Old Guy Haircuts

OLD GUY HAIRCUTS By Jim Drummond

Recently at the old guy waterhole, one of the g roup asked the rest of us for a recommendation for a barber. Somebody asked, “I thought you had a good barber?” “I do,” was the response, “But I think he has been drinking too much lately and he makes me nervous when his razor trims the back of my neck.” Hearing the barber concerns at the waterhole, I felt fortunate that I have had the same barber since high school. He isn’t much of a drinker and I can trust him with a straight razor or scissors alongside my jugular. Del was also my father’s barber, and my grandfather’s as well. My father and my grandfather had a full head of hair into their 90’s, and I still have my hair, so Del has earned his salary over the years. One thing about old guys is that we don’t relish change, so I’m appreciative that I haven’t had to train a new barber.

Most of us old guys had long hair when we were young. Mine was well over my ears and collar. Many old guys recall using conditioners and fluffing blow dryers to emulate the comedians on Saturday Night Live. As us young fellows matured into older fellows, our hair styles changed. Each year mine became a bit shorter. Not that I wanted it shorter, but my barber was just very good at slowly giving me a professional appearance without me knowing. Shortly after I was married, my hair began to turn gray. I’m not sure what caused the gray but am confident that it was only coincidental with marriage. With increasing gray, I finally gave Del the instruction, “Bring it above the ears and collar, and give it a good thinning, and that’s all I need.” That has been my monthly expectation for many years.

Now when I sit in the barber’s chair each month, and before I can utter a word, Del says, “Bring it above the ears, and clear the collar, and give it a good thinning?” I nod in agreement. Then each month I ask, “Could you trim out the gray?” He responds, “Yes, but you won’t have any hair left.”

“Ah, ha, ha, ha,” we both laugh as if that were a new jest that we hadn’t been reciting for decades. When the shearing begins, we talk about sports, and fishing, and ATVs. Time flies as clipped hair hits the floor.

One change that I have noticed since I became an old guy is that Del now asks if I want my eyebrows trimmed...and my ears. He also gives my nostrils a sideways look. One old fellow did enlighten me that as you get older, the hair on the top of your head thins, but the deep roots remain and poke out in the most unfortunate locations.

Most of the other old guys at the waterhole also have a consistent and reliable barber. One commented that it is important for a barber to have a red and white striped barber pole out front. The red and white barber pole dates back to the 1500’s when barbers were also surgeons. They would wrap

bloody bandages in front of the barber shop to dry. Nowadays the red and white pole is only occasionally used for that purpose but does signify that you can get an honest to goodness old guy haircut.

Several of the old guys don’t have any hair on top but some on the sides. They don’t need haircuts very often. One who is bald on top never gets a haircut and just lets the sides grow. As his hair lengthens, he wraps it into a ponytail in the back. Every spring when he is trimming his hedge, he reaches over a shoulder with the pruning shears and lops about five gray inches from the ponytail. He claims that women admire his hair style.

Then there are a few old guys at the waterhole who don’t use a barber but go to a beautician for a haircut. I asked why.

“Well, she rubs her fingers through my hair before she starts, then she rubs my neck while she is cutting my hair, then she rubs her fingers through my hair again when she is done.”

I asked him, “Does she talk about fishing?”

“No,” he responded.

I further inquired, “Does she talk about four-wheelers or football?”

“Nope” he said, “But she gives a very good haircut.”

I guess I am just an old guy who enjoys talking about four-wheelers and fishing, and having the same haircut from month to month. My next appointment is already booked with Del and his red and white striped barber pole.

Jim Drummond is a new contributor to the Prime section. Look for more of his witty repartee in upcoming editions of Prime.