8 minute read
After the Aisle
Lessons Learned in Love and Life with Your Spouse
Photographed By: Lety Altam letyaltamphotography.com
Growing Better Together
BY CONCEPCION AND AZIZ WILKINSON
Our journey through love and life has taught us countless lessons. Here are three lessons that stick out:
1. Our love, our lives, and each other are everevolving. 2. Self development and healing are essential. 3. We put each other first.
We’ve been together since high school, and it feels like we’ve had three different relationships. From teenagers to young adults, to parents, we’ve both grown and changed so much. Every step of the way, we’ve had to adjust in each season of our lives while allowing for personal goals and growth to be met. Because we started our relationship so young, we allowed each other space while being supportive. This set the tone for what was to come down the road in our relationship. During that time, we were still growing as individuals and developing our sense of self.
Self development and healing were essential for us. We both had less than ideal upbringings. There were traumas we had to heal from, and behaviors that we had to unlearn, in order for us to have a healthy relationship. I (Concepcion) didn’t have a father in my household, so there was no example of what a good man/husband should be. In turn, that created a void of love, created insecurities, and put a strain on my relationship with my mother. These were things that I needed to heal from in order to become a good wife and mother. I (Aziz) grew up with both parents in my household, but there was lots of arguing, which created communication issues. That only led to communication issues with us. We have gone to therapy together and individually to work on these matters, which has been key to our thriving marriage and family unit.
We’ve learned that putting each other first is vital in our relationship and in parenthood. If our relationship isn’t solid, then our household will fall apart. Over the years, we’ve drowned out the noise from naysayers and any negativity that may come our way. We’ve learned to focus on us — our success and happiness depend on it. Creating boundaries from toxicity has been a catalyst in propelling us forward. When the fog is clear, it is easier to steer our ship. This has made us better spouses and parents.
In our 17 years together and our seven years of marriage, we’ve enjoyed good times, but we have also made mistakes. These mistakes have turned into learning opportunities that we have grown from. We hope that by sharing our journey on social media, we can inspire other black couples to evolve together, heal their traumas, and put each other first.
Aziz and Concepcion Wilkinson live in Atlanta, Georgia with their two children. Concepcion is an entrepreneur/influencer and enjoys baking, photography, crafting, and D.I.Y projects. Aziz is a registered nurse whose hobbies include videography, reading, and cooking.
Follow them on IG: @One_Fancy_Cookie (Concepcion), @aziz_wilkinson_ (Aziz)
Photograph By:323 Creative Designs 323creativedesigns.com
A Great Marriage Doesn’t Happen byChance
BY MECCA AND ALDUAN TARTT
In Alduan and I have been together for 13 years and married for eight years. What I have learned is that your marriage can’t be put on autopilot in order for it to flourish. After all, the person you marry is one of the single most important decisions that you will ever make.
We have learned that having a “dope marriage” can’t be an afterthought, which means that each day we have to be very intentional about putting our marriage first. Like most couples, we are moving between work priorities, running the household, podcasting, running multiple businesses, building our legacy, and more.
We have a busy household with our three children, but nothing should ever surpass our relationship. I know that sounds great, but we put it into action by investing in couples counseling, workshops (Better Husband Better Wife), marriage retreats (shameless plug…A Weekend For Love), connecting with like-minded couples, and dating one another.
We also try to ensure that we have a vacation together every year because a “family trip” and “vacation” are not one in the same. When I think about vacation, I don’t envision myself having to wake up early or having to say “eat your food” four times. Vacations are necessary and breathe life into your relationship, and dates are just as important as they break up the monotony of “adulting”.
We’ve learned that if we both focus on meeting each other’s needs,we both will feel fulfilled. I have learned that three C’s are crucial to a great marriage:
-Being Considerate -Willingness to Compromise -Strong Communication skills
Couples don’t just fall out of love, just like you don’t just gain 30-poundss. It’s this slow progression of unmet needs, not feeling seen, or being fulfilled. Your marriage should be your oasis, your sacred place to retreat to outside of everything going on in the world. The only way that your marriage will become that is by pouring into it each day.
As a result, we love hosting A Weekend For Love Couples Retreat because it pulls couples away from all the distractions to recreate the feeling of when they first met. You can feel like you are the only one going through something, so to be surrounded by so many other married couples celebrating love is a blessing. Also, we believe that couples who pray together stay together, which is why the Wives Prayer Challenge and Couples Prayer Challenge is something we love hosting. Both pull together a community of married couples from all over the world, and there is something magical that happens when married couples come together and see each other celebrating their spouses.
The truth is you become your reality. Our parents have been married 30+ years, and we see them as the standard. We both are invested and believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment, and we are both willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that we have a happy marriage that surpasses the test of time.
Photograph By: Sweet Mee Photography sweetmeaphotography.com
The Tartts reside in Atlanta, Georgia where Dr. Alduan Tartt is a Psychologist, Speaker, TV Personality, and Licensed Ordained Minister. He is also co-founder of A Weekend For Love Marriage Retreat. Mecca is a Non-Profit Executive, women’s health and wellness coach, founder of the Wives Prayer Challenge, and co-founder of A Weekend For Love Marriage Retreat. They also founded the Better Husband, Better Wife MonthlyMarriage Classes.
For more about this power couple go to: Dr. Alduan Tartt, IG: @drtartt, drtartt.com Mecca Tartt, IG: @meccamooretartt, meccamooretartt.com
A Weekend For Love Marriage Retreat Aweekendforlove.com
Better Husband, Better Wife Monthly Marriage Classes betterhusbandbetterwife.com
Photographed by: Hugo Coelho hugocoelho.com
Building a Strong MarriageFoundation
BY AISHA AND DAVID FRISBEY
Together, David and I have learned that positive and effective communication is the foundation of our relationship. This is something we started working on with our marriage counselors before getting married, and it has proven to be so important in our journey down the aisle and beyond. We make it a priority to express ourselves as needed and empower each other in the process. At the end of the day, we’re a team.
Communication goes hand in hand with the next lesson that has been integral in our relationship: No matter what, we should stick by one another. Whether it’s making sure both of our finances are in order, or ensuring that major decisions are made together, we always take each other into account. That’s what marriage is essentially — choosing the person you can ride through all of life’s waves with.
We signed up to become a unit, and that’s something we can confidently say we embody. Empowering each other is so important when being in a successful relationship. We never want to be in a position where we undermine the other person or make them feel as though their opinions, concerns, and desires are not validated. Unless it’s about what we’re ordering for dinner, because in that case I (Aisha) usually win, we make sure to have important conversations and come to important decisions together.
Whether we're at home on the couch (without being glued to our phones) and binge-watching a show, going out to dinner, or traveling somewhere new, the last lesson that we feel has made our relationship rock-solid so far is the necessity of spending quality time together. Life and time move quickly, and we’ve learned that prioritizing being together physically and emotionally is so necessary.
We see a lot of couples who constantly need to go on group trips or group outings and don’t seem to enjoy just being with each other. At the end of the day, you’ve chosen this person for a reason. At the bare minimum, you should like being with them. So, we take our quality time very seriously. We’re in this for the long haul, and we’re choosing to make every single moment we have together count.
About the Frisbeys: David Frisbey is a Digital and Technology Consultant, and Aisha Beau Frisbey (@aishabeau) is a Lifestyle Influencer and Speaker who live in West New York, New Jersey. We’re newly married, and we have been together for over five years. We’re both big foodies who love trying new restaurants, going to wine and spirits tastings, and traveling the world. We got married in Portugal, and we’re currently gearing up for our honeymoon in the Maldives!
