3 minute read
Movie Review-Chopper Chicks In Zombietown
Out of all the ‘biker exploitation’ movies I have reviewed, this one may be the funniest! The 1991 film features Billy Bob Thornton, MTV VeeJay Martha Quinn, and a few other B movie celebs. This movie has it all – hot chicks, lesbians, motorcycles, midgets and a troop of blind orphans - who wouldn’t love it? First off I must tell you the Chopper Chicks don’t actually ride “Choppers” but they do ride Sportsters, all equipped with engine guards and various custom paint jobs. The girls in the film are members of an all female motorcycle gang called the “Cycle Sluts” which in itself is funny. They do have the usual trappings of women traveling in groups, such as being on the rag, and searching for meat.
Anyway, the film begins when the Cycle Sluts cruise into the small town of Zariah looking for a good time. In Zariah, an evil scientist turned mortician has been killing local townspeople with the help of dwarf that he continually abuses. After turning the folks into zombies, he uses them as labor at an abandoned mine. The mine is too radioactive after underground nuclear testing to be mined by living people. He later admits the real reason he’s doing it isn’t for the money, it’s because he’s just plain mean. The zombies are released when a curious little boy opens a door in the apparently abandoned mine, thus releasing the un-dead, and of course this act is his undoing. In the mean time, the girls are in town, and decide to split up and go look for some meat. One of them is run over by the mortician, and is turned into a zombie, while the others find their way into various sexual situations with the local guys.
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This is where we first meet Billy Bob who plays the ex of one of the chopper chicks. They meet in a church where the dwarf is attempting to shoot her, and retreat to his trailer for some fun.
Another mistake for the midget, and more punishment later, the zombies are still marching on, and they are getting hungry! On the way to town the zombies encounter a group of blind orphans, who are stranded just on the outskirts after their bus breaks down. Luckily for the kids their bus-driver always keeps an Uzi on the bus (for sentimental reasons) and while the driver seeks help the kids (shooting blindly) manage to hold off the zombies until the chopper chicks arrive to rescue them in a hearse. Even though the girls are doing some good deeds, the locals don’t seem to like them too much and repeatedly attempt to run them out of town. That is until the town is overrun by blood thirsty zombies! But wait – the town folk refuse to help the girls fight the zombies because “they are all family.’’ Hordes of zombies begin eating their relatives as the girls fight them off. The dwarf decides to turn against the mortician, and tells the girls that the only way to kill the zombies is to “cut their heads off.” The chopper chicks use baseball bats, chainsaws, and other devices to do away with many of them, but just when they think they have won, dozens more arrive. The girls devise a plan to lure all the remaining zombies into the church using raw meat as bait. They load the meat truck with dynamite, and crash it into the church. The timer on the dynamite goes off and the church goes up in flames burning up most of the remaining zombies.
In the final scenes the Cycle Sluts are rewarded with a sack full of cash and induct the dwarf and several of the blind orphans as honorary members of their gang. They then ride out of town with some of the men folk (their new ‘bitches’) on the back of their bikes and toss wads of money into the wind as they roll down the road to a new destination and adventure.
This review could not possibly expose you to all the hilarious action that this film provides. It is sometimes so ridiculous that you would find yourself rolled up in a knot from uncontrollable laughter. It takes shots at old films, TV and life in general, but it never leaves you bored. I admit that I have a sick sense of humor, but for some unknown reason, I actually liked this film! (I usually don’t) Try this one out. It’s available on DVD from Troma Films, www.troma.com or at your local ‘strange DVD dealership.’ I have to give this one 4 out of 4 stars just because it’s super-funny. … Till next month. ...
