Press Watch/Advice Column

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Written by our Staff

We know you don’t read the other campus publications, so we did it for you. Original pieces are in quotes, our responses are in bold.

“Religion should not be forced onto children” by Kathleen Lion, Pipe Dream, 4/14/22

“In fact, none of us desired to be confirmed into the church but did so because of our parents. Forcing children to join a religion before they can fully grasp the beliefs and practices of a[sic] that religion can be confusing and distressing.”

The language in this article, if not grammatically incorrect, is incredibly loaded, specifically, the process of raising your children according to your religious principles written as “forcing your child to join a religion” Is teaching children proper manners forcing politeness on them?

“This is problematic, as being a part of a religion implies following a set of rules and adopting a strict sense of morality. By forcing their children into practicing a certain religion, individual agency is stripped.”

Rules? Strict morality? So you’re saying I can’t be a licentious asshole while also properly following a religion? The horror!!

“For this reason, parents should create an environment where beliefs other than their own are acceptable. Most importantly, children should feel comfortable practicing a different religion or no religion at all, if that is what they believe. This can be done if parents expose children to multiple religions and show support for whichever, if any, their child feels connected with.”

This proposed solution is incredibly idealistic and practically impossible. Not only is it impossible for parents to accurately explain every different religion accurately without bias to their children, but they would have no reason to do so since they likely believe that their religion is true. Even the idea that children should be raised in an environment open to different religions is short sighted because children are dumb, they’ll believe anything. It’s simply more rational to raise children according to your own religious principles, and let them decide when they are older.

Advice Column

By Madeline Perez and Dillon O’Toole

Ioffered to give you all life advice. These were your questions. “I was thinking about whether it would be wise to drop out of college and become a Ukrainian mercenary?”

Unless you have received some form of military training it would not be wise to become a Ukrainian mercenary. Volunteering without the proper training can only lead to bad results, no matter how good your intentions may be. Unless you’re volunteering to freely give me a thousand dollars, of which there are no possible downsides.

“I’m gay. Thoughts?”

So’s everyone. So’s my cat. So’s this couch. Got anything original? In all seriousness, accepting yourself is one of the most important things you can do. It’s impossible to be truly happy if you can’t accept who you really are. Besides, it’s not like being gay changes anything about the person you are… or does it? Here at the bing review, the only free-speech publication on campus, we value freedom. Freedom is being able to do what you want! I think thoughts are your biggest problem right now. You see, if you don’t think, you can’t think about dying. So the obvious way to solve this problem is to lobotomize yourself so you never have to think again.

“My tits are literally so perfect it has become a burden. Thoughts?”

Wow. This one really resonated with me. It’s a cruel world for the perfectly-titted: a never-ending onslaught of bitter sideeyes from middle-aged elderly women, envious of youth, as well as barbaric gaping men who can’t help but ‘awooga’ woefully at your passing by. At times it seems you can only find refuge in other people afflicted with this curse. Rest easy, boobied-one, because after you find those people the proverbial breast cross becomes so much easier to bear.

“I want to die. Thoughts?” Need life advice? Email Manager@binghamtonreview.com for more wacky, quirky, and zany responses.