Embracing Change

Local Counselors Reflect on Coping with a New Social Landscape This Fall

Structure, stability, & continuity

“Children do best when there is structure, continuity, and stability; when things are predictable. Part of the problem with this situation is that it’s very unpredictable,” remarks Sally Hand, the Director and Founder of the local counseling center, The Heart and Hand Center. Sally and the center offer full-service counseling and therapy for all ages, specializing in Art Therapy, Equine Therapy, and other expressive therapeutic approaches to accompany or substitute traditional methods.

Art Therapy focuses on free self-expression through painting, drawing, or modeling. Sally uses these different techniques to help her clients work through grief and trauma, while helping connect the mind, body, and spirit. Equine Therapy encompasses a range of treatments with activities involving horses and other equines. Sally operates out of the Emerson Center for The Arts & Culture, as well as at her ranch twelve miles northeast of Bozeman.

Counseling centers and services around the country have seen a significant increase in clients over the past 5 months as uncertainties about everyday life from the coronavirus remain present. The Bozeman Daily Chronicle thought it would be a good idea to sit down with clinical and school counselors, those that specialize in helping us all deal with things like uncertainty and grief, and see what advice they have to offer as the school year approaches.

“It’s very, very stressful. The uncertainty creates stress and anxiety because children and parents are experiencing things they’ve never had to experience before in their lives. The first thing we need to do is just acknowledge that it’s anxiety-provoking to be in this situation. Then we have to accept that this anxiety is normal and ponder what we can do about that.” Sally explains how the most important step we can take to cope with these feelings of anxiety is by introducing structure, continuity, and stability in our lives.

There are many things we can’t control during this pandemic, including the course of the virus itself. We should instead focus our time and energy on things we can control, like providing structure for ourselves and our families. Sally remarks that one of the most important things parents can do to provide structure is by preparing balanced, on-time meals for their children. “It’s really important that parents get up and out of bed. They need to not be on their phones or computers. They need to make a nice balanced breakfast for their children (it doesn’t have to be a four-course meal). A bowl of cereal and a banana is fine too!” Providing this structure for your children at the start of the day will lay a solid foundation for them to build off of during their online schooling. It’s also an easy task that all can do!

A second factor parents can control during this pandemic is creating realistic schedules for their children to follow while at home. “Parents need to create realistic schedules for their children that are doable and consistent; where they have a consistent time to get up in the morning that gives them plenty of time to do whatever they need to do. While parents can’t control coronavirus or what is happening in school, parents can control what is happening in their own homes.”

“Part of the reason children do so well in school is because there is a structure that is impassionately carried out. Children thrive with structure; when they know this is my time for reading, and this is my time for break. There’s no loosey

gooseyness.” While Sally believes the structure schools will provide will certainly look different this fall, she’s confident that it will be figured out and children will be quick to adapt. “Within a month, children will be able to adapt to whatever school is going to look like because they can adapt if they know it is the same. What’s hard is if it’s inconsistent, or mom and dad fight over their schedule, or they aren’t given enough time.”

One fluid structure, both at home and in school, will be important for students to adapt to the changes being made. Parents can do this in their homes, but schools will also bear some of this responsibility. If every month each school district’s schedule will look different due to rising or falling case counts, required quarantines, or other factors, students will have no chance to adapt and thrive in these uncertain times. Sally stresses that while many factors for the year are uncertain, children can still adapt and find success.

During her counseling sessions, Sally teaches parents 7 or 8 natural remedies that they should introduce to their children at an early age. The 8 natural remedies are pure air, sunlight, fresh water, a proper diet, plenty of rest, a balanced lifestyle, structure, and faith. “Parents can’t control the course of the virus or whether their neighbors are wearing their masks and using hand sanitizer, but they can control what is happening in the context of their own family. You can control whether you are following proper health guidelines; whether you are keeping your family focused on stability.”

Taking the time to focus on natural remedies and lifestyle choices we can control will help bring stability and some sense of content to your life. Because children are still learning what it means to truly live a healthy life, setting a good example is on parents and teachers. Adults must do their best to manage their own anxiety during these times, and if everything is too much to handle, don’t hesitate to seek help from places like The Heart and Hand Center. Sally recommends adults focus on avoiding unhealthy activities while their kids are around, like drinking alcohol, and substitute these coping mechanisms with selfcare techniques. Outdoor exercise or online yoga classes are good places to start.

You can stop by The Heart and Hand Center at 111 S Grand Ave, Suite 275 from 10 A.M.- 6 P.M., Monday through Friday. Sally also offers therapy sessions at her ranch and over the phone for all clients. You can contact the Heart and Hand Center at 406-587-4036 if you are interested in the services they offer.

If we connect, we thrive

Kory Ann Rogers is another local counselor who specializes in Marriage and Family Therapy,

Mood Disorders, and Anxiety and Adjustment Disorders at Bridger Peaks Counseling. Korey has worked with individuals from ages 7 to 90, couples, and families. “As a counselor, I will work with you to help you head your personal goals. My goal is to aid, support, guide, and advocate for you during this time.”

Kory stresses the need for connection during these unprecedented times. “If we connect, we thrive,” she states. In a time when connection is not always possible due to social distancing, quarantining, and remote learning, we should do our best to focus on the connections with people we can have, like the ones with our families. Having a solid foundation in your home is paramount to helping your family deal with the stress and uncertainty of the coming months. Korey explains that one of the most important things parents can do is

validate their children’s and partner’s stress. Make their stress feel wellfounded and communicate that you are there to support them. “Hear them, listen to them, and simply just be there for them,” she remarks.

Validation allows for comfortability in the home, and parents can provide this by being the example. Being the example means that you and your partner provide mutual support and open communication. “It’s okay to be sad and express that,” says Kory. “You need to experience all the emotions that are present.” Experiencing all the emotions will provide a validating and nurturing environment that will allow you to better connect with your children. Instead of sending them to the living room all day to do their online classes, periodically check in to see how everything is going. Don’t just ask how their classes are going, or if they feel they’re learning the content. Ask them how they feel about the situation, what they like and dislike, and do it in a genuine manner. It’s easy to rationalize that your children’s worries don’t compare to your own as you try to balance caring for them, financially providing for the family, and other familial concerns you encounter on a daily basis; try and avoid these patterns of thought. While their concerns may be of smaller scale, they are no less significant than your own. Validating their concerns will give you a chance to better connect with them.

Kory explains how validating your families stress will allow for development, growth, and feeling a part of something. You can take on these turbulent times with those you love and grow together through the process. Imagine the times when you’ve felt the most validated and proud of yourself and those you love. Rarely is it for a mundane task like making your own bed or dropping your children off at school. You experience validation and pride when you’ve worked hard on something and persevered, like getting a promotion at work or making a homemade Thanksgiving feast for your family. This pandemic gives you and your family the opportunity to persevere and work through adversity together. Keep this in the forefront of your mind when you and your family are trying to navigate uncertain times in the coming months.

While you should focus on connection and completing healthy activities together, Kory states that, “what’s best for them, may not be best for you.” While you are a family, each person within the family still has their own individual needs and concerns. We all handle change differently, and its important that each family member is able to cope in their own way. Don’t make a family member feel like they must react a certain way or in line with what you do. We still need to have kindness, acceptance, and empathy for those we love. Finding a balance between accepting others individual needs and coping together is where growth is most likely to occur. Use these times to learn more about one another.

“Children need to think on their own,” says Kory. While it’s important we keep children aware of the realities of the world we live in, we shouldn’t supplant their worries with our own and project on to them. During her counseling sessions, Kory will use a simple method with children to help them come to conclusions on their own about what they can control in their lives. She starts by having them draw a hand on a blank piece of paper. At the end of each fingertip, she has the child think of various things they have control of in their life, such as what they eat, how much they sleep, how they dress, etc. Beyond the fingertips, the children write things they have no control over in the surrounding white space. Kory says that this provides children with a visual representation of things they can do and helps make it stick.

If you are interested in scheduling an appointment for you or your family, Bridger Peaks Counseling is located at 2115 Durston Road Units #9 and #10 and is offering in-person or online services. The office can be reached at 406-595-1374 from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M. Monday through Friday, and 9 A.M. to 5 P.M. on Saturdays.

Turn on the camera and engage

“We’re going to have to learn to

be patient with one another,” says Belgrade High School counselor Erica Parish. Erica points out how the mandate of masks in schools is going to make it very difficult for teachers and counselors to read the facial cues of students who don’t always know how to express what they are feeling in words. “We have to learn how to communicate with one another without using our faces. You can use your eyes, but most people haven’t figured that one out yet. That’s where we’re at.”

“Even online it’s really hard to adjust to figuring out how you interact in a Google or Zoom meeting. It’s easy to turn off your camera, that way you don’t have to be noticed or seen. One of the things I think students can do to stay engaged and connected with the class is to turn on the camera and engage. Then, you’re not getting sidetracked if your camera is off or you’re muted. You feel like you’re part of the group.” It’s the same as choosing to sit in the front of the classroom verses the back. Siting in the front allows students to clearly hear and engage in all the material and less likely to cause distractions or shift their attention elsewhere. While teachers won’t have as much control over the environment in online classrooms, Erica urges students to keep the camera turned on and essentially sit in the front of the virtual classroom.

“One of the biggest issues I’d hear from teachers, students, and families alike was that the communication through emails or messages made it difficult to understand what was being truly communicated. It’s easy to misinterpret the words and tone of an email. One way to help with that is by asking clarifying questions before you jump to conclusions. Were still trying to better ourselves in the ways we communicate digitally but asking lots of questions can help avoid miscommunication.”

Don’t be afraid to ask for further instructions or what a given concept or word means. Remote learning is a relatively new method of learning and teachers and students should be patient in trying to adjust to this new setting. Students also differ on how they best receive instruction. Some may be more suited for written, while others do better with verbal. If you feel that you need to have instructions or concepts explained verbally, don’t hesitate to call a friend or teacher for clarification.

“I think the other concern is the rise of social isolation and feeling like you have to only socially isolate because of how things are these days. It’s going to be a struggle. We have to have some sort of face-toface interaction to be able to function well. Adults need to coordinate a time for their student to have an activity where they can get together with others while respecting the social distancing guidelines.” Social distancing doesn’t necessarily imply social isolation. You can still find ways for your children to be safe while getting some important faceto-face interaction with their peers. Scheduling a few times a week, CDC guidelines permitting, for your kids and their friends to go on a hike, study together, do arts and crafts, play boardgames and other activities, will help relieve them of the feeling that social isolation is the only option during these times. “You should take advantage of these opportunities if it aligns with guidelines and your values,” says Erica.

Erica and others at Belgrade High School worked hard last spring to set up online resources for their students to use while at home. Her department created their own webpage that included resources for the students. Google Classroom gave students the option to communicate with teachers or counselors via video, voice, or text. This way each student felt comfortable choosing their own means of communication. To help set up more chances for social interaction, Belgrade High School set up a weekly career spotlight with a local business member where they showcased different careers and had a high level of participation. “It was just something different than the work they were being given by their teachers. It gave them some social interaction, information on potential jobs, and they got to meet cool people in the area. The response was positive.”

School counselors and teachers at Belgrade High School returned to school on August 17th, and students started August 26th. “I’m ready to roll and do what’s best for the kiddos,” says Erica.