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College Advisor: “They’re Fine”
By: Ned Ketyer, MDCollege Advisor: “They’re Fine” Originally posted at www.thePediaBlog.com on December 12, 2019By Ned Ketyer, MD
As a residential faculty advisor living in a freshman dorm at a major university, Leslie Zacks has “a front row seat watching 200 new freshmen flor around adorably every fall.” The Zacks family is As a residential faculty advisor treated well enough by the “semi living in a freshman dorm at a major uni-interested” first-year students.versity, Leslie Zacks has “a front row seat They are nice to our teenaged kids and chatty with us when they’ve had enough sleep. Th watching 200 new freshmen flor around ey gratefully devour the freshly baked cookies we occasionally leave in the common room like adorably every fall.” The Zacks family is treated well enough by the “semi-interestthey’ve never tasted sugar. ed” first-year students. > They are nice to our teenaged kids They go totally bonkers, drop down on all fours and speak in tongues every time they and chatty with us when they’ve had encounter our dog. But they don’t hang out with us enough sleep. They gratefully devour a lot because they are incredibly busy and focused people, and that’s how I know they are the freshly baked cookies we occasionally leave in the common room totally fine. Zacks relays 8 other indicators that your coll like they’ve never tasted sugar. ege freshman is perfectly fine: 1. They joined something. > They go totally bonkers, drop down on all fours and speak in tongues every Anything. It seriously doesn’t matter what it is. Usually it’s an a capella group. Could be an interpretive dance company, or a fringe political committee. Maybe time they encounter our dog. But they
don’t hang out with us a lot because they are incredibly busy and focused people, and that’s how I know they are totally fine. Zacks relays 8 other indicators that your college freshman is perfectly fine: 1. They joined something. Anything. It seriously doesn’t matter what it is. Usually it’s an a capella group. Could be an interpretive dance company, or a fringe political committee. Maybe it’s a sorority.
Their choice might surprise you. Personally, I might draw the line at improve, but guess what – parents don’t get to weigh in. Whatever it is be happy. They found their people and they are not alone. 2. They painted something. If they joined something, they probably also painted something. Don’t panic. This (usually) isn’t vandalism or rebellion. Most universities have a rock or a wall or some other semi-permanent structure that gets painted by spirited groups on campus […] 3. They quit something. Maybe it’s meat.
Or an instrument. Or a hometown honey.
They showed up with something that was seriously woven into the fabric of their personalities for as long as they can remember and then they woke up one day, got distracted, and, without even deciding, dropped that thing like a
French fry on the floor of the dining hall and never looked back. Whatever it is might still be important to you, but it isn’t to them. At least not right now. As long as that thing isn’t critical to their health and well-being, who cares. Don’t worry about it.
4. They changed something. Their name, wardrobe, gender identity, favorite band.
It’s all good. It’s all normal. It’s all fine.
They are experimenting and changing their minds. Be grateful that they have minds that are capable of change. […]
5. They did NOT tattoo or pierce some-
thing. Strictly speaking, neither of these are real cause for concern either […] 6. They are studying something. Anything. It seriously doesn’t matter […]
As long as they are upholding their end of the tuition bargain and earning those credits like the little achievers you raised them to be, it’s fine. It’s all leading somewhere. I promise.
7. They planned something. And it doesn’t involve coming home. <sob>
Probably spring break somewhere warm with friends. Or maybe a summer internship. They’re clearly on the trail of something amazing […]
8. They started doing something. Something adults do. They’re doing laundry, holding the elevator door for others and emptying their trash cans regularly. Maybe they’ve started responding to your texts promptly, making their own doctors appointments and perhaps even keeping them.They are calling their grandmothers unprompted and saying good morning to the actual adults in the hallways. The most evolved, true heros among them might see me struggling with bags of groceries on my way in and offer to help. These are all things that fully formed, good people do. They are becoming members of a community and caring for each other and themselves.
Parents of college students may find themselves reassured after reading the rest of this terrific essay by Leslie Zacks here.
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