9 minute read
Savage Love: The husband over there
Dear Dan: I’m a 36-year-old married woman who fantasizes about her husband of 10 years being intimate with other women. This isn’t a new thing for me. I’ve fantasized about this for years, but we’ve never acted on it. He is intrigued but afraid that it might somehow damage our relationship. But I’ve done some research on it and it’s something I’m eager to try. (With my husband’s consent, of course!) But in all my research, I’ve found different and sometimes conficting defnitions of what it means to be a “cuckquean.” I’m interested in watching my husband pleasure and be pleasured by another woman in a purely physical way. I’m not interested in being “cheated on.” No firty texts, no unsanctioned coffee dates. I’ve read accounts of women who are turned on by the humiliation and insecurity of their partner being with others, often women the husband knows “in real life,” either through work or through social life. In my case, I would rather my husband not even know the name of the other woman. And he would only be able to sleep with her with my consent and I would want to be “in control” of the situation. So, what does that make me? Do cuckqueans come in all different proclivities? I feel like the end result is the same—my partner bedding someone else—but my motivation is different than what I’ve seen. —What The Cuck Am I?
Dear WTCAI: “The scenario WTCAI describes sounds more like hotwifng with the gender roles reversed than cuckolding,” said Venus, host of The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast. “She’s interested in hothusbanding!”
Let’s quickly defne terms: a man into hotwifng enjoys “sharing” his wife with other men, WTCAI, and a woman into hot husbanding enjoys “sharing” her husband with other women. (All this sharing, of course, is consensual.) Cuckolds, on the other hand, aren’t sharing their wives. They’re being “cheated on” by their wives. And cuckqueans aren’t sharing their husbands. They’re being “cheated on” by their husbands. Cuckolds and cuckqueans, by defnition, don’t just wanna see their spouses fucking another person, they also want their partners to humiliate and degrade them. (I put “cheated on” in quotes because the “cheating” is consensual and symbolic; likewise, “sharing” is in quotes above because spouses aren’t property.)
“But cuckolding and hotwifng have a really wide spectrum of practices and dynamics,” said Venus. “Some cucks are submissive and get into degradation and some cucks really aren’t subs or into degradation at all. I don’t see why hothusbanding/ cuckqueaning can’t be just as varied.”
Venus is right: there are guys out there who call themselves cuckolds but aren’t subs and don’t wanna be humiliated or degraded. But I would argue that these guys aren’t cuckolds, WTCAI, just as I would argue that you aren’t a cuckquean. We have lots of words to describe letting your partner fuck other people—open, monogamish, swinging, mate-swapping, hotwifng, hothusbanding, stag and vixen, CNM—but we only have one word to describe letting your partner fuck other people while getting off on being humiliated and degraded: cuckolding. And since most people understand cuckolding to involve humiliation and degradation, telling someone you’re a cuckold when you’re not into those things is like telling someone you’re a power bottom when you don’t like anal or telling someone you’re into impact play when you don’t like having your ass so much as tapped. It confuses rather than clarifes. As for setting up a sex date for your husband with an anonymous woman, Venus had a practical suggestion. “There are a lot more men out there looking for casual sex than there are women,” said Venus, “which makes WTCAI’s fantasy diffcult to pull off. But I know a woman whose wife wanted to be blindfolded and then have a group of women come in—all strangers to her—and go down on her. Not an easy fantasy to pull off either! So, they hired a sex worker to facilitate things and it was amazing. Perhaps this would be an ideal solution—hiring a sex worker—because then WTCAI would be in total control.”
Finally, WTCAI, re-reading your letter just now… it sounds to me like what you really wanna do is… whore your husband out. It’s an expression I’ve heard gay men use to describe setting up an anonymous encounter for their boyfriends or husbands. You fnd someone you wanna see fuck your husband—taking care to fnd someone your husband would wanna get fucked by—and all your husband needs to know is when and where. Cuckolds and cuckqueans are subs and a sub can “top from below,” as the saying goes, but at least offcially a cuck doesn’t have the power. Someone who’s whoring his husband out, on the other hand, has all the power. And that’s what you want, right? Follow Venus on Twitter @CuckoldressV, and check out her podcast, blog, dating advice, and more at www.venuscuckoldress.com. Email questions@savagelove.net Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage. Find columns, podcasts, books, merch and more at savage.love.
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Corn do’s
CORN, SWEET
CORN: ’Tis the season for grilling, steaming, coal-charring and butter-poaching one of Colorado’s most beloved crops.
and don’ts
Grilled, cooler-cooked or butter-poached— here’s how to appreciate freshly picked local sweet corn by John Lehndorff
For true believers, corn comes slathered with anxiety and an expiration date. On the way back from swimming at the pond with us kids, my mother always stopped at a specifc farm for the sweetest sweet corn. It was special because they picked corn all day, not just in the morning. We had to get it home fast, shucked and into salted boiling water and rolled over a pound of butter. My mom became “Hot Rod Rosie” and sped home. It was as if the ears were labeled: “Best eaten by 6 p.m.” and the pleasure encased in those yellow and white kernels would disappear like a wisp of smoke in a breeze. People have been appreciating corn in this area for a long time. Research suggests that maize (corn) and squash were brought to the Colorado Plateau by immigrants from the south about 1000 to 2000 B.C.E. Now the state is known for Olathe and other varieties whose sweetness seems impervious to time or refrigeration, but Mom was still right. The sooner you eat corn after it’s picked, the better it tastes. However, she was wrong about the boiling water and the salt. First, when you pick up a dozen ears at the farm stand or market, be sure to go through the corn-buying ritual. Look for green outer husks, lots of silk and frm kernels when you peel it back a little. Pick the heavy ones. Great corn requires only a minimal amount of cooking, but the technique matters a lot to the fnal taste. So don’t boil them in water. That can harden the kernels, as does adding a bunch of salt to the water. Salt it when you’re ready to eat it. To Grill Corn: Preheat your gas grill. Shuck the outer leaves and silk, leave the inner leaves to help retain moisture, and roast the ears for about 10 minutes, rolling them frequently. When grilling naked cobs, brush frst with vegetable oil before grilling 8 to 10 minutes. Serve immediately. To Steam Corn: Add an inch or so of water to a big pot and a steamer basket. When the water starts to boil, add the shucked ears, cover the pot and steam for about four minutes. Serve immediately. To Microwave Corn: Corn on the cob cooks remarkably well in a microwave as long as you don’t overzap it. It works best if you cook un-shucked ears for about three minutes. Remove, cool slightly, shuck and serve the ears immediately. To Make Cooler Corn: Clean out an insulated cooler. Add about a gallon of boiling water and a dozen or more shucked ears. Close the top and about 20 minutes later, “Voila!” The corn is cooked and will remain warm in the cooler for quite awhile. To Make Coal-Charred Corn: You have to wait until your charcoal fre has become just hot coals, but it’s well worth it for the favor. Pre-soak unhusked corn in salted water and then
place the ears directly on the hot coals. Turn them for about 10 minutes, husk and serve immediately. To Make Butter-Poached Corn: This may seem excessive, but if you like buttered corn this is the supreme technique. First, melt two or three pounds (or more) of good unsalted butter. Add shucked ears of corn or cobb-ettes to barely simmering butter. Cover and cook for about six minutes. Serve immediately. About the butter: You can either poach other foods in it—chicken breasts and lobster tails come to mind—or strain the corn-accented butter and use it for baking and saute-ing. (Use fresh Boulder County corn on the cob to make the Zolo Grill’s famous jalapeno corn soup. See the recipe on Page 29.)
DOG EAT DOG:
Do you have an opinion on dogs at restaurants?
The Nibbles Index: Menu Scanning
87: That’s the percentage of consumers who say they prefer reading menus on paper versus scanning QR codes, according to a national Technomic survey. More than 55% said digital menus are hard to read on a phone.
Local Food News: New Lyons Bistro
Chef Theo Adley has opened Marigold, an Italian/ French bistro, at 405 Main Street in Lyons … Coming soon: Bambei Brewing, 100 Superior Plaza Way, Superior … Landline Doughnuts & Coffee in Longmont is serving a summer chiller: Dole Whip pineapple soft serve dairy-free sorbet … Salida’s Dram Apothecary has introduced canned adaptogenic Mushroom Cola infused with cordyceps, chaga, reishi and shitake mushrooms.
Dogs at the Table
Comments—both very pro and very con—are pouring in from readers and folks who work at Boulder County eateries about whether dogs should be allowed to dine in restaurants. Send your opinion to me for an upcoming column at: Nibbles@BoulderWeekly.com
Words to Chew On
“Roasted in the husk in the hottest possible oven for forty minutes, shucked at the table, and buttered and salted, nothing else, it is ambrosia. No chef’s ingenuity and imagination have ever created a fner dish.” —From the 1964 novel Murder is Corny by Rex Stout
