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Spring 2015 /// Issue 3
Contents
BoomerChick U n i v e r s e
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bewildered about money?
Publisher’s Note
4
REV UP YOUR ENERGY... 9 Foundation Foods That Whiten Your Teeth
5
How to Hire a Trustworthy Financial Advisor
30
Tresa Leftenant
How to Get Around Three Strikes and You’re Out
35
Vivian Goldschmidt
7 Things Healthy People Do Every Morning
9
Sydney Tremayne
Krista Butler
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...
What is Holy Basil?
10
11
Andrew Weil
37
Confessions of a Viagra Wife
5 Top Regrets
Linda S. Hopkins
Bronnie Ware
40
What’s Next?
Take a Break with a Remarkable Woman... 13
Gregory Anne Cox Mary E. Knippel
Why I Do What I do
48
Farewell to Lou Reed
Aging with Attitude
19
It’s All Part Of The Adventure
Sherry Paul
Join Our Community ! boost your bottom line 6 Easy Steps for Creating a Great Title that SELLS
Laurie Anderson
Confessions of an Old Belly Dancer
51
Linda Hughes
Visible: 60 Women at 60
54
Linda Abbit
Subscribe to Us, Rate Us, Email Us 59
Ladies from Advanced Design
Kendall SummerHawk
3 Surprising Joys of Hiring Contractors
Chick Graphic Sherry Brimacombe Support:
Contact Us: BoomerChickUniverse 5401 Broadway Terrace #103 Oakland, CA 94618
17
Cover Model DonnaLou Stevens
Marry Yourself Breast Cancer as a Gift
Graphic Designer Korana Stojcic
Debbie Saviano
45
DonnaLou Stevens
28
Jan@BoomerChickUniverse.com
Jan@BoomerChickUniverse.com
91-Year-Old Marathoner Smokes the Competition
15
25
42
Editor In Chief Jan Rose Distel
Deanna Maio
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Our Privacy Policy http://www.boomerchickuniverse.com/privacy-policy/
BoomerChick U n i v e r s e
Publisher’s Note...
Dear BoomerChicks, Because 90 is the new 60... Because 60 is the new 40... Because it’s time to “Lean In”... Because the world needs us... Because women change the world... Because we are amazing creatures... Because we are worth it... because we shall show the way. I write this because you are precious to all of the lives that are touched and moved by your spirit. Life is Good... And the Best is Yet to Come!
Jan Rose Distel Publisher BoomerChickUniverse 4 w w w. B o o m e r C h i c k U n i v e r s e . c o m
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9 Foundation Foods
That Whiten Your Teeth While Reversing Bone Loss
By Vivian Goldschmidt, MA
A
hint of fall is in the air in the Northern Hemisphere, and I love ushering in the next season with a bright, white smile. I steer clear of harsh chemical products that claim to whiten teeth. Instead, I use fluoridefree toothpaste and make sure to eat certain Foundation Foods that protect my teeth and keep my smile bright and healthy. So today, I am going to share with you these nine foods. They are all Foundation Foods in the Save Our Bones Program, so they are excellent for promoting youthful bones as well as a whiter, brighter smile.
1. Apples
effects of aging. They contain healthy fiber that aids in the elimination of toxins in the gut.
Apples are an autumn favorite in my house. The crunchy texture of apples gives your gums a “workout” that keeps them strong. The juiciness and sweet-tart flavor stimulate the salivary glands, which helps neutralize the acid produced by bacteria in the mouth. Saliva also washes away germs and food particles before they have a chance to harbor bacteria and produce plaque.
Some of the specific antioxidants found in apples include: • Polyphenols, which increase osteoblast production.1 • Phloridzin, a polyphenol that is exclusive to apples and prevents bone loss.2 • Glutathione, the Master Antioxidant that actually resides within the body’s cells. Many important bone-rejuvenating nutrients are found in the apples’ peeling, so look for organic apples that are not waxed and enjoy the whole fruit.
Apples are a rich source of Vitamin C and antioxidants that protect your bones against the 5
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matrix that acts like a scaffolding for bone minerals. Yellow onions are higher in Vitamin C than red or white onions.
2. Strawberries Despite their bright red color, strawberries do not stain teeth. In fact, their malic acid content is a natural astringent that removes superficial staining on teeth.
• Vitamin B6, which lowers homocysteine levels in the body, thus decreasing inflammation. Chronic inflammation speeds up the aging process, so this vitamin is important for preserving youthful bones. • Folate, or B9, is another homocysteinereducer.
These alkalizing berries are full of anti-inflammatory compounds, making them useful for the management of chronic pain. They also contain many antioxidants like flavonols and terpenoids, protecting your bones against the ravages of time.
Manganese actually helps hold calcium and magnesium where it belongs – in your bones. Manganese is also a component of Superoxide Dismutase, an antioxidant enzyme that protects your bones from the free radical damage associated with aging.
Like apples, strawberries are an excellent source of Vitamin C and antioxidants.
3. Onions
Copper works in synergy with manganese, and makes up part of Superoxide Dismutase as well.
I know that onions have a reputation for producing bad breath… but that’s one of the ways they help whiten your teeth! The oniony aftertaste encourages you to brush.
4. Pears Pears are very juicy and flavorful, thus inducing saliva production and washing away bacteria and food residue. In addition, eating pears neutralizes bacteria that can contribute to staining.
Additionally, onions contain no pigment, so they do not stain teeth. Like its potent cousin garlic, onions contain allicin, an antimicrobial compound that helps keep bacteria from proliferating on your teeth.
As a Foundation Food, alkalizing pears are an excellent source of polyphenols and:
Onions are also excellent for your bones. One of the key bone-preserving nutrients they contain is GPCS, or y-glutamyl-propenyl-cysteine sulfoxide, which has been shown to decrease the breakdown of bone in animal studies.3
Boron, a trace mineral that is involved in bone metabolism. It works with Vitamin D to reduce urinary excretion of calcium and magnesium.
5. & 6. Carrots and Celery
In addition, onions contain polyphenols, particularly flavonoids, and they are full of Foundation Supplements:
When my kids were little, celery and carrots were go-to vegetables – and for us adults, they are just as appropriate. This crunchy duo has high water content, helping to wash away
• Vitamin C, which is crucial for the formation of collagen, the flexible protein 6
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impurities on your teeth. And the crisp, crunchy texture helps strengthen gums and dislodge food debris. Carrots and celery share many of the same nutrients, with some exceptions. For example, carrots contain carotenoids, antioxidants that are responsible for carrots’ orange color. They also have lots of Vitamin A and bone-rejuvenating silicon. Celery contains the ever-important calcium in addition to folate, Vitamins B2 and B5, magnesium, and manganese.
• Zinc is a trace mineral found in almonds and pumpkin seeds. It helps regulate bone turnover, and is required for an enzyme called bone alkaline phosphatase (isoenzyme ALP-2) to function properly.
Both carrots and celery are rich in: • Vitamin K, which works with Vitamin D and a calcium-binding protein called osteocalcin to produce osteoclasts, those essential cells that remove old bone to make room for younger, newer bone cells.
8. Broccoli Munching on raw broccoli helps scrub off dental stains, and its texture prevents it from sticking to your teeth.
7. Nuts and Seeds
Savers are well aware of broccoli’s role in preserving youthful bone. Broccoli is full of calci-
There are many foods in this category, but when it comes to whitening teeth, all nuts and seeds have an abrasive quality when chewed. This acts like a scrub brush on your teeth, removing plaque and stains. When it comes to bone health, nuts and seeds have much to offer. Alkalizing sesame seeds, flax seeds, and almonds are good sources of: • Calcium, the mineral that is so crucial for bones to be renewed. But like all nutrients, calcium does not work alone. • Magnesium works with calcium to build bone, and is found in almonds and pumpkin seeds. 7
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um, Vitamins C and K, boron, and antioxidants. An exceptional cleansing vegetable, broccoli contains an important polyphenol called:
• Boron • Silicon • Fiber, which helps absorb and remove toxins from the intestinal tract.
• D-glucarate, which acts as a “signal” to your body to release toxins rather than store them in various tissues. It does this by inhibiting an enzyme that tells your body to hang on to toxic substances. If you want younger bones, detoxification is crucial because it flushes out the poisons that have accumulated over the years.
• Folate (Vitamin B9), Pantothenic acid (Vitamin B5), and Vitamin B1. If you have the Save Our Bones Program, you know how important B vitamins are for renewing and rejuvenating bones. They work in synergy with each other, reducing inflammation and playing a role in many enzymatic processes.
9. Oranges
Eat Your Way To Healthy Bones And A Brighter Smile I always advocate getting as many nutrients as possible from whole foods. This is part of the holistic approach of the Program – eating colorful, healthy foods is an enjoyable experience that makes you an active participant in renewing your bones and improving many other aspects of your health (and looks too!).
Because of their acidic taste, I get many questions about the alkalizing nature of oranges and all citrus. While they do have a high acid content in their whole state, eating citrus fruits has an alkalizing effect on the body. And they whiten teeth – the citric acid actually wears away the top layer of tooth enamel, removing stains. (So as always, moderation is key!)
It’s the best way to infuse your bones with the minerals, antioxidants, and vitamins your bones need to turn back the clock on bone loss. I invite you to to read more about the Save Our Bones Program, and learn how these and other Foundation Foods restore your bone health.
Oranges are the go-to fruit when we think of Vitamin C, but oranges have even more to offer besides this bone-building vitamin and antioxidant. Oranges also contain:
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7 Things Healthy People
Do Every Morning My alarm is set to the song “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. It’s impossible to not smile when this song plays. This, combined with the other habits below, set the tone for a productive, happy and healthy day. By Krista Butler (Mind Body Green) 1. Drink A Glass Of Water As Soon As You Wake Up
outside. This only takes 10 seconds! It reminds you that you are alive and breathing.
This rehydrates your body, revs up your digestive system, and gets things flowing. You may notice positive changes like clearer skin and better digestion. Bonus points if you add a squeeze of fresh lemon juice or a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar.
5. Move Your Body You don’t necessarily have to do an intense workout before breakfast, but moving your body even a little is a great way to get the blood flowing and shake the body into wakeup mode. Simply doing a few stretches is a great option. Or turn on your favorite song and dance like no one is watching.
2. Do Not Check Your Email Or Phone For At Least An Hour Do you sleep with your cell phone next to you and grab for it first thing when you wake? This is not a good habit. If you choose to resist the temptation to check your email and Facebook feed until at least an hour after waking up, you’ll find that your mind is more clear, focused and happy.
6. Take Time To Eat A Healthy Breakfast Rather than reaching for a box of cereal, focus on getting real foods in your body. Eggs, soaked oats, and smoothies are all great options. (And they really don’t take that much time to prepare.) Try it out.
3. Think Of One Thing For Which You Have Gratitude
7. Say Your Affirmations
This sets the stage for positivity throughout the day. If you come up with three or five things, even better.
Look into the mirror and say something positive to yourself. Some ideas:
4. Step Outside And Take A Deep Breath
Every cell in my body is healthy and vibrant.
Fill your lungs with fresh air. Even if it’s cold
I feel great when I take care of myself.
I radiate beauty, confidence and grace.
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What Is Holy Basil? H
oly basil or tulsi (Ocimum sanctum) is a sacred plant in India. It is a relative of our culinary basil but has a stronger, clove-like aroma and taste. Indians do not use it in cooking but do use it as medicine, mostly in the form of tea. It has been used traditionally to support: • Heart health • Optimal breathing • Joint health • Vision health • Skin health
Research in both animals and humans demonstrates lack of toxicity and a variety of benefits, including reducing inflammation and protecting the body and brain from the harmful effects of stress.
Find out which vitamins are right for you. Everyone’s dietary needs are different based on a number of factors including lifestyle, diet, medications and more. To find out what vitamins you need, take the Weil Vitamin Advisor. This 3-step questionnaire requires just minutes to complete, and generates a free, no-obligation vitamin and nutritional supplement recommendation that is personalized to meet your unique nutritional needs.
It also has a positive influence on mood, and is safe to use with pharmaceutical antidepressants. My colleague Jim Nicolai, M.D., tells me he has great success with holy basil. Most of his patients have stress-related conditions, and holy basil is at the top of his list of plant-based strategies to target such issues. His personal experience is that it lengthens his “emotional fuse” and leaves him feeling calm and balanced in otherwise stressful situations. Use extracts standardized to two percent ursolic acid in 400 mg capsules. Dosage is two capsules, once or twice daily with food. SpontaneousHappiness.com has more information on safe, natural ways to address stress and anxiety. Learn more - start your 10-day free trial and save 25% when you join. 10
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5 Top Regrets of the Dying
Don’t wait until your health fails before living the life you want to live
by Bronnie Ware
A
fter many years of feeling unfulfilled at her job, Bronnie Ware set out to find something that resonated with her soul. She ended up in palliative care where she spent many years helping those who were dying. Some time later, she compiled a list of the 5 most common regrets expressed by the people she cared for. The list she collected gained huge popularity, and we are sharing it with you here today because it’s something all of us should keep in mind. Even though it can be hard to think about, this stuff is really important for your happiness right here and now!
1
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.” 11
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B
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
ronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently released a full-length book titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing’. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. For more information, please visit Bronnie’s official website at www.bronnieware.com or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
4
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
5
overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is really truthful and beautiful advice, even though it’s a bit hard to think about. Take it from the people that have been there, and don’t make the same mistake! Share these 5 points, as everyone could use a reminder from time to time.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity
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91-Year-Old Marathoner
Smokes the Competition
M
Thompson said her legs are recovering pretty well today, especially considering she recently underwent nine rounds of radiation on them for cancer treatment. She raised more than $90,000 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training.
any nonagenarians are happy if they can still tie their shoes. Harriette Thompson not only laced hers up, she smoked the competition at the Rock ‘n’ Roll San Diego Marathon Sunday. The 91-year-old from Charlotte, N.C., finished the 26.2-mile course in a time of seven hours, seven minutes and 42 seconds, shattering the marathon distance record for 90- to 94-year-old women by more than an hour and a half. Her average pace was about 16 minutes a mile.
This was Thompson’s 15th appearance in the Southern California race. She made her debut at the age of 76 in 1999. Treatment for oral cancer kept her out of last year’s race. It also prevented her from training as much as she would have liked this year, although she managed to sneak in a 5K race just last weekend.
“I was tired at one point going up a hill and wasn’t sure if I could finish, but then I felt fine,” Thompson told ABC News today. 13
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“She is an amazing woman though I’m not as surprised by her accomplishments as everyone else is” said son Brenny, 55, who ran the race with her. Runner’s World reported that Thompson is the second oldest woman to compete in a marathon, after 92-year old Gladys Burrill, who completed the Honolulu Marathon in 2010. Thompson was the only runner Sunday in her age category. “We’re seeing more and more people of all ages entering marathons as they discover that running is something that can keep you fit for a lifetime,” said Tish Hamilton, the executive editor of Runner’s World. Thompson said she’ll rest up for a few days and begin training again shortly. “I hope to run the race next year even faster,” she said, “if I’m still around.”
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Take a Break with a Remarkable Woman...
Why I Do What I Do... DonnaLou Stevens
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If I Were Enlightened DonnaLou Stevens with Birdz of Play
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Aging With Attitude: Barbara Beskind, Designer
B
arbara Beskind’s favorite piece of advice for her older peers is, “Find out what you can do to make life better for others.” She’s not the self-absorbed type. We had to press Beskind to admit that, yes, her arrival at the global design firm IDEO where she works can cause a stir. Sometimes, an email goes out announcing her presence in the Palo Alto office. The other day, Beskind found a temp working at the receptionist’s desk. “He said, ‘I know who you are,’” she says. And so did his umpteen Facebook friends back home in Africa. At 90, Beskind is by far the oldest member of a dynamic team working on what’s known as human-centered design for food, packaging, electronics and, most recently, aging. She is also one of the newest designers at IDEO. She started last July after applying to be part of the firm’s design challenge for products for older adults. That challenge is over, but Beskind’s stint is not. Every Thursday, she travels by train from her San Mateo retirement community to the IDEO offices.
After one recent workday, she still had plenty of energy left to respond to questions from Senior Planet. As a 90-year-old non-designer, how did you manage to land a gig at one of the world’s best known design firms? I was watching 60 Minutes in January, 2013, and there was an interview with [company founder] David Kelley of IDEO talking about the Design On Aging challenge. I wrote my resume, and rewrote it and rewrote it for about two months. A friend said, ‘You won’t hear for a month or six weeks.’ A week later, I got a call and they said, ‘Can you come for an interview?’
“I’ve retired five times, but it’s like a vaccination that doesn’t take,” she says. Among her careers: 44 years in occupational therapy, 20 of those in the Army. She set up the first freestanding occupational therapy practice in the U.S., launched a lampshade replacement business and has written several books.
I got there, and there were 35 engineers and designers. I got up to speak and ended up talking for 20 minutes and took questions. They said, ‘What day would you like to come?”
Beskind takes a long daily walk using a pair of ski poles she adapted for the job. 17
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How do you feel when you’re designing?
I came on board and didn’t have time to enter an invention for the aging challenge myself, so they asked me to be one of the judges. Now I work with them on their projects. I’m sort of an ad hoc consultant.
On Thursdays when I work in the office, I feel about 30 years younger. On other days, I feel about 20 years younger. I was describing my career to a friend. I said, ‘My career has always been like a layer cake. At IDEO, this is the frosting on the cake.’
Which of your projects so far are you most excited about? I’m working on a revolutionary type of walker that is much more dynamic than the ones on the market today. My walker inspires the user to maintain a vertical position.
Where do you get your ideas? All I have to do is sit and watch people. I sit out in the hall of my retirement community and I see how many improvements are needed.
Of my own projects, probably I am most excited about a separate living quarters that would go behind an existing home, for elderly people to live in independently or to be in for end of life or hospice care. There are some on the market, but I have ideas that would be an improvement. I would have an entire panel behind the bed and a plug-in where there could be oxygen availability and blood pressure monitoring.
What is your take on today’s technology? I don’t understand it, but I appreciate it. I have a Life Alert. I have a cell phone, but it’s very primitive – it has voice dial, which I need [due to low vision]. I have an enlarged screen on my computer, which I use for word processing. I’ve written a number of books on it.
What does aging with attitude mean to you?
It would be prefab, the family could assemble it. It would have a chemical toilet, with water and electricity drawn from the house. The company that leases it would have to get all the permits. As soon as the person dies, the family would have to remove the structure.
You have to think outside of the box. Your have to be more than yourself. The world is more important than you are. Having a view of the world that is larger than you helps to maintain a productive, positive, expanded view. 18
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It’s All Part of the
Adventure...
By SHERRY PAUL
I
have been carrying on a love affair with the globe for as long as I can remember.
It began with a small spinning globe in the corner of my father’s office. Every little dot signified some magical future adventure for me. I devoured the Madeline books and longed to explore Paris with her. Or better yet, to sail with Pippi Longstocking and her father, the buccaneer captain of the high seas, and frolic with them in Villa Villekulla. I took my first airplane ride at age 13, by myself, many years before either of my parents ever set foot on a plane. I realize that’s not a big deal today, but in the early 60s a 13-year old traveling solo signified quite the adventure. My favorite extracurricular activity at school was Model United Nations (I represented the Ghana delegation which, it turns out, years later, would become the 99th country I visited). In high school I begged my parents to let me apply to the foreign exchange student program, Youth For Understanding, and a few months later found myself living on an onion farm near the Zuider Zee in the Netherlands.
(how did we even find pen pals before the days of the internet??) and my heart would dance with excitement and anticipation every time the mailman dropped a sky blue aerogram into our mailbox with an exotic-looking postage stamp.
I sat mesmerized in front of our black and white TV the night Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom premiered in 1963 and knew that someday I would be in Africa. I would listen to my grandparents tell stories of the old country, Lithuania and Ukraine, and dream of re-tracing their footsteps. I had pen pals in three different countries
I don’t know why or how this global love affair took root in me. The furthest my parents ever traveled was from Toronto, where they were 19
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to screams and I could no longer ignore them. I remembered reading a passage from the Gospel of Thomas when I was studying at Berkeley. It had seared its message into my heart: “If you bring forth what is within you it will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you it will destroy you.”
born, to Detroit, 250 miles away, where they married and raised my brother and me. The only family trips we ever took were back to Toronto (my first “international travel”) to visit my 32 aunts and uncles, and the annual drive to Miami Beach where it was mandatory for all Jewish families to spend their Christmas vacations. Somehow, though, I always knew I belonged to a bigger tribe than just my family.
I was slowly destroying myself. I yearned for the adventures I had imagined as a little girl. I longed to dance along my juicy edges, to ignite my soul, to feel a quickening in my pulse, to explore the wild corners of my childhood globe. In short, I longed to feel ALIVE. Not just occasionally, but every day.
As with many of us, my childhood dreams gradually faded into grownup realities. The small whispers of my wanderlust soul were slowly drowned out by the routine practicalities of life: fitting in, conforming to societal norms and expectations, succumbing to the “shoulds” of our culture. I went to college, studied business and journalism, married a nice man, bought a nice home, got a not-so-nice divorce, went on to have a successful career in advertising and marketing and even had the opportunity on occasion to travel abroad for my work.
And now, going into the second half of my life, I knew that even if I didn’t know how this was going to happen, I knew that it would. That it had to. Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The youth gets together his materials to build a bridge to the moon, or, perchance a palace or temple on earth and, at length, the middle-aged man concludes to build a woodshed with them.” I couldn’t live in the woodshed any longer.
It wasn’t a bad life, but at some point I no longer wanted to live “not a bad life.” As the years went by, the small whispers of my soul turned 20
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So I took a leap of faith. I surrendered to the whispers and kept listening. Words started flashing at me. Words and phrases that rattled my soul: tribal, primal, wildcat, pagan, pulsating, rhythm, dancing in the dirt, wilderness, earth, source, primitive, drumming, wild, feral, erotic. Yikes! Who was this woman trapped inside my soul longing to escape? Certainly no one I knew when I was in business school or the corporate world. Or certainly no one I had allowed myself to know. But clearly she had something to say. Clearly, after being trapped inside for so many years, she was hell-bent on expressing herself.
I left the ad agency at the peak of my career. I turned down the volume of my life. I hiked in the mountains, strolled along the beaches, learned to meditate... of sorts (not an easy task for a Type A), wrote in my journal, discovered yoga, devoured authors and poets who stirred my soul, and then slowly began the journey of seeking answers to two questions: “Who am I?” and “What is my work here on earth?” Without forcing the answer, but rather just sitting with the magnitude of the questions, the whispers grew louder still, and more clear. It took years, several false starts, plenty of embarrassing failures, but eventually my inner truth bubbled up inside me: “I am a seeker, an explorer, a nature-lover, an adventurer who seeks purpose and meaning through travel. My work is to help Mother Nature protect her creatures.”
It was time to embrace my inner outlaw. I was about to discover the deep, delicious truth of what has become my favorite quotation: “We shall not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.“ T.S. Eliot
Did this sound a bit ridiculous and uncomfortable to me, this very rationale, left-brained, no-nonsense businesswoman? Uh, yeah. But where had rationale, left-brained and no-nonsense taken me? To “not a bad life.”
I began with what I knew. My career had been in marketing so I volunteered to write a marketing plan for a local wildlife conservation organization 21
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that sponsored projects in Africa. At first they offered me assignments only in California. But as I gained their trust and respect, I felt more confident recommending new ideas and programs. I suggested organizing donor trips to the conservation projects in Africa in order to give donors the opportunity to experience wildlife conservation in action. In order to engage donors in something that might stir their souls and move them to action. And so my journey began.
called me. I trekked the Andasibe rainforest in Madagascar, cavorted with blue-footed boobies in the Galapagos, camped under the stars in the Kalahari Desert, danced with the Huli Wigmen in Papau New Guinea, volunteered at an orangutan sanctuary in Borneo, attended the Talo Tshechu festival in Bhutan, and had my whatwas-I-thinking-moment drinking yak butter tea in Tibet. I traveled to more than 100 countries in search of my primal soul.
The first trip was scary, leading Silicon Valley billionaires and millionaires to Africa. I had absolutely no experience in this arena. I took a deep breath and reminded myself who I was and what my work was: I was an adventurer who was helping these donors find meaning and purpose in their lives while helping Mother Nature to save African wildlife. And, at least in this regard, I was the expert in my field. This was my unique calling.
And then one day, on a trip to Zimbabwe, while working on a marketing proposal for one of the conservationists I had met, he mentioned that he had received some funding from a donor to add a new course to the Children’s Bush Camp. He asked if I had any ideas. Drawing again on what I knew: business, presentations skills, marketing and photography, I created a program called Kids Cameras Conservation. I wanted to teach kids in developing countries the importance of conservation photography and the craft of telling their own stories through the images they created. I wanted to give them a chance at creativity and a voice
With each step I took toward honoring the whispers, the Universe took an equal step forward to meet me. I went back to school and became a certified tour director. The wild, untamed places
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in their own communities helping Mother Nature protect her creatures.
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Suggestions for creating your big, bold, juicy, adventurous life.
I buried myself in my laptop in the middle of the African bush, wrote a week-long workshop and presentation, scrounged up six beat-up old cameras that were lying around the animal rehabilitation center, consulted with the Education Director on how to teach 11-year olds (I had never worked with children), and by the time the kids got to camp I had pieced together a photography course with the proverbial twigs and chewing gum.
• Turn down the volume. • Listen to the quiet whispers of your soul. • Sit with powerful questions: • Who am I when I’m not defined by society? • Who am I when I free my soul to just be? • What work do I long to do on earth? • What unknown sea do I want to cross? • Where will I find my courage?
On the last day of class the Education Director asked the kids which of the five courses was their favorite. All 36 hands shot into the air. “Photography!!!” they shouted with delight. Since then I have crowd-funded enough money to buy new cameras for all 36 kids, enlisted the support of some local schools here in the States, and sourced an adventure travel company that loves the idea and wants to help expand the program in other countries around the world. And this year I’m returning to Zimbabwe to teach the next group of kids.
• Stop trying to “figure it out.” That’s a job for the mind. Your calling will come from your soul. • Take inventory of the skills and resources you can bring with you on the journey. • If adventure is scary for you, think of it as “research.”
The contemporary English poet, David Whyte, writes, “If we can see the path ahead laid out for us there is a good chance it is not our path; it is probably someone else’s we have substituted for our own.” That’s what I love about adventure. You create it from your own heart so you can make it up as you go along. Just the way you want it. Just the way your soul desires it.
• Find joy in learning, growing, discovering. • Lean in to your edges. • Find your mantra and allow it to carry you, especially through the challenging times. My life mantra is “it’s all part of the adventure.”
Adventure shows up in different forms for everyone. For me, it’s been travel, but it can be whatever sets you on fire, blows your skirt up, gets your creative juices flowing, makes you feel alive. Is the kids’ photography program the end of my adventure? By no means. Do I know what the next adventure will be? Absolutely not. But what I do know is that the grandest adventure of all is the journey deep into our own souls. And better yet, that adventure never ends.
Sherry Paul is a branding and communications expert, an adventure traveler, a soul-seeker and a photographer. Email her at sherryfpaul@gmail.com to learn more about travel with purpose and how to find your soul’s calling.
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“Tell Me,What Is It You Plan to Do with Your One Wild & Precious Life?” Mary Oliver
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6 Easy Steps for Creating a Great Title that SELLS By KENDALL SummerHawk What is the first thing people judge when it comes to your coaching programs, products, services or events? The title. And since it’s the first thing that people see or hear, if it doesn’t grab ‘em immediately, they’re likely to tune out for good. The good news is, you don’t need to be a writer to create fabulous titles. All you need is the right mindset. Here is an easy 6-step system you can use to transform any stale, confusing, or boring title into one that is clear and inspiring for your ideal clients to say YES to!
Step 1: Start with a description of ONE client. Take a breathe and connect to one client who’s had great results working with you. Now, for 3 minutes journal everything about this one person. For example: • Do you know what it is that keeps them up at night worrying?
• If they wished they could learn how to do one thing (as it relates to what you do) what would that one thing be?
• What is the biggest struggle that they feel the discomfort of on a daily basis?
TIP: If you’re new in your business and haven’t yet had any paying clients, think of someone you’ve been practicing with. Just because you didn’t get paid doesn’t mean you don’t have insight into your ideal client!
• What is their biggest time or money leak? (this can be relevant to your service even if you’re not in the “I help people make money” business) 25
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Step 2: Brainstorm 3-5 reasons why this client might avoid solving these problems.
Be mindful here to really feel and see the situation from your client’s perspective, rather than your own. This is where the gold is, as it gives you the insight to create a title they will instantly relate to.
You can’t help anyone if they’re not feeling motivated to seek your support. You need to understand what might keep your potential client stuck so you can address that with your title.
Step 4: Draft a title. With the information from each of these steps you now have a clear perspective and fresh information about the points to cover in your title. Now is the moment to stay with the momentum and create your first draft.
For example, maybe they believe they don’t have the time or money to invest right now. Or they don’t clearly see a solution. Or the solution seems too hard.
Write down the first title that comes to you and remember, this is just your first draft, not your one-and-only, or your last. Aim for getting something written (you can perfect it later).
TIP: You’re going to answer these “not me yet” avoidance excuses with “yes, here’s why!” reasons in your title.
Step 3: Consider what this client really wants.
Step 5: Run it through this simple test.
Get outside of yourself and into your client’s head and heart when you answer this question:
A great title includes 4 key elements. Use this quick test to hone in on exactly what needs to be tweaked so that your title is eye-catching.
What benefit/result will truly help them solve their problems? 26
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A great title: #1. States a practical, measurable benefit or result #2. Has one clear concept (Most initial drafts have two or more concepts, which creates confusion or dilutes the message you really want to convey) #3. Is free of jargon (Would someone who doesn’t know you or your work clearly understand every word in your title?)
W
ould you like to learn simple ways you can brand, package and price your services, quickly move away from ‘dollars-for-hours work’ and create more money, time, and freedom in your business? Check out my website, http://www.KendallSummerHawk. com, for free articles, resources and to sign up for my free webinar, ‘How to Make More Money in One Day (as much as $3,000 - $10,000) Than You Currently Do All Month Even if You Don’t Have a Big List.’”
#4. Answers the question, “Why?” Test your title against these criteria and check that it includes all four of them. Keep making adjustments and re-testing until you have it just right. TIP: The title of this article is a good example of a great title!
Step 6: Check for reader resistance. Ask yourself if your title passes the “I’m not ready yet” test. In other words, does the title help bump somebody out of complacency and into action? If not, tweak it until the title generates excitement for your potential client.
Award-winning, multi-million dollar coach Kendall SummerHawk is the leading expert in women entrepreneurs and money.”
Once you have your title crafted, ask for feedback from a few of your ideal clients. Have them tell you if the title inspires them to want to know more. If not, ask why. Use their feedback to make your final changes and re-test.
Remember that every program, product or service you offer has the opportunity to create new revenue for you, so don’t skimp on this step-by-step process.
You can complete this process in 30 – 45 minutes. And with each new title you’ll keep honing your skills, making new titles in the future even easier to create.
Master these simple steps and you’ll have a marketing skill that will serve your business forever!
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3 Surprising Joys
of Hiring Contractors H
1. Work With Great People
iring contractors (aka “outsourcing�) is a smart way to build a profitable and efficient business. Contractors can take care of a wide variety of tasks and projects for you. Whether you want to launch a new service or you need help invoicing, contractors can take the load off of you. You can focus on growing your business and there are some surprising joys to hiring contractors too.
One of the most enjoyable aspects of outsourcing is that you really do get to work with some tremendously wonderful, and talented, people. You have the choice about who you contract with. Building a team of people you actually enjoy working with makes outsourcing fun.
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2. More Business Opportunities
Dear Busy Business Owner, Do you want to make a big impact and income with your business, but realize that you can’t do it all alone?
It’s not unheard of for a contractor to send business to their clients. For example, a virtual assistant that manages the blog for a business coach might come across a client that could benefit from some business coaching.
The answer is building and leveraging a team of capable support professionals that have talent and share your vision for building your business and changing the world.
3. Time to Play
We talk a lot about outsourcing so you have more time to focus on the business. What about your personal life? Outsourcing to contractors frees up time plain and simple, how you spend that time is up to you. Give yourself permission to enjoy some of that new found time.
People & Systems Let’s get you started! My name is Deanna Maio and over the past several years I’ve had the opportunity to teach hundreds and hundreds of business owners to grow their businesses by building high performance teams.
Yes, outsourcing is good business. Yes, it gives you time and energy to focus on those lovely profit-generating tasks, to be an innovator and to prioritize the tasks that give you joy. Outsourcing can open you up to a whole new world of fantastic people, potential business opportunities, and time to play and enjoy this wonderful life that you’ve built.
Whether you want to start systemizing and outsourcing but aren’t sure how to get started or if you’ve already got some help and systems but you’re ready to grow your team and leverage their talents even more to grow your business, I’ve got just what you need. I developed an information-packed training class that maps out the 5 steps you need to follow. www.themechanicsofmakingmore.com
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How to Hire a
Trustworthy
Financial Advisor By Tresa Leftenant, CFP®
W
hen we think about the complexity of managing our finances, and the demands on our time, most people have a desire for hire a partner to help with financial planning. Many investors feel uncomfortable about working with financial advisors. The financial crisis left a cloud over the financial services industry and it’s difficult to know who to trust. This report is designed to give you some helpful tips on how to interview a potential advisor and how to trust yourself to make the right choice. Where to Find a Financial Advisor Most people find their financial advisor through referrals from friends, coworkers, accountants, or attorneys. Although this is a comfortable method for most people, there are a few things to think about when seeking a referral. 1. Does your friend or family members’ advisor have the expertise that your situation requires?
interests? Does she/he talk on a level that you easily understand?
2. Does your accountant or attorney have a reciprocal fee sharing agreement with that advisor?
5. Is the advisor willing to hear your ideas or does he/she believe his way is the only way?
3. Does the advisor have a busy practice and do they have time to give you the attention you desire and deserve?
6. Can your family, friend or professional giving the referral truly assess the advisor’s skill, knowledge and experience as well as you can?
4. Does the advisor have similar values and 30
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• If our relationship should not work out, what are the steps to ending our association?
Evaluating a Financial Advisor Whether you receive a referral, or look for a name on-line, it’s time to do your homework. Ask any potential advisor plenty of questions. Your advisor should be prepared to meet you in a free initial interview and explain his or her approach to financial planning and investing.
• If we decide to work with you, what are the steps to get started?
The Financial Planning Process Once you establish a relationship with an advisor, the following steps should be performed:
Here are suggested questions that you might ask:
1. Gather Data and Financial Goals – you and your advisor should have an extensive and detailed conversation about your current financial situation, and your financial goals, including time frame. You should be discussing and analyzing how much risk you are comfortable with and your level of understanding about financial concepts.
• What experience do you have as a financial advisor, and what are your qualifications? • What financial planning services do you offer? Describe how your financial planning process would work for me. • Who are your favorite clients and do you specialize in a particular area?
2. Design Personalized Financial Plan –Your Financial Planner will consider your situation and goals and determine a plan to pursue your desires. A Financial Plan may focus on certain goals, such as college funding and retirement planning, and may also be comprehensive and include recommendations regarding insurance, tax strategies, investments, estate planning and cash flow. Although a portion of the plan may be broad and educational, the majority of the plan should be personalized to your resources and goals.
• Will I be working with you directly, or are there other advisors or associates that I would interact with? • How are you compensated for your advice and services? Do you charge annual fees or brokerage commissions, or both? • Have you ever had any formal complaints or been disciplined for any unlawful or unethical actions in your professional career? How does your investment process work? How do you select the investments you recommend? What tools do you use to manage our portfolio?
3. Evaluate Your Plan – You and your Financial Advisor will review the recommendations de-
• How do you review our progress toward our goals? How often do you meet with clients? • What technology is used in your practice? Will our statements be mailed or viewed online. What reports will you provide to us? • How often do you re-visit our financial plan? How often will you introduce new developments and opportunities? • If I have questions, what is the best way to contact you and how quickly will you respond? 31
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5. Monitor Your Plan – you and your Financial Planner should set up a schedule to meet so you both will monitor progress on your plan. If you desire financial education, topics can be selected and resources identified. Understanding how you will communicate and make future decisions together is a mandatory component to enjoying a successful relationship.
scribed in the plan, including the rationale for each proposal. You should be given specific education and time to feel comfortable about making an informed decision. Your advisor should listen to any questions or concerns you may have about the plan and recommendations. The planner should be willing to re-evaluate the recommendations based on your preferences and revise the plan if necessary. 4. Implement Your Plan – Once you and planner agree that the plan is appropriate for your needs, it is time to implement each recommendation. Each step of implementation should be carried out as a team, with both sides committed to taking action where necessary. If other professionals need to be called in, your advisor should recommend other professionals or integrate experts that you prefer to work with into the process.
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• Know their expertise is limited and need help with areas such as investment selection, insurance assessment, tax strategies and estate planning. • Have a change in life circumstance or unexpected event. • You are in the driver’s seat with the relationship and you shouldn’t settle for anything less than a true professional. You should expect integrity, objective advice, competence, fair treatment, privacy, professionalism, accountability and diligence. • Take your time with each decision. Allow your inner knowing to guide you as you determine whether the advisor is competent, ethical and truly has your best interests as her priority. Your advisor should be a trusted partner. Someone you feel comfortable with and who understands your needs.
Tips for Success
• If you ask a question and the advisor avoids or talks around the issue, go elsewhere.
• Many professionals call themselves “financial planners”, but only those who have extensive training and experience requirements through the CFP Board are held to rigorous ethical standards. Using the CFP® mark is granted and upheld by the CFP Board of Standards. Read more about the education and ethical requirements required by CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ at http://www.cfp.net/aboutcfp-board
Financial Self-Defense
• Some of the reasons people seek financial advise include:
The CFP Board has put together a Consumer Guide to Financial Self-Defense, which includes these and other tips:
Financial fraud is a reality but it doesn’t need to keep you from having a successful partnership with a financial advisor. There are many ways to protect yourself, beyond the suggestions in this report. One way is to work with an advisor who holds the CFP® certification. These professionals are held to high standards of ethical and competence standards.
• Wanting to make better decisions with their money and not sure where to begin.
1. Ask your advisor to provide services with the “duty of a fiduciary”. This obligates him to base his recommendations on your best interests. It also requires full disclosure of any conflicts of interest.
• Are busy working, raising children and enjoying life and don’t want to spend time doing their own financial planning and investing.
2. Ask your advisor to give you the full story on any investment recommendations, including the pros and the cons. Ask as many questions as it takes for you to fully understand invest-
• Realize that having a partner to collaborate with can help increase the probability of success. 33
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ment recommendations. If the advisor seems in a hurry to get you to “buy”, be cautious.
T
resa Leftenant, CFP® is fiercely committed to guiding women to free themselves from stagnation and worry about doing the wrong thing with their money. She is passionate about empowering women to “get going” toward living the life of their dreams.
3. If you are making financial decisions alone, take along a family member or friend to your meetings so you can have another pair of eyes and someone to bounce ideas off of. 4. Make sure you have a thorough understanding of all fees and charges. 5. Never sign blank paperwork and always review paperwork before signing.
If you are looking for an experienced professional who can guide you to address mediocre or poor investment results, anxiety over communicating about money, or worry that you won’t have a large enough nest egg to retire, you’ve come to the right place. With over 25 years experience working with remarkable women with similar worries and concerns, and guiding them to pursue their goals, my mission and commitment is to teach “the art and science of financial independence”.
6. Checks should always be payable to the advisor’s business name or the custodian, not the advisor herself. Question any situation that gives an advisor direct access to your money. 7. Make sure you receive and review regular statements from an independent third-party, not a statement directly from the advisor. Several government and professional regulatory organizations, such as the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA), your state insurance and securities departments and CFP Board, keep records on the disciplinary history of financial planners and advisers. If a CFP® professional violates any of CFP Board’s standards, he is subject to disciplinary action up to permanent revocation of certification.
I’ve provided guidance and hand crafted plans to many women and couples who are pursuing their dreams right now. Similar benefits await you when you decide to invite me to serve in the powerful ways that can support your success and the pursuit of your dreams. Call for a free, confidential strategy session to explore how I can become your personal “manifesting mentor”. Visit www.tresaleftenant. com, email me at tresa.leftenant@ lpl.com or call 425-468-6102.
Check out the advisor’s background at www.finra.org
In summary Financial planning takes the guesswork out of managing your money and helps you understand the implications of each financial decision you make. Since we all have different goals, it’s important to have a plan that is personalized to you and one that will work for your preferences and evolving situation, now and in the future. Creating a robust, realistic plan will help you stay on track to having the financial life that you desire and deserve. Securities and advisory services offered through LPL Financial and its affiliates, member FINRA/SIPC.” CFP®- Certified Financial Board of Standards Inc., owns these certification marks in the U.S. which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements.
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How to Get Around Three Strikes and You’re Out By Sydney Tremayne
money! The place she bought her coffee from sold cans of the stuff for less than $10.
Fifty-plus, broke and no way to save? Three strikes and out? It’s tough, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
“Get yourself a can, a Thermos, and make your own,” I suggested. “Pay down the credit cards with what you save.”
There’s nothing anyone can do about age (except tell everyone you’re 39), so let’s see what we can do about the other two. I know: now you’re going to tell me there’s no way on God’s green earth you can save and the only way to stop being broke is to win the lottery. That’s not quite true for most women, so let’s see if it is for you.
Then I fished into a drawer and pulled out two small black notebooks. “I want you and your husband to write down every penny you spend for 30 days. Even 25 cents for a parking meter; write it all down as you spend it, before you forget. It doesn’t matter if you both have the mortgage on your lists. You’ll sort that out later. Oh, and when you shop for food, don’t list groceries: $147.69; list each item separately.
This story begins with a skinny, nervous woman who scurried into my office years ago on her lunch break from her legal secretary job. She was afraid she’d be fired if she was late getting back. She was in serious debt and thought she might lose her husband because of that. As she described her day, it became clear she was addicted to coffee.
“At the end of the month, cross off everything that is essential: bank loans, minimum credit card payments, accommodation, essential food, that sort of stuff. Now you are left with a shorter list. If you try to save what that list costs, you won’t keep that up for long. So next I want you to go through the list again and cross off those things that are important to your lifestyle. You decide what that is.
She bought a takeout on the way to work, another mid-morning, a couple at lunchtime, yet another mid-afternoon and a sixth on the way home. Monday to Friday that’s 30 coffees every week. (I didn’t ask about weekends.) Fifty work weeks in a year and that’s 1,500 takeouts a year. How much is takeout coffee today? Two dollars? Three dollars? Five? That’s a lot of
“And now you have a much shorter list of things you spent money on during the month that you have said you do not need. Do away with those things and you have money for paying down credit cards, typically you highest-interest debt.” 35
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Anyone can follow this formula, either to pay down debt or to tuck away as savings.
than money market funds as a strictly temporary measure.
Will you, at 57, become a millionaire? Not without taking up bank robbery, but you can start to build a rainy-day fund. Calculate the total you were spending on what you described in the third list as unwanted junk and make an arrangement with your bank to siphon that amount each month into a money market mutual fund. These funds charge no sales commission (though they may charge other fees) and typically you are not locked in. Their advantage is a high degree of safety and that they usually pay slightly more interest than a bank savings account. They invest mostly in government bonds and high grade commercial debt not usually available to the public.
Next time, I’ll show you what you probably don’t know about mutual funds and why they give you a lower rate of return than you expected – and it’s not all about stock market performance.
Sydney Tremayne, a former stockbroker, has 61 years’ experience with stocks professionally and privately. Visit www.wealthyinvestorweekly.com to see how he gets higher returns for his conservative clients with greater safety through his automated all-done-for-you system.
Frankly, I don’t like mutual funds for building wealth. Fees for most funds that invest in stocks are too high, but at this starting level of rebuilding capital there is little choice other 36 w w w. B o o m e r C h i c k U n i v e r s e . c o m
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Confessions of a Viagra Wife By Linda S. Hopkins
I
t’s Saturday afternoon. Shades are drawn, candles flickering, the phone disconnected. As I slip between the sheets and align my body next to my husband’s, the warmth of his touch brings a quiver of familiar excitement. What follows is predictable and satisfying: the kind of sex that comes from years of practice along with a connectedness that trumps the thrill of new.
Love in the age of the little blue pill
As a society, we are immune to the topic of erectile dysfunction—no longer shocked or even mildly surprised by images of blissful couples touting the miracle of “the little blue pill” (Viagra) and its contemporaries. ED drugs are often the butt of the joke, but the reality of the problem is no laughing matter.
While men pop their pills with ease, whispers among the ladies reveal a common struggle to shift gears in the bedroom. With a sip and a swallow, the almighty penis is raring to go. Seems like a win-win until we look at the fallout.
The first time my husband’s erection failed was like sudden death—not a gradual decline to become accustomed to, adapt to or accept. Out of the blue, our afternoon delight became a source of mutual angst.
It’s true that a reliable erection can be a nice perk for both partners, and it’s pretty safe to say that a confident lover is a better lover than a guy who’s worried about losing it. But for some women, a man’s renewed mojo imposes a degree of pressure to keep up, especially as we face our own aging process. From the onset of menopause, many women are coping not only with hot flashes and waning libido, but with vaginal dryness, thinning tissues and loss of elasticity, which can make hard, pounding intercourse painful (if not impossible) and the mere thought of prolonged thrusting (or a second round) a source of distress. Doctors can
“Is it me? Are you bored? Do I need to learn some new techniques? Buy sexier underwear? Is there someone else?” I ask through my fears and tears. “Of course not,” he assures, secretly freaking out in his manly way (minus the tears). One failure leads to another, which is often the case once a man experiences the agony of defeat in the bedroom. Time to bring in the “special forces.” 37
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work with us to help get our hormones in balance so that we can more fully embrace and enjoy our sexuality, but the solutions are much more complex and less certain than what is available to men. As physical intimacy begins to revolve around the pill, women report feeling compelled to have “sex on demand,” either because they don’t want to waste one of the expensive tablets or because they don’t want to disappoint their partner. Enter self-doubt and insecurity. What most women need to be turned on is the feeling that they are desired. So with Viagra, they begin to think, “It’s not me he wants. It’s just the pill.” Rest assured, ladies; it doesn’t work that way. ED drugs alone do not create erections. Desire and intent must be present for the medication to do its job. Some wives also worry that revived virility will lead their husbands to look outside the marriage for sex. Which is not to say that Viagra hasn’t ever led to straying, but not for the reasons most women think. If a partner objects to ED drugs and the man is unable to have erections on his own, the relationship might be in trouble.
At the same time, we as women need to speak up about what we need and want—inside and outside of the bedroom—to keep our relationships healthy as we grow older together. Most men are eager to please us in bed, and we cheat ourselves out of good sex when we don’t communicate.
Then there are couples who have adjusted to life without sex. Perhaps the woman doesn’t really want it anymore, for one reason or another. An ED drug can throw that relationship seriously out of sync.
Let’s encourage our partners to explore with us the various avenues to orgasm and many routes to mutual pleasure and connectedness. After all, if we stick around on this planet long enough, most of us (male and female) will reach a point in life when sexual intercourse is no longer an option or even a goal.
As a Viagra wife, I believe there is a time and place for the performance booster. It’s a little insurance policy for a man’s erection and ego, and if you anticipate an enjoyable experience, the timing and planning can actually heighten desire. Relax together while the drug takes effect, and embrace the ritual as part of your foreplay. What you’ve lost in spontaneity may just buy you more of the physical affection you need without the urgency or rush to intercourse.
It’s Saturday afternoon. Shades are drawn, candles flickering, the phone disconnected. With or without Viagra, it’s time we start making love again. 38
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Tired of the teasing and taunting, at age 12, I started experimenting with ways to lose weight. I starved myself through a summer to slim down and spent the next 30 years battling food with drastic diets, laxatives, over-the-counter stimulants, appetite suppressants, frantic exercise, you name it— anything to avoid being “fat.” Funny thing, though, whether I was a size 14 or size 4, I still lived in fear that the awkward, chubby little girl I once was would show up in my mirror.
About Linda Hopkins
What ultimately set me free came from a realization that had nothing to do with calories, carbs, or crunches and everything to do with learning to love myself. My battle with weight wasn’t really about food. It was about the way I was using food, which was to soothe and comfort the soul inside who was crying out for someone to see her. Food is still important to me. In fact, I love it even more now that I’m not at war with it. The side effect? I get to spend more time with my friends and family and less time weighing, measuring and counting or beating myself up at the gym.
I’m Linda Hopkins, formerly known as Fatty, Fatty, Two-by-Four, voted least likely to make the relay team and most likely to become the crazy cat lady. If you’ve ever felt underestimated, dismissed or misunderstood because someone couldn’t “see” the real you, I get it. I’ve been the fat girl, the fit girl and everything in between. I know what it’s like to be labeled or judged for some outward feature that has l ittle or nothing to do with what’s inside. Believe it or not, that can work both ways!
If you are caught in the trap of letting food rule your life, or if unhappiness with your body is coloring your mood or otherwise limiting you, I invite you to release the weight, show up and be seen for the magnificent person you already are.
Today, when I tell people what I do, I can see the thought bubble over their heads: “What could this skinny bitch possibly know about weight loss?” The answer is a lot! Because I did it over and over again for nearly half my life.
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What’s Next? By DEBBIE sAVIANO
Fill in the Blanks
Baby Boomers are defined as being Optimistic – Resourceful • Goal Oriented and totally committed to their Job. This can b e a good thing for Your Employer but maybe not so much for You; Especially after Retirement!
• My Skills are best utilized in ___________ (Industry | Profession) • I am most Productive during the Hours of ___________ (AM or PM) • In the Next Phase of Life I want to ______
When one is defined by the Profession, it means being committed to the Job so much so that other areas sometimes suffer. Finding Balance is a common discussion and yet there really is no such thing and for Baby Boomers it is even more of a struggle as Work is Enjoyable • Meaningful and Produces Results. When Baby Boomers begin to contemplate the next Phase of Life, challenges arise, as there is a Fear in regard to “What’s Next”. These questions are coupled with the uneasiness of entering a stage where Life is filled with more Questions than Answers. As someone who is currently enjoying the next phase, here are some Thoughts to consider.
Ask Yourself:
Making the Decision to use Your Talents • Skills and Expertise to do that which Excites and Motivates You is one of the most liberating things one can ever hope for.
1. If I had more Time, what would I Do?
Don’t be afraid to take the next step!
2. What is it that other people seek me out for?
Identify what You Enjoy • Take time to Process Open Yourself Up to the Opportunities that will come Your Way!
3. What types of Solutions do I provide to my Family and Friends?
The World Awaits • “What’s Next”!
4. What are my top 5 Skills? 5. If I had not had my Job I would have been a _______________ 40
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Debbie’s Mini Snapshot • Texas Gal with a Free Spirit • Beat the Odds – still Married to High School Sweetie • Went to High School in California in the 60’s and that explains a lot • 1st Career in Education so Value Children and Their / Our Future • Feel Life is A Journey and We have the Road Map • Choose to be around Positive, Energetic and Purposeful Individuals
Debbie’s Album • Lived all over the Southwest and enrolled in so many schools I quit counting. • Every Teacher wrote on my Report Card “She Talks Too Much”
• Too Young to be Retired from 1st Career & a Grandma to 5 – I still feel like a 25 Year old
• Statistically, I should Not have been Successful
• Voracious Reader and Intellectual ArtistTranslates into Life Long Learner
• Wanderlust in my veins so a Passport & Suitcase are my favorite accessories
• Utilize Skills & Abilities to Network & Create an Expertise in LinkedIn & Online Presence
• Never Meet a Stranger and each One has a Story to Share • Married Young, Children came Early and five Granddaughters later – still Happy & Blessed
• View each Day as an Opportunity to Learn, Grow and Strengthen My Abilities • Life is about Passion and Purpose
• Started Career Driving a Yellow School Bus and Retired a Principal
• Responsibility is a Requirement as is Leaving a Legacy
• Children and Children by Marriage Make Me Proud every day! • Honored to have worked with Talented Teachers who Made a Difference • Grateful to witness former Students become Healthy, Happy and Thriving Citizens
www.debbiesaviano.com
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Marry Yourself First By Gregory Anne Cox
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t is hard to escape the connection between June and weddings. This got me thinking about marriage and the different kinds of love. Marriage is not for the feint of heart. Neither is loving oneself which is the basis for any healthy relationship. Ain’t that a bitch?! Love all the ugly? Yup, cause it’s only you calling it that. And anyone outside of you who is calling anything about you ugly is persona non grata, kick their not so helpful “suggestions” right out of your mind. Self-love hinges on self esteem, a belief in your self worth. Those of us with a healthy does of those are the product of a nurturing environment and strong examples of those. People who have suffered mental or physical abuse, rejection, chaos, or abandonment are likely to be confused about their sense of self worth—if they have any at all. If you grew up hearing “you are so clumsy” or “what a stupid girl” and “who would want you?” you might be holding subconscious ideas about your adult self that reflect those words. Empowering? Hardly. Self-doubt and self-judgment will be the soundtrack playing softly in the background of your adult life.
lack them, and chances are good that more than a few of us sit down at the end of a long day with a glass of wine or a large whack of premium chocolate and call it a little bit of self love.
Hard then to love someone else and receive their love in return huh?
Loving oneself in a tub of bubbles or bubbles in a glass can feel loving and help us to celebrate our wondrous selves and I encourage those things. (There isn’t enough celebration for no reason except of our fabulousness anyway)
So what to do about this self love/self esteem thing? Millions of entries show up in a Google search for those phrases, gurus market to those who 42
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When followed by “Ah, I am so loving this bath and Oh lord would you look at those thighs” you’ve just ripped the needle from the Barry White record of self-love. Here is a conversation I overheard the other day while shopping for something to wear. Shopper 1: “I am so fat I can’t stand it.” Shopper 2, standing just outside the try on room: “Oh my gawd I feel the same way. I can’t believe I’m such a jerk for eating like my husband all the time when I know it’s not the best idea.” Sounds like harmless bathing suit shopping horror right? Well it is and isn’t. While it is common for us to talk about ourselves in negative terms, it is not harmless. This kind of talk also means our identity is bound up in a temporal, aging, changing, physical form.
We are not our thighs! The body is the vehicle through which we experience our lives. That is all. But what about repeating actions we know are not best for us, doesn’t that qualify as stupid?
“I am not strong enough to change my body,” you plead. You most certainly are. Has your life not proven that you stronger than you know until put to a test?
My answer to that is this, “Don’t judge yourself one way or the other.” You are neither stupid nor smart when you decide to do something. You are you and either choosing actions and behaviors that are in line with what you say you value or not. They move you closer to your goal or further away. Judging is punitive. Self-love is supportive.
“I’m such an idiot” is one of my favorite, easyto-roll-off-the-tongue poisons to the relationship I have with me. Am I? No. “So what’s the big deal”, you ask,” it’s just words.” The big deal is that your mind accepts what you say, think, or experience as true. Repeated actions, words, and experiences will shape the brain into grooves. Once the grooves are there the needle plays over and over in that groove and it is harder for us to do or think something different. “I am an idiot” is the same as “I am brilliant” as far as the mind is concerned. But which would you rather see yourself as? Brilliant sounds powerful, unstoppable.
We need support and in the moments we are not with our coaches, mastermind groups, friend circles, or at church, we must rely on ourselves. But “I don’t deserve to be happy, I hardly ever do what I say I will,” you might say. Phooey, you come in worthy of all that is good and joyous. Worthy is in your DNA. Action does not affirm or negate that. 43
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There’s more. If you believe that we are energy you must also believe in the concept of vibrations. Negative thoughts and words are low on the vibration totem pole. They go out and find other low vibrations to tune in to and you get less of what you want. More importantly, you “Be” less than is possible for you when you treat yourself poorly.
“If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.” -Anonymous You are the baby everyone thought was perfect and lovable. You are the child you cherish and want to protect with all your heart. You are doing the best you can or you would do something else I promise. That said it’s good to check in when there is a surplus of judging and self loathing to see if you could stretch, do more, be more, show up for yourself as you would for someone else. If you hear judgment tune in and use it for change. Remind yourself you are better than letting yourself down. Mostly let your judging, negative voice go. Be loving, forgiving, gentle, like you do for others. Marry yourself. Make the commitment to love all of you and see what you are up to as brilliant and just as it should be. Do it if for no other reason than that it will, guaranteed, make your life better.
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Breast Cancer as a Gift By Mary E. Knippel
O
ver thirteen years ago, a trip to the mailbox changed my life. I received a form letter among my birthday cards that began a journey...one that had me careening down an improbable path and brought me a magnificent gift of transformation. I’m lucky and grateful to have received this “gift.” And I do mean Gift…more on that later. I was fortunate enough to be diagnosed with breast cancer in the very early stage. The cancer was so small my surgeon described it as, “looking for a grain of sand in the Sahara.” I had outpatient surgery and except for the small scar on my right breast, I was back to “normal” within a week…physically. Emotionally, I was in that fog of what just happened here? Was that really me? Being wheeled on a gurney through the underground parking garage from the hospital to the clinic, dodging Toyotas and Hondas, as if it were a scene out of the Keystone Cops. It all felt surreal. Like a black comedy. Only it was my life. And all too real. I fainted in the midst of the technician administering another mammogram before my surgery. Oh, and the last minute mammogram was necessary because the clip that was supposed to mark the spot for my surgery…wasn’t there. Obviously, I was eager to push down the fear and what-if’s as quickly as possible. So, that’s what I did. Life resumed it’s original programming… getting my daughter ready to go off to college, supporting all the senior year activities and keeping the home fires burning for my husband. 45 w w w. B o o m e r C h i c k U n i v e r s e . c o m
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but was able to avoid radiation, chemo, losing my hair, harsh medication, hospitalization, on-going nausea, or any of the other trauma breast cancer survivors have endured.
Somewhere deep inside me, a flame had gone out. That spark that makes you feel invincible and death is a long, long way in your future.
Three years later, my second diagnosis got my attention. It was back in the same breast. I was no longer able to wear the disguise of “normal” any longer. That illusion was completely shattered.
Have you ever felt like that? One day you are going along mapping out an absolutely delightful future, and the next minute…BAM…smack into a brick wall.
I had another outpatient procedure with the same brilliant surgical team and am receiving excellent follow-up care.
The first breast cancer diagnosis was as if the GPS came on warning me I was about to run into an obstacle and should really pay attention to the dashboard signals.
Now, about why I view breast cancer as my gift. I see it as a gift because…
I didn’t pay attention. I just drew a really big sigh of relief at my ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) diagnosis.
• It brought me clarity about what is important in life. • I was empowered to take ownership of the healing power I wielded at the ends of my fingertips when I tapped into my creativity.
DCIS is the most common type of non-invasive breast cancer, called non-invasive because it hasn’t spread beyond the milk ducts. It meant I had outpatient surgery and regular follow-up,
• I gave myself permission to go after my dre46
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ams without apologies… finally writing my upcoming book The Secret Artist – give yourself permission to let your creativity shine! facilitating writing & creativity workshops, and speaking on stages (both physical and virtual) to compel women who have been silent too long to speak up!
M
ary E. Knipp e l , Writer Unleashed at YourWritingMentor. com, transformational author and inspirational speaker, is fiercely committed to guiding women entrepreneurs and aspiring speakers to leverage their impact through writing. Using the power of storytelling, she helps them gain clarity and confidence in the words and the way they connect with the world, to unleash from the stories that keep them silent, to reclaim their voices to share their unique message…because no one else can tell your story from the inside out. You matter and your story matters! You deserve to Live a Life Unleashed! A journal writer since the age of 11, Mary knows the enormous power and healing capabilities of the written word. As a two-time breast cancer survivor, she used writing and other creative tools in her recovery and chronicles the results in her upcoming book, The Secret Artist. Throughout the book you will learn how you too can move from survive to thrive. Learn more about Mary’s virtual classes and workshops (a portion of proceeds from quarterly workshops is donated to Bay Area Cancer Connections), receive free writing tips and techniques as well as what to do about writer’s block, or invite her to speak to your group, by visiting her website at
• “I am a writer,” is a declarative statement and not a question. • I do not feel selfish when I engage in selfcare. • I am an author, speaker, writing mentor and workshop facilitator. I help other women claim their voices and create their transformational stories. • I strive to balance my personal and professional life. Above all, I am aware every day that this moment is all we have. Right now! You can choose to be here and embrace what is in front of you. Regrets about yesterday will not change the past. Projecting your anxiety about plans for the future will not hurry the hands of time. Choose to tap into your creativity on a daily basis and discover the healing powers at the end of your fingertips. Savor the here and now!
www.yourwritingmentor.com
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Laurie Anderson’s Farewell to Lou Reed: A Rolling Stone Exclusive By Laurie Anderson
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or those of us with desk jobs, it was a big I met Lou in Munich, not New York. It was 1992, and we were both playing in John Zorn’s Kristallnacht festival commemorating the Night of Broken Glass in 1938, which marked the beginning of the Holocaust. I remember looking at the rattled expressions on the customs officials’ faces as a constant stream of Zorn’s musicians came through customs all wearing bright red RHYTHM AND JEWS! T-shirts.
Rolling Stone pays tribute to Lou Reed, the outsider who changed the course of rock & roll, on the cover of our new issue. In an exclusive essay for RS, Laurie Anderson reflects on her 21-year relationship with Reed and his final moments.
John wanted us all to meet one another and play with one another, as opposed to the usual “move-’em-in-and-out” festival mode. That was why Lou asked me to read something with his band. I did, and it was loud and intense and lots of fun. After the show, Lou said, “You did that exactly the way I do it!” Why he needed me to do what he could easily do was unclear, but this was definitely meant as a compliment.
I liked him right away, but I was surprised he didn’t have an English accent. For some reason I thought the Velvet Underground were British, and I had only a vague idea what they did. (I know, I know.) I was from a different world. And all the worlds in New York around then – the fashion world, the art world, the literary world, the rock world, the financial world – were pretty 48
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U n i v e r s e
provincial. Somewhat disdainful. Not yet wired together.
smoking 20 times; fought; learned to hold our breath underwater; went to Africa; sang opera in elevators; made friends with unlikely people; followed each other on tour when we could; got a sweet piano-playing dog; shared a house that was separate from our own places; protected and loved each other. We were always seeing a lot of art and music and plays and shows, and I watched as he loved and appreciated other artists and musicians. He was always so generous. He knew how hard it was to do. We loved our life in the West Village and our friends; and in all, we did the best we could do.
As it turned out, Lou and I didn’t live far from each other in New York, and after the festival Lou suggested getting together. I think he liked it when I said, “Yes! Absolutely! I’m on tour, but when I get back – let’s see, about four months from now – let’s definitely get together.” This went on for a while, and finally he asked if I wanted to go to the Audio Engineering Society Convention. I said I was going anyway and would meet him in Microphones. The AES Convention is the greatest and biggest place to geek out on new equipment, and we spent a happy afternoon looking at amps and cables and shop-talking electronics. I had no idea this was meant to be a date, but when we went for coffee after that, he said, “Would you like to see a movie?” Sure. “And then after that, dinner?” OK. “And then we can take a walk?” “Um . . .” From then on we were never really apart.
Like many couples, we each constructed ways to be – strategies, and sometimes compromises, that would enable us to be part of a pair. Sometimes we lost a bit more than we were able to give, or gave up way too much, or felt abandoned. Sometimes we got really angry. But even when I was mad, I was never bored. We learned to forgive each other. And somehow, for 21 years, we tangled our minds and hearts together.
Lou and I played music together, became best friends and then soul mates, traveled, listened to and criticized each other’s work, studied things together (butterfly hunting, meditation, kayaking). We made up ridiculous jokes; stopped
It was spring in 2008 when I was walking down a road in California feeling sorry for myself and talking on my cell with Lou. “There are so many things I’ve never done that I wanted to do,” I said. 49
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Willner and many other projects. He loved his friends, and called, texted, e-mailed when he couldn’t be with them. We tried to understand and apply things our teacher Mingyur Rinpoche said – especially hard ones like, “You need to try to master the ability to feel sad without actually being sad.”
“Like what?” “You know, I never learned German, I never studied physics, I never got married.” “Why don’t we get married?” he asked. “I’ll meet you halfway. I’ll come to Colorado. How about tomorrow?” “Um – don’t you think tomorrow is too soon?” And so the next day, we met in Boulder, Colorado, and got married in a friend’s backyard on a Saturday, wearing our old Saturday clothes, and when I had to do a show right after the ceremony, it was OK with Lou. (Musicians being married is sort of like lawyers being married. When you say, “Gee, I have to work in the studio till three tonight” – or cancel all your plans to finish the case – you pretty much know what that means and you don’t necessarily hit the ceiling.)
Last spring, at the last minute, he received a liver transplant, which seemed to work perfectly, and he almost instantly regained his health and energy. Then that, too, began to fail, and there was no way out. But when the doctor said, “That’s it. We have no more options,” the only part of that Lou heard was “options” – he didn’t give up until the last half-hour of his life, when he suddenly accepted it – all at once and completely. We were at home – I’d gotten him out of the hospital a few days before – and even though he was extremely weak, he insisted on going out into the bright morning light.
I guess there are lots of ways to get married. Some people marry someone they hardly know – which can work out, too. When you marry your best friend of many years, there should be another name for it. But the thing that surprised me about getting married was the way it altered time. And also the way it added a tenderness that was somehow completely new. To paraphrase the great Willie Nelson: “Ninety percent of the people in the world end up with the wrong person. And that’s what makes the jukebox spin.” Lou’s jukebox spun for love and many other things, too – beauty, pain, history, courage, mystery.
As meditators, we had prepared for this – how to move the energy up from the belly and into the heart and out through the head. I have never seen an expression as full of wonder as Lou’s as he died. His hands were doing the water-flowing 21-form of tai chi. His eyes were wide open. I was holding in my arms the person I loved the most in the world, and talking to him as he died. His heart stopped. He wasn’t afraid. I had gotten to walk with him to the end of the world. Life – so beautiful, painful and dazzling – does not get better than that. And death? I believe that the purpose of death is the release of love.
Lou was sick for the last couple of years, first from treatments of interferon, a vile but sometimes effective series of injections that treats hepatitis C and comes with lots of nasty side effects. Then he developed liver cancer, topped off with advancing diabetes. We got good at hospitals. He learned everything about the diseases, and treatments. He kept doing tai chi every day for two hours, plus photography, books, recordings, his radio show with Hal
At the moment, I have only the greatest happiness and I am so proud of the way he lived and died, of his incredible power and grace.
“No, I don’t.”
I’m sure he will come to me in my dreams and will seem to be alive again. And I am suddenly standing here by myself stunned and grateful. How strange, exciting and miraculous that we can change each other so much, love each other so much through our words and music and our real lives. 50
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Confessions of an
Old Belly Dancer
By Linda Hughes
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hen I was in my twenties in the 1970s, I signed up to take belly dancing classes, as was the craze in those days. Recently married and perpetually optimistic, I wanted to stay in shape when I got pregnant. I also knew it would be fun, especially with my friends in the class, too. Little did I know that such an innocent decision would dramatically impact my life. Here I am, forty years later, still reflecting upon the gifts of that experience, especially the spiritual connections that blossomed. The joi de vivre of the dance not only allowed my body freedom of movement, it opened my heart and soul, as well, allowing a rekindling of spiritual ties. It provided me with a sense of spectacularly ethereal belonging to this world and beyond, with loving ties to those who have walked – and danced – on this earth before me. So why did I ever let it go? Why did I let something I grew to love float away on the tips of my belidi veil? Why did I let those spiritual connections, the closeness of those beyond, slip away? Likewise, have you ever felt an otherworldly bond; a tie to guardian spirits, angels, ancestors, or however you think of “them;” and do you still feel it? Or has it evaporated in the over-scheduled chaos of today’s typical daily life, like it did for me?
was there even though I couldn’t see her. We played together all the time. By fifth grade I talked some friends into joining me for a “Fairy Club” to honor the spritely spirits I felt protected us, especially in our classroom. But it wasn’t long before the Fairy Club turned into a Kotex Club as puberty hit and sudden crushes on boys overshadowed everything else. Fresh hormones quickly overtook our bodies and our fairy friends flitted out of memory.
For me it all started when I was a little kid, with my invisible friend. I knew that Karene
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I found a fellow dancer to go with me and taking the journey that my husband had so looked forward to made me feel close to him. I know he was there with me. (My counselor explained that away as just being used to having him by my side. I smiled sweetly at the counselor and didn’t try to explain any further. I knew he was dead wrong.)
ment and music, but by its history and the subsequent connection I felt to women long dead, those with whom I shared a love of this form of expression. Fostered by elegant stories told by our instructor, those of us who ended up in an advanced class often spoke of that connection. Subsequently, I was thrilled when our instructor invited me to join a troupe that performed at events. She had been raised in a wealthy, Arab, Christian family in Bagdad and learned the dance from the servants in her home, as it wasn’t considered to be a proper pastime for upper class females. But she had always loved it. Moving to the U.S. gave her the freedom to practice it in public. She also introduced us to yoga and its calming effects.
Everywhere my friend and I went on our trip, I felt overwhelmed with the presence of those who had come before. I was especially interested in the women and learned everything I could about them in each place. And the belly dancing was fabulous! The history of the dance, the generosity of the dancers who shared their stories with us, the spectacles of the clubs where they performed, the people we met from all over the world: It was all breathtakingly surreal.
Once again, I had connected with guardian spirits. This time they were women who had practiced fertility and birthing rituals, the precursors to belly dancing, and those who had later danced in harems to entertain each other as well as to entice their master. When I danced, although I knew I was a clumsy novice compared to them, I was transported to another world, one where those of us from the past and in the present all loved and supported one another.
One night in Cairo while staying at a beautiful old hotel with a view of the pyramids, I ventured out and walked across the sand to the Great Pyramid. Earlier I’d seen that these structures are eaten away like stair steps that could be climbed. I shimmied my way up to a little cubby, as far away as possible from the teenagers who had gone up to make-out and smoke. My husband’s presence was especially strong on that night, as well as that of guardians from the past. The women who had lived there, those who had danced, and even the workers who had built the very pyramid upon which I sat: They were all there with me. Alone, ensconced in one of the most daunting and famous structures on earth, I felt comforted, safe, and loved.
I felt the same about our real-life troupe, especially when my beloved husband was diagnosed with cancer at age 31. Their support was palpable. When we rehearsed for our shows, just walking down the steps to our instructor’s candlelit basement with its mirrored walls, plush carpet, fluffy floor pillows, billowing sheer curtains, and her golden four-foot-tall paper maché pet camel lifted my heart. The rest of the world floated away and time folded upon itself to take me back. Without that, I’m not sure I would have made it through the agony of my real life and my husband’s eventual death.
It was then that I decided to change my life and leave the field of academia. I wanted to do seminars for people in transition, people like me. And that’s what I did for twenty years. Ah, but this tale does not have a neat conclusion. It twists and turns until I became exhausted from so many years of traveling for work and sought more stability. My new profession? I slithered right back into academia. It was an
Six months later I took a trip that he and I had planned to take together to Greece, Turkey, and Egypt. I wanted to see good belly dancing! 52
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interesting choice, considering that the field is virtually devoid of heart and soul, what with teaching having plummeted into being nothing more than a shill for business interests. Learners are tested to death, teachers are not trusted to use their skills, and our youth are treated like manufactured widgets. A “spiritual connection” is that last thing on earth that one would dare mention. No one else is to blame for my fall from grace and happiness. I made that odd choice myself. But after a dozen years of being a college professor I must profess that I can no longer pretend, for the sake of proper politically correct academic behavior, that I am not connected to a world beyond. In fact, I agree with so many others that we all have that connection, if we open up to it. It is evident in our meditations, prayers, and even daydreaming, if we think of it as such.
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inda began belly dancing when she was 26 years old. Today at age 66 she can’t believe that her belly was ever that flat, her hair was that brown, and her boobs were that high. But her love of the dance will be with her forever, no matter what the shape of her body. Today Linda is an award-winning writer (with nine books, including the ancestry quest novel Becoming Jessie Belle and the non-fiction book What We Talk about When We’re Over 60) who intends to shimmy her way to 100.
I came out of the spiritual closet with my book Becoming Jessie Belle. In it I wrote about a young woman on an “ancestry quest,” where she is visited by female ancestor spirits in each place she visits. Response to the book has been fascinating; it even won the Indie Book of the Day Award. I hear mostly from readers who are grateful to know that others feel connected to those who came before, like they do. But I’m sure there are those out there who think it’s lunacy. That amuses me. What about you? Do you speak to your dead ancestors, guardian spirits, angels, or others who are in the great beyond? Do you feel their support and understanding? Whether you acknowledge them or not and no matter what your religious beliefs might be, their love is lying in wait for you. It took the raucous hip lifts of belly dancing for me to find them and then, when I got lost along the way, the quiet of walking, yoga, and meditation to find them again. Go discover what will let you open up to them, too. They are patiently waiting for you.
www.lindahughes.com 53
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Visible: 60 Women at 60 By Linda Abbit
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hat does turning 60 mean for a woman today – a woman who came of age in an era of visible women and who is reaching this milestone at a time when invisibility is still a common experience in older age. New Zealand photographer Jenny O’Connor was approaching 60 herself when she started wondering: What would hitting 60 mean for her; and how were other women her age experiencing the moment? O’Connor decided to focus her lens on the question. Many months of shooting later, her project resulted in an unusual book of wordand-image portraits: “Visible: 60 Women at 60.” For her project, O’Connor spoke with and photographed 60 women who were turning 60 – most of them had responded to a Facebook post inviting participation – and asked each to write something about themselves; whatever they wanted to say. Then she built a photo shoot around each woman’s story, complete with props and costumes. “I didn’t want it to be about women who have done great things or are well known, because my belief is we all do wonderful things,” she says. A self-taught photographer, O’Connor works seven to eight months a year as a business consultant as a way to back her artistic work. “Photography gives me the ability to connect with people, hear their stories and do something with those stories through a visual medium, which is quite exciting.” 54 w w w. B o o m e r C h i c k U n i v e r s e . c o m
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Since the book’s publication earlier in 2014, portraits from O’Connor’s series have been shown locally. She’s hoping “Visible” will eventually tour as an exhibition. O’Connor spoke to us by Skype from her home in Wellington, New Zealand. What inspired the title for this project: “Visible”? My working title for the project was “Seeking 60,” and as the project grew and more women agreed to participate, we’d actually meet up. Lots of conversations came up around who we are, what we are thinking about when we’re 60, reflecting back on what it would have been like for our mothers and grandmothers to have been our age. The word “Visible” kept coming up because I think we shared this milestone feeling of being more certain about ourselves in some ways, but less certain in others. So many of us now know that we are way more visible than our mothers and our grandmothers ever were. We’ve fought for things; we’ve been up front in human rights and other fights in our generation. Women found their voices in our generation. They went to work and they made choices about their lives. And most of them are still en route.
I never thought of it as being “my” project. I felt it was very much about us as a community of women with a shared experience of being this age. I wanted them to feel they had a big ownership in it. So for me having that sense we were doing this book together was really, really important.
But there’s that little thing that niggles away at the back of the mind: “But, what now?” We’ve sort of been visible, we’ve done things that other generations have never done, we’ve found our voice, but is it going to matter? And how do people perceive us?
The images tell stories – what was your process in creating each woman’s portrait with her?
Did your initial goal change as the project unfolded?
Three things were non-negotiable: it would be full-length, it would have a consistently dark background, and the women needed to be looking straight at the camera. ‘Other than that, the world’s your oyster,’ I would tell them.
Originally it was just going to be an exhibition, I didn’t originally intend to do a book. At the 40 milestone gathering [when 40 women had signed on] I said to them, I’m starting to think that this probably deserves to be sitting around on coffee tables rather than just a one-off exhibition event.
We would meet up for an hour or so and talk about how they’d like to be photographed. Inevitably they’d ask, “What am I going to wear?” 55
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around me.” So we talked about how we could portray that. I went down to the local costume shop and found a few capes and things like that, and that’s how we did this photograph.
And I’d say, “Well, it depends on what you want to say about yourself.” So we talked about the introducing props and styling. Sometimes I went to their homes to look through their wardrobes with them. Sometimes I would source the props, sometimes it was them. It was a quietly collaborative process. Then when they’d turn up on the day for the shoot, we would just do it.
Julia Bracegirdle, the woman with the bike, is a breast cancer survivor and actually has a missing breast. It’s interesting that people don’t notice it. We had quite a conversation about that because we didn’t know whether the photograph was going to be about her being a breast cancer survivor or her doing Ironman stuff. We decided it’s about who she is now, and if people look at her in this shirt they might realize she hasn’t got a breast.
Afterwards I would chose 10 or 15 out of the set and I would let them come up with the one that they liked. Sometimes It wasn’t the prettiest photo of them. It was all about what the picture said. I had no input into their words. I felt that they knew themselves well enough and that is part of what this whole thing of being 60 is about – you can write your own words. You’re in charge. Can you pick out a few of the women’s stories that you’d like to share here? I’d never met Ro Cambridge, the woman with the dress made out of newspapers [pictured at top]. She’s a writer and we came up with this idea of making something out of books. So we went down to the local secondhand shop where she bought a whole bunch of books and disappeared. When she came back she’d ripped the pages out of these books she’d bought for 50 cents each and glued them onto these long strips of brown paper. Diana Clarke wrote these words: Seclusion Solitude Detachment Interiority Some of what I appreciate About this stage of my life. She said she learned at a very young age that it was wise for her to be secretive. And she said, “I’m not sure if I can do this, Jenny. I’m not like these other women and I don’t want any fuss 56
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I did a talk for a group of photographers and one of the women wanted to know about the photograph of Ros Rice with her avatar. Ros is quite open in her commentary about having met her husband through online dating. The woman at the talk said, “That’s so weird for a 60-year-old.” And I told her that’s what this book is all about. It’s all about saying or challenging some of those perceptions of what you think. She said, “But that’s something that teenagers do.” Well, no. Clearly not! It’s a really good example of blowing away some of those perceptions of what women at 60 are doing in this day and age.
What would your 60-year-old self tell your 30-year-old self? I think my 60-year-old self would tell my 30-yearold self not to be so damn sure of myself. However, I would probably also say take risks. Don’t play it safe. Take sensible risks. Because it’s all about the journey, isn’t it? I had my children very young, so I’d also say, don’t be afraid of missing out on things, because there’s so much time to do what you want to do in life and you don’t have to do it in the order everybody else thinks you should. What does “Aging with Attitude” mean to you? Aging with attitude is that sense of knowing yourself a lot more and of ‘I can be who I am now and really nobody needs to tell me how I should dress, how I should be.’ And it’s about bucking those stereotypes. We’re not sitting around knitting, we’re doing stuff, we’re active, we’re intelligent. Being a grandmother to my four teenage grandchildren is a huge part of my life. I thought they would have lost interest in me by now, but not so. Our relationship is stronger than ever and as a grandmother it’s lovely that they perceive you as aging with attitude. You’re modeling for them. 57 w w w. B o o m e r C h i c k U n i v e r s e . c o m
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