SAVAGE LOVE

BY DAN SAVAGE

Wanted

Workday Inc. is accepting resumes for the following positions at various levels in Boulder, CO:

Quality Assurance/Automation Engineer (20637.1933): Debugs software products through the use of systemic tests to develop, apply, and maintain quality standards for company products. Exp Incl: QA methodology; Automation Script; Test automation framework; and Querying languages such as SQL.

Help Wanted

DEAR DAN: Have you/anyone you know had a mid-life crisis? How did you/they handle it? How long did it last? Only asking as I’m slightly worried that my hubby (40-year-old gay man) might be having one and there are only so many saunas, bathhouses, threesomes, etc., I can indulge him in before I just get bored. Also, moving to a U.K. city-centre flat and going clubbing has zero appeal for me, a 35-year-old gay man. Any thoughts you could share?

— Tired Of Going Out

DEAR TOGO: When my husband was in his 20s, he didn’t wanna go out so much, and neither did I. But when he turned 30, he suddenly wanted to go out. So, I let him go out, and I even went out with him once in a while. And now that he’s in his 50s, my husband still wants to go out. Not as often, TOGO, but it’s clear going out wasn’t a midlife crisis or something he would get out of his system in a year or two. It’s something he enjoys, and something he needs. The secret to our success as a mixed introvert/extrovert couple: I don’t force him to stay home, he doesn’t force me to go out. So long as he’s considerate, so long as he’s there when I need him, so long as he doesn’t wake me up when he gets home, it’s not a problem — because we don’t make it a problem. If you don’t need your husband by your side at all times and/or he doesn’t need you by his side at all times — if the idea of staying home and reading while your husband, say, hosts a fetish party at a leather bar doesn’t make you miserable — you can make this work.

DEAR DAN: I’ve learned recently that I’m sort of a demisexual: I like to have a more or less personal connection with someone before having sex. There’s a friend I’ve had sex with before but haven’t again since becoming closer friends. We have lots of sexual tension and there’s clear interest from both ends in having sex again. But for some reason he avoids it, and doesn’t seem all that interested, and he sort of strings me along. I’ve told him in no uncertain terms that I want to fuck, so the ball is in his court. How do I get him to cut through the sexual tension and fuck me already? I think it’d be fun to be his local trade.

Fuck Me

DEAR FM: There’s a lot of tension here — but it’s not mutual sexual tension. You’re feeling sexual tension because you wanna fuck this guy again. And he’s feeling tense because he knows you wanna fuck him — because you told him you wanna fuck him — but he doesn’t wanna fuck you. And he’s a nice guy, the kind of guy who doesn’t want to be unkind if he can avoid it, and so he’s allowed you to think he’s interested. He smiles, he laughs, he flirts, and he gently deflects… too gently, FM, so gently you don’t realize he’s not interested in fucking you again. He thinks he’s being kind but this particular kind of kindness — never saying no, never saying yes — isn’t actually very kind, FM, because living in false hope is torture.

Salary: $84,677 – $138,200 per year, 40 hours per week. Workday pay ranges vary based on work location and recruiters can share more during the hiring process. As a part of the total compensation package, this role may be eligible for the Workday Bonus Plan or a role-specific commission/bonus, as well as annual refresh stock grants. Each candidate’s compensation offer will be based on multiple factors including, but not limited to, geography, experience, skills, future potential and internal pay parity. For more information regarding Workday’s comprehensive benefits, please go to workday.com/en-us/ company/careers/life-at-workday.html

Submit resume by mail to: J. Thurston at Workday, Inc., Attn: Human Resources/Immigration, 6110 Stoneridge Mall Road, Pleasanton, CA 94588. Must reference job title and job code.

Aerospace Engineer sought by SpaceNav, LLC in Boulder, CO, to perform various analyses spanning the Space Situational Awareness (SSA) domain, incl orbit determination, collision avoidance, & maneuver planning. Reqs. Incl: Master’s deg in Aerospace Engg or related engg field & 6 mos. post-bach exp., incl. some exp in object-oriented prgmg in MATLAB; Modern C++; Python; space environment physics; modelling spacecraft attitude dynamics w/ quaternions or other representations; & dvlpg spacecraft state propagation or trajectory simulations to generate high-fidelity ephemerides. To apply, mail resume to Anita Alejandro, SpaceNav, LLC, 2601 Spruce St, Unit A, Boulder, CO 80302.

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