The ABCs Of Binghamton

By Our Staff

Are you a freshman? Do you often find yourself overwhelmed and confused by the many things you may find around binghamton? Well, you’re in luck! Every year, we start off the fall semester by providing a guide of things commonly encountered in the Binghamton Area from A to Z. With some extra tips thrown in for good measure, of course.

Advice Column: Do you need help with your problems? Well you’re in luck because we won’t provide any practical solutions. Gay: What Binghamton Review has become. Happy :). Speaking of happy…

Bitches: What you won’t be getting this semester.

COVID: This is most definitely over and we definitely aren’t seeing an uprise in cases already. I sure love to not hear professors complain about it over and over and over and over and over.

Dunkin’: Every afternoon, a wriggling, writhing mass of humanity manifests to block your way in the union when you have an important class. “Why?” You may ask. A stale donut and some coffee straight from the drainage pipe at Physical Facilities.

Evanescence: WAKE ME UP, no seriously, I keep nodding off in class.

Fitness: FITTIN’ THIS BING REVIEW ISSUE IN … your hands. Also my these nu- *dies of stroke* Happy Medium: Your girl is happy when she sees my medium ;). It’s perfectly average. Just like my PE-

Irish people: How come so many are in the Review if they all supposedly died in a famine?

Joker moment: What teachers will have if you sneeze in class.

Kill: What the intrusive voices are telling me to do.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch: On the Welsh island of Anglesey, across the Menai Strait from the city of Bangor, sits Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, an unassuming old fishing village. Its 3,000 residents welcome more than 200,000 visitors every year, almost entirely on the strength of its 58-letter name.

Mountain View: For the students who sit on their big hill and judge the poories below.

Nirchi’s: Really took “lost in the sauce” too literally. It’s not the quality of pizza you want, but it’s the best you’re gonna get.

Office: The thing Binghamton Review STILL DOESN’T HAVE! THREE YEARS BABEY! LET’S GO METS!

Pseudointellectuals: “Have you read David Foster Wallace?” A plague which has devastated Bing Review members for far too long.

Questions: The things your professors will refuse to straightforwardly answer. Also, they hate you.

Roommate: Someone you may like right now but slowly will come to despise. Inevitably they’ll learn to hate you right back. Don’t worry about it though, humans weren’t made to share a 4x4 foot room.

Sex: Something you freshmen wil have a lot less of than you think. DO NOT take those free condoms in the union bathroom—you’re not going to use them. The Good, The Based, and The Ugly: It’s good, it’s based, and it’s most certainly on our Youtube Channel!

Union Undergrounds: I am beneath you, BUT NOTHING IS BENEATH ME!

Vegan station: For double the price in CIW you too can learn to slowly starve. Seriously, binghamton dining services, vegans need to eat more than carrots.

Weather: Better enjoy the sun before it inevitably disappears for 6 months. Seasonal depressives, watch your back.

X-rated: Our members’ search histories.

You: Our favorite reader. :)

Zebra: Black, and white, but unlike us, it’s not read all over.