“Thank You for Giving Me Life”

HER FAMILY

BY SUE SMITH-GRIER

One look at Mayva Kottke and you can tell she is an outdoors woman, good looking and rugged. Her smile is warm and inviting. The sparkle in her eyes reflects happiness. As she recounts her life’s story, it is obvious that her appearance emulates a life well lived.

A Happy Childhood

Mayva always knew she was adopted. Her parents made sure she felt special. “They said they walked down rows of babies and picked me because I had big beautiful brown eyes and smiled at them. That always made me feel wanted and special,” she said. In those days, babies were not adopted at birth. They were kept for a few months to make sure they were developing normally before being eligible for adoption. Mayva was four months old when her parents took her home. Her parents also adopted another girl, Katie, two and a half years later. This time they picked one with big beautiful blue eyes.

Mayva Kottke’s certificate of baptism with her birth name, Ann Marie Hinz, written on it. Photo by Joey Halvorson.

Growing up on a farm, Mayva enjoyed the outdoor life, always working with her father and going barefoot, “ . . . except for the chickens. It’s hard to walk barefoot in a chicken coop and miss the poop.” Since there were no boys, she became the boy of the family. “I spent every moment outside and helped in the barns and in the fields and loved every minute of it,” Mayva said. She was driving a tractor and working the fields by the time she was 11. “I would stand up and drag the field and sing at the top of my lungs. I just loved it.”

Surrounded by a loving family, her grandparents lived with them in the farmhouse, her aunt and uncle only a mile away, Mayva had an idyllic childhood. “I really enjoyed living and growing up there. We were blessed financially so never lacked for much,” she reflected.

Mayva at a young age

Married Life

Don Kottke and Mayva were best friends and high school sweethearts. They married in 1960 when Mayva was 18. The first three years of married life were spent in Morocco, North Africa, where Don was stationed. He was in the Navy. Their first two children, Sherri and Don Kottke lll, were born there. Shelly, their third daughter, was born in Minnesota.

Mayva always knew she was adopted. Her parents made sure she felt special.

Don and Mayva bought a campground in Brainerd and operated it for 41 years. Don also did accounting and taxes in the winter. Mayva drove a school bus for 27 years. In 2012 they finally retired. “I loved doing it all and loved the kids. I loved the campground life and when we retired in 2012 at the age of 71, I was very sorry to sell it and would have loved to just keep on. But Don was ready to be done,” Mayva said.

The Underlying Current

All through Mayva’s life she thought about her birth mother. As with many, on both sides, parent and child, there is a fear of rejection. Parents wonder about the child they gave up and how much resentment that child may harbor against them while the child longs to know their birth mother but fears another rejection on top of the original one. Mayva’s daughter, Shelly, pressed her to find out all she could about her birth mother. After much prodding, she finally relented.

Marsella, Mayva’s birth mom Mayva at a young age

A collage of photos showing the similarities between Mayva Kottke and her birth mother, Marsella Hinz Mackereth.

A collage of photos showing the similarities between Mayva Kottke and her birth mother, Marsella Hinz Mackereth.

Mayva contacted Lutheran Social Service, the organization who handled the adoption, and asked for non-identifying information. They sent the information her mother had given them at her birth. Although her mother had given more information than most, including her birth name of Ann Marie, Mayva was still not able to get what she needed to make contact, not even her birth mother’s name.

“Then God intervened,” said Mayva. By chance, a woman named Valorie was camping at the campground and she and Mayva ended up talking a bit. Valorie explained that she looked up birth parents for people as she really liked doing that type of thing. “So, one thing led to another and I gave her all the information I had,” Mayva said. For a year, there were no results.

Mayva Kottke stands on the steps of her home. Mayva always knew she was adopted. She was blessed to find her birth mother still alive at the age of 97. Photo by Joey Halvorson.

Mayva went through ancestry.com for a DNA test then contacted Valorie again. She was able to find Mayva’s birth father and continued searching until finally she found a woman she thought might be Mayva’s birth mother, Marsella Marie Hinz Mackereth. A Happy Day In April

Thanks to Valorie’s persistence, Mayva was finally able to realize her dream of meeting her birth mother. Valorie was sure she had found Mayva’s mother. At the time Mayva was 76 and her birth mother was 97. There were also half-siblings — six brothers and a sister. Valorie offered to call one of the siblings to see if a meeting could be scheduled but Mayva said she had to think about it overnight.

With Mayva’s permission, Valorie made the call and spoke with Bryan, one of Mayva’s half-brothers. Her siblings knew nothing of Mayva. Bryan told Valorie that his mother still lived alone, and he needed to think about how to approach her with the news. Mayva recounted the story.

Not only did Mayva Kottke meet her birth mother, Marsella, but she also met her half-siblings. Pictured are Mayva (left), Dale, Jon, George, Janet, Alan, Bryan and Joel.

Not only did Mayva Kottke meet her birth mother, Marsella, but she also met her half-siblings. Pictured are Mayva (left), Dale, Jon, George, Janet, Alan, Bryan and Joel.

“It took him two weeks and one day he went to her and said, ‘There’s someone looking into the Hinz family.’ She said, ‘Oh who would that be?’ He said, ‘A gal born in June 1941,’ and she said, ‘Oh, that’s my daughter.’ He talked to her a little bit about it. I still get goosebumps.” Bryan asked his mother if she was willing to meet Mayva and she agreed.

Bryan spoke with two other brothers and they decided that their mom was up to the meeting. Bryan called Mayva and they spoke for 45 minutes sharing information, including that which he had gotten from his mother. Their mother had shared with him the circumstances leading to her having to give up her baby in 1941.

Mayva Kottke sits on her deck, staring at a photo of her and her mother, Marsella Marie Hinz Mackereth, taken the day they met, April 22, 2017.

The two and a half hour meeting took place April 22, 2017. Mayva was accompanied by her husband Don, daughter Shelly, and Valorie, who had done all the research. She wanted to bring something special for her mother, so Mayva brought a book she had made for her with pictures and the story of her life. She included pictures of her children and grandchildren.

“We met and the very first thing she said to me was, ‘I never thought you’d want to meet me. I thought you hated me.’ I said, ‘How can I hate you? I’ve always wanted to tell you, thank you, thank you, thank you!’ The day was absolutely perfect. She sat next to me. We held hands the whole time. She talked to me open and freely,” Mayva remembered. Her birth mother shared how she had been sent to the Harriet Walker Maternity Home in Minneapolis to have the baby and how adamant her parents were that she give her child up for adoption.

Mayva Kottke (left), sits with her birth mother, Marsella Hinz Mackereth (middle), and Mayva’s daughter, Shelly. It was the first and only time Mayva met Marsella. Submitted.

“She said over and over that she just couldn’t believe that I would want to meet her and that I didn’t hate her. I told her that all I ever wanted to do was to tell her thank you for giving me life and that I had never, ever hated her or thought of her in that way. She told Bryan that the hardest day of her life was when her parents came to get her and take her back home. They told her she was to never ever bring up the baby again and it was never to be talked about. She said to leave me there was a horrible experience,” said Mayva.

Pictures of Mayva and her birth mother are uncannily similar; they almost look like twins. Her siblings often comment on how Mayva has mannerisms just like their mother. Mayva chats regularly with her sister Janet and is included in the family get-togethers.“They all treat me very nice. They’ve really welcomed me with open arms.” They gave Mayva the baptismal certificate their mother had kept and a pillow she embroidered while waiting for Mayva to be born.

“This pillow was made by my mom in early 1941 while she was at the Harriet Walker maternity home in Minneapolis, waiting for me to be born. She kept it all these years. The bookmarker was made by her in her later years and she loved butterflies so this was a pin she wore, given to me by sister, Janet,” Mayva explained. Photo by Joey Halvorson.

She only saw her mother that one time in April. Marcella Marie Hinz Mackereth passed away seven months later, Dec. 5, 2017. After decades of wondering about meeting her birth mother, Mayva finally realized her dream and was able to say to her face to face, “Thank you for giving me life.”

Susan J. Smith-Grier, mother, grandmother, writer, storyteller, blogger, and Reading Corps tutor of early elementary kids, enjoys the changing seasons of Minnesota lake country. She lives for those moments when the possibilities light up the eyes of her awesome school kids and delights in the power of words and story.