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CLEARING WING COMMANDER TALBOT-LANSDOWNE’S GUIDE TO KEEPING CALM DURING CLEARING
Hello there! Wing Commander Talbot-Lansdowne addressing YOU! Now Pilot Wallace has deposited a large wad of paperwork on my desk, all about this clearing malarkey. It’s all gobblygook to me, so those kind chaps at The Bournemouth University have turned it into a newspaper advising you on what to do for clearing. Using something STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO CLEARING called Augmented SHOULD YOU FIND YOURSELF IN CLEARING, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO Reality, you’llNOT PANIC. IT’S EASY TO FEEL PRESSURED INTO MAKING A HASTY DECISION, be able to findBUT REMEMBER THAT EVERY YEAR, THOUSANDS OF OTHER STUDENTS FIND THEMSELVES IN THE SAME SITUATION AND SECURE A SUITABLE COURSE THROUGH some marvellous CLEARING. YOU WILL BE SPENDING AT LEAST THREE YEARS STUDYING FOR YOUR DEGREE, SO MAKE SURE THAT THE UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE AND THE COURSE YOU extra titbits in the HAVE CHOSEN ARE RIGHT FOR YOU. pictures throughout HOW DO I FIND OUT WHICH COURSES WHAT IS CLEARING? this paper. Corks! CLEARING IS ORGANISED BY UCAS. IT IS THE ARE IN CLEARING? Damned if I know FINAL PART OF THE UNIVERSITY ADMISSIONS THE OFFICIAL LIST OF COURSES IN CLEARING PROCESS AND IS THE LAST OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU WILL BE PUBLISHED EARLY ON THURSDAY what it’s about, TO FIND A PLACE AT UNIVERSITY IF YOU WANT TO 16 AUGUST 2012. so I’ve asked START IN SEPTEMBER 2012. YOU WILL FIND THE FULL LIST: • ON INDIVIDUAL UNIVERSITY WEBSITES Quartermaster • ON THE UCAS WEBSITE WHO IS CLEARING FOR? • IN THE NATIONAL PRESS. Claw to explain: CLEARING IS FOR STUDENTS WHO: • HAVEN’T DONE QUITE AS WELL AS EXPECTED • DOWNLOAD AND THEREFORE HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO SECURE THEIR FIRST OR SECOND CHOICE OF AURASMA LITE COURSE FROM YOUR APP • HAVE DONE BETTER THAN EXPECTED AND STORE WANT TO RECONSIDER WHERE AND WHAT • SEARCH FOR AND THEY STUDY - USUALLY REFERRED TO AS SUBSCRIBE TO‘ADJUSTMENT’ OUR CHANNEL, • HAVEN’T APPLIED THROUGH UCAS YET AND “BOURNEMOUTH NOW WANT TO APPLY FOR SEPTEMBER 2012 UNIVERSITY ENTRY. TIP: IF THIS IS YOU, BE PREPARED BY COMPLETING AN APPLICATION ON UCAS CLEARING 2012” (CLICK THE BEFORE RESULTS DAY.
ANTENNA ICON ON SCREEN AND THEN FLICK WHEN IS CLEARING? ACROSS THE UNIVERSITIES WILL OPEN THEIR BOTTOM OF CLEARING THE HELPLINES EARLY ON SCREEN TO THURSDAY FIND 16 AUGUST 2012, THE THE SEARCH DAY THAT A-LEVEL RESULTS ARE ICON) ANNOUNCED.
• REGISTER FOR HOWEVER, SOME UNIVERSITIES, LIKE BU,
FREE AND THEN WELCOME CALLS FROM STUDENTS WHO RECEIVE GO BACK TOTHEIR THE RESULTS PRIOR TO THIS. MAIN SCREEN
• HOLD THE PHONE OVER THE IMAGE OF YOUR CHOICE AND TADA! IT’S LIKE MAGIC! AND THERE YOU HAVE IT! ENJOY! AND REMEMBER, KEEP CALM FOR CLEARING. TATA.
ARE BOURNEMOUTH UNIVERSITY COURSES AVAILABLE IN CLEARING? YES. ALL THE LATEST INFORMATION CAN BE FOUND AT WWW.BOURNEMOUTH.AC.UK/CLEARING. YOU CAN REGISTER NOW FOR CLEARING UPDATES AND SEE A FULL LIST OF ALL OUR COURSES IN CLEARING FROM LATE JULY. CLEARING QUERIES? ALREADY HAVE YOUR RESULTS? CONTACT US NOW ON 01202 966777 TO DISCUSS YOUR OPTIONS.
The WC’s Guide to what you can study at Bournemouth University HEALTH & SOCIAL CARE
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N A RA LOGY C I FERS TECHNO S F O U N ,M BU SES I NICS ON. COUR ELECTRO NIMATI A M TO NAL FRO UDIO E NATIO R A D TH AN UTE HIN OSTS OMP BU H E FOR C CA) WIT R C CENT ATION (N OOL AND H M C I S THE AN IA MED THIN UDY I R W U O D TO ST NKE LD. IS RA PLACES THE WOR 0 2 TOP ATION IN S HAVE AR E ANIM RADUAT AND OSC NG I G A K T R R O AF OU ME B NNERS, W ARRY O C E I B AS H RD W AND AWA MS SUCH F RINGS THE O IL ON F R, LORD IONS FOR E T POTT ANIMA R S. PIXA 22 YEAR T S LA
LAW OUR LLB COURSES AR E QUALIFYING LAW DE GREES AND ARE ACCREDITE D BY THE PROFESSIONAL BO DIES, SOLICITORS REGULATIO N AUTHORITY (SRA) AN D JOINT ACADEMIC STAGE BO ARD (JASB). WE ALSO OFFE R SPECIALIST LAW DEGR EES IN AREAS SUCH AS BU SINESS LAW AND ENTERTAINM ENT LAW. STUDENTS CAN TAKE A 40-WEEK PLACEMEN T, WHICH GREATLY ENHA NCES EMPLOYMENT PROSP ECTS POST-GRADUATION.
CAREER-FOCUSED HEALTH & REHABILITATION SCIENCES, NUTRITION, SOCIOLOGY & SOCIAL POLICY TO NURSING, MIDWIFERY AND PARAMEDIC SCIENCE. PLACEMENTS ARE AN INTEGRAL PART OF ALL OUR COURSES, MANY ARE ACCREDITED/ ENDORSED BY PROFESSIONAL BODIES SUCH AS THE ASSOCIATION BUSINESS & MANAGEMENT FOR NUTRITION, BRITISH BOURNEMOUTH UNIVERSITY’S BUSINESS ASSOCIATION SPORT & EXERCISE SCIENCES, SCHOOL IS INCREASING ITSHEALTH INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONS COUNCIL AND REPUTATION AS A LEADING PROVIDER OF THE NURSING & MIDWIFERY CONTEMPORARY COUNCIL.BUSINESS EDUCATION.
ALL STUDENTS ARE OFFERED THE OPPORTUNITY OF A 40 WEEK PLACEMENT WHICH GIVES THEM A HEAD START AFTER GRADUATION HAVING GAINED REAL WORK EXPERIENCE TO ADD TO THEIR CV. OUR GRADUATES NOW WORK IN SOUGHT AFTER COMPANIES, SUCH AS PRICEWATERHOUSECOOPERS, INTEL, KPMG, IBM, BARCLAYS AND UK GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS IN AREAS OF LAW, ACCOUNTANCY, MANAGEMENT, MARKETING AND MANY MORE.
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FORENSIC C OMPUTING , IT, SOFTWARE DEVELOPM ENT AND NETW ORKS ARE ALL SPECIALISA TIONS OUR STUDENTS CAN CHOOSE FROM FOLLOWING A COMMON FIRST YEAR. USIN G INDUSTR Y STANDARD SYSTEMS IN OUR OPEN ACCE SS COMPUT ER LABS, OUR STUDE NTS ARE U NIQUELY PLACED TO PUT THEIR THEORY INTO PRAC TICE WHEN THEY SPEND A Y EAR IN IND USTRY AS PART OF THEIR COU RSE. IBM, HEWL ETT PACKA RD, MICROSOFT , INTEL AN D OTHER HOU SEHOLD NA MES REGULARL Y RECRUIT OUR GRADUATE S.
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AFTERNOON! WC HERE! I’VE JUST POPPED UP TO KNOCK OUT A QUICK YARN ABOUT OPERATION CLEARING. IT WAS LAST AUGUST, AND TWO INCOMING PLANES WERE MERRILY FLYING INTO UNIVERSITY! EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL UNTIL...
“I’M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT,” I HEARD CHARLIE SAY OVER THE RADIO. “I’M COMING IN 20 TARIFF POINTS SHORT OF THE RUNWAY.” “I’VE GOT THE REVERSE PROBLEM,” PILOT SQUIFFY EXCLAIMED. “I’M GOING TO OVERSHOOT BY 10 TARIFF POINTS!”
“WE’D BETTER INFORM THE WING COMMANDER OF OUR SITUATION,” SAID CHARLIE, LEVELHEADED AS EVER!
“KEEP CALM CHAPS,” I ADVISED. “HELP IS AT HAND.” I TURNED TO OUR WARTIME SWEETHEART, ROSE GARDEN. “PULL YOUR FINGER OUT ROSE AND SCRAMBLE THE BOYS!” I COMMANDED.
QUICK AS A FLASH, ROSE SOUNDED THE ALARM AND OUR EXPERT TEAM WERE ON THEIR WAY!
THE CHAPS HAD COME DOWN SLIGHTLY OFF COURSE, BUT I WAS THERE, TO GUIDE WITH MY FIRM HAND! “SQUIFFY, WITH YOUR EXTRA POINTS YOU CAN REASSESS THE DIRECTION YOU TAKE”
“CHECK OUT THE UCAS INTERWEBSITE ON THIS MOBILE COMPUTATOR FOR INFO ON UNIS AND COURSES IN CLEARING.” BUT CHARLIE HAD FEWER TARIFF POINTS THAN EXPECTED, SO I SAID -
“CHARLIE, SEARCH FOR UNIS IN CLEARING ON THE INTERWEB. SEE WHAT SUITS YOU!. REMEMBER! DON’T PANIC AND MAKE A HASTY CHOICE! YOU’LL BE THERE FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS AT LEAST.”
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT - HOW I SAVED THE DAY!. LOOK OUT! HERE COMES EVEN MORE ASSISTANCE THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT. DOWNLOAD A CLEARING TOOLKIT FROM THOSE WONDERFUL CHAPS AT THE BOURNEMOUTH UNIVERSITY. SCAN THIS QR CODE WITH YOUR MOBILECONFLABULATOR, RIGHT NOW! TATA AND SEE YOU AGAIN, VERY SOON! ART BY DEAN AT WWW.TITANMARY.WORDPRESS.COM
For advice on Clearing and to find out about course availability at BU, call: 01202 524111/966777
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Or visit us at www.bournemouth.ac.uk/newspaper
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Baywatch 1941 style
All hands on deck-chair! er v e n l ! l ’ U u B o t Y a d r a o b be
EDITOR - SUPREME COMMANDER JAMES DONALD DESIGNER - CHIEF TECHNICAL DRAWER JEN BURBRIDGE ILLUSTRATOR - COMMANDER-IN-STATIONERY DEAN BROOKS SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHICALISERS - STUART HUMPAGE, JEN BURBRIDGE & DAN FORD SCRIPT DIVISION PLAYWRIGHT - KRISTOFER STEVENS COMPOSITOR - MASTER MANIPULATOR DAVID “CHOCOFINGERS” STONE WING COMMANDER TALBOT-LANSDOWNE - HIMSELF, BY KIND PERMISSION OF BU
Top-notch time here in Bournemou th, lovely p lace! Good food , smashing university and oodles of places to g o dancing in the evening. Took Mrs WC up th e lower gard ens several times, goin g to catch crabs under the p ier later. Love to all, d rtran
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THIS NEWSPAPER IS PUBLISHED BY BOURNEMOUTH UNIVERSITY, WWW.BOURNEMOUTH.AC.UK, NEWSDESK@BOURNEMOUTH.AC.UK. THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THE NEWSPAPER HAS BEEN CHECKED AT THE TIME OF GOING TO PRINT, BUT WITH A-LEVELS AND CLEARING THINGS CHANGE VERY QUICKLY, SO PLEASE DO CHECK EVERYTHING BEFORE YOU ACT AS WE CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ACCURACY OF THE INFORMATION AS A CONSEQUENCE.