3 minute read
Old Guys And Freebies
By Jim Drummond
With a thunderstorm in the forecast, the old guy waterhole was nearly at capacity this week. One of the latecomers strode in holding a large tote bag with an accounting firm logo on the side. As he sat down, he placed the overfilled tote on his lap and began to search inside the bag with both hands. Occasionally he would retrieve a small object, inspect it with interest, then return it to the bag. Somebody finally asked, “What do you have in the sack?” The old gent responded, “I stopped by the trade show today. The vendors all had great free items, so I loaded up.” Someone else inquired, “Are you going to be doing some remodeling?” Our friend responded, “Nope, I attend the shows for the free swag.” Another fellow commented, “That’s why I always stop at the bank. This morning I picked up three free pens, a pad of sticky notes, a calendar, a sucker, and a doggie biscuit.” Somebody said, “I didn’t know that you have a dog.” The first fellow replied, “I don’t, but the doggie treat was free.” The trade show attendee doing bag inventory suddenly brightened, “Wow, look at this! It’s a tape measure with a builtin level, and it has a nail puller on one end. I’ve never seen anything like it. I can’t believe
Jim Drummond is a retired banker and Bozeman native.
they were giving these away at a booth.” Everyone stood up to get a better look at the gadget. Someone asked, “Which booth was it? I should run over to the show to pick one up.” The fellow with the tape measure held it up to the light, squinted, then responded, “I don’t know. The logo is all smudged.” A gent at the end of the table reached into his pocket, pulled out a promotional key chain with a silver carabiner attached, and asked, “Would you trade this for the tape measure? It was a freebie that I nabbed last week at an open house.” The old guy with the tape measure looked over at the key chain and shook his head. The first chap then reached into another pocket, “Would you trade if I threw in this LED flashlight and a refrigerator magnet? I also have coffee mug, a water bottle, and a letter opener in my pickup that could sweeten the package.” The fellow with the tape measure glanced up, then shook his head again. Others in the group began to show greater interest in trading for the tape measure gizmo. One fellow started rustling through his pockets. He placed a flash drive with a plumbing company logo, a sleeve of golf balls, and a miniature screw driver set on the table. Another gent dug out a beverage koozie, a stress relief ball, a coupon for a free car wash, and a pocket knife with a chiropractor’s banner on the side. A third old guy shared a confident smile with the group, then laid out a Frisbee, a tube of lip moisturizer, a sun visor, two breath mints, and a set of USB adapters displayed in a fancy gift box. Finally, the fellow in the middle placed an object on the table. Everyone craned their neck to get a better look. It was cylindrical in shape, bright blue in color, and had a red rubber ball attached to one end. It was boldly emblazoned with an architect’s name. Someone finally asked, “What is it?” The gent responded, “I have absolutely no idea, but they were free so I took one.” One of the fellows had been mostly quiet. He started searching through a couple of pockets and came out with a handful of something. The chap gave his items a sniff, then said, “I stopped by a box store this morning for the free samples. I carried out a meatball, a few slices of bratwurst, and two chunks of Gouda cheese on toothpicks. The meatball is still fairly moist. I’d trade them all straight across.” Our friend with the tape measure peered over, then inquired, “What flavor is the meatball?”
The fellow responded, “Louisiana barbecue.”
The first old guy gave a thumbs up and announced, “We have a deal!”