Old Guys and Christmas

By Jim Drummond

One of the old guys at the waterhole this week was browsing through some discarded merchant fliers that were lying on the table. Someone asked him if he was shopping for anything in particular. The fellow responded, “I’m going Christmas shopping this week and want to see what’s on sale.” Somebody else asked, “Aren’t you starting your shopping a bit early? It’s only November.” The first fellow responded, “Last year I waited to shop until the day before Christmas and the stores were all sold out of vacuum cleaners. I was positive that my wife wanted a new vacuum under the tree. Once I determined that there weren’t any vacuum cleaners left in town, I started to shop for coffee makers, and crock pots, and clocks, and battery powered hedge trimmers. Everything was sold out. I vowed to do my shopping earlier this year.” “What did you end up giving her for Christmas,” someone asked. The first gent responded, “I didn’t have much choice. I found a jewelry store that was still open and bought her some earrings. The woman behind the counter asked all sorts of questions about my wife’s eye color, whether she likes hoops or studs, her astrological sign, and even how old she is. Then she pulled out some sapphire earrings and said they were just what my wife would want for Christmas. The clerk even wrapped them in fancy

Jim Drummond is a retired banker and Bozeman native.

snowflake paper and put a bright red bow on top. It was actually easier than gifting a vacuum cleaner. Vacuum cleaner buying takes significant time and effort. “ “What did your wife think about the earrings,” someone asked. The Christmas shopper responded, “I don’t think she was very happy. She opened up the box, and didn’t say anything, then started to sniffle. I apologized for not being able to find a vacuum. She told me not to worry, and that it was the thought that counts. I could tell that she had her heart set on a vacuum cleaner.” Another fellow down the table commented, “That happened to me once and I ended up having to buy my wife a gold mother’s ring. The store was sold out of bathrobes and slippers. I still feel badly that I forced her to go barefoot and wander around in her pajamas in the morning. The lesson that I learned from that debacle is to start my Christmas shopping in July.” “How do you know what to buy that far ahead of Christmas,” someone asked. The old guy responded, “I just stock up on a wide variety of gifts and assume that one of them will be something that she wants. So far, I have a shotgun, a floor lamp, a bowling ball, a saber saw, a barbecue grill, and an accordion all hidden in the attic. She never goes up to the attic. I’m sure that she will start hinting about what she wants pretty soon. The day before Christmas I only have to climb up the ladder, grab one of the items that matches her hints, and get it wrapped.” “Do you really believe that she will ever hint about a shotgun,” someone queried. “Probably not, so I might borrow it occasionally until she suggests that she wants one,” was the response. One of the fellows down the table had a concerned look, then finally commented, “Every year I ask my wife for her Christmas wish list. I tell her that I don’t know what she wants and that a few ideas would be helpful. She always responds that she has everything that she needs and doesn’t require a gift. One year I said ‘fine’ and didn’t give her anything. She didn’t start talking to me again until February. How are we supposed to address those conditions?” The oldest member of the waterhole has also been married the longest. With a rub of his chin and a stern look at the rest of us, he responded, “You just make sure that the vacuum cleaner is a different color than the one that you gave her last year.”

OLLIMSU

OSHER LIFELONG LEARNING INSTITUTE AT MSU

This surgery was life changing -Peggy Strong

Navio Robotics Assisted Partial Knee Replacement Patient

Curiosity for life.

When you become an OLLI at MSU member, you engage your curiosity and gain access to exceptional programs and presenters. Benefits include exclusive members-only courses, free lectures, special events, tours, and more.

Become a member, or give the gift of learning with an OLLI at MSU membership, at montana.edu/olli/membership/ Questions? 406-994-6550