CONQuering Hate

Indonesian LGBT activists and organizations demonstrate in Medan in observance of the 2013 International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia. Credit: RUNS (Rainbow United of North Sumatera).

An on-the-ground report on LGBT experiences in Indonesia and Southeast Asia

By Daniel Headstrong, with an introduction by Alex Willow[To protect the identity of the authors, pseudonyms have been employed. –Ed.]

Many countries around the world are seeing a wave of change, sometimes as subtle as an acknowledgement of a person’s preferred gender pronoun(s). This wave of change is often driven by the younger population, towards recognition and acceptance of people with diverse gender identities or sexual orientations. Unsurprisingly and dishearteningly, it has been met with often violent, always oppressive resistance from status-quo groups who tout religion, culture, or ‘values’ as their primary reasons for rejecting those who do not identify as straight, or as their given binary gender. The conflation of LGBT-identity expression with having a mental disease or propensity for sexual abuse by voices in the media and politics draws a monstrous image that feeds into the violent backlash and marginalization of those in the LGBT community. Generations of societal expectations and beliefs heavily influence this resistance, and so countries like those in Southeast Asia find themselves at a precipice of change. Change away from ‘traditional values,’ from heteronormative and ciscentered privilege, from hate and fear.

The account below is written by a bright, wonderful, creative, sweet soul of a person that I am so grateful to have as a friend. I am also thankful to him for sharing a piece of himself with the rest of us through this story. The text reflects his voice, and may therefore have culturally contextual phrases or words here and there. [In order to preserve the integrity of his voice, these phrases and words have been retained in the printed version. –Ed.]

The calm before the storm: How things were when we kept our heads down

LGBT communities used to be passively tolerated despite rampant ignorance in Jakarta LGBT communities used to go unnoticed by the general public. LGBT news was unremarkable. The public simply didn’t care enough; people thought gays (as we are sometimes called here) were isolated in their own world doing their own thing and minding their own business. Gays could live relatively free of prejudice...as long as they didn’t go out of their way to draw attention to themselves.

Portrayals of LGBT people in Indonesia, at least in the 1990s and 2000s, were relatively uncommon and often the only presence of an LGBT character was to serve as comic relief in a television show. Ignorance was rampant; offensive jokes were the norm, especially against transgender men and women. Transmisogyny was especially virulent. It was everywhere: on television, on the radio, during professional or social gatherings. It seemed more like a benign tumor: the jokes were an ever-present part of discourse without the mob sense of malice behind them. A 2003 draft regulation to criminalize homosexuality even failed to pass.

But the reality is that the hate is there. And it is taught early, from the home. Parents would invoke gay people as a way to scare their kids into being disciplined. I remembered one time my friend stopped going to an internet café simply because his parents told him there were lots of gay people there and one touch from them was enough to infect him. It was difficult for me to accept children being indoctrinated with these false, toxic ideas and it bothers me to this day.

I felt vulnerable and I had nowhere to go. I wished for someone to turn to, someone who could tell me what’s right, or basically just someone to tell me that it is ok, that I would be alright.

Little to no resources; society’s first reaction is to ‘convert’ out of ‘concern’ The day I realized that I was gay I felt the world caving in on me. Everything that I thought I knew ceased to matter. I felt unclean, like I was sick and needed to be cured. Like nothing good could come out of my life and that I was a disgrace to my family. My initial reaction was to try to take my life. I felt vulnerable and I had nowhere to go. I wished for someone to turn to, someone who could tell me what’s right, or basically just someone to tell me that it is ok, that I would be alright.

I sought help from my closest friends. They responded with what seemed like love. They sincerely wanted to help me and to ease my pain – by trying to ‘convert’ me. This was at a time when the majority of the people here thought that being gay was a mental disease that needed to be cured. They suggested so-called conversion therapies for me, and I even looked into them but realized that there’s little that I can do that won’t compromise my personal life or career. After even more research, I discovered that most of the people who were ‘converted’ never really changed; they just learned how to suppress themselves.

In such a communal culture being in the closet is a way to protect your safety, your career, your ability to exist in society.

From then on, I began questioning why things are the way they are. Why am I gay? What happened in the past that made me this way? Were there signs from throughout my childhood? I became very conscious of how I projected myself to others, how I behaved, how I said things, how I walked. I spent so much energy trying to conform to the expected societal standards of masculinity. In the closet, I felt alone. And then I realized that I’m not alone: many others like me are also in the closet. In such a communal culture being in the closet is a way to protect your safety, your career, your ability to exist in society. It took a long time for me to begin to accept myself, to rid myself of all that self-hatred, and to embrace and love who I am.

Across Southeast Asia the struggle continues Varying degrees of acceptance in different countries; discrimination remains a fact of life I live in a relatively progressive capital of the country, so my problems may seem trivial compared to how gays have it in other provinces or regions. In one autonomous province where they enforce Sharia laws, gays are considered to be adulterers. Adulterers may be condemned to death by stoning. Back in 2009, Hartoyo, now an LGBT rights activist, was living with his boyfriend when they were assaulted by the masses and even by members of the police force – the very people whose duty is to protect them.

Despite not being the best place for LGBT people, homosexuality in the majority of Indonesia, the Philippines, Vietnam, and Thailand is still not criminalized. This picture is starkly different in other ASEAN (Association of Southeast Asian Nations) countries where it is illegal to be gay; homosexuals can be sentenced to death in Brunei, imprisoned and whipped in Malaysia, and incarcerated in Singapore and Myanmar.

The Philippines and Thailand are regarded as two of the more tolerant countries in Southeast Asia. According to a 2013 Pew Research study on global opinions on LGBT communities, 70 percent of Filipino respondents said that homosexuals should be accepted by society. Often dubbed as the gay paradise of Southeast Asia, Thailand is the country where gender expression is protected by law. The Gender Equality Act specifically prohibits discrimination against someone “of a different appearance from his/her own sex by birth.” Indeed it is an important step on the long road to equality for transgender people.

This tolerance in Thailand barely scratches the surface, however. Behind the glitzy cabaret shows and ‘ladyboy’ pageants, we still hear stories of transgenders being driven out of their hometown to avoid ridicule and threats of physical and mortal harm. Many families are still struggling to come to terms with their children’s identities. Sadly, some families turn to the Buddhist temples to train their sons to be ‘cured,’ leading these children to grow up hating themselves. Indeed, the practice of instilling self-loathing and shame in LGBT youth does not seem to be the monopoly of any one religion.

Members of the Alliance of Youth and Students assemble in the West Java capital of Bandung to manifest their rejection of LGBT people and LGBT human rights(which they claim to be “unhealthy and immoral”), citing Islamic law. Credit: TEMPO/STR/Aditya Herlambang Putra.

The winds of change are heading this way

More people are “out” in a sense, and not actively trying to hide their identities Within these past few years, I have observed a larger portion of the population becoming more open to the concept of LGBT identities, especially in the younger generations. This expression ranges from more people being comfortable in their own skin to more openly gay and lesbian people being present in alternative media, such as social media profiles and web series.

One of a few brave LGBT communities in Indonesia is CONQ [a name inspired by the Indonesian slang term for gay men –Ed.]. They are best known for their web series, which allows viewers to peek into the lives and daily struggles of the greater LGBT community. Their web series has covered a variety of topics, including the difficulties of finding a meaningful relationship, managing HIV, finding companionship and building relationships, and dealing with family pressures to marry straight and live a ‘normal’ life. It was a series that struck at the heart of its viewers, accurately describing the daily struggles of LGBT life.

Unfortunately, due to the recent increased publicity surrounding LGBT rights movements, the creators of CONQ have taken all of their videos offline and closed off all content from their website to ensure the safety and to protect the identities of its founders. It is truly a sad loss for the LGBT acceptance movement.

...but there is violent rhetoric and strong backlash from many Last year, regional newspapers started publishing surveys that attempted to highlight how many LGBT people there are, which I initially thought was a positive thing, inasmuch as they were trying to show that LGBT people are just like anyone else. Instead, the newspapers focused on how LGBT identity is a disease that has been spreading unnoticed and will swallow the nation whole if left unchecked. This kind of ignorance is rearing its ugly head in Indonesia.

To make matters worse, a popular Indonesian religious celebrity has been charged with raping someone of the same gender. The media easily conflated this case of rape with the supposed dangers posed by the LGBT community. Cases like these, and ongoing fights on campuses to keep LGBT students from being able to seek a safe space or openly express their identities, serve only to worsen the general public’s already ignorant opinions on LGBT people.

Recently, a university in Indonesia banned the formation of a counseling and support group for sexuality studies (including LGBT) after public outcry, most of which was hateful and violent in its rhetoric. The hate was fueled even more by popular media voices launching sensationalist and incredibly hateful hashtags such as #TolakLGBT (Reject LGBT) and #BoikotLGBT (Boycott LGBT). Many statements were also published in the media from numerous high-ranking campus officials, local governors, ministers, and religious groups, ranging from outright rejection of the idea of LGBT acceptance to barring their rights to form communities. A political party secretary claimed, “LGBT people must be banned just like we banned communism and drug trafficking.” One university rector stated that she “rejects the growth of LGBT in campuses, as it is a sin. LGBT people are lower than animals because they cannot even differentiate [the opposite] gender.” Another provincial education council official insists that we should ban LGBT communities in campuses for fear they might grow in numbers. Even one high-ranking public official made the truly ridiculous statement that “LGBT is even more dangerous compared to terrorists, because LGBT silently spreads throughout the country and if unchecked will lead to extinction of the human race.”

Continuing the conversation, one person at a time Based on the recent conversations taking place between members of the LGBT community and the general public, I believe the public pushback stems mostly from ignorance of real LGBT issues and real LGBT people. In this virulent environment, homophobic urban myths like LGBT being an infectious disease that can potentially wipe out humanity grow in strength, passed on from one ignorant conversation to another. Those of us belonging to the LGBT community can do our best to put a human face to these issues, to show that we are people just like them. It will be a tough journey ahead to enlighten the rest of Indonesia and to be openly accepted in society – especially in regions where religion is a driving influence in government (Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines). In such regions it is the norm to condemn LGBT identity as a sin. Despite all this, I still believe we should continue to strive to make a difference, one person at a time.

Whoever is reading this, wherever you are, know always that in the midst of all the hate and discrimination raining down on the LGBT community or even yourself, you don’t have to fight these battles alone.

Whoever is reading this, wherever you are, know always that in the midst of all the hate and discrimination raining down on the LGBT community or even yourself, you don’t have to fight these battles alone. Don’t lose hope. There are people fighting day and night for equality. As I continue to grow to accept and to love who I am, I too will join the fight for a more equal tomorrow.