A Dog’s “Tale

A DOG’S (QUARANTINE) TALE

By Ana LaCruz, as told by her dog

The past six months of my life have been nothing short of absolutely exhausting.

It seems like the humans have decided never to go back to work. I’ve conferred with my neighbors, the Cocker Spaniel and the Pitbull, about this phenomenon. Guess what? They both say their humans are doing the same thing. Apparently, there’s some kind of illness in the air they’re all frightened of. (Don’t worry, they say our kind is mostly immune.)

I began to notice this unusual behavior when The Woman who once left in her car everyday smelling like perfume began to stay home and often smelled somewhat —how do I put it nicely—somewhat less pleasant. She follows me around all day now, scratching me more than usual and talking to me like I’m a human. It wasn’t long before The Man began to stay home as well, slipping me crackers and staring at some screen all day. Before I knew it, I was watching over both of them, licking at their heels to keep them awake. Even the smell of The Man’s unwashed socks has stopped bothering me.

My favorite part in all of this? My humans staying home. Instead of waiting for them at the door for what seems like an eternity, we’re all together—all the time—now. I’ve tried to convince them to do this for years now. Guess I finally got through.

Regardless of what circumstances may have forced my humans to stay home, I enjoy the little things about my new job as a reigning caretaker of the household. I clean the dishes they leave behind, tasting all kinds of takeout food. And let me tell you, friends, day-old banana bread is not as bad as they make it out to be.

These humans can get a little lazy sometimes, so I make it a point to walk them every day, ensuring that they get some fresh air and a chance to socialize. Though, they’ve been failing quite regularly in the second part. They always wear odd pieces of smelly cloth around their noses and mouths, which seems to do an efficient job of keeping other humans away from them.

My neighbor, the Labrador, tells me they’re being forced to stay home, but it all doesn’t matter very much to me. I’ve found great happiness alongside the painstaking time and effort it takes me daily to watch over my humans. Midday walks down the street aren’t as busy as they used to be, and bacon breakfasts now include every member of the house. I no longer take afternoon naps alone, but instead on the sofa when my humans have closed their laptop screens for the day.

While I’m sure this can’t last forever, it’s quite the dream to be a pet in the time of quarantine. Though it’s been absolutely exhausting, the opinion of myself and my neighbors has been resounding and largely unanimous. Our humans won’t leave us alone and it feels like they never will again, but what more can a dog really ask for?