Those Damn Yanks - Pop Idols

those damn yanks

POP IDOLS

What do you think the following artists have in common? Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Pink, Shakira, N’Sync, the Backstreet Boys, Blue Mirror and Justin Timberlake. Well, they’re all teen idols. So, “what is a teen idol?”, you may well ask. Well, they are basically singers or artists that were created artificially by the music industry. This “teen pop” business is worth billions and has been around for more than five decades; and these days there are lots of teen idols around, especially because of TV shows like “Popstars”. How does the industry work? And when did it start?

By Laura Warrell (US English spelling) Illustrations by Sonia Beduya

Sex, Drugs & Rock ‘n Roll

The formula for creating a teen pop idol is simple: you take a kid, surround them with managers, stylists and media trainers and in just a short time they have a record contract, a television series and lots of money, fame and sex. After a few years they usually disappear and no one cares about them anymore because they get old, or end up in drug rehabilitation centers, prison or hardcore porn films. So where did it all start?

Wild Boys

The first teen idols were created during the 1950s. At the time, American teenagers just wanted to have a good time; and Rock n’ Roll was the answer. In 1955, Bill Haley’s “Rock Around the Clock,” introduced them to this new music, which had its roots in Rhythm ‘n’ Blues, a mostly black style of music. Elvis Presley and Jerry Lee Lewis were the white boys who played “black music”. This scared American parents because they feared sex and the influence this music was having on their kids. In response to this, the music industry created teen idols. These first versions of teen idols played gentle pop songs with no sexual or political content. The girl pop stars dressed like nuns and sang innocent songs about being in love with school boys. The boys, like Fabian and Frankie Avalon, had bouffant haircuts, no facial hair and sang in whiny voices. The music industry made millions; and teenage girls fell in love with the idols and regularly cried and passed out at concerts. Teenage boys imitated the idols hoping to snog teenage girls.

Monkeys & Beatles

The Monkees were the first and most successful teen pop band. The four members of the Monkees were chosen from auditions. None of them knew anything about music or played instruments (at least, they didn’t play them well). But that didn’t matter and soon afterwards the marketing department created a line of Monkees products, including T-shirts, posters and lunch boxes. They looked and acted just like the Beatles, and they also had their own show, called the Monkees. Of course, true music lovers hated this manufactured band; and real musicians resented them because the Monkees were so successful. However, when their show finished, none of the Monkees had any friends and the group went their separate ways.

Old Men & Pain Killers

1970s teen idols were completely different. They had long hair and lots of chest hair. One of the most famous 1970s teen idols was David Cassidy, star of the TV series,

The Partridge Family. This TV show was all about a family of musicians, and was really popular. David was a short, mildly attractive guy who once said: “Fame is difficult because one day it will end. Until then, I’m going to enjoy the traveling, the girls and the music. So, the day I wake up as an old man working as an auto mechanic addicted to painkillers, I won’t have any regrets.”

The two big questions concerning the show were: Would David Cassidy ever kiss his pretty female co-star?; and, What kid would ever want to be in a band with mom?

Nose Jobs

The big teen group of the 1980s was an American group called “The New Kids on the Block”. The five boys from Boston were chosen by a producer called Maurice Starr, who wrote their music and brought in dance teachers to turn them into a white version of the Jackson Five. The formula worked. When the group finally broke up, none of them found success again and one of them had a nervous breakdown. Two famous teen pop princesses of the time were Debbie Gibson and Tiffany. Debbie Gibson wrote songs with names like “Electric Youth,” and danced in frilly skirts and denim jackets; and unlike any of her predecessors, she actually played an instrument and knew how to write music. Tiffany was discovered in a shopping mall. Her dancing consisted mostly of shaking her shoulders. Some say her career didn’t last long because she had zero musical talent. As an adult, she got a nose job and posed for Playboy magazine. This did nothing to save her career.

God & Old Women

So what happens to teen idols when their commercial value comes to an end? Once they get old, and the fame, money, fans and cheap sex disappear, many of them become drug addicts… and some even die of drug abuse or kill themselves. Others become ridiculous “hasbeens” who play concerts in Las Vegas to old women who still think it’s 1962. And a small minority “find God” and start recording really bad gospel music.

G L O S S A R Y

a kid n a child to end up phr vb if you “end up” in a place, you arrive in that place eventually the roots n the origins gentle adj not aggressive, soft a nun n a woman who dedicates her life to religion and works for a church or charity a bouffant haircut n hair that is styled so it is high and full a whiny voice n a high voice that sounds sad and not pleasant to pass out phr vb to lose consciousness to snog vb inform to kiss passionately with tongues an audition n if an actor does an “audition”, he or she acts in front of a director so the director can choose someone for a film or play, etc a line n a group of products all related to the same subject a lunch box n a little box that children take to school - it has their food in it to resent vb to have strong feelings of hatred usually towards people who are more successful than you chest hair n hair on your chest (the front part of your body) a painkiller n medicine that you take to eliminate pain a regret n a feeling of sadness for something you did in the past mom n inform mother to break up phr vb to separate a shopping mall n a large area with many shops a nose job n an operation to change the shape of your nose a has-been n inform a person who was once successful and popular but who is forgotten now gospel music n religious pop/rock music, often sung by groups of African-American singers