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“Stepchild” Moniker Must Go! By, Beth Ingalls
One of the most difficult challenges in my life currently is helping my son deal with the anxiety and sadness that overwhelm him when it’s time to visit his father. He loves and adores his father, who remarried and moved away four years ago, but has big issues with his stepmother. During a four hour solo drive home from the Bay Area recently after dropping him off, I had plenty of time to mull over absolutely everything related to the situation. I’m looking for ways to help transform this part of his life from something dreaded and ugly to something special and beautiful. I really want things to be better not just for him, but for all of us. I want my son to look forward to summer, not fear it. I can’t stand seeing his eyes well up with tears. He is normally strong, brilliant, engaging and comfortable in almost any situation. He is enlightened beyond his years and he’s a leader among his peers. I’ve watched him entertain a room full of strangers with an hour-long impromptu comedy routine. Hitting huge jumps and pulling off amazing freestyle skiing moves is nothing at all. He’s normally so brave and funny. But in this situation he just crumbles. I didn’t solve the problem in my car but I got to thinking about what being a “stepchild” means. Where did the term even come from? Like so many things we take for granted as part of our language I was hoping there were some answers hidden in a question I had never even asked. It turns out the prefix “steop” can be found in an 8th century glossary of Latin-Old English words, and is related to the word ástíeped, meaning bereaved. Stepbairn and stepchild were occasionally used as synonyms for orphan. So there it was – stepchild originates from words meaning “sad orphan.” That simply won’t do. It’s outdated and it’s just plain wrong. So we need a new term to begin the process of turning this thing around. I haven’t figured out exactly what it should be, but I’d like it to mean something close to “Happy kid with two parents and lots of extra love.” I’m hoping for the best.
Beth Ingalls is a freelance writer and event producer, self-proclaimed political junkie and the former Mayor of Truckee, CA. She has three sons, twins (age 22) and Charlie (age 12). Learn more about Beth at www.bethingalls.com, follow her on Twitter http://twitter.com/bingalls and read her blog at Open Salon http://open.salon.com/blog/formermayor Photo:Moonshineink.com 13
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