No time like the present

Why having your affairs in order matters

By Stacey Golden-Lisnock

Whether or not you realize it, you are constructing your life legacy. We all will leave a legacy behind—nothing more than memories the people we touched during our lives can remember us by. The question is, “Will your legacy be one you would be proud of and, more importantly, that your family will appreciate?”

Most people do not put much thought into what “situation” or “set of circumstances” they will leave their family in if they should suddenly fall ill, be injured or pass on. That is unfortunate for those who are left with all the responsibilities. What will you leave behind? Will your family know how to access insurance policies, make decisions on what should happen to your pet(s), be able to arrange your funeral, fairly divide or part with your material possessions, and so much more—all while processing grief.

The truth is that most people are not prepared for that health crisis, accident or death. The majority do not even discuss this, which leaves everyone blindsided by life’s unexpected turns.

But know this: There is tremendous value in putting all of your affairs in order so that your legacy is a positive one.

I am passionate about helping people be prepared in advance of these chaotic situations. All over the world, people are living with the consequences of a lack of proper planning (or none at all) in regards to a change in health or the passing of a loved one.

As a financial advocate, I have helped many people better understand why they should be prepared. As you will see, the understanding part must come first. It is very disappointing to see a family that is unprepared for what are inevitable events.

If it has not happened to you, imagine how hard it is to get access to the important paperwork and information with any instructions in place. It would be equivalent to someone handing you a baton in a relay race you had no idea you were running in. Do you think you could catch the baton, or would you fumble it badly? It can be difficult to get people to sit long enough to retrieve the information needed for a smooth transition. Along the way, I have found there are three different reactions to why people have not taken action to ensure a positive legacy: › Reaction 1 — I have an idea there is more I need to do in order to take care of things, but I’m busy with other matters and concerns right now. (It is way down on my list of priorities—it will have to wait.)

› Reaction 2 — I do not recognize there is work to do. I am not convinced, nor do I have any plans to be concerned at this time in my life. (It’s not on my radar.)

› Reaction 3 — I feel the urgency; I understand the seriousness, and I want to take action. (I am just not sure where to start or who to trust to help me.)

If you see yourself in any of those reactions, you are in the right place to get some good recommendations, which are designed to move you to take action. So many things can and do happen without warning. And when they do, the chaos begins for your family.

I will continue to have these conversations, since everyone needs to know they hold the key to their loved ones’ future—to the degree the legacy they ultimately leave behind affects the quality of life for those left to sort through the loose ends).

While you may hate to imagine a scenario where you cannot be there for your loved ones, take a moment to do just that. › Would they be left to mourn in peace, or would they be thrust into the stressful situation of tending to your affairs?

› Would they know what type of funeral you want?

› Would they know how to access all of the bills and accounts to be resolved?

› Could they get into your house,

Wi-Fi, bank accounts and are they aware of your hidden treasures?

› Do you know if your pet(s) will end up in a loving situation?

› Most people will say, "No", "No", "No" and "No."

Don’t be like most people. Be the example in the crowd. Help the rest of your circle get prepared. Model what your legacy “can be” for future generations. That is truly a gift you can give others.

Without help, are you going to organize all your documents so that you and your family can be better prepared? Will you keep yourself accountable and complete the project? Will you think of everything?

As a financial professional with more than 30 years in this business, I have seen how people think (and believe) that their time is unlimited. After all, as the saying goes, the best time to get stuff taken care of is tomorrow. Too many people turn a blind eye to the reality that bad stuff happens in life. By not being prepared, you are saying, “It won’t happen to me.” Sadly, everyone says this, even me.

But sometimes we get a wake-up call like I did when I became ill and was rushed to the emergency room by ambulance on Dec. 31, 2017. Before that day, I also preferred to believe I had plenty of time to get things done. This way of thinking can have dire consequences. Life and death decisions that must be made without knowing the wishes of the person can be life changing for those forced to make these difficult decisions. Those types of decisions can break families apart.

For example, pets can be carted off to the pound. Children can end up in foster care. Insurance policies can get cancelled. Houses can go into foreclosure or even sold out.

Since nobody knows how much time they have left, isn’t it reasonable to say now is the time to get everything up to date and in order—while you are healthy and cognitively sharp? It is never too early to get this done, but it can be too late.

Do you know the statistics on dementia? Last I checked one in three seniors over age 80 will have some form of dementia. The one we hear the most about is Alzheimer’s. Remember, those people were like you and me not too long ago. It is happening to 33% of the senior population. They are living out their life in a detached reality. That alone should be very concerning, but again, the blind eye gets credit here. Most people are not prepared if this should happen to them.

Because of my personal story, combined with my years as a financial planner, I have been fortunate to teach others what I have learned. As a bonus, I have turned out to be a pretty good resource for referrals and resources of other needed services.

This topic has become my passion, so I put together a program for people who care about having the important things ready before they become urgent. I’m aware that we each have unique situations and the family dynamic is a big piece of the puzzle. But, whether you realize it or not, we all create our legacy. Without taking action to be prepared in advance of a health crisis, accident or death, you have made an unconscious decision to leave a disorganized mess for someone else to deal with.

That is not the definition of a stressfree legacy, is it?

If this article motivated you to learn more on this topic, text me at 714-7092027. I will gift you a 30-minute consultation to determine where you are in the process of having the best possible legacy for your family. While there is no obligation to work with me, I may be able to give you valuable insight and resources during our time together.

For more information, visit www.GotItTogetherNow.com.

STACEY GOLDEN-LISNOCK

is a Financial Advocate dedicated to helping people leave a stressfree legacy. Prior to creating the Got It Together Now! — Emergency Info File Course, she was a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for 30-plus years. After falling ill in 2018, she changed her focus from Financial Advisor to Financial Advocate. Today, Stacey enjoys educating people and motivating them to take action on important topics. She also hosts a weekly podcast, “Legacy Therapy.”

Connect with Stacey

www.LegacyTherapyPodcast.com Cell/Text: 714-709-2027 Email: gitnow123@gmail.com

Your Emergency Info File

You are just 7 modules with structure, guidance and accountability. You’ll get important legal and personal information now and complete once and for all. It’s the “Emergency Info File.” Book your 30 minute consultation (gift) to see where you are in the process, text at 714-709-2027.

Families first

How No-Problem Parenting is helping refocus today’s child rearing issues

In my work with children who have experienced a disrupted attachment

with their birth mothers, I often start with empathy for the child. If the child is old enough, at least 5 years old, I draw a picture that explains the importance of the First Year of Life Cycle. During this cycle, babies have needs, and ways they express those needs.

One of the most natural ways babies express themselves is through crying. Whatever it is they need, they cry. And if their mother is not close enough, they cry harder. Sometimes, they cry so hard they show rage. Their faces turn deep red; their bodies stiffen, and they arch their back, crying so hard sometimes that they lose their breath.

The solution is simple. You pick them up. Feed them. Rock them. Change their diapers. Gratification. That is what every mother gives to their child. Those little acts of love and kindness show a baby that everything is going to be okay.

Soothing and calming a baby’s fears is our way of building trust. Eventually the baby learns that when they need something, their need will be cared for. This gratification cycle happens thousands of times over the baby’s first year of life. The mother learns every day, every moment, each and every sound and movement their child makes. And in time, trust is what connects them—builds a bond.

So, what happens when that attachment/trust is disrupted? What happens when a child is separated from their birth mom? Premature birth/medical pain/post pardum depression? Adoption? Neglect?

The earlier you have these conversations with your child, the better. Don’t try to rescue them from their reality, even though it may be uncomfortable and painful. When a child suffers a detachment, they need more than your love—they need your understanding and confident leadership. They must know you can handle their pain. They must know they are safe and that you will do whatever it takes to keep them safe, even from themselves.

How can a baby remember their infancy? Their body remembers. Their pre-verbal brain remembers. To learn more, check out the book, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van-Der Kolk.

When any of these experiences happen consistently, they can cause a detachment. For example, if the mother does not or cannot consistently come when the baby cries, or if the mother cannot soothe the babies wants and needs; it can cause a break in the bond. If gratification doesn’t happen or is not consistent, the baby may learn not to trust, and instead feel responsible for meeting their own needs.

By Jaci Finneman

Babies want to feel comfort and love, and when it doesn’t happen, for whatever reason, they can become fearful.

If and when a baby is removed from their birth mother, they must learn these cues all over again. Having been abandoned, the baby sometimes rejects the overtures from their new mother, fearful that the feelings of abandonment may happen again.

Some mothers, confused by the baby’s unwillingness to be held or comforted, let the baby take the lead. The baby holds their own bottle, does not make eye contact and seems settled with their devices. As the baby grows to toddler-hood, they rarely accept the word “no,” especially from the mother figure. The baby learns to take care of their own wants and needs.

As the toddler ages, they become more resentful and even envious of other children in the home—birth siblings, foster siblings, and even children in daycare or school. They mostly become envious of the children who feel love and have a relationship with their mother, making them resent their own mother more.

If the child was adopted, they resent their birth mother, no matter how strong the love and caring is. The hurtful consequences sometimes cause a feeling of deep resentment, causing the child to feel unlovable. And the disrupted attachment cycle continues.

As a 30-year counselor turned parentcoach, I have supported hundreds of kids and families who have been misunderstood and mistreated by the mental health system. Their real life examples are too painful for non-traumatized people to accept and understand.

That’s why I left the mental health system and became a parent-coach. While I believe in therapy, I don’t believe all therapy is created equal nor that therapy is enough. Parents and children deserve to be understood and accommodated with a goal of keeping families together whenever possible.

I started Hello World with a mission of “awakening attachment.” I became focused on serving parents with children who had breaks in early life attachment. In 2018, after being encouraged by many parents with children experiencing “typical behavior problems,” I finally decided that I could teach any parent what I had learned throughout my 40,000 hours of experience in the homes of all those families.

In 2019, I launched No-Problem Parenting™. When I say we can deal with and overcome any emotional or behavioral challenge in our home, I mean it. There are solutions. It’s true that no matter what parenting “problem” you are living with, there IS a solution. Turn your parenting problems into No Problem, Become the Confident Leader Your Kids Crave You to Be. To become a part of the No-Problem Parenting Community, visit noproblemparenting.com. To learn more about me, reach out at jaci@helloworldmn.com or call 320-200-1046.

Meet Jaci Finneman

Jaci Finneman is the founder of Hello World – No-Problem Parenting. She is committed to helping parents become confident leaders for their children, along with finding happiness in their day to day routines and bringing peace back into their homes. As a 30 year Counselor turned Parenting Coach, Jaci has met with hundreds of kids and parents directly in their home and helping them to deal with and overcome their emotional and behavior challenges. During this time, she has remained focused on the solution, not the problem or diagnosis.

In 2013, she started Hello World LLC, a company dedicated to empowering parents to become the confident leaders their kids crave them to be through a model she calls No-Problem Parenting.

As a Parent-Coach, Parenting Strategist, Speaker and Leader, Jaci has more than 40,000 hours of experience working with parents and children affected by trauma and mental health diagnosis as well as traditional parenting challenges like back talking, lying, biting and whining. Her down to earth, authentic and relatable personality adds light, hope and clarity for her clients. One of 100 first cousins, she enjoys all things baseball, hockey and dirt. She and her husband of 25 years, Eric, live in Central Minnesota with their teenage son, Andrew.

Never apologize for being a badass!

Julie (Rosolek) Jones can enlighten you to live your life with passion and purpose.

As a speaker and coach Julie educates on the finer ways to GSD (Get Shit Done.)

So don’t wait on life to get things done make it happen for yourself.

Reach out today to start your life adventure.