Old Guy Technology

By Jim Drummond

One of the old guys wandered into the waterhole this week with his iPad in hand. Most of the group carry some kind of electronic device, but usually just a smartphone. Someone asked him why he was packing a bigger device. With a worried expression, the fellow declared, “I need some help lads. This week I started getting an annoying “pop up” when I check my email. The “pop up” says that my email service is an unsafe site but it doesn’t tell me what to do. It gives me an

option to delete the “pop up”, but then the same message appears again a few moments later. Every time I check my email I have to cancel the same “pop up” to read each message. This is becoming quite bothersome. Does anyone know how to fi x it?” Everyone in the old guy group pushed their stools closer and eyeballed the iPad as the old fellow placed it on the table. He opened his email as we watched.

Sure enough, a “pop up” box appeared telling us that

Outlook is an unknown server that could cause serious problems for the user as well as the device. Someone in the group was looking at the fellows “in box.” “Who’s sending you messages about Russian women who want to meet up with old guys?” The fi rst chap responded with a scowl, “Quit looking at my “in box!” The topic right now is this annoying “pop up” warning.” One of the gents in the group is considered the technical expert of our bunch. He jutted his chin out and pulled the iPad closer to get a better look. He peered through the bottom of his reading glasses for awhile, then looked at the group. “This happened to me once and it was a dickens to fi x. I had to lever the back off to get to the innards, then I had to do a hardware modifi cation to make the “pop ups” go away.” “What was the modifi cation?” Someone asked.

“I had to cut a red wire that is on the right side of the circuit board. You have to choose between a green wire, and a red wire, so I chose red and used some nippers to slice right through.” “How did you know to cut the red wire?” somebody else asked. Our techy answered, “When you watch action movies, and a bomb has to be disabled with only ten seconds remaining, the hero always cuts the red wire. I fi gured red was safer than green, and it worked on my iPad.” “So the “pop ups” went away?” somebody queried. The fellow responded, “Yup. The only problem now is that I can’t get anything in color, but everything seems to run just fi ne in black and white. At least I don’t have annoying “pop ups” any longer.” The old guy with the iPad pulled it back and looked at the screen. “Since someone here knows what to do, we may as well get it fi xed. Does anyone have a knife?” Each old guy reached into a trouser pocket and pulled out a folding knife. One of the group handed over a Leatherman. Somebody else was packing a screwdriver, and yet another had a pair of pliers. Someone offered leather work gloves. Nobody had a hammer, but as a group we had most of the essentials. It took a bit of teamwork at the old guy waterhole. With two fellows holding the iPad, and some focused work with the Leatherman, and verbal guidance from most of the group, the back was removed. Everyone bunched up to peer inside the mysterious guts of the device. Finally someone commented, “This must be a newer version of an iPad. There doesn’t appear to be a red wire.” With a collective sigh and a look of disappointment, all the old guys settled back to their place at the table. After a long period of silence, someone fi nally exclaimed, “Oh, Oh, my wristwatch just stopped working. Do any of you fellows know anything about digital watches?

Jim Drummond is a retired banker and Bozeman native.

Thanksgiving Gifts A group of local business owners donated money to provide decorative bowls, chocolates, and notes of encouragement to 38 seniors at Churchill Retirement Home, 93 residents at Highgate Senior Living. Know about a great individual or group doing something to help seniors in the community? Let us know! Email Hannah Stiff: hstiff86@gmail.com

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