L-O-V-E

Valentine’s Day.

Sheesh, those words might give you the cold sweats. It’s probably the most controversial of holidays, with most folks either loving it or hating it. Either you’re all in, or you’re yelling, “Don’t come at me Cupid!” It doesn’t help that the moment the New Year rings in, stores are bursting with teddy bears and Sweethearts, begging for lovers everywhere to buy. It’s a lot, I know.

And if you don’t have a Valentine, all the heart-shaped chocolate boxes and diamond commercials probably make your stomach turn. Maybe your last relationship went down in flames faster than a California wildfire. Maybe you’ve sworn off relationships all together because they are so darn complicated. I should capitalize COMPLICATED. Maybe you just aren’t feeling the love this year. I don’t blame you.

Even if you do have a Valentine to celebrate with, you might not want to. Maybe your spouse has been a prickly pain in the rear lately. Maybe you just flat-out don’t like flowers and candy. Maybe your husband forgot Valentine’s Day last year, and you wanted to give him a knuckle sandwich. Maybe you just don’t want to face the crowds and the overpriced steak dinner. I don’t blame you one bit.

I’m not really a flowers girl, myself. I like sunflowers and would rather have a few of those than $70 roses. I also don’t want to cut the stems, pour the flower food, and arrange the whole deal—that spells work, and it’s not really my love language.

I think that is a big part of where spouses tend to go wrong with gifting. I know, for me, I really just want to be seen and appreciated as a wife and a mother. I want the “We can’t keep this place afloat without you!” sentiment. And paying attention to the little details is key.

Does she like to read? Don’t buy her a hardback book if you always see her with paperbacks. Don’t buy her jewelry if she rarely wears it. Does she love coffee? Nothing feels better than ordering a $7 latte and it being free, so stick a gift card in with her candy. Does she just want some time alone, away from the kids and the dishes? Give her that.

My kids are my favorite part of Valentine’s Day. I love seeing their faces light up over a few balloons and treats. I have two young boys, and I think it’s so important to remember that I’m raising future men—how I approach holidays will likely be how they approach them. Even if I’m not feeling it, I hope they do. I hope to leave them with the warm and fuzzies about this day, that they will pass that on in their future relationships.

So, if February 14th is not your favorite day, then I hope you’ll make it better with a new kind of Valentine. Love your dog? Valentine him up. Send your neighbor—who always gets your mail—a box of candy. Go out to dinner with your girlfriends, and give those sticky-sweet couples the side-eye. Heck, be your own Valentine. You do you—and make it your best Valentine’s Day ever.

Alana Smith is a boy mom (ages 7 and 2), nurse anesthetist, and writer in Birmingham. She shares her writing at Holy Moly Motherhood (on Facebook and Instagram), where she tackles all things motherhood and marriage.