Spyke & Mike

from Born To Ride #2020 - September 2022

by Born To Ride TV & Magazine

Letter From The Editor Dave Nichols

Happy end of summer vibes my BTR friends. We’re looking forward to cooler weather and lower rain chances that the fall months bring. But of course, here in Florida, it’s now peak hurricane season. Choppertown Live Summer Daze was off the chains. Between the bikes, the bands, and the bodies that day, you couldn’t have asked for a more awesome experience at Orange County Choppers Roadhouse and Bert’s Barracuda Harley-Davidson. If you were there, you know. If you missed it, there will be another event soon!

That day I had the privilege to add another steed to my list of two-, three- and fourwheeled machines I’ve ridden on, a lime green and black trike named Razer. It’s quite the child’s toy set up for the big boys. Mike got to use a pair of them and his friends to their full potential, tricycle racing and crowd pleasing. Although I must tell you my avid readers, the most dangerous part of those machines and the whole Razor experience is the nut that connects the seat to the handlebars. There’s always a lot of fun to be had and a barrel of laughs for the spectators when Mike does his crazy biker games. It also gives me perch time standing and hanging out on the Fat Bird 3 while kids feed me.

Mike breaks in, “Thanks for the shout-out my funky colored chicken. You eat all the time, more than I do, and will take food from anybody. The way I look at it is if the world is going to laugh at me, I want to have a good time doing it. That tomfoolery would not have happened without us partnering with a great friend, Mike Mikola, and Lust 4 Steel promotions. Look for and come join in the shenanigans at an upcoming event soon!” I cackle, “You’re always tooting your own horn, Mike, and from what I can see is that you don’t suffer from insanity. You enjoy every minute of it.” Mike babbles, “Well Spyke, in my defense I must say that I work for a cause that brings great applause. I live to express in order to impress and I always strive in my presence to make my absence felt. To me, working my job doesn’t get much better than this.”

I cackle, “I think you’re a Fruit Loop in a bowl of Cheerios. But I see you found your meaning in life and now your purpose in life is to give it away. It’s an admirable trait that you’re a few fries short of a Happy Meal and proud of it! You make me realize that brains are awesome. It’s unfortunate at a younger age you couldn’t read so well and stood in the line that said bangs and ended up with more hair instead. At least the little bit you’ve retained helped us as we were leaving bike night last week when Pinellas’ finest stopped us before we got on the scoot. The officer said to him, ‘License and registration, please. We’re conducting a parking lot sobriety test. I’m going to ask you a cognitive question and depending on your answer will depend on what we do from here.’”

Since Mike has sworn off drinking and riding, he replied, “I can pass any sobriety test you give me ‘cause I haven’t had one drop to drink today.” The officer then said, “All right, you’re driving down the road and you see two headlights coming at you, what is it?”

Mike answered, “That’s simple, it’s a car.” The officer then said, :Okay, but is it a Honda, Mercedes or a Ford?” Mike replied, “How would I know? It’s bright and coming for me. This is the most absurd sobriety interrogation I’ve ever had. I’m going to answer that with a question for you.” The officer said, “Okay, go for it.” Mike asked him, “So you’re driving and come upon a woman walking towards you in the middle of the road wearing a glittering skirt, red high heels, silver fishnet stockings, and two postage stamps for a bra. What is she?”

The cop replied, “That’s simple, she’s a prostitute.” Mike further inquired, “Okay, she’s bright and coming for you, but is it your girlfriend, wife, or daughter?” The officer handed Mike his registration and license back then walked away. Then Mike leaned over and whispered to me, “I may not be able to dazzle them with brilliance, but they can’t baffle me with their bullshit!” I threw one wing over my head and squawked, “Mike, that was just par for the course in the mini-golf game calls ‘your life.’ I think you need to go for an eagle and make me like one. Get my wings in the wind, your two knees under the triple trees, and the Fat Birds’ wheels rolling down the road between the ditches avoiding the bitches in the middle of the road!” — SPYKE