Editorial by Madeline Perez

Dear Readers,

Boo! Ha, scared you didn’t I! What’s that? I didn’t? I’m just ink on paper that you can stop reading whenever you want? Whatever, I don’t care. You know what? You just lost the game. You know the game you lose just by thinking about it? Well buster, you just lost, which by default, makes you a loser. Now look who has the upper hand. Anyways, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted, “spooky season” is upon us. As I watch my favorite holiday (I’m goth) get brutally transformed into an excuse for college kids to get hammered, I can’t help but feel slightly melancholic. Where has the true spirit of Halloween gone? Is it destined to exist as “Halloweekend” until I reach the age where I become the despondent adult handing candy to kids whose youth I resent? Who can say? All I know is that some of that “true spirit of Halloween” garbage I mentioned earlier is real, and we harvested it for this issue. Get it? Harvest? …Jeez, tough crowd today. For some super scary suspense, make sure to check out our Two Sentence Horror Stories on page 8. Trigger Warning: you WILL piss yourself in fright. Want a topic that’s truly frightening? Go to page 12 to read “The Jon Lizak Incident,” where three co-authors recount the terrible journey of one man-child from BU student republican to “out on bond.” Where were YOU on January 6th? Do you appreciate wolf-themed “metaphors?” Check out “My Life as a Sigma Female,” by jeffthekillerlover37, where the lines between satire and truth are more blurred than in Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines.” What an uncontroversial and universally loved song that was. Everybody get up! Horror movies are very important to me. Honestly, they should be important to everyone. If they’re important to you, look no further than page 10 to find “An interview with Rakafet Abergel” where Matilde Steck interviews Rakafet Abergel, a filmmaker of thrillers and horror movies, about her thoughts on the genre. On page 6 we have “A Gen Z Soldier’s Halloween 2028,” by Anon E. Mus. The second part in an indefinite series, I’m happy to say it’s retained its charm without losing any of its chaos. Two hyphenated words to describe this would be “quirked-up” and “schizo-moment,” so make sure to give it a read! For more man-made horrors beyond your comprehension, go look at Midas Leung’s Horrors of Binghamton Dining on page 15. This quick read is especially pertinent for you Binghamton Students still living off a meal plan. How many times do I have to say “it’s a scam” before you people start to listen?! There is literally no amount of food you could purchase on a “dining plan discount” that makes the $2000 dining plan fee even remotely worth it! Open your eyes!!!! Welp, that’s all for this editorial. As this Halloween rapidly approaches, always remember: dressing slutty is mandatory, and all the big candy companies definitely don’t own child slaves overseas. *winks* Also, don’t forget to put fentanyl and razor-blades in the candy before handing it out to children. If not, they’ll never learn mistrust, which would just be terrible for their development.

Sincerely,

Madeline Perez

Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found on campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.