cleavage and my boobs, now that they are bigger. So how do I feel now that I may lose part or all of one? Will I still feel sexy? Still feel like a woman?
My husband says everything will be just fine because after all he is a butt man. I hadn’t quite figured out how I felt. I supposed once I knew more as to the extent of the surgery I was to have the feelings and emotions would become more defined. Friends and family tell me that in today’s world there is so much that can be done in the boob department; from reconstruction to specialty bras. For some, our breasts are very much a part of who we are. One friend who is very well endowed said she would definitely do reconstruction if she ever lost her breasts. Her breasts were her identity. What choices would I make? My doctor told me that the hardest part about all this is the waiting, waiting for tests results, waiting for tests to be done, waiting for a surgery date. She was quite right, waiting is the hardest part. I know there is something foreign in me and I just want it out, now! I could worry about how losing a breast would determine how I felt about my sexuality later; right now I just had to survive. In public I always had a smile on my face, told people I was doing fine. In private my husband and mother knew how rough it was, as I felt I could show them how I was really doing. Digging deep into my soul, I found the strength to keep fighting, keep breathing, and slowly become a warrior.
Barbara Mills
call to rise ASHA V CROGGON
There is a terrible madness occurring in the world ... reflecting what has been occurring against one group of people or another for millennia.
And there will be those who argue. Who coat the issue with politics. Who distract from the images with frantic finger pointing.
The dehumanization of one people for the advancement of another.
Who cover the cries of children with words gilded with strategic ignorance. Grateful that their gaping entitlement is safe to run and play in the streets after political correctness had stifled it.
For the ‘creation’ of a country. For the political gain of a regime. For the financial profit of a company.
But here’s the thing. For the building of a wall. Whether through slavery or eradication or the conscious stripping of children from parents, our collective species and our personal privilege has a history of violence that shames us.
It is not politically correct to care. Or to have compassion. Or to treat all people as equal. Or to come to the aid of another. It is not political at all.
But it should not silence us. In our silence we are complicit. To the degradation of a people. To the destruction of a child’s belief. To the dissolution of our own humanity This is not the world we came to live in.
It is the innate compulsion of the strong. To see someone suffering and feel a cellular drive to extend support, to stretch your privilege to protect another’s personhood.
this is not the world we came to live in
It is the wounding sickness of the weak to see someone suffering and calculate how you can take advantage. To contort another's pain to justify your entitlement.
For those strong enough in this moment to rise and speak and stand for those who do not have the right or the voice or the privilege to do so, have courage.
It is the overwhelm of the caring to numb out and disengage as a form of self-protection and push down the nausea of conscience below the Netflix binge. Until you can catch your breath.
Your words and your actions and your beliefs may come at a cost.
For my fellow carers who feel too numb to act, have courage. To break apart and fall to your knees and sob and barter for peace. Drop your arms weary from holding the sky from falling and reach out for support so you can stand again.
When you stand for another, you stand in front of them. Some of the hate and the laws and the ignorance being weaponized against those behind you will be levelled against you. But you have the privilege and the distance to withstand it. And when you can’t, reach out. You are not alone.
Heal, do not hide. You are needed by your heart first and then return to your humanity.
To your right is the hand of another strong enough to stand beside you and to your left is the hand of a child who has become human again because of you.
For those who are contorted in some form of poisonous glee that your ugly thoughts within are being redeemed by the acidic actions or words of another, have courage.
So ultimately this action WILL cause a wall to rise. Just not the one 'they' thought.
Your hate is trying to lead you to your wound if you have the strength to follow it in rather than spewing it out.
Asha V Croggon WholeHearted Changemakers
Inspired action
FOR THE ACCIDENTAL ACTIVIST
feel
Have the courage to feel what you feel. Feelings are fuel for your inspired action. Allow your privilege to be pierced. It is the gateway to your compassion.
LEAN
Lean into the discomfort of connecting with those who think differently. Lean into the vulnerability of asking for support when you need it.
speak
Speak for those whose humanity has been silenced. Call your Gov't Reps or US Ambassador and let them know you care.
believe
Everything you do has an impact. No matter how complicated a decision appears, it boils down to "Will this action bring more love into the world or less?"
surrender GIVE
Donate your time, resources to an agency fighting on behalf of those silenced. Find a way to care for those in your community too.
Surrender the need to 'right fight'. The most powerful work happens when we're fighting FOR something, not against something.
Solar forecast B Y :
M A R I A
J O N E S
Inspirations for your journey back to avalon
July Astrology
~ The Beauty of Change ~
‘The old life. Is an old life. One you have already lived. One you do not have to keep living. You are too wondrous for one life.’ Nayyirah Waheed. The energies of July initiate us into powerful summer of transformation as we experience the first of 3 seismic super Moon eclipses and we head ever more deeply into retrograde season. There can be a lot of sensationalism surrounding Eclipse seasons, but the truth is we collectively move through these portals around every 6 months. Eclipses teach is that change is inevitable, necessary, and ultimately beautiful. Without these celestial shakeups, we would stay stuck, wallowing in our outdated patterns and stagnant life situations. Although the human mind fears change and seek to cling to that feels familiar and secure, the spirit knows that to be truly free and in harmony with our true pathway we must surrender and let go of the old to create space for the new to enter.
A
Out of the chaos comes new growth and deeper understanding. We begin the month with Mercury the Messenger conjunct the North Node, whilst in opposition to Retrograde Mars, encouraging us to let go of old connections so that new people and opportunities can enter our lives. We may become extra aware the ‘words can be weapons’ at this time, as the fiery Mars energy desires to express its self through our interactions with others. A reactivation of the fluid, flowing grand water trine that we experienced in June as Venus and Mercury moved through Cancer occurs From the 5th to the 8th of July, as the
Solstar in Cancer conjuncts Sirius, opening the Lions Gate and aligns with Neptune in Pisces and Jupiter in Scorpio, giving us the opportunity to rest for a while in the arms of the Great Mother. This is the energy of emotional sensitivity, divine connection and psychic receptivity. Also on the 5th of July Chiron will station retrograde in Aries. During the days surrounding His station, we will become extra aware of the themes of his journey through the sign of the Ram. The call to work towards healing and resurrecting the Divine Masculine in ourselves and our world will be especially strong, as will the urge to reclaim our power and
sovereignty. Working in tandem with the Grand water Trine energies, the Chiron station is likely to bring up many painful emotions to be accepted and integrated. Over the coming 6 month period the cosmic shaman will be moving back to 27 degrees Pisces, asking us to clear up any lingering lessons from his journey through the sign of the fishes. Chiron will station direct on the 9th of December 2018. On the 9th of July, Venus moves into Virgo where she best embodies the archetype of the Priestess. Venus in Virgo is the keeper of flame of devotion, She is dedicated, disciplined and focused on service. She reminds us to seek the beauty in the small and seemingly mundane. She calls us to purify our vessel so that we can be a better vessel for the love of spirit. She teaches that self-care is a sacred act. The more detoxified we are, the cleaner channel we become. Taking care of our physical body is a signal to the divine that we are ready to embody higher frequencies and share more light.Â
On the 10th of July, Jupiter will station directly in the sign of the Scorpion, bringing a culmination to His 5-month retrograde period which began on March the 9th 2018. Jupiter in Scorpio has been calling us to dive deep into our shadows and mine for the gold that is hidden in the deepest recesses of our psyche. He has been inviting us to look at and fully embrace all of those parts of ourselves we usually keep hidden. He has been ruthlessly uncovering the truth of our own motivations and desires, and those of people in power in our world. We have seen the Dark Goddess rising during this transit, beckoning us to dance in Her flames of alchemy as she devoured our masks of spiritual illusion. As Jupiter stations, this energy can exponentially intensify. As he begins to pick up speed and move forward, we will begin to see the results of the soul archaeology we have been engaged in, as healing begins to take place.
On the 12th of July, the Eclipse Gateway opens with a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Cancer. This Eclipse gives us a taste of what is to come as the Nodal Axis shifts to the Cancer/Capricorn polarity on 7th of November 2018. This Eclipse sits in opposition to Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, yet is surrounded by positive aspects as the Grand Water Trine is illuminated once more, and Grand Earth Trine forms between Venus in Virgo, Saturn in Capricorn and Uranus in Taurus. This first Eclipse in the sign of the Great Mother highlights the ongoing rise of the feminine and the dissolution of the patriarchy. More truths and revelations that reveal deeper layers of the corruption by those in power are likely at this time. This upcoming cycle of eclipses will teach us the fierce love of the Goddess. She will show us that She both the creator and destroyer. The old world must die before the new one can birth. On a personal level, this Lunation can take us deep into our ancestral lineage to clear long-standing patterns of abuse and trauma. It can highlight the mother and father wounds for many of us, taking us back to childhood and inviting us to look at themes of nourishment, nurturing and safety. The Grand Trine energies form a Sacred Merkabah in the skies opening a portal of healing and grace that allows us to unify soul and spirit, masculine and feminine, light and dark within so we can return to wholeness.
ROAR MAGAZINE
This Lunation opens an Eclipse tunnel or ‘wormhole’ that won’t close until after the Leo New Moon Solar Eclipse on August the 11th. This can be a liminal time where we feel like we are walking blindfolded through darkened corridors. Everything seems uncertain and unclear. This part of the process requires unwavering faith and trust that all is unfolding for our highest good. On the 20th of July, Mars makes the 2nd conjunction with the North Node of His retrograde journey. The first conjunction was the 8th of June, the 3rd and final will be the 27th of September making this energy one of the major energies of the summer. Mars on the South Node is asking us to clear away the restrictions that stifle our soul. He is asking us to liberate ourselves from the thought patterns and belief systems that keep us locked in the past, as well as the relationships, groups and friendships that keep us anchored into them. This alignment can also be calling us to shed outdated programming around sexuality, body shame, anger and masculinity. This is the time of the inner and outer revolution, showing us how to break free of old societal conditioning. On the 22nd of July, the Solstar moves into His home sign, Leo. From the 24th of July to the 12th of August, our Sun King will rise alongside the star Sirius, the spiritual light of our cosmos. During this period, we have heightened access to the divine love and wisdom of the star tribes. In many ancient cultures, we see
monuments built to mark and honour the rising of Sirius. To the ancestors, Sirius signified the unconditional love of the Great Goddess, the rising of the Blue Star was seen to be an auspicious time when we are more able to receive her blessings and abundance. The 26th of July sees Mercury the Messenger begin his 2nd retrograde journey of the year, this time in the sign of the Lion. If we take his shadow period into consideration, Mercury will be retrograde for all of Eclipse season, signalling that this will be a period of deep mental recalibration, particularly around the themes of Leo. Issues of selflove, sacred self-expression, fixed or egocentric belief systems are likely to arise during this period. As Mercury visits the underworld, he will make 3 squares to Jupiter, now direct in Scorpio, showing us that this will be a retrograde that takes us deep into our psyche, revealing where and why we have been denying our own power, light and perceptions. We end the month with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Aquarius. This will be the final Aquarian Eclipse of this Nodal Cycle, we won’t experience another for around 18 years. The cosmic water bearer seems determined to end on a huge note, as this Lunation sits conjunct retrograde Mars and in square to its ruler, Uranus.
South Node Lunar Eclipses open potent portals that call us to release the past. This is a moment of celestial clarity, revealing what patterns and belief systems need to shed before we can open our hearts and come into fullest, most authentic expression of who we are. Occurring at the midpoint of Mars’ retrograde journey, this Full Moon will highlight and bring a culmination to many of the issues that Mars has been endeavouring to teach us during his extended sojourn through Aquarius. This will be a time of letting go of old connections, relationships and friendships as the vibration of freedom permeate the cosmos, demanding we unshackle ourselves from all that keeps sticking in the bonds of conformity. Humanitarian causes could reach boiling point at this time, as we collectively become determined to not repeat the mistakes of the past. The videos below give you sign by sign insights for the Lunar Cycle that began with the Gemini New Moon on the 13th of June and culminates with the Cancer New Moon Solar Eclipse on the 12th of July. These Videos take you through a four-week journey, discussing how the movements of the cosmos play out through the houses of your chart. With a Full Moon in Capricorn conjunct Saturn, Jupiter stationing direct, Neptune stationing retrograde and Mars beginning his underworld journey conjunct the South Node and in Square to Uranus, this is a very busy Lunar cycle that gives us many indications about how far we have progressed in learning the deep soul lessons the cosmos is offering us at this point in our souls journey.
07 | ROAR • JUNE 2018
YOUR SOLAR FORCAST Click your sign below Aries & Aries Rising Taurus & Taurus Rising Gemini & Gemini Rising Cancer & Cancer Rising Leo & Leo Rising Virgo & Virgo Rising Libra & Libra Rising Scorpio & Scorpio Rising Sagittarius & Sagittarius Rising
YOUR SOLAR FORCAST Click Your Sign Capricorn & Capricorn Rising Aquarius and Aquarius Rising Pisces & Pisces Rising
ROAR MAGAZINE
Maria Jones: Star Priestess Journey back to Avalon, will take you back to your deep remembering. Through astrology and daily solar updates. Hello, my name is Maria, and it is my greatest passion to support people in reclaiming their personal power and soul's gifts, whilst encouraging them to move into deeper levels of self-acceptance and authenticity by helping them to understand soul’s evolutionary journey through the medium of Astrology.
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As a reawakening Priestess, my deep devotion to serving the current rising of the Divine Feminine in our world is reflected in my readings, writings and teachings. Many Blessings Maria Jones
New Moon Circles
zoom gatherings, that flow with the lunar cycles
"You Can Also Contact Me For Your Personalized Birth Chart Reading." ~ Maria Jones
THE 30 DAY SELF-LOVE CHALLENGE ROAR, FIERCE FEMININE RISING EVENT
JOIN A TRIBE OF SISTERS ON A JOUNREY OF COMING BACK HOME TO YOURSELF
30 Day Self-Love
Challenge
Fierce Feminine Rising Events
Welcome to a sacred ritual of learning to love yourself up consistently, within a group of soul sisters all on the same journey. When I learned how to consistently show up for myself on a daily basis and give myself what I needed, my life changed. So I am sharing this with you. This program is for you if: ➳ You desire to fully show up for yourself. ➳ You want to learn how to give to yourself and build your self-love. ➳ You want to develop a consistent ritual of giving to yourself. ➳ You love the energy of a collective group of women empowering each. other and sharing their journey. ➳ You are ready to say YES! to give yourself what you need. ➳ You desire to have support along your journey. ➳ You are willing and ready to do the work.
I will be present supporting you on your journey within the group. With a weekly check-in to see if you desire any support.
Learning to commit to myself every day has not been easy for me. I grew up in an environment where self-love was nonexistent, in fact, I was taught self-loathing at a young age and I had zero structure in my life at home. No routine, no rules, no consequences. I was free to roam a wild child and make all the mistakes my little heart desired or just did because I blindly didn't know any better. Thankfully the few years I spent living with my grandparents taught me morals and I was gifted with street smarts and intuition of how to take care of myself at least to a degree to keep myself safe and fed. I dived into self-love not even knowing what it looked like, It was a concept I didn't even know was available until I started walking that path 5 years ago.
My routine lead me down the path of healing, growth, stronger boundaries, and a stronger relationship with myself which in turn taught others how to treat me, love me, be there for me and respect me. So my desire is to expand your awareness into just how juicy your life can be. To show you just how loved you already are including the fact that YOU my dear ARE Love! And help you put self-love into action and not have it be a hope, a desire, or a passing thought.
If you're struggling with ✨ Body Image ✨ Self-Doubt ✨Giving your power away ✨Making yourself last on the priority list ✨Having trouble speaking your truth ✨Feeling like something is missing ✨Feeling depleted from over-giving Or ✨ Not in alignment with who you are This challenge is for you!
WHY WAIT ANOTHER MOMENT? Why wait another moment feeling any of those things? Life is to short to not see how amazing you are and start putting the love you give to others, into your canvas, aka yourself! Let's paint you with a new brush! You are a piece of art and you are magic Goddess. I have been there and I want to support you on the most important journey you will take. Building a relationship with yourself sweet one.
In the 30 Days self-love ritual a morning routine that works with your schedule that will help raise your vibration and teach you how to fill up before you flow out. Full support from me within a group environment of soul sisters all sharing and supporting each other while on the same journey. A Meditation to help you raise your vibration and roar to ask for what you want Support when blocks arise.
What you will start to feel once you start the challenge. you start feeling into how you feel and taking time to fill up before you flow out. You will no longer settle for any relationship that is unhealthier than the one you have cultivated with yourself Your inner self-talk will become your biggest cheerleader You will learn about what might still need to be healed that's been blocking you from self-love
You will be more confident in your connection with yourself and step up your self-love game You will start to inspire others by leading the way with your torch of self-love Empowered
YRREBWARTS • 70 RAOR
You are going to feel way more energized
ᏴᎬᏞᎾᏙᎬᎠ ᏚᏆᏚᎢᎬᎡᏚ! I am Melissa, Goddess born from Fire & Ash, I am a Self-Love Fire Starter and Artist of Fierce Feminine. I create a sacred space for you to embrace your goddess given energy, to heal, share your medicine with the world and celebrate your wounds that have made you into the lioness warrior you are today. I bring to the table over 20 years of inner healing work I have done on my journey combined with my passion for photography and ability to capture your essence at the core on camera. I want to help show you how fucking amazing you are. We will heal together, celebrate together and fully step into your fire. Empowering you through self-love. I will teach you how to never feel alone again. I see you, I honor you. Balanced exchange $111USD TAKING THIS FOR THE SECOND TIME? Contact me for your special self-love goddess rate. Join us or book your discovery call today for more info on the program and to see if it's a good fit for you. Much love and aloha Goddess Issue 27 | 234
Melissa
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To Our Consistent "Moonly" Contributors.
ASHA CROGGON Asha Croggon is dedicated to supporting Wholehearted Changemakers, the people who are driven to make the difference they came here to make, get clear on their purpose and work with their hearts as mentor so they can keep up with the bigness of their vision. She is also known as the Heart Whisperer. .
MARIA JONES Maria's greatest passion is to support people in reclaiming their personal power and soul's gifts, whilst encouraging them to move into deeper levels of self-acceptance and authenticity by helping them to understand soul’s evolutionary journey through the medium of Astrology. As a reawakening Priestess, Her deep devotion to serving the current rising of the Divine Feminine in our world is reflected in her readings, writings and teachings.
DONNA MILLS Donna is nothing if not a fierce advocate for how we human well. We can put people on the moon, explain quantum physics, and clone sheep, but we can’t seem to sort out how to have a decent, calm, and mature conversation about a difficult subject. Why is this? We know how to love, how to have and give compassion, and how to care for one another. We also have the capacity to do otherwise. What systems are put in place to support one over the other? This is her mission… To elevate and illuminate the systems that serve our collective highest good. Donna spends her free time (is that a thing?) teaching her daughter how to human well, reading her beloved tarot, holding space for others to heal, and loving this planet and ALL of her inhabitants. If you ask her why she came here, she would say she came to spread love. .
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