Late Laughs

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Dig this if you will, daddy-o. From Sunday [July 21] to this morning [July 24], the [Kamala] Harris campaign has raised a cool $126 million, meaning ... Kamala Harris had a bigger opening weekend than “Twisters.” Sorry, Glen Powell. Maybe you’d be more popular if you’d hit the gym. [Shows picture of a very in-shape Glen Powell] ... Or wait, hold on, hear me out, no more ideas, this is it: Glen Powell becomes Harris’s running mate. ... I guarantee he will attract suburban women, and I already have his slogan: Yes, We Glen. Four more abs! Four more abs!

It’s been four days since Joe Biden’s historic announcement that he is dropping out of the 2024 presidential race, and last night [July 24], in what was to me a very moving Oval Office address, Biden explained his choice to the American people. ... Biden’s address was poignant, sincere and exactly what the country needed. So naturally, [Donald] Trump hated it. He spent most of the evening at a North Carolina rally focused on the real issue gripping the country: desperately workshopping a new nickname for Kamala Harris.

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[Harris’] campaign is also getting boosted by America’s most precious resource — celebrities — because Hollywood is now energized by Kamala Harris. Yes, I can tell you she is the biggest thing to hit Hollywood since Ozempic and lying that you’re not on Ozempic.