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LifeWay Press® Nashville, Tennessee
PRODUCTION TEAM
Published by LifeWay Press® © 2013 Mark Merrill
WRITER: Bryan Davis
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, without express written permission of the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to LifeWay Men; One LifeWay Plaza; Nashville, TN 37234-0152.
EDITORIAL TEAM LEADER: Brian Daniel ART DIRECTOR: Jon Rodda GRAPHIC DESIGNER: Jay Smith, Juicebox Designs CONTENT EDITOR: Brian Gass PRODUCTION EDITOR: Juliana Duncan VIDEO DIRECTOR/EDITOR: Tim Cox DIRECTOR, ADULT MINISTRY: Faith Whatley DIRECTOR, ADULT MINISTRY PUBLISHING: Philip Nation
ISBN: 9781415874288 Item: 005520635 Dewey Decimal Classification Number: 248.842 Subject Heading: PARENTING \ FATHERS \ MEN Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, copyright © 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Scriptures marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. To purchase additional copies of this resource: ORDER ONLINE at www.lifeway.com; WRITE LifeWay Men; One LifeWay Plaza; Nashville, TN 37234-0152; FAX order to (615) 251-5933 or PHONE (800) 458-2772. Printed in the United States of America Adult Ministry Publishing LifeWay Church Resources One LifeWay Plaza Nashville, Tennessee 37234-0152
The All Pro Dad Team
04
Introduction to All Pro Dad
05
The All Pro Dad Experience
06
The All Pro Dad Family Commitment
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Message from Tony
09
S e ss i o n 1: Fatherhood Fundamentals
10
S e ss i o n 2 : Know Your Makeup
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S e ss i o n 3: Know Your Mind-set
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S e ss i o n 4 : Know Your Motive
52
A B l e ss i n g C e r e m o n y 66 S e ss i o n 5: Know Your Method
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S e ss i o n 6: Know You’re a Model
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S e ss i o n 7 : Know Your Message
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S e ss i o n 8 : Know Your Master
108
Leader Guide
124
M a r k M e r r i l l is the founder and president of Family First, a national
nonprofit organization dedicated to strengthening the family. Mark hosts the Family Minute with Mark Merrill, a nationally syndicated daily radio program. He has appeared on NBC’s Today Show, numerous ABC, CBS, FOX and NBC network affiliates and national radio programs. His comments and writings have appeared in publications including USA Today, the Washington Times, and Sports Illustrated. Mark is also the author of a new book, All Pro Dad—Seven Essentials to Be a Hero to Your Kids. As an energetic advocate for the family, Mark speaks at conferences and events hosted by major companies and organizations, NFL teams, as well as special engagements for dignitaries. Before founding Family First in 1991, Mark practiced law in Florida for seven years. Mark and his wife Susan live in Tampa, Florida and have five children. Please like him at Facebook.com/MarkMerrill and follow him on Twitter @MarkMerrill T o n y D u n g y is a Super Bowl-winning NFL head coach, NBC Sports
commentator, and National Spokesman for All Pro Dad. He, his wife Lauren, and their children also live in Tampa, Florida. You can like Tony at Facebook. com/TonyDungy and follow him on Twitter @TonyDungy. B r ya n D av i s , who has been with Family First since 1999, is the Director
of Content and author of the All Pro Dad Play of the Day daily e-mail. He, his wife Christy, and their children reside in Tampa Bay, Florida. Follow him on Twitter @BryanRanDavis.
Welcome to the All Pro Dad Group Experience! We are looking forward to spending the next eight weeks together, learning what it takes to be an All Pro Dad. To help us get started, consider this help wanted ad circulating around the Internet: P o s i t i o n Ava i l a b l e f o r N e w Fat h e r s RES P ONSI B ILI T IES : Lasts the rest of your life. Must be willing to be
hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule to load kids in and out of the car. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars, and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. P REVIOUS E X P ERIEN C E : None required. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. B ENEFI T S : No health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are offered. This job only supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and a lifetime of free hugs and kisses. Well worth it. Don’t you wish you had a description like this before you became a father? Or something you could use as a measuring stick now that you are a dad? The All Pro Dad Group Experience will provide you with the inspiration and ideas you need to do your most important job well. While this Group Experience will not be an exhaustive study into every facet of fathering, we’ll unpack what we believe are the most important principles and marinate them in God’s Word. In the first week, we’ll be talking about the Fatherhood Fundamentals—love and leadership. And in the remaining 7 weeks, we’ll unpack the 7 Ms—the essentials you need to effectively execute these fundamentals to become an All Pro Dad: Makeup, Mind-set, Motive, Method, Model, Message, and Master. Do these things well and you will be on your way to raising children who will flourish. Let’s get started!
The “win” for dads taking part in the All Pro Dad Group Experience is simply to learn more about being a better dad and fostering conversation, both with the men in your group and your family. Our goal is to give you openended topics to talk about and learn more about. You will have a series of questions about the previous week’s lessons, warm-up questions, video discussion starters from Mark Merrill and Tony Dungy, and then in-between devotionals to help you implement the lessons taught. Our aim is to make the time you put into this study very well spent and a watershed moment in your family’s life. Our desire is that we would continue to serve you after these eight weeks are over. Please visit us at AllProDad.com to sign up for your free, short, powerful, and practical daily fatherhood e-mail called the Play of the Day. Additionally, find out how you can start or join an All Pro Dad’s Day chapter at your child’s school. Finally, come to one of our NFL events—the All Pro Dad Fathers and Kids Experience— annually or have the event come to you via a LifeWay simulcast. It would be our pleasure to be a conduit of God’s grace to you and your family.
I N T R O D U C T I O N : Each session begins with a narrative overview of the weekly topic. You will probably want to read this before your group meets so that you’ll better understand the topic and the context for your time together. G R O U P T R A I N I N G : Your actual group time will begin with an icebreaker that is designed to help you ease into the study and get everyone talking. Some questions for review are included to help everyone remember what was learned in the previous session and also to allow the group to dialogue about their personal time with God and their families the week before. D i s cu s s ion : These questions will help the group study Bible passages that
reinforce Mark’s teaching in the video as well as the discussion between Mark and Tony. These questions facilitate the work that the Holy Spirit is actually accomplishing in the life of the individual and the group. W rap : This part serves as a conclusion to the group Bible study and summarizes
key points. It also offers a final challenge and a time to pray together. H o m e T raining : Five daily devotional activities are included for you to spend
time with God and share what you learn in Huddle Up activities with your family. A B L ESS I N G C E R EM O N Y : This ceremony is intended as an additional meeting
time where you and your group can celebrate your children together. You may plan this around a meal on the weekend after Session 4 or you may choose to wait until the end of the study. If your group chooses not to have the blessing ceremony together, be sure to take the opportunity to celebrate within your own family. E N R I C H ME N T C A L L - O U T S : Sprinkled throughout each session are some
optional enrichment ideas to help equip you to be an All Pro Dad. These include ideas for movies to watch with your children, further reading you can do, reminders of words of praise you can use, and social media reminders to better connect with the All Pro Dad team. We want to do all we can to help you be an All Pro Dad! L E A D E R G U I D E : The Leader Guide helps you prepare for each session and the
study as a whole. You will find suggestions for establishing an environment where your group can thrive as well as help guiding the group.
During the course of the next eight weeks, you’re going to be assigned specific topics to discuss with your family that relate to the principles you will be learning. Some of these conversations will be quite deep and, if not handled correctly, could be counterproductive. We suggest you lay “ground rules” ahead of time, a family commitment, so your family knows that they can speak freely, safely, and that love, encouragement, and life change are the ultimate goals. We suggest you say something like: ★O ver the next couple of months, I am really going to be focused on what I can do to be a better husband and father. ★ I know I have made mistakes in the past, but this is an opportunity for our family to have a fresh start and for me to lovingly lead you all. ★ I am going to be leading you in some conversations that have the opportunity to turn out negatively if not handled well. ★ To help this be a positive experience for us all, I want everyone to know that I want to speak honestly, but out of love. I encourage you to do the same. ★ I love you all very much. Please pray the Lord would help me become more godly, wise, and loving. I really want to be an All Pro Dad.
Be sure to spend some time in prayer together as a family. If you have not yet established that habit, now’s a great time to start. You can also ask family members to be praying for you as you will be for them.
I met Mark Merrill in 1997, a year after I had become the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Mark was president of a national organization based in Tampa called Family First and, at the time, some of my assistant coaches and I were looking for help. We were trying to balance the demands of our job with our desire to be good husbands and fathers. We were told Mark might have some ideas that could help us. That meeting was the beginning of a wonderful relationship, and I did get some excellent parenting tips and suggestions from Mark. The more we talked, though, the more I discovered that I wasn’t alone in my parenting struggles. A lot of men, from all walks of life, were facing many of the same issues. As Mark and I continued to talk, we thought that we might be able to utilize the popularity of football to help men in their quests to be great dads. That’s how the concept of All Pro Dad started, and it has blossomed into a support system for men all over the country. Over the past fourteen years, Mark has used the platform of the All Pro Dad program to help men in a number of ways. The program has daily e-mails, monthly schoolbased breakfasts, and large events in NFL stadiums across the United States that teach men the fundamentals of fatherhood, show them creative ways to spend time with their children, and encourage them to celebrate the joys of parenting. Now, with the release of this study, Mark is putting this practical information into one playbook for men. This study not only looks at the responsibilities that men have to develop our families and parent our children wisely, but it also goes into detail on how to do it well. And these aren’t merely theoretical suggestions but sound, biblical principles on fatherhood that have stood the test of time. Using these principles as the basis for parenting will cause you to look at the job in a completely different way. It will cause you to ask yourself some questions about your life: Why am I here? And what’s my real purpose in life? And if that purpose is to help build up your children, help them grow with the best chance to be successful in life, and leave a legacy that goes beyond your own accomplishments, then this study is for you. I hope you will participate in a group, and use this study not only as food for thought but also as food for action. Put these principles into practice and they will definitely help you become an All Pro Dad! Tony Dungy
“true love is to be displayed consistently in all settings. when it is manifested in one’s behavior in the workplace and at home, success often follows. love is key in leadership.” James “JB” Brown, host of CBS’s The NFL Today
“ G e n tle me n, t his is a f ootbal l .” In only five words, legendary NFL coach Vince Lombardi communicated his point to players each year at the beginning of the Packers training camp. With pigskin held high in the air, he was telling his team that they must start with the fundamentals. “I can remember my first team meeting ever in the National Football League,” Super Bowl–winning player and coach Tony Dungy shared as he reminisced about his days playing for the Pittsburgh Steelers. “I was a rookie. Chuck Noll was the coach and the Steelers had won two Super Bowls already. And I thought I was going to hear some fantastic stuff describing how you get to be Super Bowl champions; how you get to be a great player. “Coach Noll—I’ll never forget it—said, ‘Champions are champions not because they do anything extraordinary, but because they do the ordinary things better than anyone else.’ What he was saying was, you’ve got this misconception—that you’ve gotta do these spectacular highlight-reel type things, you’ve gotta have special gifts and special talents to be a Super Bowl winner or an All-Pro. He said, no, that’s not it. There are fundamentals that it takes to play the game. Executing those fundamentals, not forgetting them, and executing them day in and day out, that’s how you become great. That’s how you win. That’s how you become an All-Pro. And he was right.”1 Just as knowing the fundamentals of football are the key to a player becoming an All-Pro, knowing the fundamentals of fatherhood are the key to a father becoming an All Pro Dad. Many books, blogs, and seminars do a good job listing things men should say and not say as fathers. Men need lists and lists are good. But we can’t skip the fundamentals. And the two most important fundamentals of fatherhood are love and leadership, which will open our time together.
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Fat h e r h o o d F u n d a m e n ta l s ★ W EE K 1
Men, introduce yourselves to the group and share what you hope to get out of this All Pro Dad study.
What do you think is the most important thing for a father to do for his children? Why?
If possible, discuss what the experience with your father was like growing up. As a parent, what do you or would you do the same as he did? What would you do differently?
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Watch Teaching Session “Love and Lead.�
Mark says that love is essential in leading your family. What do you think it means to use your mind and strength, mental and physical, at home?
Why do you think it is so much harder to lead at home than at work?
Watch Mark Merrill and Tony Dungy Discussion.
Read the following verses and discuss the questions together:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself. M at t he w 2 2 : 3 7 -4 0
Why do you think loving God is the first commandment and loving your neighbor the second?
Does it seem a bit strange that love can be commanded? What does this say about what true love is? How does that differ from popular thought?
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Practically speaking, what does living out Matthew 22:37-40 look like as the spiritual leader in your home?
Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4 : 7
How do you think God’s love models for us what love in our family relationships should look like?
If possible, share a personal account of how God’s love for you has enabled you to love your family.
What are some of the biggest misconceptions you think men have about the love of God? Why do you think that is?
If we are to be the leaders of our families that God expects, we must look to Him as the source. If we are to love our families as they deserve, we must look to Him for strength.
ek’s vid eo vis it If yo u mi ss ed th is we Da d to ca tc h up . Li fe Wa y.c om /A llP ro
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ALL PRO DAD
The greatest failure of a father is to not love his children well. True love for your family is understanding what they need from you and making sure they receive it. There is a canyon of difference between intention and execution of loving your family well. Have a plan of action. Loving leadership = consistency. At its core, leadership is influence. And true leadership begins at home.
Going Deep: Consider praying something like: “God, You have given me every spiritual gift I need to ensure that I do not fail my family. Help me to love them, really love them, for who they are—made in Your image. I am a sinner, a weak man, who constantly needs Your strength and grace to do the right thing. Help me to be the leader You have called me to be. Help me with consistency and influence. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.”
Phrases ★ for ★ Praises: You’re a winner!
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Fat h e r h o o d F u n d a m e n ta l s ★ WEE K 1
Lov e F i rst, PARt 1 Former United States President Harry Truman’s father, John, struggled his whole life to eke out a living as a farmer. Unfortunately, a drought hit and the farm had to be foreclosed on. Many years later, a reporter asked Harry why his father was a failure. Harry replied, “How can my father have been a failure when his son is President of the United States?”2 Great point. In light of the following verse, what does it ultimately mean to fail your children? “But whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me—it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea!” (Matt. 8:16). Severe language. Jesus says that ultimate failure is when we cause a child to stumble in his or her relationship with God. Dads—we can fail in a lot of areas. Work. Investing. Sports. You name it. But we must not fail our children when it comes to sharing the truth about the Lord. We have to spend as much time as possible with our kids reflecting God’s character and making them a priority. We have to love our kids and use encouraging words as Christ would.
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John Wooden, UCLA’s legendary basketball coach, said, “Truly, truly, truly love. That’s the most powerful thing there is.”3 Its power is apparent. But its essence can be tough to grasp. Bookstores and shelves at homes are filled with books on what love is, how to love, what love does and does not do. Unfortunately, many miss the real mark of love. Don’t let that be you. Love your kids well by teaching and living the gospel and you won’t ultimately fail.
HOME TRAININ G ★ HUDDLE U P
Huddle up and ask your family tonight, “When I say the word ‘love’ what do you think of? Why?” Share some of what you have learned in this session.
Lov e F i rst, PARt 2 What drives a fireman to put on a fifty-pound tank and climb the stairs of the World Trade Center? What inspires a G.I. to storm Omaha Beach under a cloud of enemy gunfire? As author G.K. Chesterton wrote, “The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.”4
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Love for others is really what makes a man a man. And a man’s capacity to love, his manhood, starts with those closest to him—his family. Use the following passage as a measuring stick on how well you love: Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Pinpoint which of these loving characteristics you struggle with the most and be intentional about growing in that area this month. Love is also making sure your family has what they need from you. Author Robert Lewis says there are three things your sons must know before they leave home—that you love them, that you’re proud of them and that they’re good at something.5 Of course, this goes for daughters as well. Make sure you lay these out for your kids in a crystal-clear fashion to demonstrate how much you love them.
HOME TRAININ G ★ HUDDLE U P
Huddle up with your children tonight and tell them: Why you love them, why you’re proud of them and what they’re good at. They can never hear this too much.
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Lov e F i rst, PART 3 An old joke goes like this–unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, “Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.” Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. “Well,” said the other brother, “you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo.” Great intention, but poorly executed. True love doesn’t mean just doing nice things without much thought. It means doing something that is clearly in the best interest of the person you love. Loving well is not aloof, like buying your deceased father a nice suit, but a passionate, well-thought-out way for the betterment of others, starting with your family.
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HOME TRAININ G ★ HUDDLE U P
Huddle up and say to your family tonight, “Let’s go around the table and talk about one way we can specifically love each other better.” Lead by example.
T h e n L e a d, Pt. 1 Baseball historian and newspaper columnist George F. Will relates this amusing story. Rogers Hornsby, who averaged hitting .400 over five years, was facing a rookie pitcher who threw three pitches that he thought were strikes but that the umpire called balls. The rookie shouted a complaint to the umpire, who replied: “Young man, when you throw a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know.”6 Classic. What made the umpire so admire Hornsby’s judgment about what was a strike and what was a ball? Because Hornsby had earned the umpire’s trust for consistently making excellent batting choices year in and year out. Hornsby was an outstanding hitter and leader for his team because he was great—consistently. 20
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Dad Vids:
The Cosby Show depicts a family with two working parents and five
children. Dr. Huxtable and his wife seek to raise responsible and respectful kids as they struggle with everyday family life—including disagreements—while sticking together as a family.
As you see, we’re consistently using the word consistently because it is the key to unlocking the heart of your children and leading them where they need to go. Love does not ebb and flow like the tide, but is a constant well-spring of affection that your family can count on day in and day out. When your love is reliable, your wife and children can trust you to lead them. Ponder that if you consistently love your family well, you will be fulfilling the scriptural mandate to be the leader of your family (1 Corinthians 11:3).
HOME TRAININ G ★ HUDDLE U P
Huddle up and ask your family tonight, “What does it look like to consistently love someone? Who do you know that models that kind of love?”
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T h e n L e a d, PART 2 Columnist Steven Landsburg writes, “Economists have known for a long time that it pays to be tall. Multiple studies have found that an extra inch of height can be worth an extra $1,000 a year or so in wages, after controlling for education and experience. … Of 43 American presidents, only five have been below average height, and the last of those was Benjamin Harrison, elected in 1888. So, what’s the deal? Why do the tall tower over the short in more than just physical stature? The answer to the tallness mystery seems to be self-confidence. Tall … kids learn to think of themselves as leaders, and that habit of thought persists even when the kids stop growing.”7 In essence, being a leader is less about physical stature and more about mental outlook. Those that think they can lead, do. And what makes a great leader? Consistency, as we learned about yesterday. And also knowing the power of influence. Great leaders exert good influence. And there is no better place to have a great influence than right in your own home.
Dad Reads: All Pro Dad by Mark Merrill The Mentor Leader by Tony Dungy 22
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HOME TRAININ G ★ HUDDLE U P
Huddle up and ask your family tonight, “What do you think makes a person influential? Why? Who do you hope to influence in positive ways?”
Follow Tony on Twitter @TonyDungy
1 2 3 4 5 6
Mark Merrill, All Pro Dad: Seven Essentials to Be a Hero to Your Kids (Nashville, Thomas Nelson, 2012), 3-4. David McCullough, Truman (New York: Simon & Schuster, Inc. 1992), 1114. Rick Reilly, “John Wooden Love Letters,” YouTube [online]. Available from the Internet: www.youtube.com. G. K. Chesterton, Illustrated London News, January 14, 1911. Robert Lewis, “Dad, Three Things To Tell Your Son,” YouTube [online]. Available from the Internet: www.youtube.com. George F. Will, One Man’s America (New York, Random House, Inc., 2008), 327.
7 Steven E. Landsburg, “Short Changed: Why do tall people make more money?” Slate [online], 25 Mar. 2002 [cited 25
Nov. 2012]. Available on the Internet: http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/everyday_economics/2002/03/short_changed.html.
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D o y o u wa n t t o b e a hero to your kids? To be an ALL PRO DAD fathers need to know the 7 Essentials to love and lead their families. This study will help you win the hearts and minds of your children, leaving a rich legacy of love for future generations. ALL PRO DAD walks you through the 7 Essentials—Makeup, Mind-set, Motive, Method, Model, Message, and Master—and shows you step-by-step how to approach each play. ALL PRO DAD is backed by Mark Merrill’s more than two decades’ experience as a husband and father—along with exclusive interviews with well-recognized and successful leader and dad Tony Dungy. Mark and Tony share personal stories and timeless biblical principles for being an ALL PRO DAD in this eight-session, video-driven, small-group Bible Study.
A LL P RO D A D m em b er b ook Offers a dynamic eight-session, video-driven group experience when used with the ALL PRO DAD Leader Kit (item 005520634) Shows dads how to be heroes to their kids by loving and leading Provides practical ideas for hosting a unique blessing ceremony Helps dads earn a “win” each week with their kids MARK MERRILL is the founder and president of Family First, a widely respected national nonprofit dedicated to strengthening the family. Mark hosts the Family Minute with Mark Merrill, a nationally syndicated daily radio program. He has appeared on NBC’s Today Show, numerous ABC, CBS, FOX, and NBC network affiliates and national radio programs. His comments and writings have appeared in publications including USA Today, the Washington Times, and Sports Illustrated. Before founding Family First in 1991, Mark practiced law in Florida for seven years. Mark and his wife Susan have five children and live in Tampa, Florida. Tony Dungy is a Super Bowl-winning head coach and NBC commentator as well as being an All Pro Dad. Follow Tony on Twitter: @TonyDungy
Visit MarkMerrill.com and AllProDad.com for more information. Follow Mark and All Pro Dad on Twitter: @MarkMerrill @AllProDad Like them on Facebook: /MarkMerill /AllProDad