Learning to Say

No: Embracing Self-Care and Boundaries

As a chronic people-pleaser, saying no was an unfamiliar concept to me. I was conditioned to believe that always saying yes was the key to being liked and accepted. I thrived on the validation and praise I received from others when I fulfilled their requests and commitments. However, as time went on, I realised that this incessant need to please others was taking a toll on my mental health and well-being.

My journey towards learning to say no began with a profound moment of self-reflection. I found myself exhausted, emotionally drained, and overwhelmed by the constant demands placed upon me. I had spread myself so thin that I had forgotten to prioritise my own needs and desires. It was in that moment of burnout that I knew something had to change.

I started by observing my daily interactions and the patterns that had emerged. It became evident that my inability to say no stemmed from a fear of disappointing others and a desperate desire to be liked. I had become a slave to other people’s expectations, neglecting my own wishes in the process.

The turning point came when I recognised the negative impact this lifestyle was having on my mental health. Always saying yes to people and commitments left me feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I realised that by neglecting my own needs, I was depriving myself of essential selfcare and self-love.

Armed with this newfound understanding, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. I started small by setting boundaries with close friends and family. Instead of automatically agreeing to every request, I took a moment to assess whether it aligned with my own values and priorities. It was uncomfortable at first, as I feared rejection and disapproval. However, I soon discovered that people respected my honesty and appreciated my willingness to prioritise self-care.

Words by Julliette Oliver

Saying no didn’t make me a bad person; it made me a stronger, more authentic version of myself. As I continued to exercise this newfound power, I noticed positive changes in my mental and emotional well-being. I had more time and energy to devote to activities that brought me joy and nourished my soul. I was no longer trapped in the vicious cycle of people-pleasing, and instead, I began to cultivate a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

I discovered that saying no not only benefited me but also those around me. By setting clear boundaries and being honest about my limitations, I enabled others to respect and understand my needs. This, in turn, fostered healthier and more authentic relationships built on mutual understanding and support.

Learning to say no also allowed me to prioritise my personal growth and development. I had more time and energy to invest in activities that aligned with my passions and interests.

I pursued new hobbies and nurtured my creativity. By giving myself permission to say no, I opened doors to selfimprovement and personal fulfillment that I had previously neglected.

In embracing the power of saying no, I have learned that self-care is not selfish; it is necessary. It is okay to put my own needs first and to set boundaries that preserve my mental and emotional well-being. The journey towards saying no has been transformative, granting me the strength and courage to honour myself and live authentically.

If you find yourself constantly saying yes, I encourage you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery. Reflect on the toll it is taking on your mental health and start setting boundaries. Remember, saying no is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your selfworth. Embrace the power of no, and watch as your life transforms into one of balance, fulfillment, and genuine connection.