Spur of the Moment by Brandi Powell
Brandi Powell 55 East 10th. St. New York, NY 10003 304-281-9735
CHARACTER NAME
BRIEF DESCRIPTION
AGE
GENDER
ROSE
drunk, heartbroken, and feisty
29
female
HARRISON
local mustached cop
30
male
SCENE ONE. LIGHTS UP ON: A dim desert highway. A long stretch of road cuts between dark red sand and cacti. Two lone street lights sit at the edge of the stage, both decrepit and barely giving light. ROSE sits in the dirt, handcuffed. A horse is tied to the right outside rearview mirror of a children’s cop car. The horse isn’t real. Perhaps it’s two actors in a horse costume. Just not a real horse. HARRISON, a mustached cop, stands looking down at her. Rose is a a hot, very hammered mess. And she’s singing poorly as if karaoke never ended. Every line of hers is slurred. ROSE BABY CAN’T YOU SEE, I’M CALLLINNNNNG A GUY LIKE YOU SHOULD WEAR A WARRRNNNINNNGGG IT’S DANGEROUS, I’M-(Rose stops abruptly and vomits behind her. She continues to gag for a few moments and wipes her face downward on her blouse. ) (beat) ROSE THERE’S NO ESCAPE, I CAN’T WAIT. I NEED A HIT, BABY GIVE ME IT. YOU’RE DANGEROUS, I’M LOVING ITTTTTT. HARRISON M’am, please stop singing. I need you to answer my question. ROSE (At the same time as Harrison speaks) LOSIN’ MY HEAD SPINNING ROUND AND ROUNDDDDD. DO YOU FEEL ME NOWWW HARRISON M’am. M’AM. Can you tell me why you decided to take a little midnight ride? What bar did you come from? Ernie’s?
2. ROSE WITH A TASTE OF YOUR LIPS I’M ON A RIDEEEE. YOU’RE TOXIC- acutally, wait. Why do you keep calling me m’am? You knowwww my name. We went to high school together, Harry!!!! Lab partners!!! Wooohoo! HARRISON Harrison. It’s Harrison. Listen, I’ve had a rough night and the last thing I’m going to put up with is your drunk karaoke. I don’t really care about who you are or the fact we went to high school together. You’ve broken multiple laws tonight. ROSE Okay HARDASS. You know, I don’t remember you being such a prick. Maybe it’s the badge, do you have to take an ego test to become a cop? And anyways, HARRY, he was trotting all own his own. On his own four hoofs. Hooves. (beat) Hey. Why don’t we call the plural of hooves, heeves? HARRISON I don’t know. Rose you’re clearly in bad shapeROSE I AM IN TERRIFIC SHAPE. THANKS. HARRISON I’m sure you are. You’ll feel even better when you wake up tomorrow in a jail cell. ROSE I don’t even know what you’d ‘rest me for. We’re friends. We wave at each other in the grocery store. You mow my grandma’s lawn. We’re buddies. HARRISON I don’t know if that warrants you getting just a warning for this The horse was clearly in danger of being hit by a car. And you too, by the way. ROSE Don’t you have more pressing matters, sir? HARRISON Unfortunately, no. Rose, you’re being arrested for a DUI. Anything you do or say-
3. ROSE A DUI? DUI!? FIRST OFF, SIR, I WAS NOT DRIVING. YOU CANNOT DRIVE A HORSE. THERE’S NO STEERING WHEEL. AND IT WOULD PROBABLY REALLY PISS OFF PETA IF YOU TRIED TO MAKE SOME KINDA OF STEERING CONTRAPTION(Rose makes steering motions with her hands, still in handcuffs. Her side-to-side movements make her fall to the ground on her side. ) (beat) ROSE Help. Please. (Harrison grabs Rose by the shoulders and lifts her upright. ) HARRISON There is already a steering invention--the reins. Rose, stop fighting this. I’m not in the mood to play games and fight over the minutia. You are getting this DUI, period. ROSE COTTON-POP IS NOT A VEHICLE! HARRISON What? ROSE COTTON-POP. THE HORSE. BY DEFINITION. IS NOT. A. VEHICLE. HARRISON I’m not going to argue overROSE I’m a lawyer. You probably can’t tell now ‘cause I’m really dizzy and I smell like beef stroganoff and I had a lootttt of whiskey but I passed my bar exam, I did, and I defend people when I’m not riding horses like Cotton-Pop. Who’s not a vehicle. He’s a Missouri Fox Trotter. HARRISON Rose, I know you’re a lawyer. I get it. I realize this is going to look bad in the papers, and news travels fast, but you’ve broken the law, and should realize better than anyone what the consequences will be.
4. ROSE But my momHARRISON I don’t care how your mom reacts, I don’t care if she marches to the precinct herselfROSE My mother, she’s a character. I’ll have you know she put me in horse camp. HORSE CAMP. I wanted to go to space camp but my mom stapled my report card to my shirt and told me if I wanted to become an astronaut I should’ve passed 4th grade math, which let’s admit, is very challenging. And sheHARRISON Wow, I forgot what a pain in the ass you are. You always have to be right, don’t you? ROSE Who’s the pain in my ass? You, sir, yes you Officer Pisspants, because I was minding my own business, riding my- riding a horse, and you tried to slap some citation on me that isn’t even true! HE’S NOT A VEHICLE HE’SHARRISON Jesus, okay, I get it, fuck. You were still endangering him, he wass too close to the road, you obviously can’t properly steer when you’re this inebriatedROSE I’m beginning to think you’re ineb-rated. The def’nition of a DUI is the act or crime of driving a vehicle while affected by alcohol or drugs. I was A.) Not driving b.) Not using a vehicle. (beat) HARRISON Do you want to explain to be why you are riding a horse, drunk, at three in the morning on a Thursday? ROSE I don’t have to speak to you. ‘S my right. HARRISON No, no you don’t. But you will, because you’re drunk and clearly dealing with some issues.
5. ROSE ISSUES? I’ll tell you about issuesHARRISON I’m sure you will. ROSE See, when your boyfriend of eight yearsHARRISON Eight years? ROSE -breaks up with you over the phoneHARRISON Jared? He’s a dick. Always was. ROSE -you find yourself the nearest barHARRISON - as you clearly did. ROSE -and you drink until the warm fuzzy feeling comes and you drink a little moreHARRISON Not the greatest decisionROSE -and when the rodeo clown at the bar starts getting handsy and tells you you’re gonna go home with him, not a question but a statementHARRISON OhROSE -you steal his horse instead of going to the bathroom like you said and you start riding down the highway and just hope the horse can take directions better than most Uber drivers. HARRISON Did you catch that guy’s name? ROSE
6. Yeah, somethin’ stupid and redneck like Galveston or Austin or Houston, I don’t really know it was something about Texas. HARRISON Dallas? ROSE YEAH! That’s the bitch. You know he really thought being a rodeo clown would woo me. (Harrison rubs his hands over his face and sits in the dirt.) ROSE What’s got you all messed up? HARRISON That’s my boy- that’s my ex. ROSE Your ex....brother? Ex...best friend? ExHARRISON Boyfriend. ROSE Dude! (Rose collapses into a fit of giggles for abit, before she gags and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to prevent anymore spillage.) HARRISON Yeah. ROSE Did he move into town while I was gone? HARRISON Yep. ROSE Where’s he from?
7. HARRISON Kentucky. Met him at the bar. He moved here to take care of his mother, kinda like... ROSE Me. HARRISON Yeah. Uh, sorry by the way. How is she? (Rose waves a hand dismissively, clearly not wanting to talk about it. She stares at the dirt until the choking feeling subsides.) (A SILENCE) ROSE So you’re boyfriend’s the handsy rodeo clown dickwad? HARRISON Ex. Look, he tells people he’s a rodeo clown, but he’s not. He gets really weird when he’s drunk. I-listen. I’m sorry you had to deal with it. We- we broke up yesterday and it’s been really tough. On both of us. But it’s reasons like this- the gross, entitled shit that just makes me feelROSE Nauseous? HARRISON Yeah. Nauseous. When he did that in public, I just felt like shit. He’d do it to anyone at the bar, my friends, strangers, just to make me feel like scum. ROSE Boys suck. HARRISON Yeah. I guess we do. ROSE If it makes you feel any better, Jared told me he hadn’t proposed in our eight years together because he still needed “time to grow up”. He’s thirty-six. HARRISON There’s not enough time in the world. Listen, nobody really expected you and Jared to stay together. He’s kinda....conceited.
8. ROSE You got that right. (beat) HARRISON One time Dallas forgot me in a grocery store. I told him I was gonna grab the cereal and he just wandered around, paid, and got all the way home before he realized he left me there. ROSE One time Jack, my ex, convinced me to have shower sex and dropped me. I had a concussion and he didn’t come to the hospital because a football game was coming on at six. HARRISON Dallas once convinced me the girl in his bed was his sister. I didn’t realize he was cheating until his family reunion a year later when his parents mentioned he was an only child. ROSE Your ex Dallas once got handsy with me in a bar so I stole his horse. HARRISON I didn’t even know he owned a horse. (Rose and Harrison laugh and share a moment, on their asses, in the dirt.) ROSE Well(Rose takes a flash from her jacket pocket and pushes it at Harrison. He stares for a moment before accepting and wincing as it goes down.) ROSE Harrison? HARRISON Yeah? ROSE Are you really gonna arrest me?
9. HARRISON Yeah. I’m sorry about Dallas and all, but you were riding a stolen horse while drunk. I can’t just let you go because you’re having a shitty night. ROSE Well you are too. Can’t you share a little kindness? Make the world a better place? HARRISON I’m not gonna lose my job tonight. There’s only so much shit a guy can take, and I’m not gonna let this slide, Rose. I know you don’t wantROSE No, you don’t know, Harrison. You don’t know what will happen when this gets out. Sheriff Gomez is going to tell his wife. “Oh, you know that hot shot lawyer girl, Rose? Guess what she did!” and that bitch Lisa will surely tell all her library friends, and they’ll tell their husbands, who are just as big of gossips are their wives, and soon my mom will find out and yeah, she’ll throw a fit, bail me out. If she can get out of bed. You know, fuck the papers. I’ll lose clients, I’ll look irresponsible, but you know what the worst part would be? The absolute heart breaker? Seeing the disappointed, broken look on my sick mother’s face. I can’t do that to her. Not now. (SILENCE) HARRISON You know, as awful as I feel, and as much as sympathize with you, I can’t just let you go. I can’t. ROSE This is about Dallas. HARRISON What? ROSE You aren’t typically this heartless. You’re trying to have control by getting all uptight and cracking down on me. HARRISON This is my job, Rose! I can’t let this slide. No matter how sick your mom is or how much regret you feel for leaving her. (beat) ROSE Damn. You really are a prick.
10. HARRISON Aren’t we all. ROSE Didn’t used to be. HARRISON Well, things change. (beat) ROSE I don’t think you really want to do this. HARRISON I don’t. But my job isn’t aboutROSE Aren’t you tired of letting everyone else make your decisions? HARRISON Rose, don’tROSE You always let people run all over you. When are you gonna get fed up? We both feel like shit, both fucked up from a relationship, both wanting something concrete. Can’t you just give up the act? HARRISON What’s left when I stop doing my job? When I let criminals run free? Do you want that? ROSE You know I’m not a criminal. Just a girl with a high blood alcohol content and a broken heart. And you’re just a pretend cop with a broken heart. (Harrison laughs at this. He stares at Rose for a moment. Suddenly, a lizard scurries by, and the horse is startled. The horse flails, runs away from the cop care, and takes the outside rearview mirror with it. Rose and Harrison watch it scurry away into the night.) HARRISON That’s gonna be a bitch to explain.
11. (beat) HARRISON My shift’s over in like fifteen minutes. Do you wanna grab some diner food? ROSE Hell yes brother. LIGHTS FADE. END OF PLAY