SAVAGE LOVE

BY DAN SAVAGE

DEAR HARD: You don’t owe someone an explanation if you don’t wanna fuck them again. Ghosting on people is unnecessary and unkind, HARD, and casual sex partners are people, too. You can thank someone for their service without telling them why you aren’t interested in being serviced again. If a guy demands an explanation and you wanna give it to him, HARD, you can let him have it. And who knows? Maybe he’ll tell you that he was nervous or that he only has erection or endurance issues with new partners or that he immediately ran out and got himself some Viagra after that night. If you wanna give him a second chance, you can. If he disappoints you again, you don’t have to give him a third chance.

As for asking a guy in advance whether he can get or stay hard, HARD, that could induce the kind of performance anxiety that makes it harder for a guy can’t get or stay hard. So, fucking around until you find the guy or guys who can come through for you may be the better strategy. Also, you don’t have to wait to find a regular male partner before attending a sex party. Most sex parties don’t allow single men, but they welcome single women. The people you meet at a sex party will have expectations similar to your own — no one goes to sex parties looking for a serious commitment — and since you’ll be able to watch guys servicing other women, you’ll be able to see which guys get hard, stay hard, and last a while.