August 2022 - Business Strategy e Magazine

How to Manage

DIFFICULT PEOPLE

The greatest stress you go through when dealing with a difficult person is not fueled by the words or actions of this person, it is fueled by your mind that gives their words and actions importance.

By Dr. Neeta Pant

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Do we all not continuously forced or expected to work alongside people who we would prefer avoiding? Don’t we all at times get so frustrated that we want to scream out loud or just want to kick someone out of out lives. Let’s be true, we all do! The actions, intentions, or the attitude of peers at time becomes unbearable. At work, we all encounter considerable amount of difficult people; they can be bullies, demanding, negative thinkers, loud mouths, gossip mongers, nonteam players, under-miners, non-listeners, stubborn and what not…. Circumstances may become maddening, frustrating, and frightening too for us to handle.

One thing is common amongst all difficult people, they need to be addressed. Else, bad behavior or attitude will become a habit for them. Whatever may be the circumstance, however difficult the situation may be, we must address them. Everyone has bad days and experiences thoughtless moments, but, if the behavior continues, or worse, escalates, we must address the behavior.

Some common behaviours of difficult people

• Taking credit for other people’s jobs

• Double standard personalities

• Shouting at others

• Endless talkers & Non-listeners

• Non Team Players

• Underminers & Stubborn

• Always criticising

• Work-bullies

• Gossip-mongers

• Demanding

• Aggressive, Rude & Anxious Behaviour

• Always competing for no reason

• Spotlight seekers

• Blaming others constantly

• Lacks empathy, compassion or concern

• Callous Behaviour

• Superiority complex; Unnecessary show off

• Distrusting of others

• Selfish, all about me approach

• Stealing ideas and thoughts and showing them as your own

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Types of difficult people

hold high opinion of their own opinions. They like to try impressing others and draw comparisons. You contradict someone who is ‘know It All’, you’re in for trouble.

Grenades – They bottle up their anger and then let it explode on others. Mostly, their anger won’t even be about the subject at hand. They are generally confrontational and can be a handful as well as bossy. They want their way and will do anything to get it.

Yes Person - You will have a “yes” from them for almost everything but later they will hold resentment for their very long to-do lists.

Difficult people come in different guises. They get in our way, unintentionally or deliberately too. They obstruct us from achieving our organisational goals. Few are -

Downers - are almost impossible to please. They will always have something bad to say, will constantly criticise and judge. Their intention is to pull us down all the time.

Whiners - Whiners have a problem with almost everything that’s going on around them. They simply love to complain and crib and would like to dwell in their own perceived issues.

Snippers – If words are weapons, they certainly can kill. They expertise in using sarcasm and make rude comments to hurt your feelings. They generally have like thinly veiled contempt behind their actions.

Know It All - Like the label suggests, they know everything and also have opinion on everything. They tend to talk in generalizations and

No Person - They would always try to discourage you from what you are doing, no matter what.

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Showman - They talk too much even when they do not have anything worth saying. They want their voice to be heard and to be the star of the show. Any meeting they are in, they waste others’ time without anything productive to add.

Bystander – Happy to stand on the side lines but do not take action as for them ‘That’s not my job’. They don’t take responsibility for anything outside of their perceived domain.

Passives - These will contribute nothing. They let others do the hard work. If you coax something out of them, it will be of no value add.

Pessimists - Always end up saying ‘That’s not possible because…’ or ‘That won’t work because…’ when presented with an idea. If a proposal has 10 positive aspects and 1 negative one, they focus only on the negative one.

Pedantics – However urgent the situation might be and speed is needed, they will insist on following the rules word by word. They are more concerned about doing things the right way even if it means missing the goal. They do not have situational flexibility and rigid.

I’m Too Busy - When asked for their input, they say ‘I haven’t got time to do that.’ They are incapable of thinking rationally, and do get upset if you want to pile yet more on their to-do list.

Players - Players of office politics. Their motive is to make you look bad in other’s eyes and obstruct your progress. Last minute, they will do something that will make them look the ‘hero’ and will end up receiving lots of praises.

Ditherers – Would hesitate conveying you a decision and will always reply ‘Let me get back to you’. If you chase them up, they will probably trick you off with another delay. Ditherers’ indecision is motivated by differing factors and all of them can severely slow down your progress.

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Why must we deal with these difficult people?

1. If left unaddressed, the situation can get worse. It may give rise to unnecessary conflicts which simmer below the surface and then erupts above the surface at work as counter-productive.

2. Constant complaining about the fellow-worker or situation can earn us the title of whiner or complainer. People will wonder why we are unable to solve our own problems.

3. We may end up being perceived as immature professionals who are unable to handle situations. We may end us getting labelled as a ‘difficult’ person which can have consequences for our profession.

4. We may earn a title of a ‘high maintenance’ worker if the situation lingers on which may have devastating impact on our career.

15 powerful strategies to deal with difficult people –

Exhibit Kindness & Compassion – Nothing will get accomplished if two people are being difficult with each other. Perhaps using kindness with a difficult person may diffuse the situation and we may get more of what we want. When we show compassion, chances are that we get them to respond positively.

Be Non-Judgemental & Respectful – Many a times one becomes difficult if one is going through a tough ordeal. If a person is acting unreasonable, high chances are that they are feeling some sort of vulnerability or fear. We must

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listen & understand to gain perspective, not judge them. Generally, people know when they were wrong and if their behavior was good or bad. Showing respect, even when it is not deserved, may compel their behaviour to change.

Stay Calm & Listen – When a situation is emotionally charged, losing temper is not going to help. When the difficult person sees us in calm demeanour despite his/ her actions, we might get their attention and desirable results too. Be there to listen to them and while listening, focus on what they want to say rather than what you want to say next. Try listening to them to discern their hurt or frustration.

Understand The Person’s Intentions - No one is difficult for the sake of being difficult, there certainly must be some underlying current. Try finding what is stopping him/her to cooperate. Is there something that can be done to help them to resolve the situation?

Identify Hidden Needs - There is always a hidden need that led to difficult behaviours. It could be like losing a parent, failed relationship, health issues etc. To cope, perhaps the person is taking their stress out on everyone that crosses their path.

Get Some Perspective From Others - Seek opinions from people who have experienced similar situations in some way or another. They

would be able to see things from different perspective and may offer a different resolution and a neutral perspective. It is a way of finding out “if it is them or me.”

Explain Your Intentions - People sometimes resist or are being difficult because they do not understand our intentions behind our actions. Explaining where you are coming from, it might enable them to empathize with our situation. This lets them get them on-board much easier.

Nothing Personal – Difficult behavior might be originating from that individual’s belief system, we must not take it personally. Many a times we end up saying – they are doing that on purpose. Think about it, if we give credit to others for knowing our triggers, we need to be aware of our own triggers and work toward guarding against that behaviour that’s irritating us so severely.

Set Limits And Boundaries - There are times where being friendly with, listening to, complementing doesn’t work. In these instances, it is time to distance ourself or limit interaction with them as best we can. We have the right to be assertive and set our boundaries.

Self-Reflection – Self-reflection certainly helps. Think hard to understand why their behavior is bothering us so much. The possibility is that we may be the difficult one that people have issues with. It might be a difficult pill to swallow but we may be able to notice that perhaps we think that we are rubbed the wrong way but it could be the other way round.

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Key Takeaways

It is not them, it’s their behaviour - People aren’t their behavior. It’s not the person, it’s the behavior. People can change as they are spectrum of possibilities.

People demonstrate patterns of behavior - We can identify these patterns that will help us anticipate, interact, react and manage more effectively.

There is a background - One important continuum that explains difficult behaviour is the background to their thought process, their belief system which propels them in being difficult.

Passive vs. Aggressive - Another important continuum that explains why people do what they do is their level of assertiveness. Few demonstrate more passive behaviour, while others demonstrate more aggressive behaviour.

Our own reaction - How are we perceiving & handling difficult behaviour depends upon our own life situations & circumstances, thought process, belief system as well.

behavior affects us so significantly. May be, we are too sensitive or maybe we are the difficult one, not willing to change our ways or viewpoints. Either way, this is the perfect time to self-reflect and, if necessary, intervene and influence someone’s life for the better. While not all “difficult people” are bad people, we must learn to live with them and see the best we can in them.

Difficult people may be your greatest gift in attaining the character

~ Vincent Thomas

Everybody is Somebody’s Difficult Person - Difficult people are all relative. If we are facing difficult people, we may be posing difficulties for others as well.

Balance is the Mantra - At the end of the day, it’s demonstrating balance that helps keep behavior in check.

Acknowledge Differences – People just become ‘difficult’ to deal with, in some situations. People have a different personality as compared to us and we might find that hard to deal with. There are people who simply have difficult personality traits.

Idea here is not that we must become best friends with a difficult person or be the one responsible for changing them. We must understand that there is a reason why their

To get in touch –

Dr. Neeta Pant

Senior HR, Professional,Clinical Psychologist,Executive, Life Coach,Soft Skills Trainer,POSH & POCSO Trainer

9650655535 | pantneetu@hotmail.comhttps://linkedin.com/in/neeta-pant-28a75220/ https://www.facebook.com/NEETU.D

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