p.42p. 36BEST FILM & TV OF 2021LOLCOL - CHRIS MARLTON BMA GIG/EVENTS GUIDE

The Year In Review

with Chris Marlton

This millennium turned 21 this year, a milestone by any account, but certainly worth noting when you consider the amazing events that have occurred in the past 12 months. Coming To Our Senses! It’s fair to say that the one thing most people will remember, when they look back on 2021, is the official Reclassification of the Senses. When our planetary leader, Robbie Gorbachev, and his head science officer, Wen Jinpeng, announced that humans now have nine senses, most people didn’t believe it. The idea that smell was a masshallucination, touch was actually a subsense of the new sense named motion, and hallucination and memory were also senses in and of themselves, seemed mad. However, the general consensus of the senses makes far more sense than would have ever seemed possible a year ago. Humanity has indeed come to its senses, all nine of them: Vision, Hearing, Memory, Hallucination, Motion, Taste, Humour, Moisture, and Cringe. Accidental Birth Award-winning actor Michelle Fraser went to work on her new film, The ForgetMe-Not LionHearts (in which she was both starring and producing) on a rainy Wednesday in August like it was just another day in the office. She couldn’t have been more wrong. The makeup and prosthetics team, whose job it was to design and build a fullbodysuit for Michelle to wear in the film that would make her appear pregnant, did their job a little too well. During one of the takes Michelle, after hours of makeup and wardrobe to inhabit both her character and the bodysuit, actually gave birth. The filming is currently in hiatus while Michelle and her twin boys, Rodrigo and Daniel, undergo a raft of medical tests to find out what exactly happened on set that day when they shocked the world in the ultimate version of life imitating art. Creamy Queen And lastly, 2021 is the year that we all found out that the Queen, our Queen, Juicy McFadden, is not actually human. The entire Royal Family, Juicy, her husband Concrete McFadden, their sons Watercress and Jazzballet, and their pet giraffe ScottBaio, are all a different species altogether. While they appear similar to us, they are in fact, humanlooking shells, filled, to the brim, with whipped-cream. We discovered the truth about Creamy Queen in April, and to our credit they lasted until October. They will live on in our hearts, our heroic and legendary Royal Family, delicious to the last. Next year the millennium turns 22. By all accounts it’s going to be awesome and it’s going to be sweaty, so make sure you bring a towel.

Chris Marlton is a comedian, writer, painter, and film-maker. His Canberra Comedy Festival show Mephisto Waltz is on 23 March 2022, tickets on sale now at: canberracomedyfestival.com.au/ event/chris-marlton-mephisto-waltz/ Chris also runs a monthly stand-up comedy night at The Front in Lyneham. Upcoming stand-up comedy tickets are available at: linktree.com/3blindmen You can follow Chris: @threeblindmencomedy on Instagram @ChrisMarltonComedy on Facebook