Late Laughs

Conan

Donald Trump has dropped to second place in a national poll. On the bright side, he’s still polling No. 1 among “Germans of the 1930s.”

Caitlyn Jenner told an interviewer that Hillary Clinton “only thinks of herself.” Jenner said this while promoting the new season of her reality show “I Am Cait.”

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

The NYPD has announced they’ll no longer arrest people for petty crimes like littering, public drinking and urination. Which means one thing: Times Square is back, baby!

I’m a little concerned about the timing. Is it wise to lift restrictions on public drinking and urination the week before St. Patrick’s Day? To all my viewers in New York, please seek high ground and start piling sandbags.

Weekend Update With Colin Jost and Michael Che

An analysis of this past weekend’s primary victories shows that Bernie Sanders spent 48 cents per vote. It would have been a dollar, but he had a coupon.

The makers of the beer Dos Equis announced that they are retiring their famous “Most Interesting Man in the World” ad campaign. He will now go back to his original name “Greg, the Lying Alcoholic.”

Videoreleases

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens

Solution on page 10.

Han Solo (Ford), Princess Leia (Fisher) and Luke Skywalker (Hamill) are back as fans are treated to another action-packed story set in a galaxy far, far away. When stormtrooper Finn (Boyega) helps rescue Resistance pilot Poe Dameron (Isaac), he winds up deserting the villainous First Order. After crashlanding on the desert planet Jakku, he meets the enigmatic Rey (Ridley), an inde- pendent young woman with a mysterious past. With a map in their possession that may lead to the missing Jedi, Luke Skywalker, the two unlikely companions flee Jakku in a familiar spaceship with the First Order in hot pursuit. As they struggle to deliver the map to the Resistance, the First Order’s terrifying and powerful Kylo Ren (Driver) remains hot on their trail. Director:J.J.Abrams.Stars:Daisy Ridley,JohnBoyega,AdamDriver, OscarIsaac,HarrisonFord,Carrie Fisher,MarkHamill.2015.135min. Adventure.