Late Laughs

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

The solution to this rapid spread is as plain as the nose on your face, which I shouldn’t be able to see because it should be behind a mask.

Mary Trump writes a lot about Donald’s dad, Fred

Trump, labeling him a “high-functioning sociopath.” If only he had passed down the “highfunctioning” part.

Gov. Stitt, I hope you recover soon. Also, please wear a mask, because now you’re contagious and you might want to hide your face in shame for a while.

The Tonight Show

Starring Jimmy Fallon

Police are looking for a couple here in New York City who were having sex on a subway platform during rush hour, talk about taking the D-train.

Americans love Cyber Monday, mostly because it’s like Black Friday minus the cardio.

I’m not saying James Bond is getting old, but in this movie, he and his Bond girl just spend the night in bed watching “The Kominsky Method.”

A man in Idaho just set a Guinness World Record for juggling balloons with his head. The man called it, “thrilling,” while the judge holding the timer called it, “The saddest day of my life.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Meaningful statements take time to craft. “That’s one small step for man” took days to come up with, and it still left out women!

The internet doesn’t care that you’ve grown, expanded your mind, have a more complex

5410 Landmark haven’t had a Juicy brand butt since 2010.

I did take a couple COVID tests and, as a lady, I gotta say, it’s nice to take a test for something that could destroy your life and not have to pee on it.

I still find it amazing how, in Hollywood, you can just rent some mansion for the day and shoot whatever you want. As long as you’re wearing a mask or a condom, California is open for business.

I’m so eager to leave [Zoom calls] I don’t even bother to hit the “leave meeting button.” I just shut the lid of the laptop with the speed and force of a teenager who got caught watching porn.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

President Trump visited Walter Reed Medical Center on Saturday and wore a face mask publicly for the first time. Wow, only four months too late. What’s he gonna do next, drag his Christmas tree out to the curb? Start making sourdough starter and watching “Tiger King”? Govern?