Late

Laughs

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

President Joe Biden has dropped out of the 2024 presidential race. ... The presidential debate was on June 27, less than a month ago. Since then, there’s been an assassination attempt, a cult convention and the debut of Matt Gaetz’s new face. ... Now, for the first time in U.S. history, the sitting president has dropped out of the race after the primaries are long over. You know, growing up we all had textbooks with names like “American History Volume 1: 14921877”; future generations will spend whole semesters on the first half of July 2024.

To honor this great president [Joe Biden] tonight [July 22], ... I am officially retiring all of my “Joe Biden is old” jokes. They were starting to get tired anyway, just like Joe Biden. That was the last one! I swear. Now I’m going to unretire them to use on Donald Trump, who at 78 is the oldest nominee of the two major parties to ever run. I mean, that guy is so old he used to judge the Miss Pangea pageant [and] when he was a kid, his phone number was eight.

Complete the grid so each row, column and 3-by-3 box (in bold borders) contains every digit 1 to 9. For strategies on how to solve Sudoku, visit sudoku.org.uk.

Complete the grid so each row, column and 3-by-3 box (in bold borders) contains every digit 1 to 9. For strategies on how to solve Sudoku, visit sudoku.org.uk.

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

President [Joe] Biden decided to drop out of the 2024 presidential race. It is a historic move. Typically, on Sundays, everyone thinks about quitting their job, but Biden is the first person to actually go through with it. ... You know, it’d be nice if we could have one weekend in July where our entire political world isn’t thrown into chaos.

Harris just launched her presidential campaign, and she’s already broken the 24-hour fundraising record and secured enough delegates to clinch the nomination. Wow. ... Kamala raised $81 million in 24 hours. She would have raised even more, but Melania [Trump] hit her daily withdrawal limit.

The British Olympic team said they had to fly an extra chef into Paris because the food at the Olympic Village is so bad. You know the food is bad if British people are like, “We can’t eat this.”

Tomorrow [July 27] in Nashville, former President Trump will deliver the keynote address at the world’s largest Bitcoin conference. Trump and crypto. It’s being called ConCon.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! With Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman

We have been lucky enough to travel all around the world to talk about this film [“Deadpool & Wolverine”].

... We’ve been to England, we’ve been to Germany, China, Brazil, and after visiting the most exciting cities on Earth, it feels absolutely fitting to end our tour right here on Hollywood Boulevard, the only street in the world that has a Kids Foot Locker next door to an abandoned Hooters.

[Hugh] Since “Deadpool & Wolverine” is the first R-rated Marvel movie, a lot of people have asked if they can take their kids to see it. [Ryan] And the answer: are you the cool parent or are you a freaking narc?

Late Night With Seth Meyers (R)

The first-ever Florida Man Games were held over the weekend [Feb. 23-24]. They’re like any other sport, except you have to fail a drug test.

The fast food chain Wendy’s has announced it will experiment with a new surge pricing menu next year, so a burger may cost a dollar more during the lunch rush and $40 more at 3 a.m.

Wendy’s is facing backlash after they announced plans this week [Feb. 25 to March 2] to experiment with a new dynamic pricing system, like how the bathroom code is free if you order a salad or five bucks if you order the chili.

The former finance director at New York University pleaded guilty yesterday [Feb. 27] to a $3 million fraud scheme. A $3 million fraud scheme, or as it’s more commonly known, an NYU degree.