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It takes a village school to raise a child
‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ But in our ever-changing landscape, it now appears that it also takes a school to raise a child. Nowhere is this more evident than in a boarding school. With the alarming statistics of children being diagnosed with depression at a young age, and resilience and wellbeing becoming the new ‘watch words’ in schools, there is a great need for all schools to be aware of the role they play in the life of a child. Childhood is precious and every child should be nurtured, especially while at school.
Nowadays, raising a child can no longer just be the job of the ‘village’ – parents, extended family and friends. Schools therefore need to shoulder even more of the responsibility in helping to raise children. The modern ‘village’ now has the family and the school at its very heart.
EXCEPTIONAL PASTORAL CARE
When you are looking for the right boarding school for your children, I urge you to look beyond the outstanding facilities, the superbly equipped classrooms and the extensive playing fields, although of course these are important. What really matters is how the school will deliver exceptional pastoral care and what this really means for your child. John Newman once said that teaching requires a moral dimension otherwise it is cold and arctic. Never has this been more relevant than today. Teachers have always had many roles – storytellers, educators, coaches, carers and others too many to mention – but a priority for me is being a ‘parent’ and role model.
Regan Schreiber
Head of Boarding and PSHE teacher, Hazlegrove Prep School
My philosophy, which has always guided me in teaching and indeed in leading the boarding at Hazlegrove, is that every child should be ‘parented’ every day. By this I mean children should not get through a day without an adult asking them how they are feeling and digging a little below the surface in order to get to know the child better and help the child feel appreciated and cared for. Staff – including administrative staff, domestic staff, grounds staff, matrons as well as teachers – all have a key role to play in raising the pupils.
Communication and trust are key. Schools must ensure they have created an environment that encourages adults to talk freely and warmly about children. Staff and parents need to embrace the challenge and work together for the sake of the children. Teachers and parents can no longer just wave to each other from the car park or the street, they need to meet face-to-face (or online) and celebrate their children as partners in this exciting journey. This healthy communication must exist between children and staff too. Pupils must believe they have a voice and that the staff really listen. They will be looking to the adults for guidance, support, advice and a sense of belonging.
Boarding school teachers have always had an enormous responsibility in looking after children and that responsibility includes making sure pupils are learning valuable life lessons, from being able to tie shoelaces, to riding a bicycle and having good table manners. At Hazlegrove we believe there is more to teaching than merely delivering lessons. Teachers need to help children build self-confidence and a sense of self-belief, foster an appreciation and tolerance for others, facilitate friendships, help discover new talent and find out what makes their ‘tails wag’, as well as reinforcing the importance of self-control and selfrespect. At Hazlegrove, we are ready for this and have accepted the challenge (and indeed the privilege) of helping parents raise their children. So when choosing a boarding school, make sure you meet the staff, who will be those all-important role models for your children, who will be responsible for a significant part of raising them to adulthood and who will share (and reinforce) your values, helping your children become the best versions of themselves. You need to imagine seeing your child there – happy and cared for. Let’s start raising our children together!
Regan is Head of Boarding and PSHE Co-ordinator at Hazlegrove in Somerset where there are around 90 full-time boarders. He and his wife Gail are houseparents to the senior boys and live in the boarding house with their children and their dogs, Toast and Toffee. One of their children attends Hazlegrove while the other two have moved from Hazlegrove to senior boarding school in Taunton. Before joining Hazlegrove in 2016, Regan and Gail spent ten years as houseparents in a full boarding prep school in East Sussex.
Responsibility versus maturity
– when to introduce more freedom to prep school boarders
Every parent hopes their child will grow up to be a success – a happy and fulfilled adult who makes considered choices and who appreciates the value of being of service to others. Many schools promise to provide the opportunities to achieve this, particularly through boarding provision. Boarding is no longer popular simply as a necessity for travelling or busy parents – it is a lifestyle choice for parents who recognise and value the benefits of it.
There are many values to be gained and lessons learnt from being educated away from home – teamwork through living with others, taking care of one’s own physical and emotional needs with support from staff, taking responsibility for self-organisation both of academic and co-curricular activities. These are all qualities a child can develop at a nurturing boarding school.
Offering an age-appropriate level of independence is of great value. So how do schools manage to give enough freedom for those who are mature enough, while holding on a little more tightly to those who are not quite ready to take their next steps? The key is for houseparents and house tutors to really know each individual pupil very well and to work with parents through understanding their different parenting styles.
Equally important is monitoring the choices each child makes as they navigate their school journey, being there to celebrate their successes and offering compassion and guidance when they make mistakes.
A clear set of ‘house rules’ acts as an invaluable safety net. These can give more freedom for older boarders, that younger boarders can aspire to, and a clear understanding that these levels of freedom are earned, based on the houseparents’ judgement. Again, knowing the individual child is important in order to offer the appropriate concessions. Giving responsibility to a young person can have immense benefits for all involved and can offer opportunities to learn and develop new skills.
The first question to consider when giving responsibility is: ‘Are they ready?’ Professionals who work in boarding schools are very experienced in knowing when to allow their charges to draw close and when to loosen up.
While supervision levels are never relaxed, as a boarder gains greater maturity, so expectations of appropriate behaviour and responsibility increase. Examples of increased freedoms in a school such as Dean Close can be found in downtime and during more routine school time. For
Paddy Moss
Headmaster, Dean Close Preparatory School
example, in the run-up to examinations, dedicated staff sit with younger boarders guiding them through their revision homework, while older prep school pupils are expected to have created their own revision timetable and to prepare independently for the challenges of the exam hall.
OPPORTUNITIES AND CONSEQUENCES
During the lovely long summer evenings, older pupils at Dean Close enjoy playing traditional wide games in the woodland area where they can run off their pent-up energy, but they are fully aware of the consequences if they stray too far from their team or return to the boarding house past curfew. These opportunities to be close to ‘home’ but at the same time out of sight, provide invaluable lessons – creating their own fun, being aware of the time and looking out for others.
Boarding schools fortunate to be located in, or in close walking distance of, a town can also allow their pupils some supervised freedom off site. While it might be suitable to allow older prep school pupils to do their Christmas shopping in town in small groups, an annual treat they all look forward to, younger pupils can also visit their favourite haunts but remain under the watchful gaze of a gap-year student. Just as parents expect more involvement of children in helping with the household chores, so boarders benefit from taking responsibility for organising their boarding house. Rotas for keeping the games room tidy or helping matron with the nightly toasted sandwiches are opportunities for children to serve and they gain great satisfaction from this.
While away from home, children have to make choices and decisions uncoached by parents, the consequences of which should always be seen as a learning experience. Whether it is a good choice that leads to a positive result or a less considered one which should never be repeated, a child learns through this process. They understand they have the ability and freedom to take responsibility and build up resilience if a situation does not go their way, taking their first steps to becoming wellrounded and happy individuals. The road can be more rocky for some than others, but a good school will always recognise the value of the journey.
Paddy Moss is Headmaster of Dean Close Preparatory School. Paddy joined Dean Close in 2015 from Kenya, having spent nine years as Headmaster of a premier British-curriculum preparatory boarding school. A Canadian by birth but brought up in the west of England, Paddy studied Geography and Economics (SOAS, London University) before embarking on a career as a teacher in several boarding and day prep schools, in the UK and abroad, where he was also a member of many of the senior management teams. He is a highly experienced sports coach with a passion for outdoor activities and scouting. He and his wife, a maths and PE teacher, have three daughters at Dean Close.
