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The Yoga of Becoming Gramma
By Nancy Ruby
Iknow many of you reading my words today are already in this chapter of life. My friends and family who have entered the identity of Grandparent have assured me that “it’s the best”. I do believe them. What a blessing to see our children have children, and for a few lucky ones, grandchildren having children. I pray I will see that someday. If that is going to happen, my health and fitness must be number one in my daily to do list. Eating well, exercising often, resting deeply, and following through with physical therapy that will give me more miles on this onery hip are all essential to this new phase of mine. I want to be effective in my grandparenting skills and active enough to play well throughout my grandchild’s formative years. Can you relate? My grandson is due mid-March, and we are on the downhill slide to a serious reality check.
Being the first for my daughter, she is just beginning to acknowledge the changes that will happen in her nomadic, spontaneous, care-free life. I, too, am just starting to recognize that there is so much we don’t know until that little bundle appears on this plane of existence. Afterall, I had my one and only baby 30 years ago. It was all well and good, but I don’t remember a lot of those details of how to care for an infant. Again, I am reassured by friends that it’s like riding a bicycle. I will remember and intuition will kick in. For that, I am grateful. The other aspect of this experience is my own personal evolution into elderhood. I am more than thrilled to shift. After all, I rented out my home, headed to California, and moved into my 600 sq. ft. mother-in-law studio to share a home with my daughter and her new family. What I left behind is a lifetime of being a teacher to a community. What was once a small town has grown into a metropolitan city and my career grew along with it. Sharing the lifestyle skills and practices of Yoga have been my chief aim in life, my true identity. And now? There are inner nudges pushing that aside to make room for Gramma time. ‘Tis actually bittersweet. Those of us that are in the second half of life recognize the importance of letting go. To change our roles, offer new services, be available for others, we must clear our agenda and bid adieu to what we knew. Some call this retirement. I consider this a small death. As with any death, we mourn for what is lost, appreciate what was found, and gradually move on holding memories and experiences that define a part of our life. To be clear, I am not retiring as I have the freedom to shift my teaching to match my new family responsibilities. Yet it has still presented some struggle in finding balance. The struggle comes from stepping out of center stage, moving to the background, being on the sidelines. In Yoga, we call this the Forest Dweller stage, for it’s appropriate to move away from the hubbub and simply be available as a mentor. A guide. A wisdom keeper witnessing the fruition of the next generation. Letting go of being the ringleader (especially as a parent to grown child) requires keen observation skills and deep listening to know when to step in and when to step away. This would be both a challenge and a blessing. With a shift into Grandparenting, sage advice and support must be carefully offered when requested, so as to avoid stepping in too heavily. The beauty is, we have the option to step away, retreating into the quietude of the forest. This is the dance of Elderhood. This is the two-step rhythm of healthy grandparenting. This is what Yoga is teaching me in this new chapter of life. You may have thought that Yoga was a pose. Well, my friends, you could call Grandparenting a pose as it is a position to be held in life. An honorable one at that. May you breathe deeply through it all and enjoy the process. I plan to do just that.
