Balance Living Magazine September Issue by Balance Living Magazine

Women ofStyle and Substance

PWA

Just for you.

t’s that time of the year again ….. When the leaves fall off, the air feels cooler, the kids go back to school and we harvest our fruits and vegetables. Just as we prepare for a new quarter, a change of weather and a new season, it’s also a time for rejuvenation and refreshment …… Have you ever thought about what it means to spend quality time with God? Then read, “then Jacob was left alone with God”. This article analyses what spending time alone with God means, using the story of Jacob. Living a good life is part of God’s plan for us but there are rules we must follow in order to unlock the key to living our lives the way God planned it. In the article “rules for living the good life”, we break down these rules and share practical tips on how to apply them in our lives. A must read!

Looking for beauty tips? “3 steps to a glowing face” has all the right tips. How about hair maintenance tips? Read “how to grow long hair”. Are you looking for ideas on fashion? We have just the right tips in our fashion segment . Ever wondered what else you could use lemon for other than juicing it up? The article “lemonizing yourself” shares three exciting ideas on how to use lemon. Do you have kids with special needs? Or do you wonder whether your child might have special needs? In the article titled “Demystifying special needs” a qualified instructional therapist helps explain how special need children think and feel. Stay relaxed! Stay connected! And enjoy! God bless you.

This fall, Balance Living promises exciting articles to help you rejuvenate every aspect of your life, from your home, to your wardrobe, your finances, relationships and even your heart. We have it all!

Fall 2014

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Contents

Fall 2014 A teachable Heart How receptive to instruction and teaching are you?

Then Jacob was left alone with God Learning to spend quality time with God using the story of Jacob as a case study

Rules for living the good life

Are you Comfortable Alone

Tips on how to get the best out of life

Learn to embrace your uniqueness

Reminiscing about marriage

Unforgiveness

Thinking back on what you wanted out of your marriage and embarking on a journey to bridge the gap

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Learning to let go and let God begin your healing process

Fashion

Inspirational

63 Adopted into the Family of God Grow, Mature and be a full part of the Family of God along with other believers.

Illuminating Your Bathroom. Simple ways of properly illuminating your bathroom. Making up would be a walk in the park.

Electric Gender Neutral Nursery Tips on how to create a gender neutral nursery of your dream.

Yes, We Can Grow Long Hair. Let Me Show You How Want to know the difference between hair growth and length retention, and why most women think that their hair does not grow?

Sufficient grace How to deal with the loss of a loved one

Alone with you The deepest and most rewarding relationship is the relationship you build with God by spending time with Him.

Finance, Career and Business 36

Relationships 40

Fan the flame Keeping the spark in your marriage to guarantee a spectacular union

Who is an Entrepreneur? Are you cut out to be an entrepreneur? Not everyone is! Your answers to these three simple questions will tell it all.

53 $10 dollar wise activities for your children Creative ideas on how to have fun with your kids on a budget

52 Prioritizing King dom Service Taking time out to serve God is as important as other areas of your life. Build equity with God through service!

75 Networking

Single but whole You can be happy with the right mindset as a single lady while you look forward to the blissful marriage and wonderful home God promised you.

Connecting personally with those you work with is critical to building strong and lasting relationships. People do have lives outside of work.

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Your Comments: Recipes section The recipes are easy to prepare; anyone can make them. It makes you think outside the box and adds variety into one’s menu, as they are different from our regular African meals. It’s something I can make for visitors. I would like it if there are more recipes in the magazine. Linda Eghobor

in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” In general, it encouraged me to reaffirm my identity in Christ and to continue to strive to conform to the image of the Son. Oghogho Ize-Iyamu

Jealous Much? What I loved most about this article is how it highlights, for the most part, our ignorance of the story behind the person, thing, or relationship we may be envious of, for we don’t know the work, effort, or even pain that went into creating the final product that we “envy.” I also love how it brings our attention to God, the one who blesses. Rather than envying the one who is blessed, it is important that we instead appeal to the one who blessed to do the same for us. Olubukola Ipaye

Submission, the “S” word I like this article because I needed to hear it. It broke down submission for me in a way I could practicalize it in my life. Bimbo Afolabi

Who am I? The part in this article that I loved is when she says, “I am unique and I will always feed my spirit with the right food so I am nourished from the inside, and then I will flourish on the outside.” I am just beautiful me. Sarah Akpe

An Attitude of Gratitude

Submission, the “S” word I like the article on submission because I have always wondered what the word means in action. Having read through it, I find that it simply means, “to yield”—let others have their way, which makes sense. I also like the cover page and the recipes section. Abiola Apalowo

Who am I? I liked this article. It fosters self-examination. I particularly liked the stance the author took on the importance of taking care of our body, but more so, on that of the spiritual man. It reminded me of the verse 1 Timothy 4:8: “For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value 6

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This article spoke to me and reminded me of a morning routine I used to do, which is to thank God first thing every morning just for the fact that I am alive. This article reminded me to continue maintaining my morning routine. It emphasizes the mere fact that being alive alone is worth thanking God for. Every morning now, I wake up saying, “Lord, I thank you because this is the day that you have made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.” Joy Okpalefe

Gentle and Quiet in Troubled Times This article spoke to me because I could relate to it in every detail and facet. As I read it, I was thinking, does this lady know me? How does she know what is going on in my life? I am glad I am not the only one. Opeyemi Obimakinde

Do you have a comment or feedback for us? Write us at

comments@balanceliving.org

I Am Thankful For . . . Eskate Agaga My peace. My family and I came to Canada a little over a year ago, having worked for over seven years in my home country. I became a full-time homemaker, which was a very challenging situation, often bordering on depression. God has been sustaining me, and I know that the lines will soon fall in very pleasant places for me.

Olukemi Moyosola Obajimi A sound mind—the ability to study and pass my professional exams in Canada and for open doors God has continued to open for me in my career, especially without prior “Canadian experience.”

Temidayo Akinbinu Strength over the past year. God has

tell me that my former boss enquired if I was available for a job offer. God indeed proved himself in my situation.

Balami Esther Agube The gift of life and the people I have been privileged to share this life with. I am grateful for the ability to laugh in the midst of rough times.

Mojisola Fagbohun God’s unfailing love towards me and my family. My thanksgiving is best summarized in Psalms 118:21: “I will give you thanks, for you answered me. You have become my salvation.”

Dami Ajilore God’s forgiveness, showing that He indeed chose me and not the other way around. I am grateful for friends that are true, fair, and godly and for the near accidents that I have miraculously been averted from.

Malvis Akpokiniovo His mercy and grace. God delivered me from a serious health challenge—I am so grateful.

Oby The opportunity to worship in the House of Praise under the ministry of Pastor Wale. My children are also inspired by a new way of fellowship with Christ—this is fellowship with passion.

Olubukola Ipaye

Sarah Akpe Permanent residence, which I received after living in Canada for four years.

Anne Boreland My family and a supportive church as we embark on our continuous process of transformation. I am grateful for my recent interviews and eagerly await God’s miracle in this regard.

continuously showed up in areas of my life where my own strength has failed me, knowing that assures me I can do all things.

Evelyn Peters My job. While in transition, a friend suggested that I call my former boss because there was an opening in my former office, but I declined because I wanted a fresh start. My agent called to

My life and my health. As simple as these things may seem, I have come to realize that no matter how difficult life may get, having my life and health is indeed a great blessing and an indication that God hasn’t let go of me.

Yuwa Ize-Iyamu Seasons of sorrow and pain that dared me to trust God all the more and mentors who are able to recognize greatness in me and continue to push me towards my goals, in spite of limitations. I am thankful for the sacrifice Christ made for me, without which I could never boast of right standing before God. Fall 2014

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MISSION “ P u t t i n g w o m e n at t h e c e n t r e o f o u r pa g e s ”

EDITOR IN CHIEF T ope A kinsik u

EDITORIAL BOARD

Isoken Osunde Folake Coker TitI Oyegbile Jacqueline Harewood White Nebechi Olowoyeye Shade Okafo

H E A LT H A N D B E A U T Y

FINANCE, CAREER

I nspirational

Yemisi Oyegbola

Joy Faleye

AND BUSINESS

Yinka Fakunle

Dami Onabote

Tracy Alli

Andrea Adenuga

Funke Egorp

Bosede Oluwalana

Adaeze Anyaoku

Rebecca Onah

Shola Laniyan

Busola Arimoro

Priscila Birago

R E L AT I O N S H I P S

Elsie Osagie Alysha Coleman

Mine Ogunsiji Osayi Ogieva Ovalyn Adeoye

GUEST WRITER

SPECIAL THANKS

P rinted by

Adeola Adegbusi

Tope Oluwaniyi

HD Printing Press

Kunle And Toun Dinah

www.hdprintingpress.com

Maja Lukasiewicz, Master Printing Inc.

C o v er model

Atim Ukoh

P 905.660.4377

P 416.255.9182

Ngozi Akinbami

Remi Awojide

M 416.494.0042

777 C The Queensway

sho photography

Unit 7 40 Snidercroft Road Vaughan ON L4K 0B5

Toronto ON M8Z 1N4

O ther models

Bola Oladimeji

Simi Balogun

Susan Ohimai

Adaeze Anyaoku

*Bible References: New International Version (NIV )

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Getting to know you We asked our readers....... Give an account of a PROUD MOMENT when you went out of your way to help someone.

Tomi

Onanuga

I had ordered some food at a restaurant and the waitress attending to me had cut herself and was bleeding. I am not quite sure how this injury occurred, but she couldn’t handle the plates or orders comfortably. I left the restaurant, went to a nearby store, and bought her some Band-Aids to dress her wound. She was very appreciative of this, and I was glad I could be of help to her.

Teni

Fatogun

I befriended a woman and her young child who lived in my neighborhood. I’ve seen her and her son walking towards the bus a few times and we would talk. I got to know them a bit better, and I came to know she was moving. So a few nights of the week, I’d help her pack up her belongings, and some weeks later, I helped her and her son move to a new home that was better suited for them.

Napier-

Michelle Walker

One of my husband’s friends from my home country asked if we could help one of his friends (my husband doesn’t know this friend) who was relocating to Canada and needed a place to stay for a few weeks. He came for a fresh start, and he ended up staying with us for a year. During this time, we didn’t demand rent from him but prayed and believed with him that this new beginning would take a positive root in his life. As of today, his wife and children are with him, and they all have their permanent status in Canada.

Joan

Sanusi

I have a friend who was trusting God for fruit of the womb. Every Sunday after church, I would

stop by her house to invite her family to church, and every now and again, I would stand in the gap for them in prayer for them to receive their child. Several years went by and there was still no evidence, but I continued inviting them to church and praying with them. Then the pastor announced the school of fruitfulness, and I doubled my efforts. To the glory of God, they attended the school, and God has answered their prayers. Today, they are bouncing with their bundle of joy.

Susan

Alalade

I met an old-time friend, who happens to be a foreign-trained lawyer such as myself. She was very confused about her career path. I gave her information to enable her to begin the evaluation process and encouraged her to continue her law profession, which I know she has passion for. To make a long story short, she had to sit for her first examination a few days away from my final paper. She was always calling me for explanations regarding unclear areas, which I gladly helped with, irrespective of my tight schedule. She passed her examination, and I thank God for making me a vessel to add value to someone’s life.

Brenda

As a young kid, I had an aunt who played a vital role in my upbringing, (we called her “big mummy”). She supported her only sister (i.e., my mom) in raising my siblings and me. Now, as a mature adult, I am also playing a very supportive role in her daughter, my cousin’s life. When things became rough after losing her job, she could not support her daughter’s education financially, and I was able to assist with the school fees. My ability to help

them through their rough times gave me a sense of joy and fulfilment, especially when I think back at how tough it was for us and how my aunt was able to do the same. Today, my cousin, after completing her university education, is fully grown into a promising working-class lady; it makes me happy and proud that I was involved at the point she needed me the most.

Funmilayo

Adedeji

A neighbor of mine, who was also my friend, was going through some challenges in her marriage; I talked to her husband and tried to make peace between her and the husband. In addition, I supported her with food, money, and extended credit when she bought things from me, which were to be paid whenever she was able. Eventually, her marriage became stable, and she now lives peacefully with her husband.

Charlean

Williams

A friend of mine, who was a mother of one and working full-time and attending school part-time, was expecting. She was facing the challenges of being pregnant, having to cope with work, school, and taking care of her child. I encouraged her from time to time not to give up because I understood the pressure she was going through. She persevered, graduated, and delivered in the same year. On her graduation day, a couple of friends and I surprised her by taking her to dinner. We want to get to know you. In our next edition, we will answer the question, “If you had one extra hour every day, what would you do and why? Send your answers to comments@balanceliving.org.

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“Then Jacob Was Left

ost times, we do not choose to be alone with God voluntarily. Situations and circumstances in life tend to box us in until we are left with no choice other than to be alone with Him. Sometimes, we need clarity as to what we should do or say. As we try to move away from distractions to hear God, we sometimes feel alone. I hope you can see yourself in the story of Jacob. Jacob had a visit from God at the beginning of his journey. After spending twenty years serving Laban, he became restless. He felt cheated by Laban and felt that it was time for him to go and stand on his own. It was at this moment when God visited him. The God he had encountered at the start of his journey, the God to whom he had made a vow, decided to visit him again. He was instructed on the actions he should take to move on successfully. After he left Laban, he remembered the way he had left his brother Esau 10

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in Bathsheba. They had not parted on good terms because Jacob had stolen what was dear to Esau: Esau’s birthright and the blessings of his father. Jacob became fearful of Esau, and as he made the journey back, he feared for his life. Jacob had his own plan. He arranged for all of his company to pass ahead of him while he waited with much anxiety for this most dreaded meeting. There is power in the words, “Jacob was left alone.” By allowing his company to go ahead of him, Jacob was brought into the quietness, stillness, and solitude of God’s presence. He was brought to a place where he had to confront himself and his ways, where he had to come to terms with himself as a person. If Jacob continued on the normal course of his life, he would have been unable to meet the challenges he would face thereafter. But, he was a man who knew where to find God. Jacob had come to the point where “There wrestled a man with him” (Gen 32:24). It is not said that he wrestled with the man, which would give an entirely different meaning to the scene. This

Alone With God”

passage does not show Jacob’s power in prayer, or his desire to be in a place of prayer; instead, it does prove the tenacity of his confidence in the flesh. All night long, the struggle continued. The strength of Jacob’s flesh had worked for him before, and he believed that it would work for him again. He refused to yield until his thigh was pulled out of his joint. At this moment, the seat of his strength was touched. His orderly life fell in like a house of cards, and he lost full control of the situation. Instead of Jacob’s patience and perseverance in prayer, we see God’s patience in dealing with a person who needed to have his “old man”—his old self— crushed to dust. If the old man had not been crushed, Jacob’s new nature could not manifest itself. God had to crush the old to bring out the new. In the figure of Jacob with the hollow of his thigh touched, we simultaneously observe the broken fragments of “a supplanter” and the elements of God’s mighty “prince”. In this one man are both the fragments of an injurious persecutor and the elements of God’s mighty apostle.

Jacob could see the writing on the wall, so he declared, “I will not let you go, except you bless me” (Gen. 32:26). This is the point when Jacob accepted his weakness. He was let in on the secret of human weakness, and understood that his choice must be divine strength or nothing. He came to know the God that said, “In your weakness you are made strong.” He thought no more of his plans and arrangements or of his presents to appease Esau. He stood withered and trembling before the One who had humbled him, and cried, “I will not let you go, except you bless me.” Jacob knew that he needed God’s blessings to continue on his new journey. He could not face Esau as Jacob the supplanter, trickster, and swindler; he needed to be a new man when he faced Esau. He needed to be Israel, the one who contended with God and man and prevailed. Jacob had arrived at the end of his flesh. He no longer looked to “me,” but to “Thee” as he clung to God as his rock. Tope Akinsiku

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My Father the Master Planner

time alone with God is an allocated time that we have decided to spend with God through fellowship praying and studying the word. Relationships are very crucial to human beings; man is not made to be alone. We are nurtured by those around us, and our lives are impacted by those we associate with. Man is not created to function alone, which is why God created Eve for Adam. In all of these, relationships are very vital to human existence. Relationships can be grouped into two major types: 1. The horizontal relationship: Relationships with friends and family. 2. The vertical relationship: The relationship we have with our Heavenly Father, our creator.

PROVISION: He meets our needs. When we pray to him concerning our needs and heart’s desires, we have the assurance that He will answer us. Spending quality time with God, our Lord Jesus, will take determination and diligence; it will not come on a bed of roses, just like any other achievement in life. It will take your committing consistently to it no matter the situation. There will be times when you are so tired that you won’t feel like getting out of bed to pray when everybody else is sleeping, but knowing the joy and the blessings that come from time spent in His presence, makes it really worthwhile. On the days you feel tired and don’t feel like spending time with God, let this thought keep you going: God doesn’t need anything from you; you need a lot from Him. So by spending quality time in fellowship with Him, you stand to gain all things.

Our vertical relationship, which is our relationship with God, is necessary, important, and required for us to live a purposeful and fulfilled life. Having a relationship with God is not just for the purpose of what we can get from Him, but more important, it is to have the friendship of a father, friend, comforter, and so much more.

Also, you don’t want to keep God waiting—after all, He is God, the Almighty. Once you build a habit of consistent fellowship, God is there waiting for you like He did in the Garden of Eden with Adam, and you don’t want to keep Him waiting.

Benefits of our relationship with God:

INSIDE INFORMATION The consistent friendship with God gives us inside information, something that ordinarily we wouldn’t be privy to. This means knowing something before it actually happens. And, also, He speaks to us about our situation.

JOY: The first major benefit is the joy we get from that fellowship; there is an inner joy that is much more than happiness and that fills our being and runs deep within. DIRECTION: He orders our steps and we are able to start our day knowing that He will lead us in the way we should go. CONFIDENCE: No matter what happens, we are assured He will never leave us nor forsake us.

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Busola Arimoro

A Teachable Heart To be teachable means to be capable of being instructed and taught. I cannot stress enough the importance of having a teachable heart. The points below will help illustrate this importance. A person who does not have a teachable heart: • Cannot expect to give instruction to future children or teach others—that’s just plain hypocrisy, especially to those who look up to you. • Will tend to act like they know better than others. It’s mostly your way or the highway, which is really a form of pride. • Will find it difficult to submit to their authority figure, especially a husband. We all know that submission is a key ingredient of a happy marriage. • Cannot reach their full potential. Whether you like it or not, at every level in life, there will always be someone who has more experience than you do, has advice to give, or is in a position to correct you. People who are unable to heed, will stunt their growth in various aspects of their life. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” To follow and act on God’s Word, one must have a teachable spirit. (2 Timothy 3:16)

To follow and act on God’s Word, one must have a teachable spirit. Mine Ogunsiji

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to God and He will draw near to us. There is absolutely nothing better than getting close to God, and knowing Him more. By doing so, you are also obeying Him.

Journal Entry September 21, 2014

ately, I’ve been pondering about how crucial it is to spend time alone and how I sometimes find myself drowning in chores and other activities that sometimes just happen to be time wasters. This got me thinking about how important it is to purposefully carve time out to reflect on things and plan so that the hustles and bustles of life do not take pre-eminence over more important things. As these thoughts passed through my mind, it dawned on me that if I can get so much resolved by just carving out time to think and go through a plan–do–review process, there is no telling how much I can accomplish if I just shifted this mentality toward spending time with God. I then began imagining how rewarding my experiences would be if I spent more of my “alone time” alone with God, letting Him in on the planning process and allowing Him to take more off my hands. I realized that I needed to stop hoarding issues and give them up for God to deal with on my behalf. At this point, I decided that I would delve deeper to discover the scriptural basis that makes this work . . .

Spending Time with God What does it mean to spend time with God anyway? There is a time for corporate time with God; which is when you gather with other Christians, but beyond this, there is a time to be alone in the presence of God. The more time you spend alone in His presence, the better you will be because time spent with Him generates growth in Him. The scripture tells us in James 4:8 to draw near 14

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Spending time alone with God includes, but is not limited to, worshipping Him, reading His Word, and communicating with Him.

Worshipping Him: This takes different forms. It includes adoration and reverence toward God. As you worship God, you are in His presence, and there is nothing that brings God closer to us than to worship Him. Psalm 22:3 says that He dwells in the presence of His people. Through worship, you are placing yourself in a unique position to hear and be directed by God. Reading His Word: God’s Word is outlined in the Bible. The Bible can be likened to a life instruction manual. There is no book like it on the surface of the earth; there is nothing one goes through in life that cannot be sorted out with this book. In fact, according to 2 Timothy 3:16–17, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” In essence, it is of dire importance to read, meditate, and confess the words contained in God’s book of life. According to Psalm 119:105, the words contained in the Bible are a lamp to your feet and a light to your path. The Bible is there to guide us, and as we read it, we must also live it out in our lives.

Communicating with Him: As you have probably heard in the past, communication is not complete until the receiver gets the message. Thus, communication with God has two parts: Talking to Him in prayer and God relating back to us as we listen attentively to Him. Talking to Him: This is prayer. God hears us when we call (Jeremiah 33:3); in fact, He knows our every thought, but He wants us to ask what we desire and believe we will receive it (Mathew 21:22). Not asking is like leaving things to chance. There is absolutely nothing too small or too big to ask God—just ask, believe, and receive from Him.

Listening to Him: The more time you spend in worship, with His word, and in prayer, the more you hear from Him and the easier it becomes to get direction from Him. As you listen expectantly, He begins to direct your steps and show you your life’s purpose. Thus making it easy for you to follow the path He has originally set for you. As Isaiah 30:21 states, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” How superb it would be to know exactly what moves to make in life, to enjoy divine direction, and to identify the path you need to tread. Knowing this will alleviate wrong decisions, mistakes, and regrets. In the end, the lesson to be learnt here is that although planning is very important, asking God to plan on your behalf is even better because he has the master plan for your life. Yinka Fakunle

Letter from Jezebel

You may not be the first lady of a nation, as I was, but remember, you are the first lady of your home. Do not underestimate your ability to influence your partner, your children, your family, and friends.

Hey there! Before you skip the page, hear me out. I just have a few things to say. I know what it means to have power, to have beauty, to have fame and fortune, but in the grand scheme of things, I can now say, “All is vanity.” I was once one of the most influential women on earth, but even all my influence could not save me from my ultimate demise. You may not be the first lady of a nation, as I was, but remember, you are the first lady of your home. Do not underestimate your ability to influence your partner, your children, your family, and friends. What you say and what you do can have a great impact on their destinies. Your words are like the helm of a ship, and they have the ability to steer things in the way they should go. I knew that so well. All I had to do was speak, and men would loose their courage, even the great Elijah!

Have you ever gone through pain and suffering and felt like you would not survive? Well, put all that pain and suffering together and imagine going through that week by week, day by day, and hour by hour with no end in sight. I blew my chances. You still have life. You still have another chance. Don’t blow it as I did. You don’t have to experience what I am going through right now. The choice is yours! I thought I was invincible. I thought I had the power to do and undo, but alas, all power belongs to God.

Elsie Osagie

I found it amazing how the chosen ones devalued the one true God. They claimed to serve Jehovah, yet they would cringe at my presence, a mere mortal. They were willing to give up the spring of living water for a broken cistern. They were caught up with what was seen, what made sense, and what was tangible and forgot about their intangible blessing and eternal reward. How could they be so timid when the Greater One dwelt in them and was for them? Well, I must say, not everyone was like that. Some were still dedicated to the very end, but that did not stop me from trying to bring them down. I knew beauty and I would go to great lengths to get it too. Even when I stared death in the eyes, I had to do so with a pretty face. But I tell you, it is indeed fleeting. Don’t get me wrong, it is nice to look good— but at what price? Does it define who you are? Does it complete you? Outer beauty will fade, but what is on the inside of you is what will last.

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w o n K t â&#x20AC;&#x2122; n s e d l i i t D x e u T o Y n s a g c i n r i f Th out A Ab

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1. 2.

Though there are so many different types of African textiles which are worn by various ethnicities across Africa; Ankara, Kente and Mudcloth remain the top choices for many Africans. The African textiles industry is a multi-billion dollar industry!

3. 4.

The Ankara fabric actually originated in Indonesia where it was brought to Africa by Dutch traders during the colonial era. So donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be surprised if you see a South Asian woman in what appears to look like Ankara. African textiles go beyond their primary function, which is to clothe us. They are used by designers and artists to create fashion accessories, home dĂŠcor, and even art pieces.

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Illuminating Your Bathroom for Maximum Beauty and Functionality C

onsidering these factors will ensure that your makeup will look flawless and edgy.

When applying makeup, the light source should be straight in front of you so that it illuminates the front and sides of the face without any glare. Overhead lighting, or lighting from behind, will likely cast unwanted shadows on the face. Natural lighting always provides the best results and makeup should be applied in natural light when possible. It is important to realize that fluorescent lighting is harsh and never flatters the face, it magnifies imperfections and makes colors appear as if they have a blue tint or base.

hen it comes to makeup, lighting is everything. The choice of lighting will have a direct impact on your finished makeup result; you will need to select your light carefully to avoid complications. Once task lighting has been addressed, look at other types of lighting that will pull the whole room together.

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Proper lighting is as flattering as a face lift, without all the expense and recovery time.

Light and Beauty the essence of life, Shine!

Jacqueline Harewood White Fall 2014

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Rules for Living the good life

eople who have success in life are those who are well-prepared for the journey. They have no time for coincidences or accidents. They are conscious of who they are, what they are doing, where they are going, and how to get there. They have rules for living because life, for them, is not a random series of events but a well-planned experience. Here are a few transformation rules for living.

Do not limit your dreams. Dream wide and dream

big. Your dreams do not have to be realistic, only your plans do. Successful people roll up their works upon the Lord, so their plans can be established.

Live in the now. Appreciate what you have now,

even as you dream and plan for tomorrow. Faith is now; hope is for the future. When you, as a child of God, believe that what you say will happen, it will be done for you.

Think! Think positive thoughts. As a man thinks, so he is. Your life cannot go beyond the pattern of your thoughts. Your thoughts will either lift you up or bring you down.

Make every day an appointment with des-

4.tiny

. Be expectant daily. Dress expectantly, importantly, and smartly. Always be well-dressed physically and spiritually.

Do not answer a question before it is asked.

This means do not be presumptuous. It is always better to be quick to hear, but slow to speak. Delay your answer when you are angry. Give yourself time; do not be hasty.

A wise man hears counsel, receives in-

6.structions, and accepts correction.

Manmade purposes and plans are established by counsel. A war can only be waged through good advice.

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Fall 2014

Set personal boundaries for your life. Per-

sonal boundaries are imaginary lines you draw around yourself like a protective hedge. Learn to draw boundary lines around yourself to preserve your respect, dignity, honor, and integrity. Set limits in your mind concerning your personal life. With clear boundaries in place, people know when they are invited into your circle. Do not allow people to barge into your life; put out an invitation when you want them to enter. Tope Akinsiku

Three Steps to a Glowing Face

This should be done twice daily, in the morning and at night, to get rid of all the makeup, sweat, grime, and dead skin cells. At night, opt for a proper makeup remover that comes in the form of face wipes or pads, or cleanse with water and a gentle soap that is made especially for the face, cleansing cream, or oils; oily skin will benefit from oil-free products.

Cleansing:

Use buttermilk, fine oatmeal made into a paste with water, or plain yogurt on its own or mixed with a little lemon juice for oily skin. Rinse off with lukewarm water.

Natural tips:

Toning/ Exfoliating:

Preference on toning or exfoliating is an individual decision. Toning helps cool the skin, and toners reduce any grease left behind by oil-based cleansers.

This final step ensures your face is getting the moisture it needs. Use a gentle moisturizer to keep your skin feeling soft and glowing; a good moisturizer should both nourish and add moisture.

Natural tips:

Moisturizing:

Exfoliating, on the other hand, is the process by which unwanted dead skin cells are removed from the surface of the skin to encourage new growth, a healthy glow, and improve blood circulation in the skin.

Natural tips:

Wipe your face with a cucumber or strawberry slice or the inside of a cucumber peel; you may need to wash off any lingering strawberry stains.

Natural tips:

Pineapple can be purĂŠed and made into a face mask or cut into thin slices and placed on your face while you are lying down relaxing. Alternatively, use a washcloth with a dab of cleanser and a sprinkle of white refined sugar, and massage your face in a circular motion.

Extra virgin coconut oil, sweet almond oil, or jojoba oil.

Busola Arimoro

Fall 2014

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Write Those Goals!

ometimes, as single ladies, it seems easy to neglect the importance of setting goals and planning for the future. The pressure, especially from family members, seems to push you toward achieving one major milestone— getting married! There is, therefore, a tendency to live a one-dimensional life, as all that occupies the mind is finding a marriage partner. As much as marriage is one of the most important decisions you will make in life, there are so many other milestones to be achieved on your way to attaining marriage. Habakuk 2:2 says, “Write down the revelation and make it plane on tablets, so that a herald may run with it.” You need to write your goals down and make them plain. What are your spiritual, financial, educational, career, family, and health goals? How do you aim to achieve them? You can make short-, medium-, and long-term goals. It is such an amazing feeling to be able to cross out a written goal as achieved, and as you celebrate this achievement, it encourages you and pushes you to work on the bigger goals.

What are your spiritual goals? Do you want to spend more time with God? Do you want your faith and knowledge of God to have increased within the next year? Write it down! Yes, you, I’m speaking to you. Maybe you should spend more time meditating on God’s word and reading more books.

F inancial Goals What about paying off that student loan that has been feeling like a stronghold? Or living with a zero balance on your credit card? You can aim to generally improve your financial habits. You don’t have to wait until you are married to clear your debt. This is a great time to do so because you don’t have as much financial responsibility on your hands as a single.

Family This is such a good time to learn how to take proper care of a home—how to cook “efficiently,” how to be responsible for the young ones around you, and so on. Of course, your goal of getting married and when now falls here. Remember that any skill you gain will always come in handy as some point.

Health I’m sure you know that you will be responsible for what your family consumes when you get married. So isn’t this a good time to gain a lot more health awareness? There are meals you know you should not consume anymore. Make this a goal! Aim to stay closer to your ideal weight and keep it that way. Write down how you plan to achieve these goals. It can be as simple as deciding to take the stairs to the office daily instead of the elevator. Finally, goal setting helps you focus and prevents you from getting distracted with other unimportant things competing for your time. Even when you marry, you must keep setting goals! Mine Ogunsiji

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Fall 2014

My teenagers

here was a time, not long ago, when nothing was done in my family without my input and approval. The entire decision-making process of who gets what done and when was determined by me—I was the queen of the castle; I was mummy and the centre of the universe. As the years went by, my roles became redefined, events and activities were planned without me, and I was only required to give the final approval—I became mom.

Become their friend: Don’t be the old-fashioned,

boring, and uninteresting mom. The world of technology is advancing at an alarming rate, and because we are not raising our children in a cave, we need to be aware of what is out there. May I suggest that if you have older teenagers with cell phones, once in a while you should use “ttyl,” “nvm,” and the like when you send them text messages? Not that this makes you cool, but it is a start—be interested in technology.

You have made the transition from mummy to its cooler version of mom when your child does not want you to hold her hand or hug her in public anymore, or when you kiss her on the cheek, and she wipes it off (to make you happy, she tells you she is just rubbing the kiss in). The years after your child grows from toddler to teenager may be challenging, but don’t lose them; this is the time they need you the most, even if their actions or words dictate otherwise.

I apply the following principles in raising my teenagers:

Relax the rules: One of

your aims is probably to raise a responsible

and independent young adult, but you should relax the rules gradually. Your teenager is no longer a two-year-old and should not be treated like one; neither is she a young adult yet, so now is not a good time to relinquish all control.

Become an example: Our lives are like books

read daily by our children: they watch what we do more than what we say. When you lose your calm, re-visit the issue and address it appropriately. Teach them respect and love by respecting their privacy and loving them unconditionally. Instill family values in them, as the habits you teach them now will carry them through their adult years.

Use your experience: Experience is the best teacher. If your teenager is going through something, you have likely gone through the same or know someone who did. My teenagers find it relatable when I weave my experiences into our coachable moments.

Develop a discerning spirit: If you think some-

thing is going on, chances are you are right (note that it is chances not of a certainty). You don’t have to go the “sit down, let’s talk” route as that just formalizes the conversation and makes them tense up but be on the alert, act quickly, find out what it is, and guide them through the process. Folake Coker Fall 2014

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Couple Profiling

Meet Kunle and Toun Dinah How did you meet? And how long have you been members of House of Praise? (H) I first saw her picture with a mutual friend in London, and I thought I have to meet this girl . . . so I asked the mutual friend to contact her and introduce us, albeit over the phone at first. Eventually, I travelled to Lagos for a face-to-face meeting, and the rest is history now! We have been members of HOP for 12 years.

always that He alone is enough for all that they will ever need. – To develop the inner drive to be excellent in whatever endeavours they have to do. – To exhibit high moral values and show respect and regard for others. – To be compassionate to others around them. – To seek after knowledge and be confident and self-assured individuals.

How long have you been married? (H) We have been married for 13 years. What attracted you to each other?

If you could store up only one hour’s worth of memory in your mind, what hour of your marriage would you want to remember?

(H) Hmm, since we sort of, like, started off our friendship as long distance, I loved her picture that I saw with her friend and felt I needed to meet her. I was attracted further after our face-to-face meeting by a couple of things: love for God and a calm personality as well.

(H) Hmm, this is a bit tough, but I’d probably say the exchanging of our vows and emerging as Mr. and Mrs., the first dance, the births of the two children that are the blessings of our marriage, and their first twelve months of life.

Whose marriage do you most consider to be a model marriage? What is it about their marriage that you most admire?

If you could redo anything about your wedding day, what would it be?

(W) I think the best model marriage would have to be that of Jesus and the church, but because we are in the realm of man, we have a couple of marriages that we look up to—namely, Pastor David and Faith Oyedepo and Pastor Wale and Tope Akinsiku. What are five essential values you want your children to embrace above all others? (W) To strive to know God by taking time to study the Word and to develop a love for God that will help them to know 24

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Fall 2014

(W) If, indeed, I could, I would change the fact that we had so many people at the wedding and possibly would have wanted to have a more intimate wedding with people who we really cared about and felt needed to share the day with us.

In this very busy society and day, how do you ensure you spend quality and rejuvenating time together as husband and wife? (W) We always try to stay connected by talking to each other, and we compare notes about work stuff and the kids and even just some aspects of our marriage we both want to work on, we also always make time for dates as often as we can, and during our family vacations, we ensure we do something together without necessarily involving the kids.

Couple Profiling As parents of young children, how do you instil godliness in your children? (W) We ensure that we instil the place of devotions into the children and also ensure that we speak to them about the importance of knowing God and learning to be a doer and a child of honour in the hands of the Lord. We also use some everyday situations as teachable moments, ensuring that they pay particular attention to the state of their hearts. Every marriage has its defining moment, what would you say is yours and why? (H) I think one of the defining moments in our relationship happened after a few months of dating long distance. I came to Lagos for a visit, and when we had a great time and it was time to say goodbye, it dawned on both of us that we just wished we didn’t have to say goodbye. There were tears, and we ended up talking about our first face-to-face meeting and how, at that point, we were both pretty much sure that we were going to go all the way to marriage and kind of really started talking in “we” terms, and it was just natural to refer to each other as “the one,” despite the fact that I was going back to London and she back to the western part of Nigeria, where she worked then. Describe how you resolve conflicts in your marriage. (W) Sometimes, depending on how glaring the issue at the centre of the conflict is, it is easy to make the point, and the other party just agrees and sees reason with the more viable solution. However, sometimes, it’s harder to get the point across to the spouse and, typically, we try to remind ourselves that we are working towards a common goal, and as such, we try to lay the cards on the table and then remind ourselves that in all of these, God has an expectation of us. So, usually, we end up coming to a compromise on the issues that caused the conflict in the first place.

What would you say are your partner’s strengths and weaknesses in the kitchen? (H) Weaknesses—she doesn’t and will not pound yam! Strengths—she has way more strengths in the kitchen as she is a great cook actually and doesn’t like a dirty kitchen. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go, how long would you stay, and what is the number one thing that you would do?

God. Then, I would advise them on the importance, as a couple, to be able to seek God together, pray together, and turn to the same singular source when the need arises. I would also like to let them know that it is important to be friends with your spouse. A friendship goes a long way when the chips are down and push comes to shove. And, of course, the place of love and compromise cannot be overemphasised, and with these in place, I believe every young couple or intending couple can weather the storms of life in a marriage by the Grace of God.

(W) Bahamas, the Sandals resort. We would probably spend about ten days, and really, the first thing we’d do is appreciate God for the opportunity and once done with that, we would go and relax on the beach! On your next milestone wedding anniversary, what would you like to do that you have not already done? (H) We have yet to visit Dubai, so hopefully, a trip to Dubai would be nice and relaxing to enjoy some R & R (rest and relaxation) in a seven-star hotel. If you were asked to give newlyweds the best advice in the world that has worked for you, what would it be? (W) I would first get the intending or young and upcoming couple to understand the need as individuals to know God and strive for a personal relationship with Fall 2014

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Business Profiling

a r o m a Z a i Z

www.ziazamora.com Billy Olads, billyfad@gmail.com 26

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Fall 2014

Business Profiling

Fall 2014

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smile

Peering through the miles, I smile. The miles that have passed and made me, me! The time that has passed and the experiences I have encountered. How did I come through that?

The Gentle Hand on my shoulders, urging me forward. The Ever Present Push that allowed me to move on. The Quiet Voice that says, yes, you can do it. Thinking it over, I smile. The Love that has empowered me to be free. The Spirit that contains my acceptance. The Force that upholds my life. Peering through the miles . . . I smile.

Ovalyn Adeoye

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Fall 2014

“Lemonizing” Yourself

any DIY (do it yourself) beauty experts have uncovered beauty secrets that are present in the foods we eat. One such food, or shall I say fruit, is lemons. Packed with vitamin C, ascorbic acid, antioxidants, and other great vitamins and minerals, this universal fruit is used by many people across the globe for various uses. Although the best way to get the most out of our food is to eat it, the lemon is a unique type of food that works great when eaten or applied topically. What if I told you that the lemons in your kitchen have far greater potential than what you’re currently using them for? Would you believe me if I told you that they can replace many of the expensive bottles of skin care products in your bathroom? If so, let me tell you three things you could do when life throws you a lemon.

Use it as a deodorant: The acidic and antifungal properties in lemons helps to fight against odor-causing bacteria, while the acidity helps to tone dark spots. For clean, sweet smelling armpits, simply rub a small wedge of freshly cut lemon under each arm while in the shower, rinse off after a few minutes, and apply coconut oil or any other light oil to moisturize the skin.

Use it to lighten dark spots and blemishes: You can replace your skin-drying, alcohol-based toner with lemon juice by rubbing a wedge of lemon on your face after your regular facial cleansing. Make sure to massage the juice in a circular motion to allow it to work through your pores. Rinse off and follow with a moisturizer.

Use it to soothe chapped lips: Lemons are a common ingredient in many cleansing products, so it’s no surprise that they can also be used as an exfoliant. So the next time you need to remove dead skin cells from your lips or skin in general, simply rub a lemon wedge on your skin, but be sure to avoid open wounds. Skin exfoliation can be done on a weekly basis to ensure that the skin remains at its optimal state. Now, can you see what to do with the lemon life throws at you?

lemons in your kitchen have far greater potential than what you’re currently using them for

Adeola Adegbusi

Fall 2014

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When all is stripped away and the music simply fades” (Delirious), when God without having to ask, gets our undivided attention. Should things have to get to such an extreme state before we remember all of God’s benefits? And as a result begin to develop a relationship with Him. Sometimes it is a marriage crisis, health issues, family problems, financial stress, or like in Jacob’s case - the fear of losing our lives. At that moment, we realize that nothing else is important until we get through that crisis. As a new immigrant in Canada, I was surprised by the sudden threat of an instant divorce, with no explanations given. All his friends were my friends, hence I had no friends. God now became my first “bus stop”, my second “bus stop” and my last “bus stop”. There was only one small problem, I was not a born again Christian, therefore God was not obligated to listen to me nor send help my way. Things were so bad that I could not even remember the last time I entered a church building. Indeed, He who sits in the heaven laughs (psalm 2:4). One morning, while in Jamaica I turned the television on, the Pastor Kenneth Copeland was talking about the blessings of tithing. I liked the blessings, so I made a vow to God, that if He gave me all my immigration papers for Canada, got me there and also got me a job there, I would always pay my tithe. Looking back, I am sure God answered, “will do with pleasure”. What I was actually saying to God like Jacob said when he made a similar vow was that Lord shall be my God (Genesis 28:21).

God is faithful and God is real. If we learn to seek him first or inquire of Him first, He will direct our path. Hence we will not experience the “great fear and distress” (Genesis 32:7) that Jacob encountered. God has to be our first, second and last “bus stop” at all times, not just when all is stripped away. If you make Jesus your LORD and Savior today and continue to give him first place in your life, you will never need a fourth” bus stop”.

Alysha Coleman It did not take me very long before I realized that God takes vows seriously, and it is my personal belief that he especially honors the vows with the payment of tithe attached to it. God came through for me as He did for Jacob, who went back to Bethel (the place he made a vow to pay tithes to God) and made an altar “to God who answered me in the day of my distress” (Genesis 35:3b). I came to Canada in May, got a job in August, when I started paying my tithe, and have not stopped, by October of that same year I was water baptized. Because God is no respecter of persons, He will do the same for you.

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Fall 2014

I tell you that I am waiting on the Lord (Genesis 32:24–30). You tell me I don’t have someone. I tell you that I am waiting patiently on my God (Psalm 40:1). You tell me I am single and lonely.

I tell you I am waiting for my God to choose for me (Hebrews 6:15).

You tell me that I don’t have options with men. I tell you that I am alone with God to hear His will for me (Psalm 40:8). You tell me that I am getting older and that time is flying. I tell you that I am waiting on God’s lead (Psalm 23:1). You tell me that I should go with the one who is currently asking me out. I tell you that I am going to let God choose for me (Genesis 24:7). You tell me that I am picky. I tell you that I am spending time alone with my God (Matthew 6: 33). You tell me that women my age should be married with children. I tell you that I am waiting on the Lord (Psalm 119:105). You tell me time is ticking and to just choose one. I tell you that I am waiting on my Maker; my beginning and the end; my first and last; the Author and Finisher of my faith; my first love; my Creator. I am waiting on the One who loves me the most, the Lifter of my head, and the One who has the final say over my life. You say nothing! And I say, Amen!

Tracy Alli

Fall 2014

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Hot Topic

Detoxify your pain

not end well. It is like a bear that gets a big splinter caught in o I got into a fight recently. Yes, you heard right. his paw. If he does not do something about it, it can lead to This so-called â&#x20AC;&#x153;friendâ&#x20AC;? of mine did something an infection that slowly spreads throughout his whole body. to me that I cannot even bear to repeat. Oh, did I give it to her. I let her have everything on my Here are some practical steps to sucmind and added some extra with whipped cream. She will never Letting the pain and hurt others cessfully cleanse our hearts of unforthink to do that again. have caused us control our lives giveness, resentment, and bitterness: The next week, I saw her from afar in service, sitting in the first row. The whole incident came rushing back, and I got angry all over again. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even pay attention to the service after that. I wanted to go to the pastor and tell him all that she did to me so that he could be on my side and kick her out of church.

will not end well. It is like a bear that gets a big splinter caught in his paw. If he does not do something about it, it can lead to an infection that slowly spreads throughout his whole body.

Did you hear what I said? As wrong as it may be, that is how many of us have felt. And that is how the enemy wins. As we take time in our day-to-day lives to clean our dirty laundry, kitchens, and homes and visit the spa to detox and cleanse our bodies, the same is required to clean our heart of grudges. Unforgiveness is spiritual filthiness that needs to be cleansed. It comes in a combo package of resentment and bitterness and can be deadly if it is not dealt with. The good news is that the Word of God, through the help of the Holy Spirit, is able to wash clean every unforgiveness. Anger, pain, and jealousy lead to bitterness and that leads to irrational behaviour. That is the effect that holding forgiveness and grudges can have on our lives. Letting the pain and hurt others have caused us control our lives will 32

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1. Pray to God for His grace to forgive. 2. Embrace the mercy of God and joy that comes from forgiveness. 3. Appreciate the Word of God on forgiveness. 4. Make a decision to act in obedience to the Word of God to forgive. 5. Decide from your heart to genuinely

forgive. 6. Connect back with the people you have forgiven and show love. As children of God, we need to learn how to forgive those who have wronged us. Yes, no matter what it is they have done. This does not mean that we should foolishly believe everything this person says and does in the future, but we can pray for a discerning spirit and use wisdom when dealing with him or her. If you do not forgive, you are letting a root of bitterness grow in you, which will hinder you from experiencing the fullness of what God wants to do in your life. Free yourself from the bondage of unforgiveness. Take back the reigns from the enemy and walk in love with all, no matter how tough it might be.

Hot Topic

have often heard that unforgiveness is like a cancer that eats you from the inside. It starts as a speck, but if it is not addressed, it grows into something big, something dark and ugly, and it takes over the soul. Sounds over the top and dramatic, but look at this this way. When you have unforgiveness, you cannot let the issue go. Something you thought could be pushed aside and not addressed starts to grow because you are secretly nursing it. It is like a secret seed that you planted in the dark, and as you secretly feed it, it grows and keeps growing. There is really no dictionary definition for unforgiveness; rather, you are referred to the word “unforgiving,” which means not disposed to forgive or show mercy. You slowly become suspicious of people, guarded, and unwilling to let things go. Simple things become suspicious, and you start to put in energy to keep things hidden.

How about your new friend? Are experiences from the past influencing the way you relate to your friends and family? What are the experiences that are influencing your new relationships? These questions are just a few of the many questions you would need to ask yourself to ensure that you are not harbouring unforgiveness. If you have answered “yes” to more than one of these questions, you need to let whatever it is go. You need to do it for your own sake. Let it go, which is the definition of to forgive; you need to cancel that debt. Cancel it because each day brings enough of its own challenges; you do not need to pile baggage from the old into the new. The mercies of God are new every morning. He forgives us anew every day. We should do the same. Walk with a sprint in your step and do not let the heaviness that comes with unforgiveness weigh you down.

The poison that feeds from unforgiveness grows slowly but surely

The poison that feeds from unforgiveness grows slowly but surely. We might not acknowledge it, but we must admit that evil has a slow but steady way of creeping up on things when we are not aware or are making an effort to keep it away. This is what unforgiveness does.

Let Go and Let God. Nebechi Olowoyeye

You might wonder, how do I know I have unforgiveness, and why do I need to work on ensuring that I do not habour unforgiveness? You need to search yourself. Evaluate your relationship with friends and family members, old and new. Why are you no longer in touch with them? What would you say of your friends/family? Would you genuinely reach out to an old friend if you ran into one? What memory do you have of that old friend? What would you say of him or her? Fall 2014

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Ready for the Fall Season

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Fall 2014

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Who is an Entrepreneur? Questions YOU should ask before starting that business. 1. Do you have a vision?

ntrepreneurs create their future because it is the vision that propels them into action. Each time you take action on your vision, you learn . . . usually what not to do and what doesn’t work. Despite failures, entrepreneurs live by the rule “no pain no gain.” You need to have broad shoulders, compassion, and a big heart to contribute value to the lives of others. That is what your goal should be as an entrepreneur.

3. Are you risk taker?

f you are only comfortable with a sure thing, or if you are averse to risk, then entrepreneurship is probably not for you. Being an entrepreneur is one of the most courageous things you can do in your life. There is nothing more rewarding than being in business for yourself and investing your entire being into improving the quality of life of others, even though there are no guarantees other than obstacles to overcome and plenty of doubters. You will need to associate with like-minded people who are living your dream and doing the things you desire to do. Seek their advice, encouragement, and insight because they have once been in the same shoes you are in today.

Despite failures, entrepreneurs live by the rule “no pain no gain.” You need to have broad shoulders, compassion, and a big heart to contribute value to the lives of others. That is what your goal should be as an entrepreneur.

2. Does failure empower you?

he first attempt or two will turn into a complete disaster before you hit your stride. Getting up and dusting yourself off is perhaps the most important aspect of becoming a successful entrepreneur. With each failed endeavour comes experience, knowledge, and a capability you didn’t have before. So you need to suck it up, continue learning, get better, and don’t let go of your vision. The reason you keep going is a deep down desire to make the world a better place. 36

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f you have answered “yes” to the questions above, then you are on your way to starting your journey to entrepreneurship.

Andrea Adenuga

Sufficient Grace

ll the arrangements had been made and the excitement was indescribable. We had it all planned out. The kids would be dropped off at my parents to spend the holidays, and my husband and I would go on our long-awaited trip—no phone calls and no distractions—just the two of us. The date of our departure was October 20 and the year was 2005. And so October 20 came, but we never made the trip, not because we didn’t want to or because our flight was cancelled, but because four days earlier, my mom passed on. Every now and then, I am asked, “How do you get over losing a loved one?” My answer has evolved over the years. I think the most practical answer is that you never actually do because certain incidents will trigger certain memories and emotions. You only get used to not having them around. If I had to describe how I felt when I lost my mom, I would say physically, I was emaciated; emotionally, I was a wreck; socially, I was a recluse; and spiritually, I was hurt. I found myself wanting to kneel down and pray but instead groaning and crying. I found myself wanting peace and quiet but instead asking, “Why?” and “What if?” and wondering if life would ever be back to normal. But over time, I have now learned that what I felt was not uncommon and people feel the same emotions—pain, disappointment, hurt, distress—in different circumstances. In fact, Apostle Paul, a man so passionate about God that he was willing to give his life for the gospel (Acts 21:13), described situations such as this as “thorns in the flesh.”

2 Corinthians 12:7–10: “I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That

how do you go from a place of devastation and pain to a place of rejoicing in your difficulties? How do you move from a place of weakness to a place of strength? Only by letting yourself go in His presence, stripping yourself of all the pretences, being alone with God, letting the tears roll, keeping it real in His presence is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I have now realized that I was in the perfect place for the power of God to be made perfect (verse 9) and that only His grace was sufficient enough to see me through. So, how do you go from a place of devastation and pain to a place of rejoicing in your difficulties? How do you move from a place of weakness to a place of strength? Only by letting yourself go in His presence, stripping yourself of all the pretences, being alone with God, letting the tears roll, keeping it real in His presence, letting the Holy Spirit intercede when you are too weak to speak, and asking, trusting, and depending fully on His all-sufficient grace. Isoken Osunde Fall 2014

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while you are still there. He knows how you struggle with loneliness sometimes and fears of inadequacy. He sees how hard it can be for you to pick yourself up sometimes and go about the day with a smile on your face, hiding the hurt you feel.

There is someone with you right now. No, I am not talking about the person sitting a couple tables over, or the person on the seat next to you. I am talking about your comforter. The Holy Spirit is with you as you sleep, work, and go about your day. He is your ever present help and comforter in times of need.

The Holy Spirit is with you as you sleep, work, and go about your day. He is your ever present help and comforter in times of need. He knows the pain you feel as you see all the friends you went to school with get jobs, get married, and have children,

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You are not alone, my dear, and he promises that you never will be (Hebrews 13:5). Ovalyn Adeoye

Yes, I know we all know that. But do we really KNOW that? It is not just something pastors say to make you feel good, or what the Bible says to fill up the words on the page. It is a fact.

My sister, be encouraged with the fact that you are never truly alone. You have a friend who cares more deeply than words can ever express and promises that it will end in joy (Psalm 126:6.) Confide in him because he cares about the outcome. He wants to see you trust him and relate with him even when the circumstances around you dictate otherwise.

Fall 2014

Noise, Noise, Noise Everywhere

nd what alarm is that again? It was my clothes dryer’s endof-cycle alarm! Everything these days makes some kind of sound: the oven pops, the pressure cooker whistles, the refrigerator drips, the kettle screeches, the clock beeps, and every toy has a sound.

Noise, noise, noise everywhere. Everything wants your attention: e-mails don’t stop trickling in, and the phone buzzes with a new message again and again. Here we are in a noisy world with yelling, opinions and options, flashing colours, and blinking lights, but our soul—our very being—seeks something deeper and richer that all these noises cannot satisfy.

We have a well-paying job, houses to our name, closets full of clothes, bags, shoes, and jewellery, a long list of phone and e-mail contacts, and a desire for more, but we are still not satisfied. Don’t we need to seek quietness and true deep down satisfaction? How desperately do you need true satisfaction? How long can you cope with dissatisfaction? How many more things do you think can satisfy? A change of job, a change of car, a bigger house, more committed friends, the dream vacation? These things are excellent and needed for life, but life will be empty without the blessing, and daily living will be frustrating when life’s true purpose is not fulfilled.

ity time with God in worship, prayer, studying His word, and fellowship with believers. What we really want is a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit beyond what happens when we fellowship with other believers in church, to be alone with God even in the midst of our noisy world, and our spirit always quiet enough to hear him. Jesus started his ministry by being alone in the wilderness for forty days, and the Bible says he started every day of His life being alone for the first few hours. Moses could not have been that great leader without being alone at the burning bush. Abraham, Gideon, Elisha, Paul (Saul), and more had their being alone experience before they were shown to their world. In the place of quietness is where we hear God, where His words are clear to us—that is, where He meets with us, and that is where He touches us, satisfies us, and blesses us. So no matter what we do or how long we search, we cannot be satisfied until we cultivate a habit of quietness in our spirit and a consistent intimate fellowship with God. That is when we can be satisfied by God himself, who touches us the way we need to be touched, and then He blesses us with the Blessing. Titi Oyegbile

What we all need is deep intimacy with God: a relationship that permeates all areas of our life, a quiet spirit that cannot be distracted by the noise around us, and an ear that is always listening to God and cannot be interrupted by any sound. What our real person longs for is continuous communion with God, a life of constant fellowship, spending qualFall 2014

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Fan the Flame

hat do you do when it seems you are falling out of love with the “love of your life”? When you start questioning whether you made the right decision to spend your forever with him? When you reweigh your options and wonder if you said “I do” to the right one? When you have more arguments than real conversations, and the dream of growing up and growing old together seems unachievable, what do you do? There comes a time when the spark is just not as strong as the first time you met. Whenever you see it burning low or perceive your once blue, sparkling flame is going dim, it is time to rekindle that flame. Change the setting: My husband and I give ourselves the gift of uninterrupted time, where it is just the two of us; it does not have to be fancy, it could be an evening stroll or a coffee date. There is something about the time spent with no bills and kids to think about, no chores to complete, and no other eyes to look into than those of your husband that sparks the flame once again. Down memory lane: Revisit the wedding album and recall the smile on your face and how beautiful you looked. Remember the vows. I bet he did not promise to be your everything—at least, mine did not—but he promised to take care of me, to love and cherish me, and come to think of it, he is doing a good job. What were your own vows? If you can’t remember them, it would be fun to rewrite them during one of your times alone. Be in it together: I am not a sports person, but my husband loves anything sports. One hot summer day, he went to 40

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play golf, and I agreed to pick him up afterwards. A woman walked up to me, and we had the following conversation: Woman: Is that your husband? Me: Yes. Woman: You have just missed three good hours that you could have spent, all alone, with your man! Needless to say, that sealed it for me: It could only have been God Himself speaking through that woman, a total stranger. I made up my mind to never let my testimony be “we grew apart.” That one thing: There has to be something he is good at and does not mind doing for you repeatedly—go on a quest to find out what that is, if you have not already, and focus on that one thing; it may seem insignificant, but focus on it. I don’t keep the scorecard of things my husband does not do; instead, I magnify his unique style and every other thing does not matter. Remember 1 Corinthians 13:5, which says love keeps no record of wrongs. Now it is your turn to fan the flame of your marriage, keep it burning, and have the assurance that the end will be spectacular. Folake Coker

There has to be something he is good at and does not mind doing for you repeatedly—go on a quest to find out what that is, if you have not already, and focus on that one thing; it may seem insignificant, but focus on it.

Inspiring the best in you.

saac was meditating in the fields in the evening when, as the Bible tells us, “he lifted up his eyes and saw” (Gen. 24:63). Seeing came out of this experience of being left alone with God. What is the difference between sight and blindness? In our quiet moments with God, He sets before us the most marvelous gifts and delicacies, which are hidden from the hurried man. In these quiet moments, the saint begins to see what God has for him. Seeing often brings us to a transformative experience, as in the case of Jacob (Gen. 28). And indeed, seeing is the only way to experience personal transformation. All other efforts to obtain renewal will be as fruitless as casting seeds upon the wayside.

Enduring transformation seldom occurs unless a man has a personal, private, and protracted encounter with God on a regular basis. Time about God never replaces time with God. Bible reading does not replace holy intercession. Jacob was left alone with God. How did this happen? Who made him do it? Jacob made himself do it! Stay away from those who tell you, “Everything has already been done,” that there is “nothing left for you to do today.” They are wrong!

You need to learn to know God by meeting with God alone. God is very jealous of you. He wants personal time with you. If you don’t give it to Him, you will eventually wither away and die. Jesus sent the multitudes away. If you are not willing to turn away people who have needs and wishes, you will never walk with God.

sure.” His life was always governed by His Father. And He said: “The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more shall they call them of his household?” (Matt. 10:24–25).

“And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone” (Matt. 14:23 ).

Stop living to meet the expectations of men. Don’t become a slave to any man; instead, start living to meet the expectations of God. You cannot have it both ways. If you do the latter, streams of living water will flow out of your innermost being to those in need. You will have power with God. God will reveal to you “treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places” (Isaiah 45:3).

Learn to set limits and have boundaries for your life. Learn how to say “No,” as Jesus did when He was with us, without feeling guilty. Many of the people who came to Jesus traveled for hours or

days to have their needs met. But when Jesus needed to be alone with His Father, He sent them away, so He could pray. Whenever you want to be alone with God, you have to send some things away: relatives, friends, schedules, and opportunities. Many times, you have to send away your reputation and not care what people think of you. Many times, people will be hurt by your decision to do this. This was the case with Jesus. Although many were offended by Him, Jesus did not succumb to “people pres-

He will teach you how to hear His voice. Jesus said: “My sheep hear my voice, and they follow me” (Jn. 10:27). When you are alone with Him, He will teach you what hinders you from hearing His voice. He will teach you as soon as you surrender fully to Him, yet slowly enough for you not to miss a lesson. He will teach you what it means to be yoked together with Him, to walk at His pace and in His time. Jacob was left alone—with God. Tope Akinsiku Fall 2014

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Demystifying Special Needs

• Severe and /or Multiple Disability was waiting at the airport termi• Traumatic Brain Injury nal for my flight to Africa, I saw a mother also waiting with her two People often ask, kids, a boy and a girl. The boy “What is autism?” had an unusual tone; he was waving his hands and As an instrucrocking back and tional therapist of forth. Some pasAn autistic person’s intensive behavsengers waiting in brain is put together ioral intervention the terminal had a (IBI) and applied differently, lot of unpleasant behavior analysis comments about but that brain (ABA), I tell them the boy. I felt sorstill works perfectly autism is a condiry for the mother tion that people and reflected on are born with—it how ignorant people is not contagious. An autistic person’s were of the fact that he was autistic brain is put together differently, but and not “crazy.” I hoped and prayed that brain still works perfectly. Autistic that the mother got treatment for the individuals vary greatly on how they child and believed that the boy could are impacted by their differget better with time. “It was not that ences—from highly articthis man sinned, or his parents but that ulate individuals to the works of God might be displayed in severely disabled him” (John 9:1–3). individuals who are unable to comA child with special needs is a child municate. “God arranged the memwho has unique medical or developbers in the body, each one of them mental difficulties; he or she needs as he chose” (1 Corinthians 12:18). additional educational, mental/health, Autism, also called autism spectrum and social/ environmental support. disorder (ASD), is a neurological disorder that has an effect on normal Types of childhood disabilities and brain function. It is a complex developspecial needs include the following: mental condition that affects an individual’s communication, behavioural, • Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and social abilities. It is caused by a • Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity brain abnormality. Most health-care Disorder (AD/HD) professionals will use the guidelines in • Cerebral Palsy the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual • Down Syndrome of Mental Disorders (DSM) to diagnose • Emotional Disturbance autistic individuals. One in 110 children • Epilepsy has ASD, and boys are four times more • Learning Disability likely to have ASD than girls are. • Mental Retardation • Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) 42

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Early signs of autism and developmental delay may include some of the following: • Speaking with unusual tones or rhythms • Use of gestures instead of speaking • Not babbling by one year of age • Not combining words • Intolerant of change • Not following directions

General Behaviors • Not knowing how to play with toys or enjoy playing alone • Overreacts to changes in diet, clothing, routines, and environment • Lacks friends appropriate to his or her age group • Has repetitive behaviours such as waving hands, head banging, rocking, and hand flapping Social Skills • Not having typical play patterns with a child of similar age • Enjoys personal successes with him- or herself

A colleague at work told me that six years ago, her son was unable to speak or engage in peer play, unable to dress himself, and unable to sit still at school, but today, with the help of God and the backing of an instructional therapist, he is now thriving in the mainstreamed third grade class. A parent with an autistic child should educate him- or herself about autism and start treatment earlier; don’t wait for an official diagnosis, become an expert and find out what triggers your kids unpleasant behaviours. Health-care professionals are available to help.

The following is a list of possible treatments: • • • •

Prescription medications Speech and language therapy Occupational therapy (OT) Applied behavior analysis

Six things people with autism wish you knew: • They are human—they have feelings, ideas, talents, dreams, and thoughts • They are concrete thinkers— don’t tell them something is “a piece of cake” when there is no dessert in sight. They find it difficult to understand puns, idioms, nuances, and sarcasm • They are visual thinkers—they need to see something to learn it • They are good at drawing, art, computer programming, fixing, and building • It is best to focus and build on what they are best at rather than trying to fix them • Love them unconditionally and be patient When I was growing up, I witnessed an aunt of mine being badly treated because she was developmentally disabled. That experience motivated me to learn and try to help disabled individuals like her to achieve their hidden potential and unveil the hidden treasure inside an them that we are all missing.

dividual better once they understand why they react or behave differently to situations. A positive outcome of an early intervention program for children with developmental disabilities has been documented in various publications; however, children with autism are typically not diagnosed until they reach the age of four, as there are no medical tests to make a definite diagnosis of autism. Many medical professionals and parents take a “wait and see” approach due to a wide range of normalcy in early developing children. Thus, early intervention to manage distressing symptoms and teach age-appropriate communication, social, and vocation skills could be delayed. Therefore, it is crucial for a parent to address their child’s needs in all developmental areas and be attentive to his or her development. Autism spectrum disorder is a complex syndrome that requires understanding; it is not a disease that must be cured.

Tope Oluwaniyi

It is important for everyone to k n ow, support, and believe that an autistic child can improve and function well in the society with treatment and the grace of God, who is the healer. With appropriate therapy, many symptoms of an autistic individual can be improved (Psalm 50:15). It has always been my experience that people treat an autistic inFall 2014

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Recipes Poulet Director General (Cameroonian Dish) Ingredients • 1 pound of chicken breast • 1 finger of plantain (whole ripe plantain) • 1/2 red, green, yellow bell peppers • A handful of chopped carrots • 1/2 bulb of onion • 2 cloves of garlic • 1/2 teaspoon chopped ginger • 1 chopped tomato • A handful chopped spring onions • 1/4 teaspoon of Chili powder • Seasoning • 1 cooking spoon of Vegetable oil • Salt to taste Method Season the chicken with salt, pepper and seasoning cubes and marinate for 1 hour or two. Chop your vegetables and set aside. Chop your plantain to any desired shape, fry and set aside. Heat up the cooking spoon of oil and fry the chicken till its brown on both sides. Pour in the chopped tomatoes and onions and fry for about 3 minutes on medium heat. Add the rest of the chopped vegetables and fry with the chicken. The vegetables will produce some liquid enough to properly cook the chicken. Add your seasoning and allow it to simmer for 10 minutes on low-medium heat. Finally add your plantain and stir into the sauce. Serve hot.

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Recipes Chicken in White Sauce with Rice Ingredients (Serves 3-4) • 4 Chicken breasts • 4 Tablespoons butter/Margarine – Preferably butter • 1.5 cups of coconut milk (or regular milk) • 1-tablespoon cornstarch • 2 handfuls of chopped carrots • 2 handfuls of chopped red bell pepper • 1 handful of chopped spring onions • 1 handful of chopped green beans • 1 clove of Garlic • 2 teaspoons of dry pepper (chili powder) • Seasoning cubes • Salt

Method Season your chicken with salt, 1 teaspoon of dry pepper, seasoning cubes, chopped garlic and 2 tablespoons of butter and bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes at 350F. To ensure the chicken is cooked, make an incision in the middle of the chicken to check if it’s red. Then if not, it’s cooked. If you are boiling your chicken, just season and boil and set aside. In a pot on low-medium heat, pour in your milk, cornstarch, remaining butter, and all your seasoning. Keep stirring the sauce so it does not over-thicken. Add your vegetables and stir in. If you are adding your boiled chicken, add it at this stage as well or you can serve it on the side. The sauce should be slightly thick not all the way. If it thickens too fast, add more water and stir. The whole process of cooking the sauce should take just 5-8 minutes. Serve with white rice.

Fall 2014

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How to

Maintain a

Balanced

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• Focus on the important things: Some things just do not require any attention or require very little attention. Not doing everything does not stop the world from going round. Spending time on the important things helps me exert my energy on a few things rather than everything.

• Know your limit: Everyone has a threshold, and at the

Life

same time, there will always be something to do. Knowing my threshold helps me identify the warning signs to know when my body needs rest. It could be as simple as turning in early, sleeping in, or falling asleep on the couch.

• Ask for help: Ask for help from family members, such as your husband and children, as well as colleagues and friends.

• Plan ahead: When I fail to plan, I find myself doing everything or trying to accomplish everything within a short time. This triggers stress.

• Prioritize: Take time to consider and reassess your tasks and duties.

• Trust God in every situation: Learn to depend on God, as you cannot do it alone.

Fall 2014

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As women we often have to make a decision whether to pursue a career outside the home or to stay home and nurture the children especially during the early stages of their lives. We have to ensure that we are in agreement with our husbands so that there are no deep seated grudges. This important decision must be made taking into consideration the impact on the children, the family lifestyle, the income you can earn, child care costs, impact on your current career and overall family finances. Below are some questions that should discuss with your husband before you both make a final decision on seeking employment outside the home.

Do you have a child(ren) that is not of school age and needs to go to day care? Day care costs are often very significant.

Is your husbandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s income enough to support the basic needs of the family? If so, there is no pressure for you to work and you can focus on the other considerations below.

Does your husband have a demanding job that involves long hours and you are the one that usually takes care of the children? It is always best to have both parents involved in parenting. If your work will be demanding and involve long hours and the same is true for your husband, the children will not get the attention they need. 48

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Are you getting a job that you love to do or just going to work for the sake of working? If you have not found the job you like and there are no financial pressures, take time to enjoy your children and perhaps retrain or take a course you are interested in.

Will your income cover the child care expenses as well as the costs associated with working e.g transportation, corporate clothing, vehicle maintenance, etc? If the income you expect to earn less the expected expenses is not significant, consider if there is any other value attached to working, since the monetary value does not add up.

Will your work require significant commute and impact how quickly you can reach your kids when required? If both you and your husband work far away from home, consider how will you handle emergency calls from the school or day care.

Will your career be significantly impacted if you take some time off? There are some careers where this has a significant negative impact and you need to take this into consideration. Shade Okafo

Dealing with past fears 1

Have an Overcomer Mentality: As a Christian we should not have a victim mentality but a victorious mentality because the bible says we have overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.

Study the Word of God: Believe in God promises that are written in the bible and meditate on them regularly.

Pray: Turn your fears to God rather than denying them or clinging to them. Cast all your fears, worries and anxieties on God because He cares for you (1Peter 5:7)

In Conclusion, we need to stand firmly on God’s promises when we are faced with past fears. God promises to be with us no matter how difficult or confusing life becomes. He says he will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrew 13: 5). Jesus declared “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Mathew28:20). You are never alone if you know Christ as your Lord. Shola Laniyan

Confess the Word: Don’t confess your situation, but confess what the word says about your situation.

Build Up your Faith: As a Christian we should build our faith by reading Bible, Christian Literature and Motivational books and listening to Christian music.

Fall 2014

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Are You Comfortable Alone?

he most popular understanding of the word “alone” is “to be separate, apart, and isolated from others.” There is, however, a second definition that is interesting, unique, and incomparable.

This is a different twist to the word. So the questions to ponder are as follows: Are you comfortable being unique? Are you comfortable being yourself no matter what, or are you a copy of someone else? Do you find yourself changing your behavior or personality depending on which crowd you are chilling with?

E ac h o n

e of us must

First Peter 2:9 says, “You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people.” Each one of us must embrace our uniqueness because that is where our beauty and strength lie. We cannot be clones of other people. So that I am not misinterpreted, let me say that there are positive traits in other people that we admire and aspire to attain. Our aim should not be to be exactly like anyone else. Mine Ogunsiji

rength lie. We cannot be clones embrace our uniqueness because that is where our beaut y and st of othe

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r peo p l e.

The Priceless Things in Life

aving a baby is an experience that, in most cases, is pleasurable or exciting. At the very least, it gives a few months’ notice to the expectant mother. But what a mother never plans for is her child’s falling ill. When this happens, a mother is at a crossroad between deciding whether to give in to circumstances or to try to beat the odds. I found myself in exactly this situation a few years ago when my son suddenly became ill, and everything came to a sharp halt in my life. My focus suddenly narrowed from everything to

During the one month that I practically lived in the hospital with my son, I didn’t care if I slept on a chair, ate, or took a shower. I just wanted for him to get better and for us to have our lives back. I started to appreciate certain things more, including the following: • God. I depended on Him fully! I had no choice. He was the only one who could keep me strong and at the same time help my son recover. • Family and good friends. They were my support. • Prayer. Boy, did I pray! I probably prayed more than Daniel did in the lion’s den. I said, “God, if you can do this one thing—if you can just fix things . . .”

Stop and think: Perhaps the priceless things are the ones we should spend our time on. Maybe these things should determine our happiness, not the next house we buy, the next outfit we pick up at the mall, or that action that convinces us we have finally gotten back at someone. In my case, circumstances forced me to rethink my priorities, but many of us may just need to stop and take a break and ask ourselves: “Why am I making that next stop?” “Why am I about to touch that dial?” “Is that next conversation really necessary?” “Why am I under so much pressure to buy that next outfit or car?” Let’s focus on the things that really determine our joy and peace of mind. Perhaps we just need to stop and think! Isoken Osunde

one thing—total recovery for my son. I knew at that moment that if this one piece of the puzzle could be solved, then everything else would work out. I would be happy again, and everyone around me, including my husband, my children, my friends, and my family, would be all right. I just wanted to get my life back to normal. It is interesting that everything and everyone else in my life at that time were all dependent on something that had no price tag attached to it—good health.

• The Holy Bible. I carried it around; I sat by my son’s bed every day and studied it. I knew the starting point for his recovery was in it somewhere; I just needed to find it. Fall 2014

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Prioritizing kingdom service

omen today are so busy doing so many things! It is amazing to see how many things we juggle at the same time. Multitasking does not even begin to describe what we do as wives, mothers, home makers and career women. If we had 48 hours in a day, we still would not be able to finish all that we are tasked to do either by others or even by ourselves to meet expectations we have defined of who we should be and what we should do.

2. You can tap into the equity you have built with God by asking him for special requests that you have.

In the midst of our hectic schedule, we need to remember to also prioritize our service in the kingdom of God. Just as God has a plan and purpose for us as wives, mothers, home makers and career women, He also has a plan and purpose for us in the area of kingdom service.

If you are interested in kingdom service, below are some tips you can follow to get you started:

We can build equity with God by making his business our business; by using our talent and time to serve him in various capacities.

• Consider your availability for kingdom service. Can you commit to a fixed schedule or you need some flexibility based on your current circumstances? When are you available and not available?

Some of the benefits of kingdom service are: 1. God makes your business his business. He blesses and preserves your health, job, finances, children, marriage and many other aspects of your life.

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3. You derive fulfillment from using your God-given talents and skills to bless others. 4. You build stronger relationships with those that share the same faith with you. 5. Your skills and talent improve and multiply over time as you use them.

• Identify your talent, skill or strength or area of interest e.g. Are you good with electronics? Passionate about children? Love to work with number?

• Talk to one or two people in the group you are interested in about what they do, what is involved, the time commitment, etc.

• Be open-minded. You may not be assigned to the group you have indicated interest in for various reasons e.g. there may be no ‘vacancies’ in that group or there may be a greater need for volunteers in the group you have been assigned to. • Wherever you are assigned to, put in your best to serve God. Service in the Kingdom of God is a great opportunity to be blessed and be a blessing. Find a place to serve. You will surely reap the benefits. Shade Okafo

We can build equity with God by making his business our business; by using our talent and time to serve him in various capacities.

$10

wise activities with your children

rom three to six months and six months to ten years, these activities will have you and your little ones giggling and bonding on little or no budget.

Bubbles—A big bottle of bubble mix and some blowers are fun year round. You can catch some fun with it during bath time in winter or just blow it for your little people under the bright summer sun while they try to catch the bubbles.

Hiking—There are many things to see in the neighborhood. Dress appropriately for the weather and head out. Most neighborhoods have safe hiking paths, and you can decide what you want to watch while you are out— try to sneak up on a squirrel, chipmunk, or a variety of birds or pick flowers and examine sticks or stones. Your baby in the stroller will also love to listen to the birds sing or the frog croak.

I Spy—In your living room or outside, every child will enjoy the “I Spy” game. Make it fun by giving it a twist: “I spy with my little eye something that starts with the second letter in your name.”

Hide-and-Seek—Clear out any obstacles and decide where the game area will be. Then play a silly hide-and-seek game with your kids; you’ll see they are smarter than you are when it comes to this game.

Movie Night at Home—Turn your home into a theater—lights out, popcorn, crisps, and water or juice— and watch either a new or an old movie together. There are loads of family classics available for free in most local libraries. If you have the time, you can decide to watch a marathon of movies and see who falls asleep first.

Off to the Library—There are lots of free activities for kids of different ages all year in most libraries. Read a book or magazine while you wait for them.

Bible Person Night—Make learning about God fun by planning an exclusively fun night. You can have your kid(s) invite a friend over for an early evening pizza dinner followed by Bible person study and a game. Have your kid(s) pick a Bible person prior to this day, e.g., Joseph, and call it a Joseph night. Search the Internet for songs, games, and activities that are age appropriate with great lessons they can learn.

Bake Something—For a buck or two, you can buy a boxed cookie mix from your local grocery store. These come with easy instructions, and you will be your child’s hero by baking sweet sugar cookies together, or bake something else they like—they will be excited to work with you on any recipe.

Don’t just 9. make them clean, but clean and put things away with them Clean

Together—

without making it feel like a chore; maybe your children will be happy to spend time with you cleaning.

10.

When I was your age . . . Deliberately spend time sharing your lovely childhood memories (not the things you have achieved, the things you can do, or the ways you may be better than they are) with your kids to remind them to enjoy their childhood and to look forward to a great future. Titi Oyegbile

Fall 2014

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Hot Topic

distractions

How hard is it to keep focused on God? I have tried so hard to stay focused on Him. I so often say, “This time I won’t fail,” but at one point or another, something always draws me from behind and keeps me from focusing!

What we allow into our lives can distract us from God. Not all of these things are bad really, in fact, a lot are not, but they become a problem when we allow them to distract us from looking to God. These things can be anything from a job, car, or TV show to fantasizing about celebrities or even concentrating on church activities. There are so many things in this world that fight for our time, and when we allow them, we lose our focus on God. The answer is not necessarily to cut these distractions out entirely (in some cases it is), but to realize that they can distract us . . . and we need to keep them in check.

• Money: Money itself does not interfere in our walk with God, the love of money does (Matthew 6:19–34). • Media: Everywhere we turn, some sort of media is right in our face. The Internet, TV, movies, music, magazines, etc. Our young girls and women are bombard by the media with how they should look, talk, feel, and act (Psalm 139:14). • Relationships: Friends, parents, siblings, spouses, children, co-workers, bosses, etc., are but a few examples. God calls us to love one another (1 John 3:11), so when we do, it is an act of obedience to God. But don’t forget about God in the process. • Routine: Far too often we squeeze God in, when we have down time. It’s easy to get caught up in all the things we

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do; we must make sure spending time with God is a part of our routine. Be willing to abort your routine, and let God have complete control. • Our work: Everything from a job to leading worship to Sunday school teaching is a big deal in the life of Christians. It is easy to be caught up in our duties, but the most important thing is that we do it entirely for the Lord (Luke 10:38–42). We can have great motives behind our work, but they should not overshadow God. • Our desires: We can pray for a specific thing over and over again, but we must never forget about spending time with God. • Ourselves: We need to die to ourselves, and live in Christ (Romans 6:11). How to overcome distractions: 1. Identify distractions when they show up and ignore them. 2. Think positively. 3. Seek the help of the Holy Spirit to lead you. 4. Practice discipline and patience and be true to yourself on your way to accomplishing your goals. 5. Be focused, think about your goals, but do not lose sight of them and avoid procrastination. 6. Have a full knowledge of your environment and use it to your advantage.

There are so many things in this world that fight for our time, and when we allow them, we lose our focus on God. The answer is not necessarily to cut these distractions out entirely (in some cases it is), but to realize that they can distract us . . . and we need to keep them in check.

Alma was so exhausted; you could see the pain in her eyes. With tears falling down her face and eyes swollen and puffy, she opened her mouth to speak, but the words were not forthcoming. How do you begin to explain or comprehend the fact that the woman you have known for fifty-six years, the woman who nursed you from a baby, was not your biological mother? This was a very difficult situation for me as the health care provider for her mother. Alma’s mother was recently diagnosed with cancer of the lungs, and her prognosis was that she had about three months to live. Alma’s mother recently revealed to Alma that she was not her biological mother; she was actually adopted when she was about two months old. The painful part was that she revealed this when she knew she had just about three months to live. She stated, “I can’t bring myself to forgive my mother.” At some point in our life, we all have to deal with the issue of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness comes with a lot of baggage; it’s like a burden you carry attached with hatred, heartache, bitterness, evil speaking, and anger, which draw you back in life. As Christians, phrases such as “I just don’t think I could ever forgive” or “I have forgiven but not forgotten” build the spirit of unforgiviness. Unforgiveness is a choice we make in life. Either you let go of all the pain and hurt, or you live with it for the rest of your live, which is very destructive.

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The apostle Paul wrote, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31–32). Jesus willingly gave His life to save ours despite all our iniquities; He looked beyond our mistakes and granted us mercy. Holding on to flimsy issues causes a lifetime of pain and anguish because we refused to let go. Hurt is unavoidable: someone will hurt us, we will hurt someone, everyone is hurting, but we should remember that forgiveness is a process. With support and constant meditation on the word of God, the healing begins.

Joy Faleye

Unforgiveness is a choice we make in life. Either you let go of all the pain and hurt, or you live with it for the rest of your life, which is very destructive.

Fall 2014

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Dear Abby... Before You Say “I Do” . . . Dear Abby, My friend Anita met Kingsley approximately one year ago at a friend’s fortieth birthday. She was thirty-nine years old, single, and making good progress in her banking career at one of the top banks in Toronto. She was in a mid-level management position with good prospects to become a director in about a year. Anita had moved to Canada with her parents as a teenager about twenty-five years ago. Kingsley recently immigrated to Canada from London. He was born in the United Kingdom, studied and worked in Nigeria for a few years, and returned to the UK to continue his career in IT. Kingsley is thirty-five, single, and ready to work hard and live the Canadian dream. He is the first of four children and the only son. Both Anita and Kingsley attend the same church but move in different social circles. They do meet at various church social functions and both always look forward to chatting with each other about everything and nothing. Kingsley thinks Anita is a nice person, and he is interested in dating her. Anita likes Kingsley but thinks he is too young for her. She also would prefer someone who is well established financially and ready to marry within a year, not someone who just immigrated and is just working on settling in. What advice would you give to Anita and Kingsley?

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Anita and Kingsley need to get to know each other better to discover whether they indeed share the same faith, values, visions, and future plans. They both need to have some insight into each other’s family backgrounds, meet a few siblings, and the parents, if possible, on neutral ground. That being said, maturity and clarity of vision of the kind of life Kingsley wants and clarity of future goals ARE key considerations in choosing a life partner, especially at the stage in life that Anita and Kingsley are at now. However, spiritual maturity, ambition, and a passion to succeed are also as important. If they both discover they share the same faith, values, ambition, and plans for the future, then Anita and Kingsley can approach a leader or minister in their church to receive guidance on how to proceed.

You’re a hypocrite; you judge; and, inadvertently, you condemn. How can you tell her to stay when he hits her every day? How can you tell her to stay when she’s his physical punching bag?

mother deformed. One weekend I went away on a school trip. When I came back, my mum’s face was disfigured. She had one black eye, and the other eye was

You weren’t here the day we lost our mum to his abuse as “she had succumbed to the injuries, and it had caused internal bleeding that led to her death.” My mum married an unbeliever; she lived with the devil for more than fifteen years. You told her to stay; you judged her, and you told her it would get better. It didn’t!

You’re not here when he yells. You’re not here when he gets mad . . . and what provokes him is always so unpredictable. We walk on eggshells when he’s home, scared we will trigger him. Yesterday the food was too hot when she served it, so he threw it on her. Last week she was helping my brother tie his shoelace when he beckoned for my brother from the door; that cost her seven stripes with the back of his belt — how dare she make him wait!

Abuse is real and should not be underestimated. You should have told her to go to a pastor or the authorities. You should have prayed with her for strength. You should have made sure we were truly fine after you “resolved the argument.” You should have told him to seek therapy, to be accountable for his actions . . . You didn’t.

Yo u’r e not here when late at night she sobs profusely into her pillow because she doesn’t want us to hear, and you definitely weren’t here when he threw her down the stairs. We were here; we were here watching our mum stay because she didn’t want to break up our home. Every time he laid his hands on her, he took pieces of our hearts until we had nothing left. We lived in fear, and it affected us; you need to understand that abuse affects more than just the woman. It destroyed my self-esteem, my faith, and my confidence. No woman should endure abuse, and no child should have to see the face and body of his or her

or that it’s the “will of God.” Abuse is real and not the will of God because God is love (1 John 4:8), so don’t give ridiculous advice that has no scriptural foundation.

You weren’t here; and, now, neither is she.

swollen shut. Her nose was broken; her lips were as flattened as an aged balloon, and her skin was burnt by the hot oil we use to fry plantain, which he poured on her because he found out she went on a job interview. You weren’t here to see all this and more, so please don’t tell her to stay Fall 2014

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Eclectic, Gender-Neutral Nursery Beyond the pink and blue decor

ne of the most fun parts of preparing for your babyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s arrival is decorating the nursery. Gender-neutral nurseries add a dash of the unexpected and make the space versatile, opening up design possibilities. Start with a theme and color palette, then choose furniture, bedding, and window treatments, these are the fundamental elements your nursery will need before the baby is born. Create the nursery of your dreams with these helpful tips.

Colour Palette

The cribs will act as the roomâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s visual anchor and will have a big impact on how activity in the room flows.

Create zones for convenience To organize the nursery, divide the room into activity zones, including sleeping, feeding, changing, and playing, and incorporate storage into each zone. Area rugs also help define different zones, and with all the time babies spend on the floor, choosing a soft one for the play area is essential.

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There are many ways to incorporate color into the nursery without defining the room as a boy or girl space. Wall art displays, add personality to the nursery.

Expecting moms - if you plan to paint the room yourself, make sure to avoid oil-based products.

Decorate for you, not just the baby You should decorate your nursery to please yourself and to reflect your particular style. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be spending many hours in this room, so make sure you are happy with the colors and style of the room, while ensuring a serene, warm, and safe environment for your baby. Embrace the Work-In-Progress.

Functional Adaptable Furniture Plan ahead by choosing cribs that convert into toddler beds, a changing table that becomes a dresser, and modular shelving units that can be easily repurposed as needs change.

Jacqueline Harewood White Fall 2014

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Single but Whole

number of single ladies today seem to associate being single with being lonely, unhappy, and burdensome. They await the “bone of their bones, and flesh of their flesh” to come into their lives to make all things right, to be the answer to all of their prayers, and the antidote to their loneliness and unhappiness.

• Making a decision to love yourself, understand your worth to God, and what the purpose for your life is, as predestined by God. • Completely and gently letting go of relationships that did not work out in the past, learning from your experience, and looking forward with a positive attitude to a glorious future and relationship.

Why is it important to be single and whole? First, if you are not whole, you have set yourself up for abuse because you do not truly know yourself and your worth; therefore, look to others to help inform you of who you really are. Also, being single and whole is important because it gives you the opportunity to truly live life to the fullest while being single. You are able to look back at the “single” period of your life and have fun memories and stories of the However, if you things you did and achieved in this peare unhappy about riod of your life.

yourself as a single lady, you will be unhappy as a married woman.

However, if you are unhappy about yourself as a single lady, you will be unhappy as a married woman. Marriage is not a cure for unhappiness or loneliness; it is a new phase of life. Whereas a single woman already living her life to the fullest has an awesome opportunity to be a helper to a single man living his life to the fullness.

What does it mean to be single and whole? It means the following: • Pursuing your dreams and aspirations while being single and not letting the fact that you are not yet married break your focus. • Taking the time to understand who the real you is, what makes you tick, what makes you laugh, and so on, and not waiting for a man to come into your life to tell you who you are.

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A lady who is single and whole is able to objectively observe and evaluate a man who is looking to marry her because she does not feel pressured or desperate to get married, especially because she understands her worth and what she will be bringing to the table in a marriage.

Can I really be single and whole? As with a number of success factors in life, your mind-set often has a big role to play in being whole while single. You have to make a personal decision to live life to the fullest and ask God for the strength to maintain this positive mindset. I cannot say that changing your mind-set is the easiest thing because it requires hard work and discipline; however, it is extremely important for every single lady to have this mind-set. Mine Ogunsiji

The blessing in quietness

nd what alarm is that again? It was my cloth dryer end of cycle alarm! Everything these days make some kind of sound, the oven pops, the pressure cooker whistles, the refrigerator drips, the kettle screeches, the clock beeps and every toy has a sound. Noise, Noise, Noise everywhere. Everything around wants your attention, e-mails don’t stop trickling in, the phone buzzes with a new message again and again. Here we are in a noisy world with yelling opinions and options. Flashing colours and blinking lights but our soul – our very being seeks something deeper and richer that all these noise cannot satisfy. With a well paying job, houses to our name, closet full of clothes, bags, shoes and jewellery, a long list of phone and e-mail contacts and a desire for more but still not satisfied. Don’t we need to seek for quietness and true deep down satisfaction?

Jesus started his ministry by being alone in the wilderness for 40days and the bible says he started every day of his life being alone for the first few hours. Moses could not have been that great leader without being alone at the burning bush, Abraham, Gideon ,Elisha, Paul(Saul) and more had their being alone experience before they were shown to their world.

that cannot be distracted by the noise around us; an ear that is always listening to God and cannot be interrupted by any sound.

In the place of quietness is where we hear God, where his words are clear to us, that is where he meets with us and that is where he touches us, satisfies us and blesses us.

What our real person longs for is continuous communion with God. A life of constant fellowship, spending quality time with God in worship, prayer,

So no matter what we do, how long we search, we cannot be satisfied until we cultivate a habit of quietness in our

What we all need is deep intimacy with God. A relationship that permeates all areas of our life, a quiet spirit that cannot be distracted by the noise around us; an ear that is always listening to God and cannot be interrupted by any sound. studying his word and fellowship with believers. What we really want is a personal relationship with the Holy Spirit beyond what happens when we fellowship with other believers in church; being alone with God even in the midst of our noisy world, and our spirit always quiet enough to hear him.

spirit and consistent intimate fellowship with God. That is when we can be satisfied by God himself who touches us the way we need to be touched and then He blesses us with The Blessing. Titi Oyegbile

How desperately do you need true satisfaction? How long can you cope with dissatisfaction? How many more things do you think can satisfy? A change of job, a change of car, a bigger house, more committed friends, the dream vacation? These things are excellent and needed for life. But life will be empty without the blessing and daily living will be frustrating when life’s true purpose is not fulfilled. What we all need is deep intimacy with God. A relationship that permeates all areas of our life, a quiet spirit Fall 2014

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you need to know and believe that this loneliness is just a passing phase

I am married to the man of my dreams, I have my dream job with a six figure salary, my marriage is blessed with two wonderful children, I live in my dream house . . . in fact, I have everything I always dreamed of, but why do I still feel all alone? I asked myself this question repeatedly many years ago until I discovered the following things about loneliness. It is not necessarily about being alone but about the perception of being alone; it is an internal thing. It can be experienced due to a lot of reasons, such as a break-up, a divorce, an unstable marriage, grief, or a change of environment. I discovered that there are also times people isolate themselves for fear of being hurt. The first thing to know is that we are not alone and that everyone experiences loneliness from time to time. It is a natural feeling. Also, we need to know that we are not alone, but we have a God who wants to be our friend and who will talk with us at all times, as He did with Adam in the Garden of Eden. God wants fellowship with man, and this is why He created man and made us in His own image. We can turn this feeling around and make something positive out of it by turning to God, fellowshipping with Him at this time. For me, personally, at such times I listen to lots of Christian music or read about the life of Jesus in the Bible and this lifts me up and gives me the assurance that I’m not alone, but I have a Father who loves me dearly and will never leave me nor forsake me. We can call, text, or chat with a friend. We need to be around other Christians who can strengthen, encourage, and edify us. Don’t allow yourself to wallow; don’t dwell on it. Instead, take a walk, ride a bike, read a book, or go out and help someone who needs your help—keep yourself busy. Get involved in activities, join a department in church where you can serve God and fellow brethren on a regular basis, or volunteer in your local community. Another thing I used to do was take myself out on a date; you can go on a date by yourself and not necessarily spend a lot of money. A cup of coffee and soup are equally good. Go to a movie and don’t allow yourself to feel awkward because you are doing this without a partner—take a book, a magazine, or a journal that you can write in. Finally, you need to know and believe that this loneliness is just a passing phase and that you won’t let it dominate you. For those who believe they can never be happy by themselves but by being with someone or by an achievement, I say, no one person and no one achievement can give you true happiness. The only person who can give you true happiness is Jesus Christ, who loves you so much that He died for you and, of course, you yourself. Busola Arimoro

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Adopted Into the Family of God

alvation, defined as deliverance from sin and its consequences is brought about by faith in Christ.

You are now part of a family, and your father is God the creator of the universe

To my preteen child, salvation is the process of being adopted into the family of God. Before salvation, we are born naturally and belong to an earthly physical family. My father and mother came together and produced me; I am one of several children. The growing up process was fun, and sometimes as I grew up, I often wondered what it would have been like to belong to another family. But I belong to this family by no choice of mine, and even though we have our moments and drama, I could not have chosen a better family to belong to. We have culture and rules, aunties and uncles with their uniqueness, and cousins, young and old each with peculiar stories. Take this to the spiritual family, the church. God loved you even before you knew about Him, and He called you His own. He chose you. You did not choose yourself. The Bible says no one comes to Him except He chooses them. Just as you did not choose your natural family, someone praying for you, laboring in love and trusting God for your salvation, worked toward your coming into being a member of the family of God. Once you make that declaration of salvation, you are now born again, a spiritual rebirth into the family of Christ.

After birth, the initial months, you are fed milk, but as you mature, you begin to take solids. So it is in the family of Christ: you are fed milk (1 Corinthians 3:2), but as you mature, you begin to take solids. In the physical natural family, you are protected and nursed; you are provided for and carried along. As you mature, you take on your own share of responsibilities; you help with the cooking, cleaning, running errands, and taking care of older folks. So also in the family of Christ, as a new Christian, you get a lot of support in spiritual things, the pastors and ministers are there to pray for your needs, and God does answer speedily, too. But as you mature and continue to grow in the church, you need to start to take on your share of responsibility by helping in the church as a worker in one area or the other. You are not a guest, you are not a traveler passing through, and you are now adopted into the family of Christ. It does not matter what church you belong to, the family of Christ is one. You are now part of a family, and your father is God the creator of the universeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the one with whom there is no impossibility, the Lion of the tribe of Judah. Your father is the Lord of host. The one who says you are the apple of His eyes. He chose you, He called you, and He will protect you. As long as you stay close, within the family, and keep the rules, you will reap the benefits that are for children of God. You have been adopted into His family, and this Father NEVER gives up on one of His own. Nebechi Olowoyeye

Fall 2014

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The Call of the Master

he deep nature of God never ceases to amaze. He is a designer extraordinaire. The way He creates, designs, weaves things into place speaks of a GREAT God. Only a God can go into intricate details to bring about a product that is indeed exclusive. One aspect that comes to mind is the thought behind creating in twos: male and female, sun and moon, day and night, heaven and earth. Only an awesome and deep God could weave out the concept of the sun (for light), the moon (at night), of heaven and earth (dimensions), and of male and female. Looking at the concept of male and female, we see that God actually takes delight in what He creates. This is so evident in all of creation: the fishes in the water, the animals, the insects, human beings, etc. So why did God create in twos? What did He see that made Him go that route? Why not just create without the issue of gender? One wonders what the world would be like without the concept of male and female. What about day and night? Imagine a world where it is always day or always night. 64

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Apart from procreation, the concept of male and female also speaks of a relationship. God seems to like that word. What is a relationship and why is God so interested in it? With Adam and Eve, one sees that God was concerned about leaving Adam alone with the animals. He was concerned about Adam relating with someone of His kind. God knew the importance of creating Eve (after Adam’s kind). In Genesis 2:18 God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The inference then is that we tend to relate well with people of our kind. We understand ourselves; we are alike in ideals, thinking, etc.

It is mind blowing that a God who understands the need for a relationship on a natural level moves a step higher and desires a relationship with created man.

blowing that a God who understands the need for a relationship on a natural level moves a step higher and desires a relationship with created man. What could man possibly have that could delight the Uncreated Creator, the Creator of the whole universe, the God Almighty, the Ancient of days, the Everlasting God? Why would this Almighty God take delight in us spending time alone with Him, as mentioned in Genesis 3:8? One reason, as mentioned earlier, could be that you tend to relate better with people of your kind. Because we were created in God’s image, it is safe to deduce that it should be natural for us to yearn for a relationship with God. Also, even though it should come naturally, the relationship we develop with God and time spent with Him has to come from our heart, a willing heart. He would never lord it over us even though He desires it; “God is spirit, and His worshippers must worship in the Spirit and in truth” (John 4:24). You have to give it willingly. Are you willing to delve into a deeper, closer relationship with your Saviour and Master? He is waiting. Funke Egorp

Another example of a great relationship is David and Jonathan. The Bible says Jonathan became one spirit with David and loved him as himself (1 Samuel 18:1). This brings to mind the relationship we have with Jesus Christ. Jesus was willing to die for us. Now that takes this issue of a relationship to a completely different level. It is mind

Alone with You assures me that I am not alone! Alone with You is when I am the happiest. Alone with You is when my strength is being renewed. Alone with You gives me rest like Your Word says in Psalm 62:5. Alone with You reminds me to be still and know You are God. Alone with You helps me tune out the world and gives me tremendous peace. Alone with You is when I hear You speak to me: Things like reassuring me of all Your promises for me: like, all my needs are able to be supplied according to Your riches in Glory. It is when I hear You giving me ideas that lead to me sharing great testimonies that eyes have not seen nor ears heard. Alone with You is when I am able to hear Your sweet still voice assuring me that my tomorrow will be great because it is in the palm of Your hands and greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. Alone with You is when â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;am able to have my deepest and most real conversations. It is when I am able to pour my heart out and share my deepest fears and feelings. Alone with You is a habit and lifestyle I must cultivate. Alone with You even if itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in my closet, in my car during my lunch break, or after dropping off the kids at school, is very crucial for my destiny. Alone with You reminds me of the times Moses in Exodus 33:7-11; Elijah in 1 Kings 19:9-11; Peter in Acts 10:9; spent with You. Alone with You reminds me of one of the many alone times Jesus spent with You, as seen in John 6:15. Alone with You assures me that I am not alone! Tracy Alli Fall 2014

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Yes, We Can Grow Long Hair.

he main reason why many women have come to conclude that their hair doesn’t grow is because the ends of their hair are breaking at almost the same rate as the hair grows out of the scalp. However, with proper care and patience, healthy long hair is easily attainable. Now, before I can show you how to grow your hair long, I’d like to quickly explain the differences between two commonly misused hair descriptions, which are hair growth and length retention. Hair growth is a passive activity that occurs continuously, although the rate at which the hair grows out of your scalp depends on genetics, diet, physical activity, health, stress level, and hormonal balance. In other words, hair growth is controlled by the collective effort of a healthy internal system. Although the average hair grows at a rate of 0.25–1.5 inches a month, someone on the left-hand side of the spectrum can enhance her slow growth rate by simply maintaining a healthy body and lifestyle. The other commonly misused term is length retention, and it is not only misused but also rarely talked about, so many women are unaware that the length at which their hair grows is highly dependent on this important hair characteristic. What is length re68

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tention you might ask? It is simply an activity that is performed or not performed on the hair after it has grown out of the scalp. While hair growth is passive and can only be influenced by internal activities in the body, length retention is active and requires more work so that the hair doesn’t break off. Now that we’re clear on the differences between length retention and hair growth, I’d like to show you how to grow your hair to greater lengths by simply reassessing these three common practices.

Shampoo: Hair and scalp that are cleansed often can grow easily and retain length. How often you choose to wash your hair will depend on the types of products you use and your lifestyle, although I recommend a bi-weekly cleanse with a sulphate-free soap such as black soap.

Condition: As mentioned earlier, our hair seems as though it’s not growing because it breaks excessively. To tackle breakage, it’s crucial that you do a deep conditioning treatment every time the hair is cleansed. This can be done by applying a thick moisturizing or hydrating conditioner or hair mask on the hair and leaving it in for about 20 minutes. Your hair should immediately feel soft and stretchy after a deep conditioning treatment.

Let Me Show You How.

Style: Another reason why a lot of us are not seeing length is because of the kind of styles we are using on our hair. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to grow long hair, I suggest staying away from tight, tiny, and heavy hairstyles that do nothing to the hair. Also, stay away from lazy hairstyles that are meant for you to forget about your hair. As you begin your healthy hair journey, you will need easy access to your hair so that you can wash and deep condition it often. This means that you should try and style your hair sans extensions. So if you have relaxed hair, make sure you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t overprocess the hair and wear low manipulative hairstyles such as buns, flat twists, twists, and pinup styles. For ladies with natural hair, you can also wear similar styles, but if you have short hair, a wash and go will do. You should start to see a difference in the overall health of your hair in a month and increased length in three months. Adeola Adegbusi

Fall 2014

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The Drive-Through

arrived for an evening appointment early on a beautiful sunny day and there was my favourite coffee shop. An ice– cold smoothie would be good! I had turned into the drive-through lane before I realized it was a long queue. There were seven cars ahead of me; I thought of backing out, but there were two cars behind me already; I had to stay there. Five minutes, seven minutes and no cars were moving. Isn’t this the drive-through? After about fifteen minutes, I had just one car ahead of me. “Can I have a Medi Lappilla Smoothie, please?” I was told, “Sorry, we don’t make that speciality smoothie for drivethrough; you can only order it directly at our front counter.” Really? I drove away thinking, Why do I always think the drive-through is better? Have you ever ordered something from drive-through, and because you were in hurry, you did not check your order; getting on your way, you realized that wasn’t what you wanted? Doesn’t it seem that we make our life and issues of life as such?

Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with sure-fire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life— to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.

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We want the easy way—easy does it? Sincerely, easy never does it. There is always a price to pay. Jesus was heaven’s price to reconcile us to God. Our world has so many options for the sure easy way, quick fix, and drivethrough, but God lets us know that we have to pay a valuable price of following Jesus fervently for a valuable life. God offers us an easy yoke and a light burden. Follow His commandments . . . His commandments are not hard (1 John 5:3). There is something we have to do to get what we want, and our choice must be the sure one, it must be the right one, it must be the God-approved one. Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with sure-fire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention. From the choice of marriage partners, relationships, friendships, use of time, use of money, choice of career, who to listen to, and all, there are tons of choic-

es to make and trailer loads of options available, many easy, many seemingly tough, many flashy, some not so attractive; but on a daily basis, as the seconds tick, we have to make choices, even the choice to do nothing is still a choice. We must allow God to lead us, make a decision to follow him absolutely, seek truth from his word, and follow it. “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105). The little decisions we make daily come together to make the life we are living. The drive-through might seem quick and easy, but what do we get from it?

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it.” – Matthew 7:13–14 Titi Oyegbile

A Partnership that Works

o I took on a new role some years ago. A role that I was very excited to be assuming. When the offer was made to me, I was told that I would be like the vice president, working alongside the president of an institution—a tall, good-looking bloke. In addition to the monetary benefits, there would be lots of opportunities to travel, an official car, and an exquisite accommodation. For the skills set: problem solving, multitasking, team player, excellent communication, and result oriented. I thought to myself, I can do that! I couldn’t turn down the offer, especially when it came from the president himself. By my estimation, I was fully prepared for this role. I had been in training all my life: I got to observe others who had been in that role longer; I got advice on how to tackle issues as they came along; I read books and even had people pray from me. But on the flip side for the equation, which I never really gave a thought, was that Mr. President himself was also new in his role as president of an institution, like this marriage.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

both of us—my husband and I—as the apples of His eyes and hide us under His wings, as Psalm 17:8 says.

It then struck me that although two are better than one, three is even better. But who should we invite into our partnership? Who can we entrust our institution to? Who can we depend on for safety?

And so, beginning with just baby steps, one day at a time, we committed our finances, relationship, children, plans, and future to His mighty hands. So that even when things do not appear okay, or in other words, one person falls, as Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, with God’s help, the other one is there to pick him or her up.

It had to be someone who created the institution of marriage Himself and intended for it to be pleasurable (Proverbs 18:22). Someone who understood it fully and was strong enough to keep

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Today, we still take baby steps, using our past experiences as a learning opportunity and trusting God for the future of our marriage, knowing that we cannot do it alone except we invite God into our partnership. God is worth inviting into yours, too! Isoken Osunde

So here we were, two individuals with very different backgrounds but similar values and dreams; certain we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and entrusted with this huge institution to run, but with no experience whatsoever. The question that kept reoccurring in my mind was How do we make this work? And then I discovered Ecclesiastes 4:12: Fall 2014

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As Christians, we are described in the Bible as the “bride of Christ.” This means that Christ is our bridegroom. Just as a groom adores and desires his bride, so does God adore us as His bride. He desires a deep, intimate, and personal relationship with us.

Our daily fellowship with God should be as important as maintaining daily personal hygiene. I’m just hoping that’s your priority. It shows that we recognize His sovereignty as Lord over

cate daily with our partners the way we communicate daily with Christ, our relationships would wither and die. Building and sustaining an intimacy requires time dedicated to one another, away from external influences and disturbances, including children, extended family, and work. So it should be with Christ. We should desire to know Him intimately by taking a vacation from other commitments just to commune with Him alone.

to fulfill God’s covenant with Abraham. However, he relied on any other thing or person but God. He had a large family, was wealthy, and very intelligent, so

We should desire to know Him intimately by taking a vacation from other commitments just to commune with Him alone. his life was busy. Unlike his grandfather, Abraham, Jacob barely spent time with God, even though he was a recipient of God’s favour through Abraham. Because He never deliberately sought God, God sought him. He had great plans for his life. God got his attention when Jacob was eventually left alone, having sent his family ahead of him (Genesis 32: 23–24). At this point, God could transform him and work through him.

our lives. Yet, daily distractions and commitments—family, work, leisure, business, and ministry—sometimes prevent us from building and maintaining an intimate relationship with Christ, our groom. If we are honest with ourselves, we will question just how much time we really do spend doing this every day. Well, it is just enough to sustain us that day. Consider an intimate relationship. For example, if many of us communi72

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In our busy world, we are sometimes so preoccupied with other cares of life that we ignore this important relationship with our groom, Christ. But He loves us too much to let us go or let our relationship wither. Hence, He creates the time for us to communicate and spend time with Him, most especially when He is head over heels in love with us. He will strive to get our attention as He did with Jacob. Jacob was a man of promise who was

As brides of Christ, when we don’t deliberately set aside time for Him, as we do with other commitments we have, He will seek us for Himself. The best way of getting our attention is to temporarily strip us of what we have given priority to or precedence over Him. It could be a relationship, a job, a business, or anything that is more important to you than He is. Sometimes He creates a scenario in which the only person you can count on will be Him. When this happens, we need to understand that Christ, our groom, desires us to return to Him, commune with Him, and learn to give him his rightful place in our lives. He will always be our first and permanent groom. Osayi Ogieva

Lord you are LOVE, and my life beams just because you fill me. You are TRUE, no lie and deceit in you. You are THE WAY, and there is no other way but you. You are LIGHT and nothing can be called dark around you. You are MY JOY, unexplainable deep down satisfaction. You are MY PEACE, confronting any raging storm. You alone touch me the way I need to be touched. Your warm embrace keeps me safe in and out of season. You sought me out and found me. Now you show me how to seek and find you. You wait for me in the place where we meetâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;in your word. You have called me into your dining room, and I find an infinite-course meal. You place me on a rich diet and feed me with good food. You are jealous about me and will not share me with any. Now I am jealous about you and want to share you with all. My life is beautiful because of my relationship with you. Nothing will satisfy me like you. Forever I am LOVE STRUCK and LOVE FILLED.

Titi Oyegbile

Fall 2014

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An Empty Space

he was always the first to wake up and the last to retire. We all thought she was a supermom of some sort because she never complained and had an energy that just kept her going. It was almost impossible to catch up with her, so we did not even bother. My mom was a pillar of strength when we needed her most and a sounding board for any and every issue of life. Just when we thought she would always be there, she slept and then he slept. Yes, ten years ago, within a twomonth interval, I became an orphan and

that was a major storm in my personal life. I was numb—I could neither laugh nor cry—and there was no shoulder broad enough to comfort me and fill that empty space.

Whatever storms you may be going through, there is an assurance and an abundance of grace for the times when you need a friend or lose a loved one. Remember, He is a constant help in time of need.

As I began to process the loss, I started experiencing mixed emotions: Some days, those around me would think I was doing just fine and holding it all together, but at other times, I would break down and cry, asking questions that no one could answer. Sometimes, I would lock myself up in the closet just to feel His presence and enjoy the peace that only He can offer. I was lonely, completely alone

and searching deep inside to draw the strength I never thought existed, and He was there. Initially, it was hard, but God taught me that I could lean on and learn from Him. I held on to the promise in Genesis 28:15 that God will be with me wherever I go and in Psalm 10:14 that He is the helper of the fatherless (including the motherless and orphans too!). It is quite a journey to God that I am still traveling, but it is well worth the ride; of course, if it was up to me to decide, I would have preferred it otherwise (i.e., enjoy the ride with my parents beside me), but He knows best. My journey made me run back to Him, completely helpless but hopeful to receive His comfort. Whatever storms you may be going through, there is an assurance and an abundance of grace for the times when you need a friend or lose a loved one. Remember, He is a constant help in time of need. And really, you don’t have to suffer a loss to draw close to Him or to be very intimate with Him, as He is the only friend who is closer than a brother is. Over the years that I have experienced God, my mom’s legacy lives on. Any time I feel low or lonely, I go back to the source to draw strength. One of the things that keeps me going is the fact that I have four daughters who have been entrusted to my hands and to whom I pass on the values she taught me: be strong, never give up, and be the very best I can possibly be, so help me God. Folake Coker

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Fall 2014

Networking

t surprises some of my colleagues how much I personally know about my employees and theirs. They always say, “I didn’t know that about John, and he reports to me!” I then ask, “When was the last time you had a personal conversation with John, and what did you talk about?”

The answer to this question holds the key to positive employee engagement. You need to ensure that you are visible to the people who report to you and they feel connected to you. This means that you will need to consciously take the time to regularly leave your office and walk around to connect specifically. Employees want their managers to engage them so that they are effective in their roles. They want you to focus, know, hear, and care about them. Employees want to feel proud of what they are doing, and they want you to make them feel valued.

The Walk Around

Get in the Trenches

What the walk around does is to provide opportunities for social interaction with someone employees perceive as a decision maker: you!

At First . . .

There is nothing worse than a manager or supervisor who asks for overtime yet leaves at 4:00 p.m.

You need to ensure that you are visible to the people who report to you and they feel connected to you.

If you haven’t done this before, do not be discouraged when all you get are blank stares and short answers. Remember, you are starting to build a relationship with them that does not require a directive or a follow up on a deadline. You can start the conversation by telling them about your day or give them a sneak peek into your life. Ask your direct reports how their children are doing and how their day is going. You will be surprised at what they will say about work once the conversation gets started.

I’m Chained to My Desk When you can’t do the walk around, use technology that is available to you. If you have an instant messaging program, play bingo in a group chat or trivia during your lunch break. People will compete just as hard for bragging rights or a gift card.

Get in the trenches with your people even if it is just to cheer them on. You will earn their respect and loyalty because you have demonstrated your passion to achieve your team’s vision. Building a connection with your employees brings with it success, accomplishment, and most of all, an opportunity to positively influence their lives. Andrea Adenuga

Fall 2014

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Money Management Models

here are many money management models out there today, some of which are quite interesting.

There is the “Love” model, in which all the family income comes into one joint account and belongs to both husband and wife (i.e., joint income and joint expenses). We also have the “Selfie” model, in which a joint account is maintained for special projects only; the husband and the wife maintain separate accounts for receiving salaries and other income. An agreed amount is deposited into the joint account at regular intervals. • Take time to understand the money management model that your parents and your husband’s parents adopted. This will help to explain where each person is coming from and also lead to a greater appreciation of what it would take to transition to the model you decide on.

Another interesting one I have come across is one in which what the wife earns belongs to her, and she can do whatever she pleases with it, whereas the husband is responsible for the family expenses. I call this the “Life is Good” model! Others split the expenses such that the wife is responsible for, say, groceries, phone, Internet, and cable bills, and the husband is responsible for rent or mortgage payments, school fees, utilities, etc. I call this the “Equal Opportunity” model.

• Don’t be afraid to let your husband know what you earn, and don’t scream out loud or frown when he shares what he earns! Remember, all income is “our

In a marriage relationship, the man is the head of the home, so he has to take full responsibility for the home. There is the “best” model that the Bible advocates, which is that two shall become one in all areas of life including money, but there are some guiding principles

Set aside some time to discuss the above and come up with a model that you are both comfortable with. Use a notebook or ledger or spreadsheet that both of you can access on an ongoing basis to plan your model.

that should be considered in determining what model is best for your family. • Adopt the habit of thinking of all income as “our money,” not his money or my money. After marriage, the two have become one. • Write down all your income and expenses and discuss them in detail. Both parties need to know what comes in and where it is going. This is especially true if you want to opt for the Equal Opportunity model.

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Fall 2014

money.”

Once you are comfortable with your plan, go ahead and implement it. Be confident in your choice. Others may do it differently, but you both have decided on the best model for YOUR family. Shade Okafo

Reminiscing about marriage

hile growing up, I had the opportunity to observe and compare various relationships around me and dream about the kind of relationship I wanted. The kind of wife I wanted to be and the kind of husband I desired.

thing else when you come of age. You may decide to live in a specific city today and change your mind tomorrow with little or no repercussions. In most cases, you do get to choose who to marry and once married; your life begins a new course which cannot be altered without significant repercussions.

yet? Are there aspects of your character that need to be revisited to make you the dream wife you wanted to be? Think back on what you wanted, where you are and where you want to be and begin the journey to make a change one step at a time. For those who are single, you have the opportunity to paint the picture of

I observed husbands who doted on their wives and showered them with gifts, those that controlled the family purse and the wife has to ask for money for everything, those who were generous to a fault with other people but were stingy with their family. Husbands who respected and valued the inputs from their wives and involved her in making decisions, those who helped around the house and those that felt they were living in a hotel and had a personal butler, cook and housemaid! I met wives who respected their husbands and deferred to them as the final decision makers and those whose husbands had little or no say. Wives that sacrificed their careers to ensure their children were well nurtured and their husbands were free to pursue their career. Those who always wanted to look good and did not care where their husbands got the money from and those whose first priority was their familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wellbeing. It occurred to be quite early that who you marry to a large extent dictates the course of your life, the quality and richness of your existence on this side of the universe. You do not choose the family you are born into or your parents, you may or may not get to choose the course you study but you sure can study some-

For those who are already married, the story is already being written and the past cannot be changed but the future can be influenced or shaped. Are there attributes you desired in your dream man that he is not demonstrating

your future. Choose your colors wisely to increase your chances of coming out with a Picasso! Shade Okafo

Fall 2014

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Lifestyle of Thanksgiving

s a Christian, some words have become so automatic that if we are not careful, we would deny the power thereof. Words such as “God,” “all the time, praise the Lord,” “hallelujah,” “blessing time,” “offering time,” “thank you, Jesus,” etc. are good. It’s so easy to become used to saying something until it becomes automatic. Today, let’s delve a little deeper into the phrase “Thank you, Jesus.” A lifestyle of thanksgiving is not something you cultivate but a conscious effort you make to always thank God in every situation—whether good or bad. Sounds unnatural, right? Well to tell the truth, it is. It’s a very spiritual thing to do, and it is a wise thing to do.

It’s a reverberation through history that the work done on the cross still has the same effect today as it did over 2000 years ago. It speaks to the fact that just one singular act performed by one person could have the power to hold millions of people together in one faith. What Jesus Christ did on the cross is what holds our lives together now. It’s true we experience trials and situations that just have a way of trying our faith and making us wonder if we’re on the right ship. Yet, when we think deeply about this, Jesus Christ Himself was not exempt from going through trials much like what we experience today. Regardless of this, He still made the ultimate exchange, His life for our lives.

This revelation should trigger a heart of thanksgiving that should be reflected in every facet of our lives. Seemingly, As human beings, we are used to thanking someone little things such as waking up when he or she does someSaying, “Thank you, Jesus” should every morning, being able to thing good for us. In the Kingdom of God, it doesn’t exactly start from an understanding of the sleep soundly, and the ability to breathe on our own ought work that way. The Bible says we should give thanks in all perfect and complete work done by to trigger a heart of thanksgiving. Huge things also should things. All means A-L-L. No Jesus Christ on the cross. produce a heart of thanksgivmatter what the circumstance, ing and every other thing in between. One other thing that we have been commanded to give thanks. Nevertheless, if saying “Thank you, Jesus,” does is that it shifts our reliance our thanksgiving to God is borne out of religion, it soon befrom ourselves to God. It keeps God in focus. With Jesus comes automatic and does not emanate from the heart. as your focus, you can’t miss it. So have you said it today? The scripture says, “Get wisdom. Though it cost all you Thank You Jesus! have, get understanding” (Proverbs 4:7). Do we understand why we need to give thanks to God? Action without underFunke Egorp standing leads to frustration. I believe thanking God goes beyond Him supplying our needs or expecting Him to. Saying, “Thank you, Jesus” should start from an understanding of the perfect and complete work done by Jesus Christ on the cross.

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Fall 2014