Show, Don't Tell by Rob Samborn

“Show, don’t tell.”

Writers hear the phrase all the time. But what exactly does it mean? How do writers “show” through words?

It’s not an unwritten rule, but rather an axiom that can help writers elevate their craft. I’ve heard writers say “show, don’t tell” is nonsensical, since you can’t possibly show something by writing about it. Not only can it be done, doing so invariably improves writing.

On the face of it, as the late, great Sol Stein wrote in the writing classic Stein on Writing:

Telling is conveying information. Showing is evoking emotion.

An easy example of showing vs. telling is describing the weather.

Telling:

Jack felt it was hot.

Showing:

Jack wiped the perspiration off the back of his neck.

These are both simplistic examples, so let’s put them into a narrative.

Telling:

It was a hot and rainy night in the small town. Jack was standing on the corner in the black suit he always wore on the job, and this was his last. He was waiting for his contact, who was late. Something was wrong.

Showing:

Jack leaned against the lamppost, his black suit camouflaging him into the town’s quiet main street. The lone streetlight illuminated the fat rain drops pelting the brim of his fedora. He wished he could remove his jacket and cool his skin, soaked more with perspiration than precipitation, but he needed to maintain his professional reputation—for one last job. For the twentieth time in half as many minutes, he glanced at his watch. Knots rolled his gut. Those knots had saved his life on more than one occasion and tonight, he would’ve puked if they weren’t so tightly twisted.

In which version do you “see” the story through Jack’s eyes? Which version makes you feel what Jack feels?

The second example is longer to illustrate the point that showing doesn’t end Jack’s feelings on the weather. We see how the weather affects him in this particular situation. Along with the rain and time of day, we’re also shown how Jack feels about his last job and his contact being late. You’ll notice in the second example, it doesn’t explicitly state he’s waiting for a contact. By removing the specifics, but knowing that he’s nervous and conscious of the time, it heightens the tension—by evoking emotion.

Be sure not to mix showing with description. Description is painting a mental picture. Likewise, don’t mix evoking emotion with being emotional. Evoking emotion means letting readers feel what the characters feel—whether that’s an internal sensation or one of the five external senses, including sight.

Saying an air conditioner is on is better than saying it’s hot, but that doesn’t show us what the character feels.

Two tips for showing instead of telling are: 1) write perspective from a character’s deep POV; and 2) avoid the use of the verb “be” as much as possible.

When writing from a character’s perspective—from deep inside their head as if you were there—will almost always show the reader what that character feels. This is true for both firstor third-person narrative. It goes beyond whether or not it’s hot, for example. How does the character feel about it being hot? Do they like it? Does it bring back memories? Does it affect them physically somehow? Is it hot outside but the air conditioner is running too high, making it too cold inside?

Put yourself into that character’s shoes and show us their emotions through evocative writing, and similarly, what they touch, smell, see, hear, and taste.

By focusing on feelings, a writer will also naturally avoid the use of “was,” “were,” or “is.” The word “be” typically makes writing passive, especially if used in conjunction with the gerund verb form (+ing). It’s possible to have showing writing that’s passive, which is preferrable to passive, telling writing, but always strive for showing, active writing.

In summary, ‘showing writing’ evokes emotion. To accomplish this, write from a character’s perspective using active verbs that make us feel what it’s like to be in the character’s head.

Rob Samborn is the author of The Prisoner of Paradise (out now) and Painter of the Damned (Oct. 25), thrillers blended with historical fiction set in Venice, Italy. You can read more of Rob’s articles and find his contact and social media links at www.robsamborn.com.