BlueStone Press, March 3, 2023, Page 15
Dumpster dive Dear Wally – I have repeatedly caught my sneaky neighbor rummaging around my dumpster, and it is crazy-making to me that someone would think it’s OK to do this without either asking or paying. Ideally both. I can put up signs, but I have done that in the past and it hasn’t worked. Do you have any suggestions that might help them reconsider this rude action? I didn’t buy a community-use dumpster. They also leave a mess! Wally replies: OK, wait. Are they putting stuff into the dumpster? Or are they taking stuff out? The former is rude, the latter is odd but is also a modern cultural tic. Dumpster diving is a preferred activity of looky-loos, busybodies, the nosey, the bargain hunters, private investigators, or munchers, and gobemouches Wally Nichols who buy into the ignis fatuous that one man’s trash shallowly buried in the sepulcher of another man’s dumpster is a carelessly discarded ingot. And bears. They LOVE a ripe dumpster. And you are sure your neighbor is not a bear? Or an effin’ rac-
coon? People (without garbage or pet food) think they are cute. I’m not quite there yet*. *ever But putting crap you don’t want to own into a dumpster that you don’t actually own or taking crap you want to own out of a dumpster you don’t own is not cool no matter how many feet or paws you have or how righteous your indignation may be. My grandmother used to say, with the resignation afforded wrinkled octogenarians, and before offering me a cup of consolatory English breakfast tea with war time sugar cubes, “A lock only keeps an honest man out.” So, that suggestion from me to you seems valueless (but also in keeping with this advice column’s leitmotif of studiously avoiding any advice you get from this column in the first place). And dumpster locks would be a pain in the butt that would discourage your legitimate dumpster use. Plus it would irritate the 4 a.m. dumpster-emptying truck driver in such a way that loud truck sounds might become LOUD TRUCK SOUNDS, ya know what I’m saying? So what about this? (Assuming the rascal is human, and assuming you don’t want to engage in a physical confrontation that will end you up on Jerry Springer’s day time TV show with 10 former jilted lovers screaming at you and holding up pregnancy tests.) Let’s use the internet in a way that shotgun granny nev-
er could. And while I’d like to take credit for the concept, it’s newly across my transom from some creative, funny, and frustrated person out there in LaLaLand. I love the passive-aggressive nature of it. (I guess all that therapy over the years didn’t work …!) Rename your WIFI network (which the jerk and also everyone in your neighborhood) will see when they turn on their laptops. Rename your network from some boring factory default like GF2737B to something a little more on-the-nose, like: “Use my dumpster that you didn’t pay for one more time and I will start dumping my garbage on your lawn” or “Dumpster is now electrified.” (You can daydream about all the ways to get your point across.) The concept of messaging people without directly pointing fingers (unless they are fingers of shame) also has broad neighborly application such as “Are you friggin seriously mowing your lawn at 7a.m.??” And “We can hear EVERYTHING when you leave your window open. Everything.” And “Please no longer cook fish on summer nights’ and “Your kid sneaks out every night at 11.” You get the point . Hope this helps. And sorry for your loss. Or your gain. – Wally
Real estate
in Greene, Sullivan and Delaware counties are seeing the same growth and challenges.” Thinking of putting your home on the market this spring? Despite the seller’s advantage there are still tried and true tips to ensure that your home presents well in the market. Deborah Hitz, owner and broker of Habitat Real Estate Group, says, “If a property is reasonably priced and looks like it has been cared for and is market ready, you will find your buyer and most likely see multiple offers.” She continues, “Everything should be as clean, neat and tidy as possible. Work with an agent who can help to get you organized so your property is inviting and welcoming. If there are strong paint colors, consider something more neutral. Any personal items (photos and other mementos) should be stored away. Think simplicity. You want prospective buyers to be able to picture themselves in the home. If there are beautiful wood floors hiding under carpeting, consider highlighting that feature. Ask your agent for suggestions and then follow through. Small changes can add a lot to how your property presents
and ultimately to your bottom line.” Sweeney points to speaking to a qualified agents and the seven-second rule. “Meet with a professional Realtor to obtain advice on how to prep the property for sale,” she says. “Decluttering, removing excess items, not only in the house but also outbuildings, garages and basements, is a must. Don’t forget the seven-second rule! It’s said that buyers make up their minds in the first seven seconds if they are interested in a house, so fresh paint on the front door, a clean porch and nice landscaping can make a big difference.” Rajs also stresses the advantages of involving a real estate agent from the onset. “It is most important that you hire a local real estate agent to market your home. … In-depth knowledge of the market, the area, recent sales, and homes that are currently available that might be your competition will allow them to give you the best advice for staging and pricing your home for immediate results.”
Dear Wally
from page 11 to be built.” Inherent in the act of buying a house is optimism, whether it is belief in a real estate as investment or the emotional optimism of finding a place to make memories in and serve as a backdrop to events big and small. In addition to optimism, buying in this market is going to take strategy, preparedness and patience. “My advice is to be patient but diligent,” says Sweeney. “Watch the inventory daily, and when a property becomes available that checks most of your boxes, go see it! And work with a Realtor that you believe has your best interests in mind, is watching the inventory for you and has the experience to help you make the best possible offer.” And rest assured, you are not alone in the struggle. Says Rajs, “Buyers are venturing out much further north to find housing. Areas
Got a question for our advice columnist or extra room in your dumpster for his crap, email him at cwn4@aol.com.
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