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This is not a family. This is a team. By Josey Sewell, Partner, DEO
The family I grew up in was not known for our direct communication or our confrontational tolerance. We were so bad on openly talking about things that frustrated or upset us that we would bottle it up and brush it under the rug until someone would have a blow-up because we let things fester. After the emotional explosion, we still wouldn’t directly talk about the real issue and if someone got really mad they would write a letter to the other person, leave it in the bathroom or their room in the middle of the night so we wouldn’t have to face each other and then pretend like nothing happened. If my team operated like my family, we would likely never achieve our vision and would struggle to keep great team members. I want to challenge the idea that even if you grew up in a highly functional, healthy family we still shouldn’t try to make our team our extended family.
This isn’t a family; this is a team. It’s easy to see why businesses are tempted to use the term “family” when discussing the work relationships within a team: they want to create positive relationships, camaraderie, and a sense of belonging. We know everyone means well when they compare a team to a family, but it creates many unintended consequences that hold you and your team back. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t call your team a family: > You can’t fire your family. You can’t terminate children when they do not meet your expectations or when things aren’t working out. The greatest challenge I see in many teams is leaders holding on to wrong-fit
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team members. This might be wrong-fit for core values or the team member is in a position that isn’t a good fit for their skills; in both scenarios holding on to those team members hurts culture and company performance. This doesn’t apply only to leaders or managers; team members who stay in a company where they are under-appreciated, under-utilized but stay because they feel some familial loyalty also isn’t healthy. There are necessary endings for relationships that aren’t positive and productive.
> Lifelong employment is a thing of the past. Families are forever; work relationships are not. Many dentists assume when they get out of dental school they will hire a team and that team will be with them until they retire, then find themselves upset or betrayed when someone exits. Even when team members are pretty happy with their boss they will move around every few years because their life is not about serving the boss, it is about their life, their growth, their happiness. The faster companies and team members can be open and honest about the fact that an employment agreement is not a marriage agreement, we can have healthier, more productive conversations and relationships. It also means that our relationships can continue even if we don’t work together.
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