Christmas with Special Needs by Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell

Christmas with Special Needs by Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell

Christmas. This supposedly joyous time can be trying when your child has special needs. Autism, for example, affects one in every 59 kids. Difficulties arise before Christmas Day is actually here. Whether or not your child actually enjoys school, the structure and routines are often a welcoming atmosphere for many kids. This lovely predictability in the classroom often disappears during the month of December.

Whether or not your child is enamored with school, he is used to it. But in December, holidays roll around and that child might have a week or even two weeks off of school, breaking his routine. These things are enough to throw a guy off his stride.

You might keep a neat and orderly home. But, suddenly there is this Christmas tree stuck in the house, in a spot where it just should not be. As pretty as it might be, again it’s another disruption in the routine and change can be difficult for autistic and other special needs kids to

handle. While those sparkly decorations and twinkling lights might enhance the atmosphere you’re looking for, those flashes might not appeal to your child. They might catch his eye as light flashes, they might take his attention off what he was thinking about or trying to do.

Grandparents delight in having their entire family around them during Christmas celebration. And, it can be a nice thing, for most people. But not all.

While your child might be quite comfortable when it’s just his mom dad and siblings around, these other faces at his table can cause discomfort. He might do actions that will help him to calm himself. He might rocked back and forth if he’s sitting down, he might swing his legs (and perhaps inadvertently kick the table or someone else’s chair), he might flick his fingers or flap his hands or make noises. Relatives might expect you to make him stop.

What can you do? In the middle of Christmas dinner is likely not the best time to explain to great uncle Henry why your Johnny is doing whatever it is he is doing. Some of this talk should happen ahead of time. But, try as hard as you might, there was still be some relatives who just don’t get it. They might not be able to understand all of the sensory impact that is streaming into your child’s mind and body, and how he might not be able to cope with this overload. Your child is different and not everyone will understand that.

What is optional for you and for your child? Although relatives might expect to see your entire family at every function, perhaps you could pick and choose which ones all of you attend. Keep a calendar, a visual schedule posted for functions you (all of your family or just some of you) must attend. Let this schedule be readily accessible so your child will know what to expect.

Is it more comfortable for your child to remain in the familiar surroundings of his own house? Offer to host Christmas. Rather than having to leave his home where he feels safe and secure and venture into someone else’s house, remaining at your place has merit. His bedroom is close by where he could spend some quiet time alone, before coming back to join the group. If your child is calmer and happier that way it might make for an easier Christmas for all of you.

Prep work always helps. Show him pictures of who is coming and when. Let him know that if he wants to he can go to his room or whatever other safe place he likes in your home when he needs to calm himself. You might calmly mention to the adults when they arrive that your son is tired and needs a bit of quiet time. That might be explanation enough for why he retreats to his bedroom for periods of time. Better that than a public meltdown. If things reach that state it can be embarrassing. You wish your child would not do that. But, what is front and centre here is that child. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks; what matters is your child’s distress. Do what you need to do to help him calm down. That might be removing him; it might be enveloping him in a tight hug giving him a feeling of pressure. Keep your child foremost.

While you are tending to your child you might hear in the background comments about he’s a spoiled brat, he needs a little discipline, that wouldn’t have happened back in their day, etc. Doesn’t matter. Your child is your focus. Do what you must do to make Christmas a good day for him and for you.

Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell has worked in schools as a teacher, counselor, psychologist and consultant for decades. Her Master’s and Doctorate degrees focused on autism. She has delivered workshops and seminars to thousands participants including at national conferences. She continues to write and teaches university classes about students who learn differently. She is an award-winning, Amazon bestselling author of five novels and about autism and two nonfiction autism books. https://www.amazon.com/DrSharon-A-Mitchell/e/B008MPJCYA