Spyke & Mike

This month, it’s “Wild Hogs” starring Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy. The film was released in 2007, and as far ‘biker exploitation films’ go, I suppose that definition probably doesn’t really fit. It is however “wildly” entertaining if you are a comedy fanatic, or middle-aged gay basher. The story centers around four middle-aged businessmen who bored with their regular suburban lives, embark on a road trip on their Harleys. Doug (Tim Allen) is a dentist; Bobby (Martin Lawrence) is a plumber; Woody (Travolta) is a bankrupt husband of a swimsuit model, who is divorcing him. Dudley (Macy) is a computer geek, who seeks the companionship of a woman (possibly his first experience) and constantly falls of his motorcycle in some very well performed stunt work. The action, the sets, and riding footage were quite good. The acting was dramatic at times, but continues to make the four look way too “Rubbie” to be realistic. The overuse of gay references became redundant to a point, but overall it remained funny I guess.

The road trip is filled with humorous moments, such as the four sleeping close together scantily clad, after burning their tent down and being discovered by a policeman who is overtly gay, and actually jealous of their situation. A little farther down the road, the four are skinny-dipping in a pond when a traveling family joins them. The family discovers their state of undress while searching for crawdads, and later by the very same – very gay – and very naked policeman. The Hogs escape from the pond on their motorcycles, and during one of their frequent urination stops, they watch in awe as a large group of bikers pass by. This group was the Del Fuegos Motorcycle Club, and the Hogs meet them later down the road at their “Biker Bar” Clubhouse. This meeting goes bad of course, and Dudley ends up losing his motorcycle to “Jack” (Ray Liotta) who is the club’s president. The Hogs are ridiculed and sent down the road with Dudley in tow in a sidecar attached to Woody’s motorcycle. Less than a mile down the road, Woody decides to walk back to the biker bar and retrieve Dudley’s bike. As the others wait beside the highway, Woody sneaks up, cuts the fuel lines on several of the club’s bikes, and takes off on Dudley’s bike. When Jack discovers the bike missing, the club fires up to give chase, but their pursuit is halted when Jack discards his cigarette into a puddle of gas, which causes their (clubhouse) building to explode and burn to the ground. Meanwhile Woody returns to the trio with Dudley’s bike and to their surprise spins a tale of threatening the club with legal action. The 4 Hogs ride by the bar waving and Woody gives them the finger just before the whole place blows up. Seeing the massive explosion in his rearview mirror, Woody refuses to stop – even for gas- and the Hogs end up pushing their motorcycles through the desert, where they end up in the small town of Madrid.

In Madrid, the Hogs have to stay the night to wait for the gas station to open. The Sheriff mistakes the four for Del Fuegos members. He tells them the club members terrorize the town frequently. He explains the small police force (who received weapons training by playing the video game Doom) is unable to do anything about them.

Meanwhile Jack sends his members out in pairs to locate the Hogs. The Madrid chili festival is held that night and Dudley furthers his interest in Maggie (Marisa Tomei) who owns the local diner. As he courts her, Bobby comes across two Del Fuegos in town. Because of Woody’s previous explanation and believing that he is untouchable, Bobby humiliates the two bikers by squirting them with ketchup and mustard. Under orders from Jack, the two club members refuse to do anything and Bobby appears to win this battle. The town praises the Wild Hogs as saviors, considering them a friendly biker gang who can protect them. They are appreciative to the point that Dudley spends the night with Maggie. The next morning the Del Fuegos ride into town 50 strong. Jack yells to the townspeople that his gang will vandalize the town, starting with the diner, until the Wild Hogs come out to fight. Woody reveals his lie about the biker bar incident, and the Hogs hide inside Maggie’s house with the local Sheriff. As they peer out the window, Dudley walks out alone to face the gang, armed only with a tire iron. They tape him up and hang him from a tree like a piñata. Doug launches a plan to rescue him and he is able to convince the other two to help. After the failed attempt, the Hogs decide to fight the club in front of the diner. The Fight is 4 on 4 with the Hogs taking repeated beatings. Refusing to quit, the Hogs get back up and challenge the club once more, but this time the entire town comes to back them up. Armed with axe handles, sticks and the like, Jack laughs and refers to them as the children of the corn. At this moment the Del Fuegos founder Damien Blade (Peter Fonda) arrives on the scene. Blade chastises Jack and the Del Fuegos for picking on four men and the townspeople, and reveals he actually thought his bar was a “S#!tHOLE” and explained that he insured the bar for twice what it was worth. Now we also learn that Jack is Damien’s son, and he points out to Jack how he forgot what being out on the open road is about and that it doesn’t involve thuggish behavior and violence. The gang soon departs, and the Hogs are again heroes. That is until the Doug and Bobby’s wives arrive in town! After a brief reconciliation, the Hogs venture out to their original destination, the Pacific Coast. I would give it 3 out of 5 stars for a good effort at wasting an hour and a half of my time.