SAVAGE LOVE

BY DAN SAVAGE

DEAR DAN: We splurge on a housecleaner a couple times a month while we’re at work. We always make sure to tidy up our personal items before she comes, but this week I accidentally left not one but TWO vibrators by the bathroom sink. I had forgotten to put them away after I washed them, and I was in a rush! Total accident! When I returned home to a clean house, the vibes were neatly laid on the bathroom counter. I am not a person with shame around sex, but this made me feel SO embarrassed! She should not have had to see/touch those! Should we apologize? If so, how to bring it up in a way that’s not awkward? Should we pay her extra for that session? I’m so embarrassed and don’t want her to feel demeaned.

— Very Intense BlushingEnhanced Situation

DEAR VIBES: What does your housecleaner know now that she didn’t know before? Assuming she’s never spotted one of your sex toys before an assumption I would classify as semi-reasonable (at best!) — she now knows, thanks to your shocking carelessness, that you have sex and that you, like millions of other adults (and surely one or two of her other clients), sometimes use sex toys. Even if she was shocked and mortified and disappointed in you, VIBES, I think you should follow your housekeeper’s lead: she didn’t make a big deal about it, and you shouldn’t make a big deal about it. Just like your hole, VIBES, the memory hole is there to be used.

P.S. Once after we very specifically asked that our room not be made up during a week-long stay at a hotel, we came back after breakfast — on the very first morning we were there — to find the two dozen sex toys and 50 pounds of bondage gear we’d left strewn all over the room neatly arranged on the shelves of our walkin closet. If we could look the little old Slovenian lady who cleaned our room in the eye every day for the rest of that week, you can look your housecleaner in the eye, too.

Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love. Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love!

Whether the sun is shining or snow is falling, our little corner of Pearl Street is the perfect place to soak up winter in beautiful Boulder! Feast alongside the jellyfish, sink into a lounge or take a seat at one of our lively bars.

Prefer the great outdoors? Our fireside patios are the coziest place to savor those mild winter days.

When your own couch is calling, all of your favorites are available for curbside pickup too.

No matter how you choose to dine don’t miss our ever-evolving specials, delicious seasonal cocktails, and latest rare whiskey!