4 minute read
Old Guys Boomers
By Jim Drummond
Most of the fellows at the old guy waterhole this week were already settled in when another group member came stomping up to the table. We could tell that he was angry. His face was red, his fists were clenched, and he was grinding his teeth. His eyes were even bulging. When an old guy gets angry his eyeballs often stick out. Our friend sat down stiffly and glared at the rest of us. Somebody said, “Don’t you look sweet? You must be having a fun day.” The angry fellow responded, “My hackles are up! I was walking up to the waterhole and some young fellow was right on my heels. I didn’t feel like rushing so I just kept my normal pace. Then from behind me, I heard the young guy say, ‘Hurry up Boomer, I have places to be.’ It’s insulting that the marsupial generation calls us old guys Boomers!” One of the other old gents corrected our friend, “The word is millennial, not marsupial. Marsupials are opossums and kangaroos. Did you let him get away with it?” Our red-faced friend responded, “I stopped, and turned around, then growled.” Someone else asked, “What did he do?” The fellow responded, “He just laughed and walked around me into the waterhole. I was thinking about grabbing him by the shirt and tossing him into a dumpster, but he got past me too quickly.” Another old fellow asked, “Where is he now? Is he in the building?” Our bulging eyed friend looked around, then said, “Yup, he’s
Jim Drummond is a retired banker and Bozeman native.
the young guy on the far side of the room talking to the blond waitress. He’s wearing an orange shirt. I should go over there and settle this here and now.” Several of the rest of us were giving the rude young fellow the stink eye. Old guys typically stick together when it comes to dealing with problematic young guys. Someone squinted to get a better look, then warned, “You better slow down. I recognize him from Sunday afternoons. I think the reason that he’s wearing an orange shirt is that he plays left guard for the Bronco’s. He’s probably here for the holidays. You might want to stew a bit longer before you march up to give him boxing lessons. He’s as big as your pickup.” Our livid friend glanced at the couple on the far wall then asked if he could borrow somebody’s glasses. He placed the spectacles on his nose, lined them up on the young guy, then sucked in his breath. His cheeks slowly changed from bright red to gray. After a moment’s silence, our friend finally said, “I doubt that he’s that tough. I could have taken him when I was younger. I could probably take him now, but I don’t want to. It would embarrass him in front of his girlfriend.” Old guys are constantly pushing each other to try harder, to excel, to reach for the sky, so one of the group nudged our friend, “I can’t believe you are going to let him get away with calling you Boomer. You need to man up and set the record straight.” The rest of us nodded in agreement. Things have been a bit ho-hum at the waterhole for the past few weeks. Our indignant chap was nervously glancing at Bronco while endeavoring to work up some courage. We all knew that our friend wasn’t to be trifled with in his younger days, but those days were in the rear-view mirror. Finally, he stood up and stomped across the room to confront the name calling behemoth. Our eyes followed his every step. When he reached the big fellow, he stepped up nose to nose and said something. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. More words were exchanged, and our friend sauntered back to the old guy table. Someone asked, “What happened?” With a pleased expression, our table mate held out a slip of paper. On it was the handwritten inscription, “To my good friend Boomer. Best wishes for 2022. #66, Bronco.”
-Diane Dietsch Shoulder Replacement Patient
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