SAVAGE LOVE

BY DAN SAVAGE

DEAR DAN: I’m a straight cis woman who could never orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. But suddenly I am able to come just from vaginal penetration now that I’ve reached middle-aged! This was never the case for me before — I could never come from PIV all by itself — and I’ve never heard another cis woman talk about suddenly being able to come during PIV after hitting her late 30s. Is this common?

— Suddenly Having Intensely Felt Tremors

DEAR SHIFT: “We too often think about orgasms as stable or unchanging,” said Dr. Debby Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University of Public Health, a prolific and widely published-and-cited sex researcher, pundit, and author, and director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion.

“In fact, orgasms sometimes shift over time or in response to certain life stages or body experiences — experiences such as pregnancy, the postpartum period, or menopause.”

While Dr. Herbenick couldn’t say for sure why you’re so suddenly able to come from just PIV alone — something most women can’t do — she did share some possible explanations.

“First, it may just be learning over time, especially if SHIFT has a new partner, is exploring in new ways with a long-term partner, or is paying attention to vaginal sensation in ways SHIFT perhaps didn’t before,” said Dr. Herbenick. “Or maybe SHIFT’s just open to the experience now in ways she wasn’t earlier.”

Basically, SHIFT, if you ran out of fucks to give — something most women eventually do — and consequently became more vocal and assertive about your pleasure and the positions, speeds, depths of penetra- tion, etc., that work best for you, you could be experiencing PIV very differently now.

“Another option is anatomical change,” said Dr. Herbenick.

“While the changes are slow-moving, cisgender women do experience anatomical shifts — the angle of vagina in the body can change over time. I’ve always found this fascinating, and this may be contributing to how intercourse feels for SHIFT. Because along with changes in vaginal angle come changes in how the vagina and cervix may be stimulated during intercourse.”

If the angle of your vagina has shifted even slightly, SHIFT, the angle or angles of penetration that work best for you now — new angles that hit you just right — could be stimulating your clit, internally or externally or both, in ways PIV didn’t use to.

“Another possibility could be shifts related to hormones and the brain,” said Dr. Herbenick. “If SHIFT is around perimenopause or menopause, no doubt she’s noticed a range of ways that hormonal changes are affecting ways that her body feels. Orgasm is not just about the clitoris or vagina; these are stimulating points but they’re only one part of what contributes to orgasm. How we sense and perceive those sensations are influenced by our brain, which is also influenced by hormones.”

Finally, SHIFT, assuming you can still come from oral, manual, and vibrational stimulation, I think we can safely file your question — suddenly being able to come from another kind of stimulation — in the “good problem to have” drawer. Enjoy!

Follow Dr. Herbenick on Twitter @ DebbyHerbenick and on Instagram @ DrDebbyHerbenick.

Whether the sun is shining or snow is falling, our little corner of Pearl Street is the perfect place to soak up winter in beautiful Boulder! Feast alongside the jellyfish, sink into a lounge or take a seat at one of our lively bars.

Prefer the great outdoors? Our fireside patios are the coziest place to savor those mild winter days.

When your own couch is calling, all of your favorites are available for curbside pickup too.

No matter how you choose to dine don’t miss our ever-evolving specials, delicious seasonal cocktails, and latest rare whiskey!